2 Lessons Learned at 22

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Hey Monkeys, so I've written a fair bit about networking, breaking in and my path towards IB. For this post, I thought I'd change it up a little and focus on the bigger picture that some of us (myself included) tend to neglect in the daily rat race. I was browsing LinkedIn yesterday when I came across the series titled "If I were 22" wherein top influencers were requested to share their wisdom to recent graduates. Having just graduated myself, I thought it'd be interesting to share my thoughts on my experiences thus far and then get everyone else involved.

Below I'll outline 2 lessons that I've learned the hard way through my 22 years on this planet. Obviously, such posts are highly subjective so I wouldn't be surprised to hear dissenting opinions in the comments. Nonetheless, I'm hoping that other monkeys can jump in, share their thoughts. I know we have quite a young community here but I'd love to hear from users such as @"Edmundo Braverman", @"CompBanker", @"IlliniProgrammer", @"TNA", @"frgna", @"TheKing", @"State of Trance", @"WallStreetOasis.com" and others.

  1. Have the courage to face your reality and alter it
  2. I think it's immensely important for everyone to be able to face the harsh realities of their lives. @"thebrofessor"'s thread (Who made you you?) was a remarkable platform wherein I found it heartening that many people came forward with stories about recognizing the realities they were dealt with. However, I was even more impressed with the way many of these people fought against those unfortunate realities and triumphed through sheer hard work, will power and determination. I think one of the hardest things in life for some people is to find the courage to alter such situations. To be able to do so and find success in our competitive world is noteworthy. Another form of altering realities which I find equally admirable is when people are able to recognize their weaknesses and their flaws and then turn their lives around. Again, we have plenty of these stories on these forums.

    On a more personal note, the hardest reality I had to deal with in my life thus far is with the reality that dreams change and evolve for a variety of reasons. As most of you know, I'm and have always been an avid tennis player and fan. Recognizing that the sport would no longer be a viable career path for me after 15+ years of constant hard work was one of the toughest things I had to reconcile myself to. Luckily, the sport had armed me with a mindset that paid dividends and I quickly realized that my identity and success did not and should not hinge solely upon my professional aspirations. Ultimately, it is my experience thus far that realities in one's world can often be harsh, seem unwarranted and even change (favorably or unfavorably) in unforeseen ways. The key is to find the courage to identify the nature of these realities, to do some honest introspection and then move forward with the requisite actions that will allow you to face and sometimes, even alter your realities for the better.

    For those of us who haven't seen the speech below, it's definitely worth a watch. In it, you'll find that he touches upon the idea of the evolving nature of dreams (I believe it's towards the end of the speech):

  3. Pave the way for others
  4. As I mentioned earlier, it can be easy to lose ourselves in the constant rat race to the top or the better job on the horizon. However, I think it's extremely important to step back from time to time and put things in perspective. I find it particularly helpful to remember that a vast majority of people in this world with unknown and untapped potential struggle to make ends meet, face varying degrees of abuse, oppression and poverty. It wouldn't be crazy to suggest that some of these people might be more successful than I am if they had the right support systems and the same opportunities I did.

    Given this scenario, I find it to be of paramount importance that we all give back in some way. Giving back can come in the form of picking up a cold call or even answering a cold email or on a larger scale, running or funding various charitable ventures. Everyone has different skills and talents and therefore, varying charitable interests. However, if we can all find time in our busy lives to give back in some shape or form, it'll help bridge the gap that exists between untapped talent and the right opportunities. I can safely say that despite the fact that I have enjoyed my different successes in life so far, there's no comparable feeling than that of helping someone in need.

    Lastly, I've always found that quotations by famous people are a great way to eloquently phrase my jumbled thoughts so I'll leave you all with these two quotes from Gandhi and Mandela respectively:

    In a gentle way, you can shake the world

    I learned that courage was not the absence of fear, but the triumph over it. The brave man is not he who does not feel afraid, but he who conquers that fear

    There are numerous other lessons I have experienced or learned over the past few years but I've highlighted a lot of them in my previous posts and I didn't want to be overly repetitive. Again, I'd love to hear from some of the older users on here and understand how they've changed from when they were 22 and I'd love to hear what some of the younger monkeys think as well. It's always good to hear multiple perspectives. As always feel free to comment on here or PM me.

    Lastly, Happy Memorial Day everyone. Let's take some time to remember all the troops that make our lives easier and safer everyday.

 

awesome post. I'm 22 right now, and it's a time of self-discovery on so many levels. I think the early 20s is a time where most people adjust to the real world and face the reality that it's not perfect, aka #1 of your post. From such a young age I was taught to work hard, be the best, and someday I'll have the king's throne waiting for me. This concept is a load of bullshit. The journey never ends, and it's up to us to enjoy it. And the "journey" doesn't solely mean the ascent to the top of the corporate world. It's about forming relationships, seeing the world, finding someone you love, etc. Life is not easy, and it never will be, but that doesn't mean you can't enjoy it.

 
Best Response

This is definitely true. +1. I forgot to mention it in the post but it's definitely a pivotal point in so many people's lives. You start realizing that there are a lot of smart, driven and hard working people in this world and to get to the very top of the chain is immensely tough. Not to mention, chances are someone out there is smarter than you are, has been doing this for a longer time and might have had a better start than you did. These are realities everyone has to deal with and those who find ways to alter these realities or deal with them in the best way they can, usually find the success they're looking for or can take heart in the fact that they gave it their best shot.

 
breezy44:

awesome post. I'm 22 right now, and it's a time of self-discovery on so many levels. I think the early 20s is a time where most people adjust to the real world and face the reality that it's not perfect, aka #1 of your post. From such a young age I was taught to work hard, be the best, and someday I'll have the king's throne waiting for me. This concept is a load of bullshit. The journey never ends, and it's up to us to enjoy it. And the "journey" doesn't solely mean the ascent to the top of the corporate world. It's about forming relationships, seeing the world, finding someone you love, etc. Life is not easy, and it never will be, but that doesn't mean you can't enjoy it.

Nailed it 100%. Couldn't have said it better.

Really interested to see the responses accumulate here.

"When you stop striving for perfection, you might as well be dead."
 
breezy44:

The journey never ends, and it's up to us to enjoy it. And the "journey" doesn't solely mean the ascent to the top of the corporate world. It's about forming relationships, seeing the world, finding someone you love, etc. Life is not easy, and it never will be, but that doesn't mean you can't enjoy it.

Great point. This is one thing I have been thinking about a lot recently. I was initially sent on doing IB, but now not so sure. In my first few years of college I have gotten a much better sense of what I want to do/become. Most importantly, I always want to continue "learning and growing" as an individual - and this includes many things outside of my professional career. If I'm working 100 hours a week in banking and can't even get enough sleep, how can I keep improving other aspects of my life? Not trying to hate on banking, but I totally agree with you…I want to make sure I 'enjoy the journey' as well.

 

I really like the direction WSO is taking with the quality of these posts recently.

At 22, I made the biggest decision of my life, something that will have a profound impact on me for the rest of my life, my family etc. I can agree with a lot of what has been said.

Good bit of reading mate.

Keep stuff like this coming Patrick! @"WallStreetOasis.com"

 

Andrew Carnegie even said that sheer luck was a large contributor to his success. With the amount of luck that is needed combined with all of the political and psychological factors that are involved in modern business, financial success is indeed frequently out of one's control. I question whether this paradigm is one we should choose to relentlessly challenge or gracefully accept.

 

Great point. There are two kinds of luck though - uncontrollable and controllable. In my opinion (and I might be wrong here so feel free to counter), it's always useful to relentlessly challenge it while understanding the reality of the situation. It might be tough to understand but when you recognize the truth, accept it and then find the courage to alter it, it's a powerful force. My idea here is that if you continue to work hard and constantly improve yourself by honing your skills and introspection, some of the luck that it takes to be successful can be manufactured by your efforts. Ultimately, your task is to make sure you're in position to take advantage of the opportunities if they should ever present themselves. Sometimes they do and sometimes they don't and that's probably where the uncontrollable nature of luck comes in.

 

Yeah I agree that everyone controls their own luck to a certain extent. In a modern global society though, success requires the involvement of other people like a boss, coworker, business partner, client etc. The people with power, to a certain extent, allow those who are not in power to be successful. Essentially I think the uncontrollable part of the luck equation is getting increasingly larger over time. This while the time we have to consider the qualifications of each individual is decreasing. So first impressions are becoming increasingly important in decision making and these first impressions are often formed off of superficial observations. Personally, as an individual from a humble background, I relate to people who are held back based upon uncontrollable circumstances. Of course, not every hedge fund manager, banker, or trader is the same way.

 

what i learned about myself: my desire for something new/different, my desire to be on my own, that i wanted to live overseas (have now been living in s.america since 2010), that i love to travel, that i wanted to carve my own path, how to adjust, thrive and have a great time in a new/crazy environment, and most importantly... the decision to go there was the first big decision in my life i felt i really chose for myself

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What a great thread. The 20s are definitely a time to think and learn about oneself, and not just career, but everything. Take it from the 30 year old guy here (me). Just remember that in your 20s you have a lot of flexibility. As you get older (like mid-late 20s) it gets much tougher to switch to other things (I know this from personal experience) and harder to keep an open mind because those around you start closing theirs... As hard as it is, keep trying new things to see what you like and want to do. It won't be a straight path by any means for most (It has not for me - I can share something in common with the guy who moved to China - I did that right after college)... I know I am still struggling to find my way. Good luck!

I used to do Asia-Pacific PE (kind of like FoF). Now I do something else but happy to try and answer questions on that stuff.
 

Definitely. I can completely see this happening to a lot of people. I was thinking about it the other day when I was watching the Steve Jobs movie and towards the end, he mentions a quote about hitting upon the realization that the framework of the world we live in is built by other people who are probably no smarter than you are. In understanding this, you can expand your exploration of life by constantly questioning the norms within the realm of responsibility and keeping an open mind. I'm sure the struggle to be unique and to be inquisitive about the world gets tougher as you get older due to increased responsibilities and a lack of options.

 

And the lack of options isn't always the person's problem but that of society. It's gotten worse post-Lehman in our industry...

I used to do Asia-Pacific PE (kind of like FoF). Now I do something else but happy to try and answer questions on that stuff.
 

one of the biggest things I learned around 22 that I didn't know I learned until later on was that every experience, good or bad, has value. that means you should embrace opportunity, rather than taking a "the grass is always greener" view, especially when it comes to employment opportunities. ANY job is better than NO job, in my opinion. I took a job with a great name brand but the work was awful. terrible salary, terrible clientele, terrible exit opps. sure, I complained about it to my friends when asked, but I simply used this opportunity to buy me time into networking my way into my current firm. also, that experience showed me what I did not want to do in life, which is sometimes harder to figure out than what you want to do. too many of my peers held out for "great" jobs or set their sights on things and never had a backup plan. at the time, they thought they were freeing themselves up for better opportunities, when in reality they're alienating themselves from all future employers because of a glaring resume gap.

another thing I learned at 22 was that none of us are special, this one was tough for me. I think my parents spoiled me emotionally, telling me how great I was (IQ, not grades/college alma mater), how I could do anything, how I should never settle, blahblahblah. I know now all of that was bullshit, I'm not jaded, just practical. I coasted through college, was involved, got a 3.7, great girlfriend, great set of friends, and I thought getting a job would be just as easy. I was wrong. I had never been lazy, I just never really went over the top in my opinion. I had always done "well enough" to get A's & B's, but never really stretched myself. I never had one all-nighter in college, never needed to. once I got a crap job after graduation, it hit me: "whoa, this wasn't that easy, I need to get off my ass." I really had to start firing on all cylinders, it was then that I learned the meaning of hard work and perseverance. no one was going to hand me anything on a silver platter, despite my credentials, I needed to work my ass off. and not just relative to my peers, relative to my potential.

so, to summarize:

  1. take what you can get, a bird in the hand is worth 2 in the bush
  2. nobody's special, so roll up your sleeves and get to work like everybody else if you want to do anything in this world.
 

Definitely true. I think our society needs to do a little bit of a better job preparing kids for the real world and the situations they'll be faced with. I have no problem with encouraging everyone to be the best but we also need to encourage everyone to confront realities.

As for your other point, can't agree more. It's good to be chasing S&T, IB, ER etc but you always have to have fallback plans and realize that there are numerous ways to get to where you want to if you work hard and continue to cultivate relationships.

 
thebrofessor:

one of the biggest things I learned around 22 that I didn't know I learned until later on was that every experience, good or bad, has value. that means you should embrace opportunity, rather than taking a "the grass is always greener" view, especially when it comes to employment opportunities. ANY job is better than NO job, in my opinion. I took a job with a great name brand but the work was awful. terrible salary, terrible clientele, terrible exit opps. sure, I complained about it to my friends when asked, but I simply used this opportunity to buy me time into networking my way into my current firm. also, that experience showed me what I did not want to do in life, which is sometimes harder to figure out than what you want to do. too many of my peers held out for "great" jobs or set their sights on things and never had a backup plan. at the time, they thought they were freeing themselves up for better opportunities, when in reality they're alienating themselves from all future employers because of a glaring resume gap.

another thing I learned at 22 was that none of us are special, this one was tough for me. I think my parents spoiled me emotionally, telling me how great I was (IQ, not grades/college alma mater), how I could do anything, how I should never settle, blahblahblah. I know now all of that was bullshit, I'm not jaded, just practical. I coasted through college, was involved, got a 3.7, great girlfriend, great set of friends, and I thought getting a job would be just as easy. I was wrong. I had never been lazy, I just never really went over the top in my opinion. I had always done "well enough" to get A's & B's, but never really stretched myself. I never had one all-nighter in college, never needed to. once I got a crap job after graduation, it hit me: "whoa, this wasn't that easy, I need to get off my ass." I really had to start firing on all cylinders, it was then that I learned the meaning of hard work and perseverance. no one was going to hand me anything on a silver platter, despite my credentials, I needed to work my ass off. and not just relative to my peers, relative to my potential.

so, to summarize:

1. take what you can get, a bird in the hand is worth 2 in the bush
2. nobody's special, so roll up your sleeves and get to work like everybody else if you want to do anything in this world.

I''m 22 also. Second year in finance, and I would say my situation was similar to what the brofessor said early on except the complete opposite, started in a situation that is laughable at best, depressing at reality and plain dog shit at worst, got into a less shitty firm but got my necessary licenses and some great experience granted a lot of it was about what not to do. This is my first year at a recognizable real firm where I have resources at my disposal and a legitimate future to look forward to, possibly exit opps if I want them and at worst a great place to be stuck. /soapbox

What I have learned thus far in addition to the brofessors statement amount not being special and just getting down to business:

I could add that I learned and continue to learn with every passing day the lesson of persistence. The day you stop fighting, you lose. I learned to persist UNTIL I succeed, and breaking focus on that is a cardinal sin. Any time I'm having a shit day or I'm not in the mood or whatever the case is of having a negative mindset I remember what I observed in reading biographies of highly successful people Ala Jeff Bezos, Ed Thorp, John D. Rockefeller, JP Morgan, George Washington, what I would classify at minimum as "great" men, nobody ever became successful (achieving their goals) by thinking they couldn't do it, couldn't win, couldn't keep going, couldn't make it, whatever. Not for a second, not ever.

That, and that admin. Staff are real people too and should treated as such.

 

Too many positive optimist posts here, let me see: you were born, you have an average childhood, you grow up, you shoot the shit in college, decent grades, struggle for jobs, realize life is not all about the race, confront reality then settle for mediocrity, live the life of a serial hedonist, age a lil' bit-your back starts to crack; then truth capital T meaning of life ideology sets in-- I gotta spend more time giving love to loved ones...then bam! just like that you're on the hospital bed thinking about those one too many glazed barbecue spare ribs you had many Thanksgivings ago...but no worries, you lived a full life, see all those grand-kiddies standing by your deathbed, wow what an achievement, you shook the world... devil says its time to go...last minute flashbacks of all the great deeds you've done and then comes the killer heart attack and the only thing you're shaking is the floor of the private hospital room you can afford with your upper middle class pension scheme...

Success is convention, living the storied life is just that--a story. Same as the deadbeat ex-loser burnout wall street guy living off unemployment reminiscing about the glory days he once had/would've had. Well, that's a story too but not too conventional cause he didn't overcome his struggles and therefore cannot provide a moral lesson for the many young'uns ready to climb all the ladders set before them. It will just come down to one thing, whether the market will be willing to buy whatever talents they may offer...that's the story we are all looking for.

 

I think my stress is not on whether life is positive or negative from any relative viewpoint but rather there's not many things left that are original and really worth pursuing. All that, "you need to do this...and do that...so you can do this and do that..." is really just noise and age old hierarchies that has won over many people.

 

First off, great post! I find the second point to be particularly true and important. Most of us benefit from the goodwill of others when we start out, but we often forget to give back when we're in a position to do so.

 

Great thread.

I think twenties is a time of self-discovery. To be honest, I don't know what I really want to do with my life. I am 24 working as a consultant in a very niche area and I don't hate my job but at the same time I don't love it either. At times I have this idea bouncing around my head that maybe I am better off taking a job with the City or State, you can make six-figures get a pension and great benefits. I think for a lot of people in their twenties this resonates a lot. WTF are we doing with our lives? In all honestly it feels like time is passing by, wake up, work, sleep, eat, shit. Feels like the days are going by, I thought the twenties were suppose to be the golden years of our lives and truthfully it really isn't for many.

As my favorite TV character JD from Scrubs once said "I have this theory that your body goes through puberty in its teens, and the mind goes through puberty in your twenties"

 

I think that's a fair statement. Honestly, I'm in a similar boat but I look at the twenties as a decade or less of laying the foundation for the rest of my career. It's one of the many reasons I chose IB as a starting point. I knew I would learn a lot in my 2-3 year analyst stint and I want to look for similar opportunities after that as well. These are the years that I can work as hard as I need to and make the requisite sacrifices and changes without having to worry about any other responsibilities I might have.

 

You have no idea how much I have needed this post right now. As a former premed who has tried to switch into finance this year, it's been unbelievably hard for me to make the switch. I'm now a rising senior from a target school who has no summer internship and in the past few weeks, this has been really hard for me to take in, especially knowing that I am one of the few (if not the only one!) out of my friends that don't have anything this summer.

Reading this post over and over again, the first point is something I really continue to agree with. It is so hard to accept reality when it's something that you don't want to accept. You would rather ignore it or refuse to acknowledge it but no matter what you do, it will always still be there. It is so hard to move beyond it but as you mentioned, you have to accept it and work around it to rise above and beyond. Thanks so much for the inspiring post - it gives me hope that maybe I can accomplish something for full-time next year if I put in my full effort. It's hard to be optimistic right now but I think I can do it.

 

I'm glad this post helped you in some way @"Yun93". And thanks for sharing your story with us as well. I know it's really tough for you now but keep pushing, figure out some backup plans in case things don't work (plans that give you a relevant skill set so you can lateral later on) and keep networking and reaching out to people. Eventually, you'll find your way to where you want to be. Feel free to PM me if you think I can help you in any way. I have limited experience but I can be a sounding board at the very least.

 

@"ValueBanker14", In roughly 10 paragraphs you've managed to what hours of on-campus counseling has failed to do; Deliver effective guidance that inspires a little bit of hope in this downtrodden sub 3.0 student at a non target school. Loving this site more and more as I go along. Who says bankers aren't human?

Benjamin A Gilman Scholar Economics & Finance, Mandarin Chinese & Japanese Small Business VP
 

@PrinceWilson, while I cannot offer the expertise of the counselors on your campus and elsewhere, I am pleased to hear that the post helped you in some way. Don't give up, keep fighting for your goals and etching out new ways to get to where you want to. Lots of people can be successful if they channel their passions to face and alter their reality and obstacles. Feel free to reach out if you ever feel as though I can help.

 

This is a good thread and I agree with most of the comments. I'm 22 as well, college senior with a BB IBD job lined up after I graduate. My whole life I've had everything going for me: upper middle class upbringing, 17 years of private schools, stable and loving home life, good health, etc. Basically I've realized that a lot of my success so far is because of my hard work but also (equally) the circumstances of my life. I'm confident that I would not be where I am if I didn't have such a great family and enough money to make life easy.

I'm also nervous because I've been told that college is the "best 4 years of your life" even though college has been the worst time of my life by far. Super competitive environment, constant stress, few friends, no real good memories. It all worked out, but I'm in for more of the same when I start work, and it gets even more competitive. I can't wait to leave college and never go back, but I'm also nervous to start working.

Finally, I've never been in a long term relationship so I feel I'm falling far behind my peers in terms of social development. I've got no idea how I'll meet girls working 90-100 hours a week and I'm also afraid that despite having a great job and being pretty funny, I won't be attractive if they learn I've never dated. I'd appreciate any advice on this front, since if I don't figure something out, I'd be almost 25 without ever having a girlfriend by the end of my analyst stint. I know it's tough to date as an analyst, but surely it must be better than being alone and existing just to work.

I'm excited to join the "real world" but also apprehensive because of the reasons above. The lack of structure and set landmarks will be tough. Overall though, I'm looking forward to the challenge and the new opportunities.

 

"I'm and have always been an avid tennis player and fan. Recognizing that the sport would no longer be a viable career path for me after 15+ years of constant hard work was one of the toughest things I had to reconcile myself to. Luckily, the sport had armed me with a mindset that paid dividends and I quickly realized that my identity and success did not and should not hinge solely upon my professional aspirations. "

I had the exact same experience with competitive target shooting. I was broken when the reality dawned that I had to let it slide to pursue a real career. But the skills it taught me, and the experience of letting go made the whole process invaluable

 

Yeah, the college years is when a lot of undergrads deceive themselves into thinking they're the masters of the universe until life throws a brick at their head upon graduation. Although parents should be kind and fair to their kids, they need to be firm. They need to be real and impart wisdom to their offspring. Sugarcoating life experiences and pandering to each and every whim can result disastrously..

 

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