Hrrmm, Could This Be Why Wall Street Has a Bad Rap?
Ladies, gather round. Chief Chimp Patrick forwarded me a press release he just received from a little site called Wall Street Kingdom, which will have you masturbating more vigorously to the toll of unbridled Capitalism than the SEC on its best day.
Truly, this is one of the funniest things I've seen in a long time: Finally a man has endeavored to recreate the wardrobe and ideology that ensconced Patrick Bateman in our hearts. Out of the Netherlands, fashion mega icon, Christian Adriaanse (WHO?!) has launched a fashion site and brand geared towards you Masters of the Universe and Gekko wannabes.
Adriaanse conceived the idea for Wall Street Kingdom in 2008, amidst the descending financial crisis. Armed with a dangerous stiffy for American Capitalism, Adriaanse was not afraid. Was he afraid?!? NO! He was not afraid that the collapsing global economy might not support his out-sized dream of providing the rich and powerful banking set with the finest Dutch striped shirts money can buy. Chased from the Netherlands for his beliefs, he came to America where he knew he would be welcomed into open arms. The American Dream is a powerful narcotic, my friends.
“The timing couldn’t be worse yet couldn’t be better," Adriaanse says on his site. "It was the moment. The moment to finally start. The moment to launch the most luxurious fashion brand in the world. My dream for years. Not cowardly looking for other ways. Of course not. The opposite. Attack. Using Wall Street. The two words. The words that say it all. The metaphor for everything that is right. Right about Capitalism. Right about Liberty. Right about Happiness. And right about Life. CLHL. Stripes of Pride. Celebrating capitalism. Promoting happiness and supporting freedom. Calling my brand WallStreet Kingdom.”
When you first open the site, a flash intro with some hardcore metal starts up backed by a quote from Hermann Hesse, "Whoever wishes to be born must destroy a world." Glaringly absent is the rest of Hesse's quote, "And should buy a $500 striped shirt else he be b*tch!!!!"
The intro continues with, "Wall Street is Dead Some People Say, Wall Street is Greed Some People Say, Wall Street is Bad Some People Say, Long Live Wall Street, That is What We Say, The Party Has Just Begun."
That is definitely what Loyd Blankfein yells into the mirror every morning while flexing and having his manservant rip his shirt off like a la Hulk Hogan.
I mean there's just no question that those Socialist Fairies in the Obama Cabinet are shaking in their tiny Sears slacks. Though, unfortunately, it seems Wall Street Kingdom hasn't yet scaled past The Stripes of Pride Collection, but with all this unfettered potential, I know I can't wait for his high end vodka made from the tears of the proletariat.
There isn't really any doubt in my mind that this guy lives in a trailer in Hoboken, or will soon be partnering with Aleksey Vayner in debuting a series of Impossible is Nothing fitness/MMA videos with Dick Fuld and Chuck Norris, but you gotta love his Lenny Dykstra gumption.
As the saying about kingdoms goes, "In the land of the blind, the one-eyed man is king." But man his depth perception sucks.
i agree 110% with this post. after browsing that site, i think part of me just died.
Struggling not to piss myself after the Stripes of Pride collection... what better way to model your "that's fabulous" apparel than by placing disembodied shirts strutting about a penthouse?
Hahaha. Liberty M, well said. The disembodied shirts strutting around a penthouse was too much, man. Wheeeewww. He couldn't get any actual bankers to model the shirts, so he just paid some local ghosts to do the dirty work. The Ghosts of Wall Street Past.
Halberstam, all good pts, Bateman may not be the best symbol ... that guy was one classily-dressed mufucka, even when he was putting cats in the microwave.
BCbanker, definitely going to look into whether the guy's actually sold any shirts.
VanBuren, great fucking idea. We should def get him on here for a Q&A. Will ask Patrick abt that ...
If he had any sense at all his shirts would be slim fit, not rebadged off the rack Brooks Brothers boat sails.
Exactly, I scrolled through the shirts expecting different fits because they are shown as different shirts. Different colors should just be an option on the one shirt they offer.
A whole site for one shirt, that is extravagant!
I have to admit I like the website design, even if everything inside is trash.
Aside from the fact the shirts are still cut for Dutchmen with the largest size of 17, anyone who can afford a $500 shirt probably respects themselves too much to be seen in this shit. White collar and French cuffs? Apparently he didn't consult the WSO fashion guides.
this just goes to to reinforce what pets.com taught us 10 years ago: shitty idea + pretty website =/= pot of gold
price asisde, all that for 1 style of shirt? thats not even custom fitted.. the site, the music, and only 1 shirt. lol
Wow, WTF?
1- the site, brand and concept are horrendous. I spent 3 or 4 minutes on the site (about 3 minutes a 55 seconds more than I should have) and didn't realize what the hell the company was offering until the very end. And up for offer by this douche are ugly shirts for $500 with a tacky logo on the breast. First of all, a white collared, french cuffed shirt should not have ANYTHING on it... maaaaaybe a monogram if thats your thing... but even that is a big maybe.
2- the entire thing is so fuckin ostentatious, no one relates to that level of douche baggery and its pretty obvious this guy is an outsider.
3- wow, custom made (are they even custom made) high-end shirts marketed to Wall Street males, very inventive and original, nice work
I don't at all think it even begins to resemble American Psycho, which was much more subdued and classy if you will. It wasn't about being ostentatious and disgustingly tacky, it was about out doing one another and pedigree and elitism and prestige... all that good stuff WSO knows and loves.
Do we know if this guy has made a sale?
I think we should get Christian on here for a hilarious Q&A.
That was a seriously good looking website but that's about all the praise it gets
How about the tab that's titled 'The Kingdom' what a fucking piece of work.
Right? I find it hilarious that his "Kingdom" only has one American city. I'll be the first to concede that New York is definitely where all the action is, but to skip out on finance cities Chicago, Boston, San Francisco, AND Houston in favor of cities like Moscow is pretty questionable.
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