How to Get Laid Off

minibar's picture
Rank: Senior Orangutan | 423

So you hate your job but you're not ready to leave b/c you don't want to be broke and you don't already have a new job lined up. So what to do, you can stick with it, as another user recently posted, or you can get yourself laid off. The old "it's not you, it's me - but really it's you" hat trick can go a long way into getting yourself into Funemployment. Read on for some tips you can follow to put yourself on the chopping block without burning any bridges.

How to Get Fired Gracefully

To start with, if you've ever tricked someone into breaking up with you because you were too much of a coward to do it, Kudos! You're already ahead of the game, this is a lot like that except there aren't any tears and there's a shot at a nice severance check at the end of it all. So how to do it... the trick is to make them think it was their idea!

Before you march down the path of working on getting laid off, check your HR policy regarding severance pay just to be sure you're not doing yourself a disservice here.

  • Plant the seed that you're not 100% committed to the job.
  • Don't be shy about your plans for long term travel or that your pursuing education in a field completely unrelated to your current job.

  • Let other people take the credit.
  • So you had a successful project. Make sure everyone else knows you are not a one man team. Give credit to everyone else and take the limelight off yourself. You do not want to be known for having a good track record or for being reliable

  • You take the blame
  • So someone screwed up. Now it's your time to shine! Find a way to insert yourself into the problem. Take some blame and take some heat off of someone else.

  • Get a protege
  • This might seem counter intuitive, but your goal is to make it seem like you're excess. An air thief. And what's the best way to do that? Show that you are completely replaceable. Find someone and teach them everything you know.

  • They have to think you are expendable
  • See the previous step. Wherever possible show how useless you are to their bottom line. That you're just a middleman creating a bottleneck. Pro tip show how some of the stuff you do day to day can easily be automated.

  • Do the minimum
  • The key here don't be incompetent. Just do the minimum. Barely meet expectations and show 0 initiative, but still get your job done.

    Once you've done all of the above you should think about closing up some loose ends...mainly your vacation - don't leave cash on the table.

  • Start using up your remaining vacation time....maybe
  • Again check the HR policy on this one - if they pay out unused vacay days then might be better to save 'em. But if they don't, then it'd be a crime not to take them.

A word of caution
Don't be too blatant in your approach it. Do the minimum and don't piss any one off. Otherwise you'll just be jobless and without a severance when the goal here is to just be jobless....for now.

So to those of you in this position, May your cup runneth over with severance pay

from certified user @Something Creative

Whatever you do, do not in any way shape or form try to get laid off. This could very well be a death sentence spiral for your career. Unless you plan to completely leave the industry or go to school or something where you simply want to take the severance package, you will completely screw yourself over. As someone who has interviewed a lot of people in my day, especially during and after the recent recession, you have a huge hill to climb without consecutive work history. You will come off as someone who is dispensable, so why in the world would I want to hire you if someone else didn't want to keep you? Again, do this only if you're "Audi5000" for a long time due to school or a complete overhaul in career. Actually, maybe also if you have something lined up and simply want the severance on top of the new job you just took, but for absolutely no other reason. Maybe I'm being punked right now thinking this is a serious suggestion?

Comments (9)

Jun 6, 2013

This...is..interesting. In my current role, there were times I found myself contemplating just walking away one day. Off course, having bills and stigma of job loss can prevent most people from doing this. THANK GOODNESS, I recently found the role I was looking and I am fortunate to be in the position of working till I want to leave (new role does not start for a little more than a month). But, for those in the position of not liking current role, I say be persistent and emotional detach yourself from role if things become much. Also, good luck for the future...

Jun 6, 2013
JBanksohn:

This...is..interesting. In my current role, there were times I found myself contemplating just walking away one day. Off course, having bills and stigma of job loss can prevent most people from doing this. THANK GOODNESS, I recently found the role I was looking and I am fortunate to be in the position of working till I want to leave (new role does not start for a little more than a month). But, for those in the position of not liking current role, I say be persistent and emotional detach yourself from role if things become much. Also, good luck for the future...

I'm really glad you posted becaue lately I'm just not feeling it. Congrats on the new digs and hopefully I'll be just like you in the near future. This post is dangerous because it's very true...

Best Response
Jun 6, 2013

Whatever you do, do not in any way shape or form try to get laid off. This could very well be a death sentence spiral for your career. Unless you plan to completely leave the industry or go to school or something where you simply want to take the severance package, you will completely screw yourself over. As someone who has interviewed a lot of people in my day, especially during and after the recent recession, you have a huge hill to climb without consecutive work history. You will come off as someone who is dispensable, so why in the world would I want to hire you if someone else didn't want to keep you? Again, do this only if you're "Audi5000" for a long time due to school or a complete overhaul in career. Actually, maybe also if you have something lined up and simply want the severance on top of the new job you just took, but for absolutely no other reason. Maybe I'm being punked right now thinking this is a serious suggestion?

    • 3
Jan 30, 2019

80% sure this post is absolute satire and there is no way people will take this as genuine advice, but for those people who think to themselves "wow this is so smart," pls don't.

Jun 7, 2013

Great post OP. .

Jun 7, 2013

[email protected] thief. nice post

If the glove don't fit, you must acquit!

Jun 7, 2013

I found the OPs post entertaining and interesting. I think it could really go either way and will be largely firm / manager dependent. They could say, look at this guy, he is completey replaceable, and then let you go. OR they could say, look at this guy, he's got great "leadership" skills (got rid of redundancies, encouraged peers, took responsibility for mistakes etc.) so let's promote him to a manager role. Almost like the movie office space lol. Now wouldn't that be something...

Jan 30, 2019

Exactly - OP just summed up the perfect employee.
Doesn't try to get promoted, yes man, does the bare minimum, team player etc...
This is the path for longevity not unemployment.

    • 1
Jan 31, 2019
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