I'm an average joe making good money for family and enjoying a chill life. What am I missing out on by not pursuing prestige?

Hey guys. I'm a 29 year old white male with a loving wife and 1 year old son. I went to a state school (Cal State Fullerton), graduated with a 3.1 GPA (didn't give a crap about school, just partied) and then got a sales job. Then I busted my ass (I'm not analytical or smart, but I'm a grinder) and hustled and got into tech sales. The past few years I've been making $100k+ in software sales for startups.

I live in LA right now and love it. I have a gorgeous wife and awesome son. I work out regularly, eat healthily, and only work 45 hours a week. I have 3 hobbies - I do drums in a rock band, I surf, and do martial arts (BJJ), and am decent at all three. I still have plenty of free time to enjoy entertainment (video games), TV, movies, etc., while caring for my family. Life is good and I'm happy.

Since you guys here are so obsessed with prestige, what am I missing out on? What am I losing by not getting an Ivy League degree or working as an investment banker, consultant, corporate lawyer, doctor, etc.? Why do some of you guys seek a career with 70+ hour work weeks on the regular? It's not that I'm not ambitious at all - in sales, you gotta be, but I value life a lot too.

Just curious about your guyses perspectives. Living to work rather than the other way around seems miserable from my perspective. Thanks.

 

You are missing out on nothing is the real answer. People are different and want different things in life. Based on what you have chosen (family, hobbies, sunshine) you have the right career for you.

Be excellent to each other, and party on, dudes.
 

You are missing out on nothing....

If these "brick in the wall" sheep WSO users realized you can have a much better life in tech/software sales AND make $300K+ a year, their brains would explode because it doesn't fit the narrative they've been spoonfed for years.

Idk if you read/follow Wall Street Playboys, but they say the #1 job to go into is tech/software sales.

 

Prestigious and high paying careers are like investments, there's a considerable risk/return tradeoff involved.

My experience is that a lot of upper-middle class folks (bankers, management consultants) are a lot more stressed out than "regular" middle class people. They earn good money, but have lifestyles which require a certain level of future income. Regular people will say that they are rich, but they don't identify themselves as rich.

So, maybe you're missing out on a bigger, nice house. Nicer cars. Nice stuff. But it all comes with added costs.

Chasing prestige for the prestige itself is not very sustainable. Usually it's a by-product.

 

You are missing out on women, alcohol, drugs, the badarse life.

If you did Investment Banking, you would have been flying in a private jet to Grand Cayman on your first day at work and have it easy from there. Nothing or no one would go against you.

Say goodbye to being a slave to the system and working long hours for under $1 Million salary. You would be making money off of every single stock trade you make and every laundering you help out with. You would have been making millions your first year at work.

Why the hell did you not choose this lifestyle?

 
Most Helpful

You're missing nothing.

My dad never made more than $150k a year (only salary in the family), but he was at all of our after-school activities, coached little league, ate dinner with family every night, and still saved enough to pay for (modest) vacations and half of our public college tuition. He just visited Europe for the first time and is excited to travel the country in a camper van with my mom during retirement.

My MD makes over $2mm a year (in addition to a highly-paid spouse) and stresses about private boarding school tuition, misses family events, takes weekly 6am cross-country flights, and regularly questions if the delayed gratification plan he's had for the last 20 years will be worth it.

I spent my childhood years wanting for the life my MD has. Now that I'm on that track, I envy my dad.

"I don't know how to explain to you that you should care about other people."
 
Alt-Ctr-Left:
You're missing nothing.

My dad never made more than $150k a year (only salary in the family), but he was at all of our after-school activities, coached little league, ate dinner with family every night, and still saved enough to pay for (modest) vacations and half of our public college tuition. He just visited Europe for the first time and is excited to travel the country in a camper van with my mom during retirement.

My MD makes over $2mm a year (in addition to a highly-paid spouse) and stresses about private boarding school tuition, misses family events, takes weekly 6am cross-country flights, and regularly questions if the delayed gratification plan he's had for the last 20 years will be worth it.

I spent my childhood years wanting for the life my MD has. Now that I'm on that track, I envy my dad.

This

 
Alt-Ctr-Left:
You're missing nothing.

My dad never made more than $150k a year (only salary in the family), but he was at all of our after-school activities, coached little league, ate dinner with family every night, and still saved enough to pay for (modest) vacations and half of our public college tuition. He just visited Europe for the first time and is excited to travel the country in a camper van with my mom during retirement.

My MD makes over $2mm a year (in addition to a highly-paid spouse) and stresses about private boarding school tuition, misses family events, takes weekly 6am cross-country flights, and regularly questions if the delayed gratification plan he's had for the last 20 years will be worth it.

I spent my childhood years wanting for the life my MD has. Now that I'm on that track, I envy my dad.

I understand what you're saying.

A lot of time people don't realize that with a higher salary, most people have higher expenses. That becomes a problem because once people start living a higher lifestyle, it's hard for them to transition to lower cost one. You almost become a slave to it.

 

Nice post - but I don’t believe he’s looking for everyone to disavow their career choice in banking...

Answer? You’re missing out on massive career opportunities which result, not from prestige, but from the things about investment banking which bestow that prestige - I.e top bankers have ear of the leaders of industry, governments and investment firms - from a career perspective, exposure to that (transactions, negotiations, analysis etc ) provides young people starting out with an accelerated path towards gaining experience - experience that might further their career in banking, or investment management or in just about any other walk of life . So many bankers have gone on to top jobs in industry, government etc. it’s a good launching pad.

Doesn’t mean you can’t launch from where you are, it just may be more difficult because of the focus your job has (although Bill Gates was essentially a software salesman - and probably made the most valuable sale in software history when he got IBM to adopt MS-DOS - as I understand, he didn’t even own the code at the time he sold them).

So I hope you find success and satisfaction in what you do; in such a way that still benefits the other important elements of life.

 
ProjectGTFO:
Is it wrong that I'd rather be the MD than your dad? Not that his decision to take that route is wrong but not for me.

Not at all. Just highlighting there are very real trade-offs in both lifestyles. If you're happy in one, it's unlikely you'd be happy in the other.

"I don't know how to explain to you that you should care about other people."
 

Everyone has different priorities in life.. There is no "win" or "lose" when it comes to your career choice.

You optimised for a lifestyle and a job that you believe fits your ideals and goals. For some people, your lifestyle is not ideal and not something to settle for because, for whatever reason, they want something more and are willing to grind for it. For others, you are the epitomy of the American dream and they would be jealous to even have 1/2 of what you do.

Moral is, you do you. If someone wants to grind it out to become an attending doctor, an MD in IB, a top market maker, a PE Partner etc because they think it's worth it and it fits within their vision of how they want to live their life.. so be it. If someone wants to settle for making decent money in a decent job that allows them to spend more time with their kids, their spouse and their dogs.. so be it.

By comparing yourself without context to others you fall victim to the same prestige-obsessed, narrow sighted behaviour some people exhibit.

 

Sounds like you might need some help or mental coaching. (I am getting a depressed vibe from your comment)

I know a few UHNWI and billionaires who live modest lifestyles. (But there will always be the Dan Blizerians of the world)

I'll quote myself to provide some modern wisdom. "In the scheme of things; a couch potato the binge watches NFLX is a happy man, and A doctor the operates on patients is a happy man. It is when a couch potato wants to be a banker or a doctor or (vice versa) that people hate what they do." (Some people love to work and some people resent it)

To sum up this statement look at your values and pursue a passion that makes you happy.

 
Controversial

Why someone who doesn’t work in finance would come here and post this trash.

Please let me know where I should send your cookie and gold star. We are all happy you’re happy.

 
<span class=keyword_link><a href=/company/trilantic-north-america>TNA</a></span>:
Why someone who doesn’t work in finance would come here and post this trash.

I asked the same.

Also, why would someone who's clueless and clearly uninterested in the field would take the effort of creating an account, and even learn the basics about the forum to post this? Or it's simply another user with a throwaway account, who's questioning his life choices.

Never discuss with idiots, first they drag you at their level, then they beat you with experience.
 

Not a bad life especially if you can remain debt free. I have a buddy I went to undergrad with and he dropped out senior year and moved to Seattle. Guy smoked more pot than I have ever seen. Wake and bake type of guy on Snoop Dogg's level but self taught coder and very personable. Overall really cool guy. Works in tech sales for a public company and kills it. Makes $500k-$600k a year and has for years now. Bought a house before the Amazonians took over and now his house is paid off and doubled in value. Gets to work from home and travel all the time.

 

He works for Palo Alto Networks does B2B sales. He know several languages but not sure which ones. He travels for work a few times a week and then works from home mostly. Their sales have somewhat stalled but he still does well. He gets heavily recruited by other companies and loves what he does. They pay people $10k for patents as well and he has created 3 patents while there.

 

I've seen people on here say you're a failure if you're not making $150k 2 years out of college. Probably 15 year olds who read about IB on here, and think they are miles ahead of the world because they found out about the industry before their friends did or something, dunno.

Array
 

I am pretty average and make $100k as a data scientist working from home.

“I am always saying "Glad to've met you" to somebody I'm not at all glad I met. If you want to stay alive, you have to say that stuff, though.” ― J.D. Salinger, The Catcher in the Rye
 

If being an investment banking or management consultant makes you happy, and you like working 80-120 hours a week, and missing out on most of your life, then by all means do it. Good for you.

If you think anyone is impressed by the fact that you're an investment banker or management consultant, you're an idiot.

 

It's impressive in the same sense that benching 1,000 pounds is impressive.

Benching 1,000 pounds is a staggering feat. I cannot do it, nor can most people. So if you can do it, you are unique, and have out-performed everyone else. However, nobody really cares, and when you're 400 pounds and goofy looking because of all of the food you eat to put that much muscle on, it kind of defeats the purpose. See where I'm going with this working 120 hours a week?

 

That sounds kind of cool I guess, but not many people get to do that. Most people on this site are between 19-24. We're working long hours because that's what you kind of have to do. I don't know any job today in which you don't work hard at a young age. Tech sales work hard and can have 60 hour weeks + travel, recruiters work a lot, heck, even teachers work 16 hour days.

I think the difference is optimizing not hours, but salary. We could all work less demanding jobs, but there's a reason why people aren't jumping at the drop of a ball to go be a guitar salesman.

The way I see it, most of us won't get to the point where we're overlooking the Hong Kong harbor, nor do we actually want it. I work hard and travel now because it's putting me in a better situation where I can exit to something with fewer hours, more money, or to a different industry.

On a side note, If I'm 23, 25, 27 - what else am I supposed to do?

 

I’m a huge Baltimore Ravens fan so I’ll use a football analogy here. Ray Lewis and Ed Reed are two of the greatest players at their positions in the modern era. Ray Lewis was recently inducted into the HoF and Ed Reed is almost a shoe-in when his ballot is up.

Terrell Suggs, who is a bit younger, has also had an astounding career and is widely regarded as one of the NFL’s best pass rushers. He also just turned 36 and is still playing at a very high level. When asked about how he has managed to be so dominant for so long his response is “....football professionalism....countless hours off the field, in the facility, in the film room, taking care of his body,” the things he learned from Ray Lewis and Ed Reed.

I work 70+ hour weeks because banking is the craft i’ve chosen and I want to be great at it. Just like a skilled carpenter, painter, or football player....greatness in my craft requires sacrifice and dedication.

 
Draper Specter and Co.:
I’m a huge Baltimore Ravens fan so I’ll use a football analogy here. Ray Lewis and Ed Reed are two of the greatest players at their positions in the modern era. Ray Lewis was recently inducted into the HoF and Ed Reed is almost a shoe-in when his ballot is up.

Terrell Suggs, who is a bit younger, has also had an astounding career and is widely regarded as one of the NFL’s best pass rushers. He also just turned 36 and is still playing at a very high level. When asked about how he has managed to be so dominant for so long his response is “....football professionalism....countless hours off the field, in the facility, in the film room, taking care of his body,” the things he learned from Ray Lewis and Ed Reed.

I work 70+ hour weeks because banking is the craft i’ve chosen and I want to be great at it. Just like a skilled carpenter, painter, or football player....greatness in my craft requires sacrifice and dedication.

Comparison sucks. Working longer doesn't mean mastering your craft. Also, let's not forget in your Ravens example the benefits of PEDs.

There's nothing relatable in this. What a NFL player gets to is completely unique, no amount of dedication or training would get you in the NFL. You lack physical capacity, he's a rare genetic gift. You're not, tons of people can do what you do. Longevity is a combination of many things, but scaling sacrifices to an athlete just is ridiculous.

 

The NFL is full of gifted athletes. Work ethic can absolutely be a differentiating factor between average, good and great athletes. Tom Brady is certainly not a "genetic gift," but he remains the most dominant Quarterback at 41 because his every day is micromanaged: Treatment. Workouts. Food. Recovery. Practice. Rest.

You say "tons of people can do what you do." Maybe they "can" do it from a physical perspective but most people choose not to. There are tons of NFL players who "could" spend as much time honing their craft but they choose not to and as such are not as dominant as Tom Brady or Terrell Suggs.

 

Eh, I’ll bite on this ridiculous comparison. I kind of get what he’s saying.

I mean - if Terrell Suggs didn’t have the genetic capacity to do what he does then he’d pick another field and would probably bring that same work ethic. Statistically there are a lot of people that have Suggs’ genetic building blocks but probably didn’t have the work ethic which is what got him to the NFL.

So for the comparison to make sense you have to really believe that you have the raw talent, desire, and destiny to be a Banking MD. It seems an odd thing to me to care that deeply about but there are people out there who love it.

I’d ask yourself if that’s truly what you see as your life’s task. If you truly see yourself as a great salesman and/or as an adviser/deal mercenary to the Rupert Murdoch’s and Larry Ellison’s of the world.

But if that is you, I’d ask yourself how working at your current job will get you there and what the new things you can bring to the table are. The thing that’s stupid about banking is that you spend 2-3 years formatting PowerPoints just to get there. The time to get to an MD level is just ridiculously long these days. If I were you, I’d focus on getting that number as low as possible.

 

Yeah Warren Buffet who is 88 years old and a billionaire dozens of times over works fewer hours a day than OP today.

"Much of Buffett's early childhood years were enlivened with entrepreneurial ventures. In one of his first business ventures Buffett sold chewing gum, Coca-Cola bottles, and weekly magazines door to door. He worked in his grandfather's grocery store. While still in high school, he made money delivering newspapers, selling golf balls and stamps, and detailing cars, among other means."

You think a guy like that spent his 20's and 30's drumming in a rock bank, surfing and doing martial arts (no offense OP, just trying to make a point)?

I'm not conflating IB with the whole of finance. IB just happens to be the most widely publicized as having demanding hours. Do you think Steve Schwarzman or Julian Robertson would say they didn't work hard in their 20's? Probably not.

 

I would actually be surprised if Buffett worked less than OP even today. After doing it for decades why on earth would you choose to do something different at 80? What would he spend his time doing? Creating a garage band? It would be foolish

Buffett is Buffett because he loves what he does every day. Every one who reads Buffett and Munger deeply knows that Munger is easily a much broader thinker than Buffett and arguably wiser. Neither are geniuses although definitely of above-average intellect.

But Munger would never have been an billionaire without Buffett. Munger influences Buffett into some of his best ideas but Buffett would still be a billionaire without Munger (albeit many multiples lower). Buffett just spent a significant percentage of his life thinking about investments and investing because that’s what he loved to do.

 

Some people (most people on here), for whatever reason aren't satisfied with staying put. Its all about what's next - next promotion, next raise, more responsibility, the next deal, next fund etc....

Finance is a great industry for people like that, because there is always more to be taken, there's always that next step. It's addicting to people who are wired that way, who are never satisfied with what they have.

Some may view that last sentence as a negative, but for the type of people who fall into the category of person I've described, they'd be bored out of their mind without the prospect of moving up.

It's not for everyone though, and if that doesn't drive you, then you won't last long in the industry.

 

I've got this, it seems so unhealthy and I have no idea how to turn it off. It's like a life sentence of never being fulfilled.

 
returntoforever:
This is exactly why I got into finance.

Also Barbara from Shark Tank also said “all my entrepreneurs have two things in common, tremendous energy and tremendous hustles”

OP ain’t one of them, which is ok. But it doesn’t make it not ok for people to always want more.

I can't image something further from entrepreneurship in business than working at an investment bank

Commercial Real Estate Developer
 

The question is, why are you here seeking validation? What is it that you think you don't have? Why are you unsatisfied? I don't think we have an answer for you.

“Elections are a futures market for stolen property”
 

I'd argue you aren't the average joe. By your story, you're making an above average income, you went to university which is above average. You live in LA with a "gorgeous wife", which is above average. etc etc. So you are doing really well and by all means should be very proud of yourself.

But if you want to compare with those who are in those fields you listed. I think it's simply a case of to each their own. People who are into the prestige/well paying careers get satisfaction from the challenge, the chase and the rush and feel of the reward. Most of these people are very future oriented, they get a lot of satisfaction from thinking about what life may be like in the future. The jobs you listed above require often a great deal of hardwork, skill, intelligence to break into and do well in. They often lead to rewards as well, higher income, social status, breaking into elite social circles etc.

Are there somedays that I looked at those with a 40-45 hour job making a avg-above avg salary and think man they have it good? Yes, no question. When you come off a 100-110 hour work week hating your life, you think, fuck, what did i get myself into. But at the end of the day, you sleep and wake up and you realize, things aren't so bad "I'm so privileged to get to do what i do" etc.

Personally, for me, I love the challenge, and I love being able to do something that few others can do.

 

Just an observation from a middle aged guy who has done well but could have done better, but doesn't care to.

I had that bug described above when I was younger. Had to get to the next level, next promotion, next, next, next. Became a sales VP at 29. Did really well. Always had a "leader board" attitude and was always on the leader board.

At some point, the growth stopped because I was comparing myself to others and I realized I might want what they have, but I definitely wasn't interested in doing what they had to do to attain their wealth. I'm talking about 7 figure guys (some high 7 figures).

The point is over time you evolve and your interests change. What's important to you at 22 will likely dramatically change in your 30s and 40s. Eventually you'll figure out, no one cares about what you've done, what you earn, what you have, other than you (and your family).

Make sure you enjoy the journey and develop lots of interests. It's pretty boring to only care about career and wealth creation. Don't want to be on an island of one!

 

Can't agree with you more. I'm in late 20s, and I already see my value is shifting.. I can convert my life energy to money, but I cannot ever buy life with money. My inner most self is still greedy, so I'm still in the system, but I believe I will break away from this shxx.

Pursuit of Happiness
 

OP you didn’t miss out on an Ivy League degree or a prestigious job. You didn’t even work for it how did you miss out on it? You never worked for those things and you come here as if you could’ve just walked in and got the Ivy League degree and IB job. And why don’t you go to an academia forum and make fun of all the PhDs who work just as much andearn peanuts while you’re at it?

A lot of people are in finance because we love it. There’s a reason finance is not a hobby but a job for us (we love the work and it pays well). You come here and pretend we are all jut doing it for the prestige and pay in order to feel superior.

Also $100k is nothing with a family especially if you wanna settle down in cities like NYC or London. It’s also peanuts if you or your family is unfortunate enough to have serious illness that comes with a massive medical bill. Or if you wanna have the power or influence to help less fortunate people etc.

 
Hayek:
medical bills aren't really an issue so long as you have health insurance.
I have to assume you've never been seriously sick in this country. First of all, there are plenty of things that insurance companies refuse to pay for. Also, someone with a serious illness sooner or later becomes unemployed and loses insurance as a result (and frequently goes broke right after).
I have a friend who lives in the country, and it's supposed to be an hour from 42nd Street. A lie! The only thing that's an hour from 42nd Street is 43rd Street!
 

While I agree with a lot of what was said above, I'll perhaps offer up a different perspective.

At the end of the day, all that really matters is your happiness. For most people, having a large bank account does not make them happy. It is the things that money enables you to do that bring happiness to some people. Others have interests / hobbies that don't require money and can achieve the same (or even more) happiness without paying a cent. It all depends on the individual.

Folks in this discussion seem to assume that one must sacrifice time in order to make money. While that is certainly true in the beginning, it isn't a perpetual requirement.

Like many people on this forum, I put in two absolutely brutal years of investment banking. I had no other life. My relationship was put on hold. I then completed two years of PE, with substantially better hours (go home by 7:00 / 8:00pm), but it still dominated my life and prevented me from doing the things I truly enjoy. But after that, I elected to pursue the best of both worlds and stuck with small PE shops doing lower middle market buyouts. At the age of 26 I was pretty much working 9:00am - 6:00pm with little weekend work, albeit a fair amount of travel. My hours have fluctuated from time to time, but they have been pretty consistent over the years. Fast forward to my early 30s and I have an unrealized net worth in excess of $5M, and am on track for a partially realized net worth of more than $10M when I'm 35.

This alone doesn't necessarily translate to happiness for everyone. I've maintained a pretty low cost lifestyle for most of the last decade (I slipped for a couple of years, foolish me). For me, the thing I value most is flexibility, which is in part achieved through accumulating cash, and in part by having reasonable work hours. Now, in my early 30s, I'm in a position to take my life any direction that I choose due to the choices that I have made up to this point.

The original question posed was "what am I missing out on?" I argue that there are paths available in finance that are truly great, although not a fit for everyone. I also recognize that I've been super fortunate and that the choices I've made are not available to everyone. I don't begrudge "averagejoe1010" for his choices, and his life actually sounds every bit as great as mine, but I'd encourage folks not to dismiss others who do elect to give up a few years of their life to pursue finance.

CompBanker’s Career Guidance Services: https://www.rossettiadvisors.com/
 

Would you say you were lucky to end up at a fund that performed well and you were able to get a meaningful slice of the carry? Or are these numbers par for the course for someone moving up the ranks in PE? I only ask because my PE experience was colored by my fund's lack of performance and infighting. I chose to pursue other avenues after my stint in no small part because of it.

 

I don’t think the compensation I’ve received has been particularly outside of the norm (perhaps slightly above average), nor have our investments outperformed general industry expectations. I can’t say that any one person was the driving factor behind our fund performance, and therefore I suppose luck or reliance on others is required for pretty much any PE gig. Heck, luck plays a pretty huge role in pretty much everyone’s path. In the final analysis, I’d classify my experience as slightly above average. I certainly know folks my age who are financially leaving me in the dust.

CompBanker’s Career Guidance Services: https://www.rossettiadvisors.com/
 

Congratulations mate. I really hope I can do half the things you have done in a short space of time. Did you build your net worth with your PA or other investments or just your salary?

 
Wolfofgeorgestreet:
Congratulations mate. I really hope I can do half the things you have done in a short space of time. Did you build your net worth with your PA or other investments or just your salary?

The majority is in the form of carried interest, although I do save a big chunk of my paycheck and max out my 401(k) every year. My personal portfolio has done fine, although again, not a huge driver. I also maintain really low expenses in general as I don't really have expensive taste in anything. That doesn't mean I live a frugal life at all, I just don't splurge on a regular basis. I fly coach, no car, no watch, I rarely drink and I leave fancy dinners for work events. I was lucky to get a very large scholarship from Booth so my MBA had minimal impact on my savings, other than my not earning a salary during it. Basically, all of these things have added up over the last decade++ and resulted in some very tangible savings.

I know this sounds like a nightmare for many people who earn a lot of money, but I'm quite happy with my choices. I encourage everyone to find what works for them and not worry about how others choose to spend their time/money.

CompBanker’s Career Guidance Services: https://www.rossettiadvisors.com/
 

How did you go about finding a LMM fund with good culture and hours? It seems that good culture and hours are difficult to find in smaller buyouts shops (although not quite as bad as the larger funds, on average).

It's also more difficult to find out what a shop's culture is really like prior to starting, since smaller funds don't have enough alumni for prior associates to feel comfortable giving candid perspectives.

 

I also started in banking, went into LMM PE and am now looking at the next ~5 years... you seem to be roughly in that future spot now, mind if I shoot you a message with some questions?

"well thank god your feelings aren't a fucking priority here"
 
CompBanker:
Fast forward to my early 30s and I have an unrealized net worth in excess of $5M, and am on track for a partially realized net worth of more than $10M when I'm 35.

So what was the point in including this into your "offering a different perspective" comment for OP?

EDIT: Oh lol net worth, probably inherited some land from Daddy.

Array
 

Yeah this is California lower middle class. Post tax is probably around $75k with at least a $2500 a month rent / mortgage and another $1500 a month spend on living expenses. Plus healthcare and retirement. These estimates are pretty conservative as well.

Netting $15k-$20k a year in savings is good but it isn’t some some sort of amazing lifestyle. OP will still be tied to working for a wage for the next 30+ years (just as 99% of people are).

 

Can confirm, But i'd say the living expenses are higher. If you have a sales job that requires travel, he probably has a car. I live with my girlfriend and between the both of us, our auto expenses are close to 1300 alone, Including maintenance-Gas-Insurance-Payments-etc. She's in a sales role also so a lot of that gets mitigated by her job, but still. Single income of 100k with a family is closer to paycheck-to-paycheck than people think. Single with a college roommate, you're killing it. Wife and two kids, you're just getting by.

 

Some people just enjoy the lifestyle of finance. I think most of all they like working hard, and feeling like they are among others who are competitive, hard workers. They also like the culture of Wall Street, which is pretty hardo and elitist.

Some people like not working hard, and living in Silicon Valley where the culture is very different. You can make a mint going both ways, and other ways entirely.

One thing I will say for finance is that there are few places where you can come out of school and immediately start making multiples of the money that averagejoe1010 is making now as a 29 year old. And as others said above, priorities change. You can parlay your IB experience into a cushy six figure gig whenever. But if you’re young and hungry, you can really establish a serious financial foundation in your life.

I have many friends working in software sales making six figs. Frankly I think id feel trapped being surrounded by people who prize being able to work 40ish hours a week. And I’d be frustrated by what I think is an extremely pretentious and sanctimonious cultural attitude in the valley (not saying Wall St. doesn’t have its own pretensions).

Different strokes for different folks. Don’t know why we have to insist ours is correct, but such is only human.

Array
 

I went for a mix: late 20s, married, two kids, non-target university, PE associate at reputable MM firm and work 60-70h. I forgot about hobbies the day I decided to have kids young, but I’m fine with that. As for prestige and a chill life, the two aren’t mutually exclusive, but then again prestige means nothing to me. I went for PE because investing makes me happier than sales or an advisory gig. Your pespective on everything, including 100h work weeks, changes dramatically when you have kids (or at least it did for me). I’d rather put my kids to bed on most nights than work on a pitch for my boss.

 

If I may offer a counterpoint.

First would state that being a wage-slave (i.e. dependant solely on that wage to live), is not prestigious, barring civic services (say a judge, doctor etc etc doing things for the community at large and not rorting the role for money).

For the rest (read wealth owners, or as said judges etc), the benefit of prestige is access, and influence. The downfall of this is that said access is crowded with courtesan politics, which then requires a separate skill set to deal with.

But what access gives is a greater potential of inter-generational success. A simple model to look at is aristocrats/royalty in Europe (and their equivalent in other countries - for the US say Kennedies etc).

What many in a wage-slave mode of being are trying to attain is the above, they may get there with some of the trappings, but depending on how that is funded (debt, or wage-driven earning) will ultimately mean they will fail.

 

I think it all comes down to providing the best future you can for your kids. I'd happily forego my 20s as a "corporate slave" working 60+ hours a week to set myself up for success in the future. My parents didn't go to college but managed to put me through a public college. For me I want to try and skip a generation with my kids. Hoping I have the means to put them in the best high schools, prep schools, and then top 5 colleges. If that happens I'd say chasing the money and prestige was worth it.

 

OP,

Your expenses are cheap right now, so you might not feel the pressure -- YET. $100k with 1 child and a young low-maintenance wife means you're not worrying about private schools for the kiddo and college and retirement. Wait until your kid grows or you add another and your wife wants a bigger house. When you hit 30s your peers that pull big bucks or have family money will start buying mansions, 2019 Audis, Euro vacations, and sending kids to private schools. Your wife will see all this and it will create tension about household finances and your status.

Or maybe you and your wife will be oblivious to all of this. But doubtful when it's right in front on your face.

 
axecapital17:
OP,

Your expenses are cheap right now, so you might not feel the pressure -- YET. $100k with 1 child and a young low-maintenance wife means you're not worrying about private schools for the kiddo and college and retirement. Wait until your kid grows or you add another and your wife wants a bigger house. When you hit 30s your peers that pull big bucks or have family money will start buying mansions, 2019 Audis, Euro vacations, and sending kids to private schools. Your wife will see all this and it will create tension about household finances and your status.

Or maybe you and your wife will be oblivious to all of this. But doubtful when it's right in front on your face.

Highly unlikely that you’ll be in the same social circle (making $100k) as the rich unless your “peers” are your lifelong friends that happen to be super successful and still keep in contact.

I do get what you’re saying, but you’re exaggerating quite a bit IMO.

Something I’ve learned is that no one gives a fuck what each has unless you’re INSECURE and constantly comparing yourself to others.

Fuck that whole keeping up with the joneses shit. I’ve seen some pretty damn wealthy people ($5mm+ in liquid assets) live in $300-400k houses and drive 10 year old cars. They’re secure and not worried about what everyone else has cuz if they really wanted they could go buy the same thing tomorrow.

 

Look, I may get flamed for this but I'll be realistic.

First of all, congrats that your life is great and you enjoy it; that's the important part, and no one else's opinion on this site, mine included, matters against that.

However, the 100k isn't as great when you put it into context. First of all, you're in LA. 100k in LA is solid if you're single, as you can afford most stuff. However, with a wife and kid, 100k won't take you as far as you think in one of the most expensive cities/states in the US. For now, the kid isn't a huge expense, but as he ages, his financial needs will most likely outpace any career growth you have in your position, which will sharply peak in college. You will be unable to pay for the entirety of his tuition, and if you have more kids, it will become infinitely more difficult to maintain your current lifestyle, and far more difficult when that kid reaches college as well. You will also be able to leave very little to your kid(s) when you pass on.

Understand, there are plenty of people who don't leave inheritances for their kids or pay their full college tuition. Nothing wrong with that. But on a higher comp track (400k+), you can afford these things with relative ease, take great vacations, attain financial freedom by your mid-late 40s (realistically) and leave plenty of money for your kids when you pass on.

All this doesn't easily come with 40-45 hours weeks. However, as much as this forum likes to believe it, it doesn't require 80-100 hour weeks either. You can certainly make this working 50-60 hours a week (and maybe 70 once every 5-6 weeks), and have plenty of time to spend with your wife/kids.

At the end of the day, do what makes you happy, and who cares what anyone else thinks; just giving you my two cents

 

I don't know if this is a troll post or not, but I will treat it as if it's genuine. So here goes: at its core, it sounds like you have as much as you want. "As you want" is the key here. You are satisfied. You are satiated. You derive pleasure and value from having a relatively easy work schedule, a hot wife, time to surf, and enough money to give your son a decent life.

As you describe it, I'm sure that sounds idyllic to a lot of people, but those people aren't like me. I'm sure you enjoy your martial arts, but I wrestled in high school and college. I didn't pick it up late in life as a hobby. I did it because I like to prove that I'm better than other people. "Prestige" is defined differently by every person who perceives it. But mostly, it's about proving that you're good enough for your own estimation of how you'd like society to perceive you or good enough for your parents' same estimation.

In my case, it's a personal drive. To be clear, I wouldn't wish my drive on anyone. It's a compulsion. I am never satisfied. I never ask the questions you seem to only ask yourself rarely. "Why do people try so hard?? "What do they have to prove?" "What am I missing?"

If you are asking yourself these questions, you're not like me. For what it's worth, you're almost definitely happier than me. You're probably 'richer' than me in the sense that you're more fulfilled. But I can buy and sell you many times over. I have meaningful say in how the world works. I spoke just this morning with a Cabinet Secretary. I'm 32.

I have no wife, I have no kids. I want neither, but I can appreciate your life. You live what I would consider to be a very simple life. Most people would consider your life to be extraordinary, but most people aren't like me. And they're not like the people who hold both hands on the sides of the world and spin it like a top.

I want more than your life grants you. My constant agitation is a curse you should be happy lo live without. But don't be upset when someone like me who gives up everything to continuously press for more eventually tells you how you must live at least a portion of your life. After all, I gave up everything for that.

 
brotherbear:
I don't know if this is a troll post or not, but I will treat it as if it's genuine. So here goes: at its core, it sounds like you have as much as you want. "As you want" is the key here. You are satisfied. You are satiated. You derive pleasure and value from having a relatively easy work schedule, a hot wife, time to surf, and enough money to give your son a decent life.

As you describe it, I'm sure that sounds idyllic to a lot of people, but those people aren't like me. I'm sure you enjoy your martial arts, but I wrestled in high school and college. I didn't pick it up late in life as a hobby. I did it because I like to prove that I'm better than other people. "Prestige" is defined differently by every person who perceives it. But mostly, it's about proving that you're good enough for your own estimation of how you'd like society to perceive you or good enough for your parents' same estimation.

In my case, it's a personal drive. To be clear, I wouldn't wish my drive on anyone. It's a compulsion. I am never satisfied. I never ask the questions you seem to only ask yourself rarely. "Why do people try so hard?? "What do they have to prove?" "What am I missing?"

If you are asking yourself these questions, you're not like me. For what it's worth, you're almost definitely happier than me. You're probably 'richer' than me in the sense that you're more fulfilled. But I can buy and sell you many times over. I have meaningful say in how the world works. I spoke just this morning with a Cabinet Secretary. I'm 32.

I have no wife, I have no kids. I want neither, but I can appreciate your life. You live what I would consider to be a very simple life. Most people would consider your life to be extraordinary, but most people aren't like me. And they're not like the people who hold both hands on the sides of the world and spin it like a top.

I want more than your life grants you. My constant agitation is a curse you should be happy lo live without. But don't be upset when someone like me who gives up everything to continuously press for more eventually tells you how you must live at least a portion of your life. After all, I gave up everything for that.

Is that you, every MD I've ever worked for??!? Brotherbear, I hope you don't wake up in 10 years and regret this path, cause man, that is gonna be a rough fall from glory.

"I don't know how to explain to you that you should care about other people."
 

Glad your life is good but you're not an average joe by any means. People making over 100K/year in tech sales aren't average. Average joes work blue collar or service oriented jobs, as teachers, state employees, etc. You're 29 and make more than both my parents combined. Relax.

Dayman?
 

Pretty sure you’re trolling but...

Can’t speak for anyone else - I’m genuinely passionate about finance, strategy, valuation, and business in general. These jobs you’ve mentioned, to me, are the pinnacle. What else would I pursue?

What are you personally missing out on? Idk do you read damodarans white papers on valuation theories? No? Then probably nothing.

just a monkey trying to find his way in the finance jungle
 

Can't believe that after 90+ messages on one thought to the master quote of Gordon Gekko:

"I'm not talking a $400,000 a year working Wall Street stiff flying first class and being comfortable, I'm talking about liquid. Rich enough to have your own jet. Rich enough not to waste time. Fifty, a hundred million dollars buddy. A player, or nothing."

 

Almost convinced this is a troll but I'll bite...

What you're missing is that you should just focus on yourself. If you are so happy why are you lurking around this forum? Your background is tangential to this community at best...

Looking for validation in the choices of irrelevant strangers is almost dangerously pathetic / deplorable... Says you do not think for yourself, know yourself or have the balls to face the resultant conclusions from such reflection.

Stay in your lane, discover / decide what YOUR values and goals are and focus on them.

Man is born alone and dies alone, muthaF.

"well thank god your feelings aren't a fucking priority here"
 

I see what you're getting at... but I don't think he is looking for validation. I think he already feels validated, and is trying to inform others that there is more to life than working 100 hours a week and "prestige hunting."

If you're going to call people pathetic over an anonymous online forum, at least have the intelligence to understand what the poster's thread is trying to say.

 

I don't think someone truly validated needs to broadcast it to others who they feel cannot be (assuming his post question is rhetorical as you did in your post... which, preempting your straw man comment, you did when stating his is "trying to inform others" rather than sincerely searching for feedback).

Pathetic? Eh, maybe, maybe not... But I think we can all agree evangelizing your lifestyle in a sanctimonious faux-question is deplorable (no matter the lifestyle).

Did my diction offend you? well then thank G- your feelings aren't a fking priority here. Google the account name for character background, then come back with your shine box.

"well thank god your feelings aren't a fucking priority here"
 

Hey let me throw my 2cents in. I'm a military guy, just about everyone on this board pays more in taxes than I earn. But I'm happy. I like money...a lot, but I love jumping from planes, deploying, and making some really close bonds (like these guys would go to hell and wreck Satan for you after a 5 day multi-liquor bender for you).

In the end when you're on your deathbed, will you be smiling or begging for another day/week/year/etc? Will you be happy with your life choices? If you can't say hell yeah! Brother you know you need to make some serious changes in your life, because death is guaranteed, life is not. Spartan up and drive forward!

 

if you're asking, then you're wondering if the grass is greener.

honestly, you're asking the wrong group of people. generally, these websites skew younger and banking / finance is a great opp for people who have a lot of years and flexibility ahead of them.

if you're happy doing what you're doing, then...sounds like you're winning.

 

You're not missing out on anything. I'm working in BB investment banking, and I've never seen a single person who was content with his/her life. It could be a selection bias, but I think it's more than just a statistical bias issue.. High salary means you have to sacrifice something.. i.e. your life energy, as the author of Your life or Your Money had put it. I've been working for 7 years now, and I'm seriously questioning if all this is worth it.. especially as I've paid off all of my student loan, and saved/invested well to near financial independence (assuming frugal spending). Me and my husband (also in Finance) are saving and investing aggressively, and we want to be out asap so that we can spend more time enjoying life.. I'm grateful that I could earn $$ when I needed the most, but now incremental $ is not worth my incremental time and energy. Anyways, I'm so envy of you.. I wish I could say that I'm so happy with my life one day.

Pursuit of Happiness
 

It's a self perpetuating cycle of negligible-sum work in which there will always be someone willing to sacrifice a greater number of their resources and increase mean output. It creates a distribution you need to abide by to stay competitive. It's merit based and all, however in my case there seems to always opportunity to increase workload. On good days, the puzzle of figuring it all out is incredibly stimulating. It does get to be a drag after some time and I see the world in a cynical way. People with money have essentially have created an industry of people accounting for their sums and investing it. So many controls are needed to prevent fraud and misuse that it seems a large percentage of finance work is zero-sum. Sure you're investing money in some cool new start-up, advising a company how to invest or sell, or working on some cool new corp finance project. More than likely though, you're just stealing marketshare from someone else and facilitating a redistribution of wealth. My goal is to save responsibly and leverage my assets when the time is right and ultimately untether myself from this system.

 

I'll present an argument, though one more technically explaining the choice at a high-level as opposed to an individual-level (as circumstances will vary)

You are missing a chance to "make it big." Specifically, one day being a F500 CEO, Hedge Fund Billionaire, PE big name, etc. The odds of making it into such a role are already slim, but much higher if you come from an Ivy-league undergrad, IB/PE, HSW-MBA type background. It's essentially a 1% chance vs. a 0.0001% if you are doing a regular type job (just guessing).

It's like going to the NFL. You have to play college football beforehand. Even then, your chance is like 1%, but it's the best chance you'll get so if that's want you want, you have to take it.

Note: not trying to make any judgement calls or argue why YOU should be doing it. Just explaining some people's choice. Some out there really are that driven to be the next Ray Dalio, Steve Schwarzman, etc. If that's true, great for them. It's worth the risk and they want to go for it.

 

Next week I am talking to 20 C level executives of fortune 500 companies and I am in my mid-20s. These are small group meetings of 30 minutes each and I can ask whatever I want. This is similar to what I wanted to do when I was young, but I actually think it's much more interesting. I am happy to have these opportunities.

I can't tell if the original poster here is being sincere with his question, because it either looks like a troll post or a holier than thou post (most likely the latter). To the extent that what I mentioned is something you'd be interested in, I suppose that's what you're missing out on.

You did avoid a great deal of stress and unhappiness by pursuing your path. I do feel a lot of pressure to perform and a perpetual insecurity that I won't be good enough. This drives me insane sometimes, but I think I would feel this way regardless of what I pursued because it's how I am wired (I would definitely feel this way if I pursued sales, for example).

 

Sounds like you have a great life given your preferences and abilities. A lot of the people chasing higher paying jobs probably expect to have a less fulfilling life outside of work than you do, were they to make the same choices you've made. Building personally fulfilling relationships is hard, and some people are much better at it than others. It sounds like you're great at that and then maybe not so great at the analytical stuff.

So just from an opportunity cost perspective, it makes sense that you'd focus your life on your relationships outside of work, while someone who is stronger analytically but weaker at the nuts and bolts of being a person might be more heavily incentivized to chase money/prestige. Overly simplistic model, of course, but I think there's a kernel of truth there.

 

Calling a high-achiever/someone with clout a psychopath is a cop out for under-achievers to validate themselves. It's virtue-signaling by folks who secretly want to attain those elite positions and have a "meaningful say in how the world works" (as @brotherbear put it), yet don't have the work ethic or natural abilities to do so.

Stop undermining other people's life choices to make yourselves feel better about your lack of understanding of the rewards of sacrifice.

Sincerely, a pretty average dude.

 
averagejoe1010:
Hey guys. I'm a 29 year old white male with a loving wife and 1 year old son. I went to a state school (Cal State Fullerton), graduated with a 3.1 GPA (didn't give a crap about school, just partied) and then got a sales job. Then I busted my ass (I'm not analytical or smart, but I'm a grinder) and hustled and got into tech sales. The past few years I've been making $100k+ in software sales for startups.

I live in LA right now and love it. I have a gorgeous wife and awesome son. I work out regularly, eat healthily, and only work 45 hours a week. I have 3 hobbies - I do drums in a rock band, I surf, and do martial arts (BJJ), and am decent at all three. I still have plenty of free time to enjoy entertainment (video games), TV, movies, etc., while caring for my family. Life is good and I'm happy.

Since you guys here are so obsessed with prestige, what am I missing out on? What am I losing by not getting an Ivy League degree or working as an investment banker, consultant, corporate lawyer, doctor, etc.? Why do some of you guys seek a career with 70+ hour work weeks on the regular? It's not that I'm not ambitious at all - in sales, you gotta be, but I value life a lot too.

Just curious about your guyses perspectives. Living to work rather than the other way around seems miserable from my perspective. Thanks.

If you are truly happy and content, then you are probably (at this moment) missing nothing. It's the rest of us who are missing out and may/will try to convince you otherwise and will try to screw things up for you. Sign off of this site and go back to enjoying life. You are far ahead in the game (and that's what all of this is, a game).

I seriously mean this.

Good Luck.

I used to do Asia-Pacific PE (kind of like FoF). Now I do something else but happy to try and answer questions on that stuff.
 

This may not be correctly directed at you, but the larger SaaS Sales crowd dominating my Li feed with flexes such as this: none of us truly envy you.

I'd say the majority of ppl on here who stress about their Banking/Consult jobs are actually chasing intellectual stimulation at the end of the day. Not purely money or "prestige". The Salary number is validation of our worth and hard work assigned a number, that's why it matters to us.

We'd all like to have more free time; but, for me personally selling some bullsht tech I didn't create to other nerds for 45 hours a week would be one of my rings of hell. Everyone has their own feeling of purpose and for a lot of us it involves taking on the most challenging jobs and constantly improving on our abilities to transact on a larger scale.

 

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