Shia LaBeouf Is The Real Deal

Edmundo was kind enough to post the link to the new Money Never Sleeps trailer. Honestly, the trailer failed to get me excited and made the film seem like another steamer courtesy of Oliver Stone. Though I keep hoping the director will return to his glory days, when he made Platoon and Wall Street back to back, I think there's a greater chance of Obama giving Timmy Geithner a happy ending.

But, what should really ease the pain, I think, is the knowledge that Shia TheBeef is a doofy green screen action hero no longer -- beginning in April, when the movie is released, he will show that he is now a master thespian, who knows a thing or two about what it takes to get hired at a little place called Goldman.

Oh yes, according to USA Today (which is now just one large pie chart), Sheba arrived in Manhattan two-and-a-half months early to learn the ins and outs of proprietary trading. Obama's timing on nixing prop trading a coincidence?? Nuh uh.

"I talked to a lot of Goldman's people, and one of the requirements of getting a job takes place in the first five minutes of an interview," Sheila said. "They take you out to eat. The minute the menu hits the table, if you can't order within 30 seconds, you don't have the job."

WHOA, Sheba, WHOA girl. How long does it normally take you to order? Even if the menu is in German, Shila, you're still ordering the tube steak, leeet's be honest here. I want to know who he talked to at Goldman. Blankfein, you whore.

AND...What happens after 30 seconds of an interview at Citigroup?? I have so many questions.

What's more, Mr. TheBeef is not hesitant to brag about his new-found trading skills: "I opened up an account when I first met Oliver [Stone]," LaBoof says. "It was $20,000. This morning, it was $297,000." Damn, this just got real. That's more than I'm worth.

According to my sources, LaBeef is also a Level 1 CFA candidate with his own E-Trade account and has Bloomberg on speed dial: "I manage my own portfolio. I check through the day, read the daily Wall Street Journal ... carry my laptop on the set, have Bloomberg on speed-dial. I now have lots of friends in lots of places."

As Jon Lovitz, the real Master Thespian, said, "Acting!" Though I do think we have to give the guy some credit. He's clearly done, like, some research. I bet he'll open a boutique. Le Beouf Group, Ltd...?

From the picture above, it seems that traders are riding to work on mopeds wearing leather jackets...and the people complain about how they use their bonuses...?

Really, I'm just jealous that he's dating his co-star. Thoughts?

Comments (49)

Feb 2, 2010

does anybody believe shia laboeuf made 1400% returns?

Feb 2, 2010

Weak post bro. And no way Shia made 1400% returns.

Feb 2, 2010

He never said he made that much money. Simply his account balance was $20,000 and now its $297,000. If he put his first paycheck into the account, it would beef up immediately.

However, another possibility is simply that he got ahold of some inside deals, like buying OTM Feb Toyota puts at open before recall announced on Jan 25 and selling them on Jan 28th, and then parlaying those funds into immediately into being long JALSY as it goes from $1.00 to $2.50 as it announced it might look at deals instead of prepack bankruptcy.....

Hey...it could happen...........I mean he does have an e*trade account...

Feb 2, 2010

For whatever it's worth, I thought the OP was funny. I'm also easily amused, but that's another story.

Feb 2, 2010

How much u wanna bet he deposited like 300k? (this is just whats left)

Reality hits you hard, bro...

Feb 2, 2010

MMBinNC - I would bet the OPs humor....

Just kidding, I found it amusing

Feb 2, 2010

bullshit he made that much...and how can not ordering within 30 seconds have any impact on whether or not you are a worthy candidate??

Feb 2, 2010

Is he really dating fox?

Feb 2, 2010
SarahP:

Is he really dating fox?

Ha, at first I thought you meant Twentieth Century Fox, which after that trailer wouldn't be that ridiculous, no...apparently he's dating Carey Mulligan...his co-star in The Sequel.

Feb 2, 2010

what a nipple. i bet his performance dissapoints

Feb 3, 2010

Damn man, crazy return on his PA, sounds like insider trading to me, and he def learned from the best

"It's all nonsense. Firms use titles to pander to the egos of the employees without giving away the store. If you are getting the money, who cares about the title?"

Feb 3, 2010

Funny post.

And as much as I love to call this guy LaDouche or LaQuef... he's still slaying Hollywood tang... and he's in Wall Street II, which is pretty bad ass.

I would have loved to be one of the people telling him absurd fucking things about prop trading.

FYI... his returns aren't that unlikely... my 401K balance increased 33% from Dec '09 to Feb '10... watchu want!?

Feb 3, 2010

What are the exit ops for IB>PE>Hollywood?

Feb 3, 2010

wow biggest group of ballbreakers on this board. dude gets more pussy than you and has more money than the majority of this board will ever make. but at least you guys know more about the recruiting process than him, eh?

to quote: "I can see it clear through them gucci aviators, its written on ya face, these n----- is paper haters."

Feb 2, 2010
BretEastonEllis:

"I can see it clear through them gucci aviators, its written on ya face, these n----- is paper haters."

Brett Easton Ellis dropping a sick rhyme, no surprise there. NOBODY gets more poon than that guy. Wait...

And I resent that, I like to think of myself more as a paper chaser, you feel me?

Feb 6, 2010
BretEastonEllis:

wow biggest group of ballbreakers on this board. dude gets more pussy than you and has more money than the majority of this board will ever make.

Quit sucking his dick. Just because he makes a lot of money and gets laid a lot doesn't mean he is God. That article makes me like him even less, what a little turd. I mean I bet the guy playing the guitar on the 'Freeee Credit Report Dot Com' commercials gets a lot of pussy, too. Doesn't mean he's cool.

There are plenty of great actors out there who I respect, especially after reading interviews with them. Shia is not one of them.

Feb 3, 2010
prospie:
BretEastonEllis:

wow biggest group of ballbreakers on this board. dude gets more pussy than you and has more money than the majority of this board will ever make.

Quit sucking his dick. Just because he makes a lot of money and gets laid a lot doesn't mean he is God. That article makes me like him even less, what a little turd. I mean I bet the guy playing the guitar on the 'Freeee Credit Report Dot Com' commercials gets a lot of pussy, too. Doesn't mean he's cool.

There are plenty of great actors out there who I respect, especially after reading interviews with them. Shia is not one of them.

I'm not "sucking his dick." I'm just bringing to light how insecure most of the people on this board are. Many are a bunch of nerds who have somehow changed into "ballers" since theyre now making 100k in NYC. The fact is that if the litmus test for success is money and bitches (which undoubtedly is important to many people here) he has you beat. And please, don't act like dealmaking is that cool. No one gives a shit about it outside our small community.

To put it more succinctly: You can't knock the hustle.

Feb 3, 2010
Feb 2, 2010
Classic:

I don't think Dealbreaker appreciates plagiarism

Ha, wow, hadn't seen those. Bess Levin is a sassy broad. I like it. My sources are USA Today, NYPost, LATimes, and my enormous brain. Thanks for the accusation, tho. I hope someone farts on your pillow.

Feb 13, 2010

Shia LaDouche has been shouting this story from the rooftops for months leading up to the Money Never Sleeps release. I'm sorry, but I'm not buying it. The past two years have been some of the toughest market waters to navigate EVER, especially for a non-professional. To get 3000%+ returns, he would have to be luckier and better than God. The odds of an actor putting up those kind of results in 2008 and 2009 are astronomical.

Feb 13, 2010

not unless he put all his money in options and got stupidly lucky

Feb 13, 2010

I am finishing up my application to his hedge fund

Feb 13, 2010

what stocks/options/futures are even up 100% ?

Feb 13, 2010

I can't believe anyone even entertains this as being remotely close to fact.

If I had asked people what they wanted, they would have said faster horses - Henry Ford

Feb 13, 2010

Why would you even make something like that up?

Feb 13, 2010

He must of done the opposite of jim crammer that is why he is up so much lolz

Feb 13, 2010

I have yet to understand what qualifications you need to have a show like mr crammer cause it sure isnt talent

If I had asked people what they wanted, they would have said faster horses - Henry Ford

Feb 13, 2010

Clicked on the link and saw a classic comment which I thought people may enjoy...

"I believe this breaks Hillary Clinton's investing record for a first timer..."

Feb 2, 2010
Marcus_Halberstram:

http://dealbreaker.com/2010/01/tool-of-the-week-wh...

Hahahaha, that's fucking hilarious. Interview #15 looks terrible. Oliver Stone has a similar process, obviously.

Feb 13, 2010

LOL

Feb 13, 2010

LMAO, serves him right for participating in Wall Street: Money Never Sleeps.

I am not cocky, I am confident, and when you tell me I am the best it is a compliment.
-Styles P

Feb 13, 2010
eokpar02:

LMAO, serves him right for participating in Wall Street: Money Never Sleeps.

The big guy beating his ass is almost definitely a WSO member...

Feb 13, 2010

He should have punched him back so he could have gotten even...stevens.

Feb 13, 2010
Ske7ch:

He should have punched him back so he could have gotten even...stevens.

hahaha

If your dreams don't scare you, then they are not big enough.

"There are two types of people in this world: People who say they pee in the shower, and dirty fucking liars."-Louis C.K.

Feb 13, 2010

YES!

Feb 13, 2010

shia really seems like an uneducated, dumb asshole from watching him in interviews. notice that you don't hear about people like wes anderson getting into stuff like this.

edit: what do you know... judging from his wikipedia page, he is in fact a piece of shit.

Feb 13, 2010

Also, why do people take their shirts off in street fights? I saw this countless times when I was in college. I never understood it. Maybe it reduces the ability of someone else to grab your shirt. But I think that level of thought exceeds the capability of most people in street fights.

I am not cocky, I am confident, and when you tell me I am the best it is a compliment.
-Styles P

Feb 13, 2010
eokpar02:

Also, why do people take their shirts off in street fights? I saw this countless times when I was in college. I never understood it. Maybe it reduces the ability of someone else to grab your shirt. But I think that level of thought exceeds the capability of most people in street fights.

I thought the same. You would think it would be so they dont drag the person down to the floor but you're right, I doubt they think that far ahead. Maybe its a pride thing, "look, I fight semi-naked".

Feb 13, 2010
eokpar02:

Also, why do people take their shirts off in street fights? I saw this countless times when I was in college. I never understood it. Maybe it reduces the ability of someone else to grab your shirt. But I think that level of thought exceeds the capability of most people in street fights.

Yea, they can't grab your shirt if you take it off, but the real reason is so they don't tear it. At least that's the only reason I ever took my shirt off. Although, to be fair, sometimes during the winter I'll take my shirt off when fighting. When you're so white that looking at you causes temporary blindness, that can be beneficial in a street fight. :-p

Feb 13, 2010

Shia seems like a real douche. Jackass gets into this bar fighting shit quite regularly.

Question, if the dude in the cap is his friend, why did he let him get his ass beat down before actually helping him?

Feb 13, 2010

Was it really Shia? where did he learn to lie in a fetal pose? I thought in his movies he barely flinches when he is getting his ass handed to him...

More is good, all is better

Feb 13, 2010

Barely looked like him.

Feb 13, 2010

what a douche

Feb 13, 2010

My name is Nicky, but you can call me Dre.

Feb 13, 2010
Feb 4, 2010