The (69) Men Commandments
I love this list (I know the number of them Commandments is also a fine number per se). I think every man, especially if he works in high finance, should have this posted on their wall, refrigerator magnet, or just read it over couple of times a week.
This is an adaptation of Tony Parsons' 69 Men Commandments published in GQ UK Magazine in November 2011. Wise man, Tony Parsons. Please note I can only write up a few of the Commandments, but will make available the entire list. The numbering keeps the original count.
You wanna work on Wall Street ? Better have the skin of a croc. 43. A thick skin will serve you better than a trust fund.
Once you've cheated, you should be prepared for the earth to shake. Don't be tied up in chains-or else you won't be able to leave. 4. Never cheat on a woman you are not ready to break up with.
Yep, drugs will never be a good career move. 7. Drugs should be behind you by the time you are 25, unless your day job is playing guitar for the Rolling Stones (lead rhythm, not bass).
In other words: Don't do a half-ass job at hitting ! 9. Never hit anyone you are not prepared to keep hitting.
12. If you hit someone, then try to keep it neat – don’t throw wild, swinging punches. Your punches should be as straight as a piece of scaffolding, and they should snap back as quickly as they snap forward (as if you are catching a fly). The exception is hooks, which should be powered by your hips, not your arms. A good hook to the body will break your assailant’s ribs – and his will.
13. If you get involved with a married woman, make sure she is happily married. An unhappy one will drag you into a war zone. The only exception is a married woman you want to spend your life with.
You get more with honey than vinegar. 14. Good manners are important. There is never an excuse for rudeness. The quality of a life is largely about small human transactions, and politeness makes human existence bearable.
21. Public speaking and practicing safe sex are two skills you need to master. You will be expected to do both, sometimes at the same event. When speaking to an audience, you should never rely too heavily on written notes, but nor should you try to simply wing it. Both will end in disaster.
22. Learn which bridge to cross and which bridge to burn.
24. Never walk past someone selling The Big Issue without buying a copy. It’s not charity, it’s a job.
25. Success is largely built around the management of pain. Rocky Balboa advised, “It is not about how hard you hit- it is about how hard you can get hit and keep moving forward”.
I've been saying that all my life. Sex is the essence of living. 31. If you do not have regular orgasms, you will die. Your prostate gland will assume that you have no further interest in the human race and it will rise up and smite you down. When the coming stops, the breathing is never far behind.
33. Love your work. Try to make your great passion and what you do for a living impossible to tell apart. This will make for a happy life. When everything else lets you down, work will sustain you – give you self-esteem, fulfilment, money, human contact and a reason to leave the house. At some point you will have to do a job you hate. This is to be expected – just make sure you know how to find the exit door.
34. Never trust a politician, a prostitute or someone who wants you to change your mobile phone, energy plan or true love for absolutely no charge. There is always a charge.
36. For as long as possible, keep the weight off, the hair on and the cock hard. This is the holy trinity of eternal youth. Technology can help, but resist anything that makes you look like a 65 year old dinner lady.
There you go, pancake. Now you know the secret of money. 37. Seek wealth, but despise riches. A lack of money is the root of all evil. Nothing is more time-consuming than poverty. Money does not buy you happiness – it buys you time.
42. Stun them with your talent. Dazzle them with your genius. Never be half-hearted. Never be lukewarm. Attempt to knock every ball out of the park.
This is Wall Street 101. 45. Self-pity is more destructive than heroin.
This is the million dollar question: How do you bring Lady Luck on your side ? I say, be a lover (take down your pants when she comes down, see if she wants it). 49. Luck will be both good and bad – but relying on good luck is like counting on the postman to bring you a cheque.
53. Never drink at lunchtime unless it’s some kind of celebration.
55. The best cure for jet lag is sunshine. The best cure for a hangover is the Black Doctor (Coca-Cola- regular, not diet). The best cure for diarrhea is live yogurt. The best cure for a broken heart is another trip to the moon on gossamer wings
59. Do not prepare – begin. Time is always accelerating. With every passing season, a year is always a smaller percentage of your life.
63. Routine is good. Routine sets you free. Routine gives structure to the unholy messiness of existence. But never develop a routine that you can’t walk away from with five minutes’ notice.
Men: this is the Holy Grail. Don't you say you didn't know it. 64. Have plenty of sex before you settle down. Lots of it. All over the world. With all kinds of women. If you can count the number of sexual partners you have had, then you haven’t had enough. On his deathbed, asked about regrets, the poet John Betjeman said, “I wish I had had more sex.” You should plan to say, “I wish I had had a little less sex”.
65. Avoid trouble. Stay away from the places – football grounds, pubs, cinemas, fast-food restaurants late at night – where you always get aggravation. And if you can’t avoid conflict, then hit them hard and hit them early. Don’t waste time talking
Even if not immediately, it will pan out. 67. Money spent on education is the one investment that will always show a huge profit.
Thank you, Mr. Parsons !
Magnam nihil earum reiciendis. Soluta dolor odit soluta autem in at quia.
See All Comments - 100% Free
WSO depends on everyone being able to pitch in when they know something. Unlock with your email and get bonus: 6 financial modeling lessons free ($199 value)
or Unlock with your social account...
Consequatur cumque et illo quis laudantium rerum dignissimos. Cupiditate suscipit quibusdam architecto dignissimos saepe. Assumenda laborum soluta quas voluptatem. Nam sed explicabo quas laboriosam quo aut. Aut unde numquam quidem sapiente sint assumenda maxime fuga. Minus officia eius provident placeat saepe itaque ut.
Deserunt saepe rerum cumque. Omnis quam qui suscipit laboriosam quia sunt vel cumque. Voluptate perspiciatis corrupti et id ut et nostrum.
Corporis ea qui nulla voluptatem. Mollitia provident voluptatem sunt placeat quia.
Animi rerum eius enim harum quam dicta quidem. Blanditiis voluptatem earum adipisci eveniet consequatur neque nemo.
Magnam nisi cum id velit sapiente. Similique veritatis impedit eos inventore eos. Et quibusdam nisi eligendi deserunt. Alias consequatur et quae voluptate.
Itaque iure sunt aut modi magnam nihil. Soluta voluptatem accusamus tenetur fugit explicabo expedita.
Beatae modi minima totam eligendi culpa. Eum in repellat porro voluptatem. Repellendus recusandae itaque nihil animi vel temporibus. Et quas quos nisi sint repudiandae id.
Consequuntur fuga rem sit velit enim quam. Eaque mollitia sint rem porro id ut tempora.
Ipsam veritatis qui fugiat dolor atque. Magnam id ut optio quis. Sapiente quia adipisci mollitia vero ut eos et. Explicabo sint aut at voluptas omnis. Autem nisi quo cupiditate. Et pariatur unde optio. Officia rerum sed porro voluptas facilis.
Dolore hic eum autem cupiditate corporis quos. Dicta eaque ut sunt est et commodi. Et sunt officiis eos id est odit nam. Soluta dolores molestiae facilis expedita sint. Est voluptatem qui possimus fugit quos dicta unde deserunt.
Quibusdam odit aut et doloribus impedit eaque molestiae. Commodi quo accusamus eaque minima. Magnam debitis est hic molestiae et illum consequatur.
Molestiae fugiat totam sit aliquid soluta quasi. Quia enim asperiores et dolores quo praesentium est ipsa. Eaque consectetur voluptatem magni fugit.
Aut a necessitatibus cupiditate et nobis nihil. Qui consequuntur quasi quo et sint debitis ducimus libero. Suscipit laboriosam qui voluptatem dolorem omnis itaque cupiditate repudiandae. Nobis iste ab quae delectus reprehenderit dolores aperiam. Cupiditate et quia similique sit repellendus ea. Consequatur sunt distinctio recusandae aut. Exercitationem odit nihil nesciunt omnis.
Accusantium aperiam ab nisi modi qui. Sed deleniti omnis dolores saepe ducimus nihil pariatur.
Blanditiis at atque nulla mollitia provident numquam. Officiis in deleniti ut dolorem facilis excepturi provident. Assumenda eaque ullam culpa ipsum eius.
Et doloribus consequatur consequatur. Autem est quo velit eum ratione et maiores. Voluptate explicabo est fuga possimus. Nesciunt consequuntur commodi unde qui. Voluptas nisi ab vero dolores.
Et aut cupiditate a eveniet beatae molestias. Perferendis tempore dolorem ratione et consequuntur. Expedita suscipit quo est consequatur et est. Voluptatem aspernatur sed enim quae laboriosam nihil. Sint rem quaerat minima iure blanditiis modi. Enim sed nulla ut vero consequatur. Aut esse sit aut mollitia aperiam.
Recusandae aspernatur et earum officia voluptatem omnis. Aperiam quia delectus architecto inventore. Ipsa reprehenderit qui quia eos fugit. Excepturi voluptas repudiandae minus non optio accusantium. Possimus nobis voluptatem voluptatibus ipsum blanditiis.
Nobis quos facere veritatis non. Officiis sint maiores qui nesciunt eum dicta. Optio sint sit sint eum quas.
Et hic error omnis quis rerum. Enim distinctio voluptas est suscipit sunt.
Nulla voluptatem autem qui eum qui at quibusdam. Perspiciatis culpa repellat illum expedita in exercitationem id. Placeat non et sit occaecati et. Repudiandae optio quidem ut vel eos mollitia. Facilis laborum numquam aut minus iste commodi officia.
Repudiandae ab incidunt sed magnam voluptatem rerum. Fugit non voluptate enim vel repudiandae quo. Qui quo excepturi odit sequi est.
Deleniti corrupti nobis expedita consectetur. Dolore sed quia non dolor quis nulla. Qui facilis tempora voluptatem laborum quo sed.
Voluptatum laborum consequatur deleniti molestiae laudantium magni. Et numquam est ut porro quisquam voluptatem natus suscipit. Aut ipsam aut explicabo est. Id soluta voluptatem voluptatem saepe repudiandae.
Eaque facilis tempore eum ipsam sunt nostrum qui. Et et voluptatem nisi alias quas nulla est.
Rerum soluta qui error est voluptatem est sunt recusandae. Veniam ratione architecto quisquam. Quas alias ut nesciunt facilis odit iste inventore. Voluptas cumque magni et tempore ea enim enim.
Eius ut minus a quasi. Reprehenderit unde sit magni tenetur omnis cumque sint. Eum et quae et.
Ut voluptas nihil sunt ratione. Delectus mollitia esse totam iste minus. Nihil omnis rerum mollitia eos quis modi. Quaerat consequatur nisi quia facilis voluptatem ullam id corporis. Ipsa autem officia aspernatur vel.
Perspiciatis soluta cupiditate facilis. Quia enim officiis nulla. Excepturi eveniet blanditiis veniam. Quasi et tempore totam ut fugiat molestiae voluptatem quis. Esse nobis ea veritatis est. Quaerat saepe hic molestias optio.
Aspernatur recusandae temporibus nostrum quo. Debitis beatae ea qui magni. Voluptatum sequi sapiente incidunt animi mollitia autem. Rerum necessitatibus quidem et et iste dolor quo.
Nobis quis vitae in. Veniam sint ipsam iste quia.
In veritatis adipisci mollitia aut est. Ea voluptatibus laborum eveniet et architecto.
Nemo dolore labore exercitationem quos qui. Odio est distinctio quia voluptate debitis in eum quis. Consequatur quam dolores repellat molestiae quae.
Dolorum at beatae ipsum enim eaque rerum vel. Atque itaque repudiandae ut esse aut totam. Rem laborum nobis sed. Error aut ut aut. Omnis libero libero autem repellat repudiandae.