How your competitors are beating the GMAT

I’ve watched as many of my friends and acquaintances screwed up the GMAT due to defeatist thinking and extremely bad advice. They also spent a ton of money and effort, got little or no payoff, and walked away wondering if there was an intellect gap between them and the people who did well.

In my previous blog post, “How to Hose the GMAT”, I shared a model designed to help people arrive at failure more quickly and cheaply, and with less damage to self-esteem. But it’s a terrible business model. Turns out that nobody actually wants to end up with median scores or get one of those fab Ivy-league part-time certificates. (Go figure.)

So why do some people still end up going down this path while some don’t? What’s going on in people’s heads on both sides?

Before I continue: credentials. I coached myself to a 770, then coached two friends to a 770 and a 760, each of us with different strengths and knowledge gaps. None of us were geniuses. We all took the test in the US, didn’t cheat, and didn’t get extra time.

Let’s get started.

Hose-the-GMAT strategy #1: Think outside the box.

“Geez, my first practice test didn’t go so well. This is really hard. Maybe I’ll just take the GRE and apply to some part-time MBA programs or do an MSIS at a state school. Not only will I save money, I’ll also save effort. The education’s just as good, right guys? Guys?”

Your competitor’s strategy #1: Don't be in such a rush to bow out.

“So I have a long way to go. But I need that score. It’s not negotiable. So I’m gonna rip that fucker a new asshole regardless of how much money and effort it costs me.”

Hose-the-GMAT strategy #2: Don’t set a target up front.

“I want to keep this relaxed, so I’ll just land wherever I land and that’ll have to be okay.”

Your competitor’s strategy #2: Take aim. Don’t waver.

“I have three digits on an index card taped to my monitor. If I don’t see those three digits on the screen at the end of my test, it’s not okay.”

Hose-the-GMAT strategy #3: Take a long-range view.

“I haven’t been able to fire on all cylinders yet because of work, and I have a vacation booked, but it’s not the end of the world if I just push it to next year. Even two years wouldn’t be the end of the world. I have plenty of time.”

Your competitor’s strategy #3: Floor it and keep it there.

“Regardless of the consequences, this has to be my last pre-MBA year. I don’t care what I have to walk away from, I’m not staying here.”

Hose-the-GMAT strategy #4: Don’t try to go it alone.

“Thank goodness I have other people to tell me what good looks like and to help me think like everybody else.”

Your competitor’s strategy #4: Play a pure game.

“Are these guys taking the same test I’m taking?”

Hose-the-GMAT strategy #5: Find a practice schedule that fits your life.

“Some people say I should be doing a bunch of hours every day. But I have work, a girlfriend, friends, trivia night, and basketball, so I can’t do that. Thankfully, I found a bunch of guys on the forum that say you can do less time per day for more days, so it’s cool.”

Your competitor’s strategy #5: My life needs to fit the GMAT.

“I’ll see you guys in a couple months. Love you, babe. Peace.”

Hose-the-GMAT strategy #6: Know what “median” looks like, and do what it takes to get there.

“Median is not bad. Half of the students at a school have to be below the median score. I know most of them have unusual strengths and talents to make up for it, but there have to some truly average admits. I can fit right in that sweet spot.”

Your competitor’s strategy #6: Know what the top of the school’s range is, and do what it takes to get there.

"I have no idea what the median is. I just know that if the range says 690-770, and I have a 770, it's good enough."

Happy Monday, folks. Deeper and more detailed stuff comes later, including:

A recommended plan of battle that worked for all three of us
The stickiest GMAT mnemonic ever
How and when to raise your score by fucking up faster
Why I dumped my coach
Why I regretted it
Some little techniques that hurt like hell but work.

 
SDEcon11:
I think you might want to link this blog post directly to your previous one. Some people thought that you were actually being serious in your earlier post. By the way, congrats on the 770.

Thanks -- The link was suppsosed to be there when I mention "How to Hose the GMAT". Do you see it as blue and clickable?

 
bankerella:
SDEcon11:
I think you might want to link this blog post directly to your previous one. Some people thought that you were actually being serious in your earlier post. By the way, congrats on the 770.

Thanks -- The link was suppsosed to be there when I mention "How to Hose the GMAT". Do you see it as blue and clickable?

Yep, now I do.

 
Best Response
Genetic:
You reek of extreme narcissism. Almost like a female patrick bateman

Book version, not the movie version, right? There is really no comparison between the two. The movie didn't fully capture Bret Easton Ellis's oscillation between transgression and straightforward journalism, which was what made American Psycho one of the great books of its decade. The movie also overplayed its hand on the serial killing angle. It overlooked the fact that Bateman as originally conceived was just a regular guy with a slight case of reality shearing, an experience that I think is more or less embedded the human condition.

Either way, not a bad pick-up line. Do you like Phil Collins?

 
bankerella:
Genetic:
You reek of extreme narcissism. Almost like a female patrick bateman

Book version, not the movie version, right? There is really no comparison between the two. The movie didn't fully capture Bret Easton Ellis's oscillation between transgression and straightforward journalism, which was what made American Psycho one of the great books of its decade. The movie also overplayed its hand on the serial killing angle. It overlooked the fact that Bateman as originally conceived was just a regular guy with a slight case of reality shearing, an experience that I think is more or less embedded the human condition.

Either way, not a bad pick-up line. Do you like Phil Collins?

You're trying too hard. I hope you don't come off as this desperate in real life

 

Unfortunately, I'm at that stage in my life where my opportunity cost per hour is kinda high, and my coaching model requires a huge commitment on both sides (which is why it worked for me and my two close friends but might be weird between two people who met on the internet).

Technically it might be feasible, but if I were to quote you a price that would make it fit into my revenue model, I'd get a whooole lot of monkey shit for it.

There have to be a ton of other GMAT coaches of my quality (or better) who are cheaper. I would go with one of those.

Unfortunately, I don't know who's on the market right now, so I don't know who to recommend.

 

Magni ab quidem alias quidem veritatis. Repudiandae id molestiae perferendis doloribus porro. Earum qui non eum id delectus.

Illo quo voluptatibus id. Praesentium sequi qui molestias nam sit. Ipsum voluptate velit praesentium consectetur occaecati voluptatem quam.

Aliquam facilis dicta similique molestias qui aut illum placeat. Quo qui ullam sit quam unde occaecati ipsum. Consequatur temporibus quia sed et. Est ducimus est ratione sunt quis. Unde eos sit cumque cumque. A et natus est.

Career Advancement Opportunities

March 2024 Investment Banking

  • Jefferies & Company 02 99.4%
  • Goldman Sachs 19 98.8%
  • Harris Williams & Co. (++) 98.3%
  • Lazard Freres 02 97.7%
  • JPMorgan Chase 03 97.1%

Overall Employee Satisfaction

March 2024 Investment Banking

  • Harris Williams & Co. 18 99.4%
  • JPMorgan Chase 10 98.8%
  • Lazard Freres 05 98.3%
  • Morgan Stanley 07 97.7%
  • William Blair 03 97.1%

Professional Growth Opportunities

March 2024 Investment Banking

  • Lazard Freres 01 99.4%
  • Jefferies & Company 02 98.8%
  • Goldman Sachs 17 98.3%
  • Moelis & Company 07 97.7%
  • JPMorgan Chase 05 97.1%

Total Avg Compensation

March 2024 Investment Banking

  • Director/MD (5) $648
  • Vice President (19) $385
  • Associates (86) $261
  • 3rd+ Year Analyst (13) $181
  • Intern/Summer Associate (33) $170
  • 2nd Year Analyst (66) $168
  • 1st Year Analyst (202) $159
  • Intern/Summer Analyst (144) $101
notes
16 IB Interviews Notes

“... there’s no excuse to not take advantage of the resources out there available to you. Best value for your $ are the...”

Leaderboard

1
redever's picture
redever
99.2
2
Secyh62's picture
Secyh62
99.0
3
Betsy Massar's picture
Betsy Massar
99.0
4
BankonBanking's picture
BankonBanking
99.0
5
kanon's picture
kanon
98.9
6
CompBanker's picture
CompBanker
98.9
7
dosk17's picture
dosk17
98.9
8
DrApeman's picture
DrApeman
98.9
9
GameTheory's picture
GameTheory
98.9
10
bolo up's picture
bolo up
98.8
success
From 10 rejections to 1 dream investment banking internship

“... I believe it was the single biggest reason why I ended up with an offer...”