How To Be A F%#king Man…
We’ve all seen and perhaps grown tired of guides and lists that are ripe with tedious clichés and full of humdrum regurgitated meme wisdom. For that very reason, in collaboration with CNBC’s John Carney (@Carney) here is a fresh and hopefully thoughtful look at what it means to be a man today.
- Stop talking about where you went to college.
- Always carry cash. Keep some in your front pocket.
- Rebel from business casual. Burn your khakis and wear a suit or jeans.
- It’s okay to trade the possibility of your 80s and 90s for more guaranteed fun in your 20s and 30s.
- If you are handling a small white baggy in a bathroom stall, face away from an open toilet. (This was censored from the original article)
- The best public restrooms are in hotels: The St. Regis in New York, Claridge’s in London, The Fullerton in Singapore, to name a few.
- Never stay out after midnight three nights in a row… Unless something really good comes up on the third night.
- You will regret your tattoos.
- Never date an ex of your friend.
- Join Twitter; become your own curator of information.
- If riding the bus doesn’t incentivize you to improve your station in life, nothing will.
- Time is too short to do your own laundry.
- When the bartender asks, you should already know what you want to drink.
- If you perspire, wear a damn undershirt.
- You don’t have to like baseball, but you should understand the concept of what a pitcher’s ERA means. Approach life similarly.
- When people don’t invite you to a party, you really shouldn’t go. And sometimes even when you are invited, you shouldn’t go.
- People are tired of you being the funny, drunk guy.
- When in doubt, always kiss the girl.
- Tip more than you should.
- You probably use your cell phone too often and at the wrong moments.
- Buy expensive sunglasses. Superficial? Yes, but so are the women judging you. And it tells these women you appreciate nice things and are responsible enough not to lose them.
- If you want a nice umbrella, bring a sh*tty one to church.
- Do 50 push-ups, sit-ups, and dips before you shower each morning.
- Eat brunch with friends at least every other weekend. Leave Rusty and Junior at home.
- Be a regular at more than one bar.
- Act like you’ve been there before. It doesn’t matter if it’s in the end zone at the Super Bowl or on a private plane.
- A glass of wine or two with lunch will not ruin your day.
- It’s better if old men cut your hair. Ask for Sammy at the Mandarin Oriental Barbershop in Hong Kong. He can share his experiences of the Japanese occupation, or just give you a copy of Playboy.
- Learn how to fly-fish.
- No selfies. Aspire to experience photo-worthy moments in the company of a beautiful woman.
- Own a handcrafted shotgun. It’s a beautiful thing.
- There’s always another level. Just be content knowing that you are still better off than most who have ever lived.
- You can get away with a lot more if you’re the one buying the drinks.
- Ask for a salad instead of fries.
- Don’t split a check.
- Pretty women who are unaccompanied want you to talk to them.
- Cobblers will save your shoes. So will shoe trees.
- When a bartender buys you a round, tip double.
- The cliché is that having money is about not wasting time. But in reality, money is about facilitating spontaneity.
- Be spontaneous.
- Find a Times New Roman in the streets and a Wingdings in the sheets. She exists.
- Piercings are liabilities in fights.
- Do not use an electric razor.
- Desserts are for women. Order one and pretend you don’t mind that she’s eating yours.
- Buy a tuxedo before you are thirty. Stay that size.
- One girlfriend at a time is probably enough.
- #StopItWithTheHastags
- Your ties should be rolled and placed in a sectioned tie drawer.
- Throw parties. But have someone else clean up the next day.
- You may only request one song from the DJ.
- Measure yourself only against your previous self.
- Take more pictures. With a camera.
- Place-dropping is worse than-name dropping.
- When you admire the work of artists or writers, tell them. And spend money to acquire their work.
- Your clothes do not match. They go together.
- Yes, of course you have to buy her dinner.
- Staying angry is a waste of energy.
- Revenge can be a good way of getting over anger.
- If she expects the person you are 20% of the time, 100% of the time, then she doesn’t want you.
- Always bring a bottle of something to the party.
- Avoid that “last” whiskey. You’ve probably had enough.
- Don’t use the word “closure” or ever expect it in real life. There may still be a mortally wounded Russian mobster roaming the woods of south Jersey, but we’ll never know.
- If you are wittier than you are handsome, avoid loud clubs.
- Drink outdoors. And during the day. And sometimes by yourself.
- Date women outside your social set. You’ll be surprised.
- If it’s got velvet ropes and lines, walk away unless you know someone.
- You cannot have a love affair with whiskey because whiskey will never love you back.
- Feigning unpretentiousness is worse than being pretentious. Cut it out with the vintage Polo and that ’83 Wagoneer in Nantucket.
- The New Yorker is not high-brow. Neither is The Economist.
- If you believe in evolution, you should know something about how it works.
- No-one cares if you are offended, so stop it.
- Never take an ex back. She tried to do better and is settling with you.
- Eating out alone can be magnificent. Find a place where you can sit at the bar.
- Read more. It allows you to borrow someone else’s brain, and will make you more interesting at a dinner party – provided that you don’t initiate conversation with, “So, who are you reading…”
- Ignore the boos. They usually come from the cheap seats.
- H****rs aren’t cool, but remember, the free ones are a lot more expensive.
- Don’t ever say, “it is what it is.”
- Start a wine collection for your kids when they are born. Add a few cases every year without telling them. It’ll make a phenomenal gift in twenty years.
- Don’t gamble if losing $100 is going to piss you off.
- Remember, “rules are for the obedience of fools and the guidance of wise men.”
For more, follow @GSElevator – Things overheard in the Goldman Sachs elevators do not stay in the Goldman Sachs elevators – on Twitter. Also, check out my collaborator on this list, CNBCs John Carney (@Carney).
"Rebel from business casual. Burn your khakis and wear a suit or jeans."
Finally.
sb to first person to guess who is in the photo.
Jimmy Cagney.
http://psychcentral.com/news/2010/09/13/as-we-age-loss-of-brain-connect…
James Francis Cagney, Jr.
Damn, beat me by THAT much.
I liked that.
James Cagney
one of the better ones
@ AndyLouis
James Francis Cagney Jr.
To be fair, though, if you move your mouse cursor over the photo, it shows "james cagney.jpg"
You're all wrong, Lloyd Blankfein
Great post, thanks.
•Learn how to fly-fish.
Bro "•The best public restrooms are in hotels: The St. Regis in New York, Claridge’s in London, The Fullerton in Singapore, to name a few."
Andaz on 5th!
Never talk about someone behind their back, even if they deserve it.
For the rest: http://www.wallstreetoasis.com/blog/how-to-be-a-gentleman-a-monkeys-rev…
Great list. Printing a copy to keep at my desk.
There is one that I totally disagree with. "Never say 'it is what it is.'" I actually think that that saying is a great one as it helps you come to terms with the fact that there really are certain things that are completely out of my control, namely other people's insecurity, vanity, stupidity, or laziness. I find myself saying 'it is what it is' every time I read the newspaper and see what Obama and his supporters are saying and it allows me to move on with life without having an aneurysm.
this is gold
•Remember, “rules are for the obedience of fools and the guidance of wise men.”
Noted. These are good general suggestions as a starting point of thinking, but I'm kind of averse to codifying my behavior according to some Cosmo type list. I'll break with these guidelines when I damn well feel like it.
nice, +1
The Economist is not high brow?
I love all of this
Pure gold
When in doubt, always kiss the girl. If you are wittier than you are handsome, avoid loud clubs.
Truth
"Don’t use the word “closure” or ever expect it in real life. There may still be a mortally wounded Russian mobster roaming the woods of south Jersey, but we’ll never know."
High five if you know what he's talking about.
Tell us!
pretty great list. but damn it i like my khakis and damnit i look good in em. dah well. not a big deal really. also, on shotguns, actually go shoot them, at living things, not just clays. finally, the Art of Manliness website is one hell of a website that will substantiate and one-up most of the things on this list, and maybe disqualify some of the silly misconceptions also included on the list. But certainly a decent list, and true the fake-overly-masculine air most of us finance fellas like everyone to think is true rough hewn masculinity. fortunately, each of us can always be improving in any number of these things.
i'll wager i've shot more ducks and geese in my lifetime than a reasonable contingent of men who own handmade shotguns have. i'm probably a better shot with my remington 870 and browning pump-action 10 gauge than they are too.
I generally ignore these types of lists cause they fucking blow, but this one is solid.
Would SB if I had one
Not bad actually. At least some of them are definitely spot on.
I take it the "It is what it is" is a burn at WallStreetPlayboys?
Nice.
It's one of the most commonly used phrases out there. What makes you think those guys would be singled out?
I've seen plenty of these retarded lists and this is one of the worst.
Great list, SB for you
"Staying angry is a waste of energy."
So true. People who stay angry over useless shit are usually the ones who have too much time on their hands.
His twitter-account is great btw. Actually, his account is the only reason I have twitter. I definitely recommend everyone here to follow him, exactly the type of humor WSO-people will love.
"Desserts are for women. Order one and pretend you don’t mind that she’s eating yours." lol cute
Great list. Thanks for the post!
how to be a man: 1) have a penis. 2) stop caring about what others do, or how they act. 3) stop reading/making lists you insecure pussy.
implied by 1)
...says the guy making a list. Though, I assume that was for irony's sake.
How to be a F%#king Man:
Do your own thing, don't even read anyone's advice on internet forum
Pretty cool post, thanks
Stopped reading at "Burn your khakis and wear a suit or jeans."
Clearly you've never been out to a casual lunch at a country club where jeans aren't allowed.
Well that was an oddly specific counterpoint.
I think that the point is to contrast. If you can't wear jeans wear a suit, no suit wear jeans, etc.
Be like Ron Swanson
Surprised these lists never have anything about physicality because youre not much of a man if some random guy can walk up to you and slap you in the face like a bitch and theres nothing you can do about it.
So is wearing jeans instead of khakis lol.
Having other people fight your battles isnt very manly...
Somehow they forgot to always repulse the monkey, part the wild horse' mane
Oh and wear black dress shirts
Just like any other pretentious list written by someone taking themselves way too seriously zzz
"When in doubt, kiss the girl"? Make sure you are a really good kisser!
cool post
Mr. Bond?
A few decent points, but this seems more like a "How to Make Up for Your Insecurities" list.
Addition:
Sport coats must have different color buttons than coat's color. Suits must have same color...
Do you want to know how to be a F%#king Man? It's not by following a list of rules and putting on a fake persona every time you go outside. Just be yourself, be responsible and respectful, and don't talk too much.
I thought only chicks made lists like this
Awesome list. The point isn't to fit yourself to this list. They're simply things you'll find as you go along.
Also...the Sopranos reference was on fucking point. One of the best things that has ever graced my TV screen, and probably will always be.
Just be yourself dawg...
What a quality post. Very valuable info here
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