Self-control is one of those attributes that is important in nearly all occupations, but especially so in finance. Getting to they gym, eating well, and getting enough sleep (to name a few) require sustained self-control by those working 40 hour weeks, nevermind those of you working in the 60-100 hour range. While I suspect the community here at WSO has more self-control than the average person, the demands on the finite resource, willpower, are vastly higher. So, it may interest you to know that self-control's most famous researcher, "The Marshmellow Man", knows how you can get more.
Walter Michel, a professor of pyschology at Columbia University, is famous for the "Marshmellow Test", where young children are given the option of having a single marshmellow, or if they can resist the temptation of eating the marshmellow for 15 minutes, they can have two marshmellows. The experiment led to some incredible results over the long term. Children who resisted the temptation were found to be more educated, have more successful careers, and have better emotional health. These are scary results when you consider all that can be predicted about a 5 year old's future with 15 minutes and something sweet.
However, your performance as child versus dessert does not have to be your destiny, according to an article by Pamela Druckerman of the New York Times, who recently spoke with Michel about an upcoming book:
At age 84, Mr. Mischel is about to publish his first nonacademic book, “The Marshmallow Test: Mastering Self-Control.” He says we anxious parents timing our kids in front of treats are missing a key finding of willpower research: Whether you eat the marshmallow at age 5 isn’t your destiny. Self-control can be taught. Grown-ups can use it to tackle the burning issues of modern middle-class life: how to go to bed earlier, not check email obsessively, stop yelling at our children and spouses, and eat less bread.
While many of you may not have the option to "go to bed earlier" or "not check email obsessively", there is probably room for improvement in other areas (I could certainly "eat less bread"). The question of course, is how to accomplish these things in light of an otherwise stressful life:
Part of what adults need to learn about self-control is in those videos of 5-year-olds. The children who succeed turn their backs on the cookie, push it away, pretend it’s something nonedible like a piece of wood, or invent a song. Instead of staring down the cookie, they transform it into something with less of a throbbing pull on them.Adults can use similar methods of distraction and distancing, he says. Don’t eye the basket of bread; just take it off the table. In moments of emotional distress, imagine that you’re viewing yourself from outside, or consider what someone else would do in your place. When a waiter offers chocolate mousse, imagine that a cockroach has just crawled across it.
“If you change how you think about it, its impact on what you feel and do changes,” Mr. Mischel writes.
He explains that there are two warring parts of the brain: a hot part demanding immediate gratification (the limbic system), and a cool, goal-oriented part (the prefrontal cortex). The secret of self-control, he says, is to train the prefrontal cortex to kick in first.
How does your prefrontal cortex compare to your limbic system? Do you think you need more self-control? Or are you good on marshmellows? What if we switched out marshmellows for scotch? Still good?
Prioritization. That's really what this comes down to. Most people can't prioritize worth a damn and are okay with merely being average. They are impressionable and are pulled in every single direction by the non-stop ads and accessibility of damn near everything nowadays. Cynically, my generation is very much this way in that they expect instant gratification for everything from pay increases to shipping online orders. It is almost absurd.
Of course I need more self control. Everyone needs more self control. Religion is great at this because it creates structure for those people who lack the ability for whatever reason to control themselves. Not that I want to turn this into a religious debate, but having a core belief system helps most people prioritize their life and thus cover over most of their compulsive behavior.
When I became aware of this study, and mastering self control. My life changed dramatically. I'm still on the process of getting my diet in shape as well as going to the gym more, but I've tripled my productivity. I even went as far to just remove a large portion of my non-work related social media and quit a large amount of procrastion-causing distractions.
Helped a lot, life changed dramatically, and I owe it all to learning about this. It's not the marshmallow study that exactly hit it off, but it was the door to change.
so when my 2/10 obese gf hits me I should just imagine a hot model walking in the bg? got it
Good find, thanks for sharing. Good to know you can manage and train your self-control (or lack thereof) if you aren't born with a strong sense of it.
Pretty interesting. Thanks for sharing.
In line (similar to) what's been said above, far too many people focus on short-term gains/instant gratification and haven't got the willpower (or desire?) to moderate themselves. This is why people who want to lose weight for example (in the form of a fuzzy, non-strictly defined goal without a deadline) find it hard to turn down dessert or drinks - because they get to enjoy those things now, and it has no real effect on your results if your results don't have a real timeframe etc. I find that identifying short-term milestones on the way to bigger goals is a huge help and makes self-control pretty easy (as well as designated time periods where I can take "time off"). In keeping with the weight example, I was in relatively good shape a while ago but wanted to be in much better shape (ie solid six-pack instead of outline kind of thing) and now I stick to a pretty strict diet Sunday - Friday night, and Friday night to the end of Saturday go nuts on food/drinks/whatever. While I'm not sure if this is better theoretically (the amount I eat ends up averaging out to be like one cheat meal a day) it seems to work as I'm now in the best shape of my life and find it really easy to stick to my diet knowing that my next cheat day is just a few days away.
Tl;dr - setting short-term goals really helps willpower.
In basically all areas of my life I have just enough self control to maintain my status quo. I eat okay but not great, I workout just enough so that my body composition (a bag of milk, basically) stays the same, I continue to be an above average employee but not a superstar, good boyfriend but not great, call my mom just enough so that she doesn't bug me, I could probably go on forever.
Now that I write it out I am starting to see a pattern.
It probably doesn't add to the discussion but the science major in me can't help but point out the criticisms of the marshmallow study:
http://www.businessweek.com/articles/2012-10-17/what-does-the-marshmall… http://www.slate.com/blogs/xx_factor/2012/10/16/the_marshmallow_study_r…
"The new marshmallow experiment doesn’t discount the old one—willpower still does breed long-term success, as far as we know. But it suggests that when children are in an environment where they trust in a clear long-term gain, they are more likely to pursue it."
I have very good self control. I lost 25 lbs this summer by dieting alone.
Sometimes I don't black out on Friday.
pls don't lie on the internet
You mean... Are you the master of your domain?
Personally I think it boils down to moderation, at least for me. I'm not going to be the person who never has the cookie or scotch, or never loses my temper. It's simply not who I am. Maybe some people can lead the ascetic monk lifestyle and it's in their nature but that's just not me and it's not most people. That doesn't mean I should or do eat a dozen cookies and drink a bottle of scotch a day or abuse my wife and kids, but if I never do the two former things, I'd just end up binging on them occasionally (I lose my temper, I try not to but it happens, and I'm not abusing anyone). Of course if you're a diabetic you shouldn't have a cookie, if you're an alcoholic you should never have the scotch and if you're seriously trying to lose weight/get in shape you shouldn't have them but moderation in most things are fine (although this doesn't stretch to everything: moderation in heroine or smoking crack isn't really good for example). Life's a marathon and you just have to figure out how to balance everything.
I abstained from being a billionaire all my life
I would have immediately thrown the marshmellow on the floor. I try to know the limitations of my self control and help myself in advance. I stopped buying 2 meals with seamless (with the idea of saving one for the next day)...because I always ended up eating both...haha.
I mean one could make an argument that self control leads to meritocracy. I mean a lot of great success and amazing experience comes from people "just doing it". Slow and steady might win the race, but it might take you a long time also.
I pride myself on being professional enough to not become the cardboard allstar that Eddie posted about.
Or the kid realized marshmallows are unhealthy and ate the first one in order to avoid eating two.
delete
Self-control is for losers. Winners are attracted to the right things. If humans possessed true self-control the human race would cease to exist.
Or maybe kids just understand counterparty risk. I know I have one marshmallow in front of me now, but how do I know this grown-up isn't going to screw me over and give no marshmallows 15 minutes later when he promised me two?
I read the "power of habit" recently. Quite a good read in this context.
Has anyone tried meditation? Supposed to be great for self control..
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