The Midas Workout for Monkeys

Guys, today is Monday so I am going to give you cubicle junkies and Excel flunkies something more valuable than insider info. Yes, monkeys I want to pump you up, so you can dump your worries and bad vibes.

Whether you're in school or on the job, time's precious. So here's a quick workout that will help keep you energized, plus throw on some muscle mass.

A few months back I decided to get back in shape. I had been coasting along on the genetic memory of an active youth. One day my metabolism said "enough". Time to do your own leg work, I'm retiring.

The other day, I hit my goal of a 300 score on the PFT scale after several months of hard work.

You can do the same, if not better, faster, more.

I have enjoyed life a lot more in life since getting back into shape, you will too.

Here's your regime, chimps. It can fit into your schedule, no matter how busy you are.
I want status reports starting 0600 hours next Monday.

The Prep



Needs: 12 lb medicine ball, something in the 20-60 lb. range that you can curl with one hand (barbell or anorexic girlfriend are preferred) and a door frame pull-up bar.

Routine: Every 2 to 3 days you will work out for 30-45 minutes. You will bust your monkey ass until the point of exhaustion.

The Workout



Warm-up: 15 minutes. Jog in place, shadow box, kick the invisible man. 3 minutes light, 1 minute hard. Break a sweat. Move on to...

Super-set#1. Weighted squat, tail as close to floor without touching, very slow on way down upon locking knees lift weight above head into shoulder press. Again, very slow on way down.

Super-set#2. Bicep curls, again focusing on slow negative motion. Jump immediately into overhead tricep extension, keep focusing on negative repetitions...as slow on the way down as you can handle.

Super-set#3. Pull up bar. Lift self up, lower self slowly. 5-10 seconds back to dead hang. Pull self back up and repeat. Focus on negative rep. If you can't pull yourself back up, jump up. Immediately after, take medicine ball or aforementioned girlfriend, lift above head twist hips to left and bend until at 90 degree bodily angle, lift back to top repeat to opposite side. Focus on negative rep.

Each super-set should be 6-8 reps for each exercise. Do this three times in a row, with a minute rest in between. Follow with 50 grams of whey protein and an egg white omelette if time allows you to cook.

Oh and for God's sake wash yourself monkey...you reek by now.

Don't ask me why, don't ask me how...all of this stuff's easily available online. Don't hurt yourself and don't blame or thank Midas for the results. You'll get out what you put in.

At ease monkeys! Have a great week!

Comments (18)

 
Nov 15, 2010 - 2:22pm

WallStreetOasis.com:
Confused about Step 2: Is it a bicep curl or a tricep workout or both? when you say lift above head, then lower behind head for trap work, I think you mean tricep? The trap is more your upper back/ neck and you can target that with shrugs.

Yup, you got me...tricep, not trapezius. Tricep overhead extension piggy-backed onto a bicep curl, with no rest in between. Edited.

 
Nov 15, 2010 - 2:24pm

WallStreetOasis.com:
Confused about Step 2: Is it a bicep curl or a tricep workout or both? when you say lift above head, then lower behind head for trap work, I think you mean tricep? The trap is more your upper back/ neck and you can target that with shrugs.

Im assuming this is how it goes: bicep curp. once the weight is near your chest, lift up and above your head. next, do a behind the head tricep extension.
 
Nov 15, 2010 - 3:27pm

My highest PFT score was 295 (I always got the 20 & 80 no problem, but the fastest I ever brought the 3-mile run in was 18:50) back when I was a Marine. They've changed it up to be 100 crunches in 2 minutes; back then we had to do 80 sit-ups in 2 minutes. The rest is the same, though.

I gotta get in shape.

 
Nov 15, 2010 - 3:32pm

Edmundo Braverman:
My highest PFT score was 295 (I always got the 20 & 80 no problem, but the fastest I ever brought the 3-mile run in was 18:50) back when I was a Marine. They've changed it up to be 100 crunches in 2 minutes; back then we had to do 80 sit-ups in 2 minutes. The rest is the same, though.

I gotta get in shape.

I'm pretty sure they have or are going to change it to include more combat specific tasks as well like carrying ammo cans and shit like that. If any of you monkeys want to bust your ass for an hour and really get something out of it, look into the new USMC pt stuff.....shits pretty cool

Here's the new testing stuff that started in '09:

http://usmilitary.about.com/od/marines/a/cft.htm

If I had asked people what they wanted, they would have said faster horses - Henry Ford
 
Nov 16, 2010 - 10:40am

Edmundo Braverman:
My highest PFT score was 295 (I always got the 20 & 80 no problem, but the fastest I ever brought the 3-mile run in was 18:50) back when I was a Marine. They've changed it up to be 100 crunches in 2 minutes; back then we had to do 80 sit-ups in 2 minutes. The rest is the same, though.

I gotta get in shape.

It's sad, isn't it? I look back at how great of shape I was in and how I let it all slip away after my knee surgery. Well, that and I had a gf for 3.5 years solid, so the sex was on demand and I no longer need to earn it by looking sexy at the bar trying to set a trap for a cougar, lol.

I use to knock out anywhere between 120 (on the low end, warm days) and 140 (on the high end, feeling really good, cool weather) situps in the 2 minutes when I was in the Army. Not sure how I was ever that well conditioned but the funniest thing was, I was always a big guy and was constantly on weight restrictions when I was in because I wouldn't meet the Army's predetermined weight for my height so they would do their body fat test (waist measurement minus the neck measurement). The stupid part would be that only very few (2 or 3) people had better PT scores than I did and that was because they were fast runners. The other ridiculous part (this is the government at work) is there would be people 60 lbs over their weight (I would be 10-15lbs) and they wouldn't get put on restriction because the Army does their neck measurement...which is jacked full of fat and falls into compliance with the voodoo math they use.

Regards

"The trouble with our liberal friends is not that they're ignorant, it's just that they know so much that isn't so." - Ronald Reagan
 
Nov 15, 2010 - 3:40pm

I like the high intensity...do not approve of wasting time on single joint curls/extensions...

********************************* “The American father is never seen in London. He passes his life entirely in Wall Street and communicates with his family once a month by means of a telegram in cipher.” - Oscar Wilde
 
Nov 15, 2010 - 4:21pm

Bas Rutten's MMA Workout. You can torrent the series.

It's 28 minutes long and much better than what Midas recommended. Also 50 grams of protein is too much. Try 20 grams of protein with 40 grams of dextrose (sugar).

 
Nov 15, 2010 - 5:45pm

you guys should check out the bodybuilding.com forum, more specifically the MISC section...

they are all meatheads who totally admire financial gurus. every now and then people will make a "ask a ______ anything thread" and normally the "ask a guy who works at a PE firm anything'' type threads are the most successful.

EDIT: i just found a really old thread that i remembered reading:

http://forum.bodybuilding.com/showthread.php?t=118612361

pretty sure the OP was eventually discredited on page 9:

http://forum.bodybuilding.com/showpost.php?p=376378171&postcount=256

anyway, sorry for getting sidetracked.

 
Nov 15, 2010 - 6:05pm

Kiddies, just to give you a comparison of what happens to someone after they enter banking, I'll use myself as an example. Back in highschool, I went through this entire program (and dominated may I add):
http://sportsmedicine.about.com/cs/conditioning/a/012204.htm

Fast forward a few years to last week when my building held a false fire drill. I walked down 30+ flights of stairs and.....was physically SORE afterwards. Sad.

Sigh....back to eating my cheese pizza + choco chip ice cream before hitting excel for rest of the night :(

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