Seven mistakes analysts make during training. I made three of them.

bankerella's picture
Rank: Neanderthal | 2,151

Since the new analyst class will be starting training soonish, I figured I'd throw out the big mistakes I saw people make back when I started. Some of these are probably also fairly valid for associate training.

And yeah, I screwed up three of these. Guess which ones.

1: No matter how late the Australians in the back row roll in, no matter how hungover they are, and no matter how early in the day they start drinking, do not emulate them. Unless you are also headed for an international location. (If you are, you have diplomatic immunity. Enjoy it.)

2: Unless you already have a group, don't blow off the exams. They have an effect on where you end up.

3: If you do coke: use some willpower and don't let the party roll over into the next day. When you guys go into the bathroom for your morning pick-me-up, people can tell.

4: If you're going to sleep with someone in your class, don't make it obvious.

5: If you're going to sleep with anybody you just met, don't sleep over. Their roommates might be in your class.

6: Each group in the bank will trot out a seniorish banker plus a couple of juniors to do a presentation on why you should join their group. Do not listen to the presentation. It is bullshit. Especially the league tables.

(If you want something better to do with your twenty minutes, monitor the juniors' nonverbals. Are they alpha chimps or beaten-down scrubs? Do they look exhausted or stressed? Did they shave this morning? Good clues for working conditions in the group.)

7: Don't neglect due diligence. A couple of nights early on, stick around (or come back) and walk the floors of different groups at 8, 9, 10 PM. Try both weeknights and weekends. While it does suck to scrap an evening this way, it can be very enlightening to see what working in the group is going to feel like.

Okay, so which of these don'ts did I do?

#2 and #7: Embarrassing.

I just flat-out dropped the ball on these. Had a good experience anyway, but would have been better if I'd done a little more legwork.

#3 was a mistake made by a friend.

#4, though for the record, I didn't actually sleep with the guy. It just looked like I did. This is just as bad.

#5 was a mistake made by a good friend and classmate of mine, who had a one-night stand with a guy at a different bank, woke up late for training, put her dirty clothes back on, and tried to sneak out of the guy's apartment. She bumped into two of her male classmates leaving the apartment at the same time. Bet that was an awkward elevator ride.

Comments (25)

Jun 8, 2012
bankerella:

#4, though for the record, I didn't actually sleep with the guy. It just looked like I did. This is just as bad.

Gay.

Jun 8, 2012

Thanks for the post OP

DrizzyDrake:

Gay.

"bankerella"

Jun 8, 2012
Nabooru:
DrizzyDrake:

Gay.

"bankerella"

That was the joke smh.

Jun 8, 2012

pics...now

I eat success for breakfast...with skim milk

Jun 8, 2012

which exams?

Jun 8, 2012
tchekm845:

which exams?

So roughly 15% of the analysts in my year were hired directly into a group. For the rest of us, the placement process ran parallel to the training program. We were tested on the material we were taught during training, and the scores went to the groups to help them determine which analysts they wanted.

I screwed up the big final question on one of my two exams and got dropped like a hot potato by one of my top picks after that. Life goes on.

Jun 8, 2012
bankerella:

So roughly 15% of the analysts in my year were hired directly into a group. For the rest of us, the placement process ran parallel to the training program. We were tested on the material we were taught during training, and the scores went to the groups to help them determine which analysts they wanted.

One of the few advantages of being in a regional office (especially if the group HQ is also regional).

Solid post overall. +1

Jun 8, 2012

tl;dr: use common sense

Jun 8, 2012

6 is a good idea in general and I'm glad this came up. I take things a little bit literally and lack common sense, so this has been an invaluable tool for me. Finance and NYC is the bullshit capital of the world, so learning to read between the lines is VERY useful.

Jun 8, 2012
UFOinsider:

Finance and NYC is the bullshit capital of the world, so learning to read between the lines is VERY useful.

you can even smell the finance on central park south. just oozes out of the buildings

Jun 8, 2012
Nabooru:
UFOinsider:

Finance and NYC is the bullshit capital of the world, so learning to read between the lines is VERY useful.

you can even smell the finance on central park south. just oozes out of the buildings

that made me lol

Jun 8, 2012

The Australians are pretty legendary, from what I hear. They customarily start in January, right? Must be nice to have a two month vacation from banking in the middle of the analyst stint.

Jun 8, 2012

Interns don't really do coke.

Jun 8, 2012
HWF:

Interns don't really do coke.

agreed, not to mention all the sleeping around. Remember we're talking about nerds here, at least in the US.

Jun 8, 2012

You don't need to be going international in order to enjoy the privilege of coming into training late after a night of partying. If you're in an American regional office, you're already in your group.

Jun 8, 2012

I remember I was at a bar where some Australian rugby team was pouring vodka through their eyelids. One of them poured three such shots back to back then chugged a pitcher of beer - this was accomplished in ~3 mins

Making money is art and working is art and good business is the best art - Andy Warhol

Jun 8, 2012
dwight schrute:

I remember I was at a bar where some Australian rugby team was pouring vodka through their eyelids. One of them poured three such shots back to back then chugged a pitcher of beer - this was accomplished in ~3 mins

Rrrrrrrugbbyyyyyyy!!!

I eat success for breakfast...with skim milk

Jun 11, 2012
dwight schrute:

I remember I was at a bar where some Australian rugby team was pouring vodka through their eyelids. One of them poured three such shots back to back then chugged a pitcher of beer - this was accomplished in ~3 mins

and then you changed the channel...

Eventus stultorum magister.

Jun 11, 2012
Johnny Ringo:
dwight schrute:

I remember I was at a bar where some Australian rugby team was pouring vodka through their eyelids. One of them poured three such shots back to back then chugged a pitcher of beer - this was accomplished in ~3 mins

and then you changed the channel...

im gonna take dwight schrutes back on this one...shut up johnny

I eat success for breakfast...with skim milk

Jun 8, 2012

We weren't interns, but I do agree that few analysts seem to do coke. The only people under thirty I've ever personally seen doing coke were gay. (I don't judge either the coke or the orientation, just calling it like I saw it.)

The friend who made mistake #3 was in fact gay.

Bonus dirt: That same friend made the much-vaunted transition to HF/PE, is doing well on a very elite team... and still has that little "bathroom" problem. We all have our little issues.

Jun 8, 2012

Sounds like your analyst class parties hard.

Competition is a sin.

-John D. Rockefeller

Jun 11, 2012
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