Good morning everyone.
As a bit of a cynic (I like to refer to it as "being realistic", but every cynic on earth retorts by explaining how rational they are when called out on their cynicism), I've gotten a lot of flak throughout my life for being "negative". Being negative has really become a boogeyman in our society, with it being more socially acceptable to always appear happy and further a positive agenda rather than unhappy and negative.
But one NYT op-ed begs to differ.
I'll be the first to say that I am always skeptical when I come across a person who seems eternally happy. This, to me, is an impossibility. There have been MANY times in my life (including long periods) where I have been very happy, but of course, unhappiness at least to some degree is a true inevitability. Bad things sometimes happen, sometimes you feel crummy, and in my humble opinion, that is perfectly okay. Better to feel the gamut of emotions than to block out everything negative, but what do I know, I'm no psychiatrist.
But in reality, there's a good chance that negative thoughts are not as destructive as people believe them to be. In the aforementioned NYT op-ed, Oliver Burkeman argues that negative thoughts can often be used constructively in place of positive thoughts, and in certain instances, positive thoughts can in fact be destructive to an individual. For example, envisioning the worst possible outcome in a situation and accepting that as a possibility can prepare someone far better to face that situation than avoiding the worst-case scenario by only thinking positively.
Now, on the flip-side, I don't think there are many people out there who would argue that pervasive negativity is a "good" thing. We all know someone who is always negative, and chances are, most of us aren't too interested in being around that person for extended periods of time. Being negative all the time is linked to ailments such as depression and anxiety, and it's draining both to the negative individual and most persons he or she interacts with.
Yet, there is virtue in negative thinking. Imagine that you do not get that investment banking job, instead of telling yourself that it'll "work out" no matter what. This is just an example, but if one begins to face that reality sooner rather than later, more time is allotted to coping and it's easier to realize that it's a possibility that isn't entirely impossible to accept. As Burkeman says, if you can envision the absolute worst-case scenario, accept it and begin to plan around it, you're far better off than the guy who blindly tells himself "it's all going to work out", because when it doesn't he's the one who is up a creek without a paddle.
Failing is inevitable, and viewing failure as a learning opportunity is just part of life. We live in a society where it's not okay to fail (everyone is always a winner), and it's hardly even okay to talk about failing because being labeled as negative is so taboo. Isn't that wrong?
What do you guys make of this? Does negativity belong, or is trying to be positive throughout anything really the way to go? Is everyone really always a winner?
Until next time.
Hope for the best and plan for the worst. I'm pretty sure people say something similar to that. As with everything, bouts of negativity are actually probably a net positive. Sometimes you need to hate everyone and everything to get yourself back on track. Just telling yourself everything will be fine and putting on a smile may work for awhile, maybe even years, but eventually it just isn't sustainable. There is a difference between controlled emotions and being emotionally driven. It's okay to hate things sometimes. It's okay to feel like nothing can go right for you.
You need to be able to feel things enough to let them motivate you, but not to let them drive you. You can get angry, negative and feel awful but you can't let it drive you to start drinking more or cover up what the issue is. Learn from whatever your being negative about, and try and move on if you can. Sometimes, there is no positive in things except a stark lesson on the unfairness of life. Otherwise, if you stay fairly level headed with a fairly optimistic view of things I think it will get you further than either extreme.
I do this.
Here at JPM they call everything "Opportunities" it makes me queasy.
Lol, I agree but theres a time and place for the word. Work ex: "We have a number of opportunities to take advantage of here..." aka, there are a bunch of people messing up so lets not call them out for messing up but say they have an "opportunity" to improve. Sometimes a little negativity is a good thing imo
I hate positivity.
don't always practice this mindset, but definitely agree with this
This is a pretty classic method to cut down on worrying--it was mentioned in "How to Stop Worrying and Start Living," one of the Dale Carnegie classics.
my buddy is literally always negative. FML. it pisses me off. Seriously FML. a lot of things piss me off, but that pisses me off the most. who wants to be around stupid negative people like that? seriously fuck negative people i want them all to be skinned and burned alive at the stake
Our brains move much faster than the world, which is a good thing, evolutionarily, but isn't always well suited to the modern world. When you get a bad grade, a poor performance review, or whatever, it's too easy for our brains to get ahead of ourselves and to think that this is it, it's finished and we'll never recover.
I've gotten much better at dealing with this sort of stress through the years, though, mostly by imagining the worst case scenario and accepting it (as the poster above suggested) and by remembering all those other times when bad things happened and then everything was better in short order.
You need to have goals, work hard to reach them, and everything else, but at the end of the day you can't take life too seriously; it's important to have a "whatever will be will be" attitude most of the time.
Most people actually have an optimism bias... ie, we're more optimistic than we should be. It's an evolutionary adaptation. It's what kept us fighting through the tough times.
Here's a good read on the subject: Bright-sided: How the Relentless Promotion of Positive Thinking Has Undermined America by Barbara Ehrenreich- "In this utterly original debunking, Barbara Ehrenreich confronts the false promises of positive thinking and shows its reach into every corner of American life, from Evangelical megachurches to the medical establishment, and, worst of all, to the business community, where the refusal to consider negative outcomes--like mortgage defaults--contributed directly to the current economic disaster."
I'm not sure if it's positive thinking vs negative thinking, although most positive thinkers would group anyone who is skeptical and realistic to be a cynic. Nothing can be farther from the truth. We all need a healthy dose of skepticism and inquiry. All scientists do, in order to advance their theories (unlike religion). Just look at the Higgs Boson; when scientists who believe they have found it, they invited anyone to question their assumptions and experiments. That's not cynicism, that's just being realistic and careful. In finance, optimistic projections by analysts on company's that they follow has also been dangerous on their client's portfolio. In college, look at all the college students who chase their dreams with worthless degrees in hopes of achieving stardom and wealth, when the reality is, most degrees don't add up to dog shit. I'm not saying you should not aim high or have high hopes; but I do say we need to act with a sense of humility. Simply put, pragmatism and skepticism are the driving force of progress, not optimism.
What a bunch of garbage.
Try to look for the good in the bad.
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