If you aren't married by this age....

For those who have yet to marry, is their an age in mind that if you don't find your wife to settle down, you will end up staying single? 1 MD and 1 VP I know are both going through (expensive, nasty) divorces, and both share to the incoming Associates to marry young or not at all.

 

Currently early-mid 20s and early-mid 30s is my target. Gives me another 5-10 years to work with and by then I should be comfortably established to the point I can support a family. Definitely want to get some world traveling under my belt before having kids.

"The obedient always think of themselves as virtuous rather than cowardly" - Robert A. Wilson | "If you don't have any enemies in life you have never stood up for anything" - Winston Churchill | "It's a testament to the sheer belligerence of the profession that people would rather argue about the 'risk-adjusted returns' of using inferior tooth cleaning methods." - kellycriterion
 

Can a 40 year old really be soulmates/best friends with a 21 year old? Not saying it's impossible but I would view this marriage as more of a paternalistic one. Which may work for you if you don't care about feeling equal to your wife and don't need to be vulnerable.

 

Hopefully by late 20s or 30 at the latest. If I can't do it myself by then, I'll just have my parents get me an arranged marriage lol.

 

It's even more depressing cause my parents are fully supportive of love marriages and that's what their own marriage was too.

 

i cant speak from my experience cause its not a custom practice in my culture (I'm Irish) 

but I personally would want to meet a girl that we can both fall madly in love either than me being contempt with an girl from an arranged marriage. Like i wanna spend my life with my best friend/wife instead of marrying a random chick just for the sake for marrying 

also marrying and starting a family is freaking expensive so I wouldn't want to do that with someone i just met through an arranged marraige

i just rather be single if i cant find a girl which is looking like a serious possibility at this stage LOL 

 

While that's certainly how it used to be decades ago in my culture (I'm Indian), that's not really how the practice works anymore. In rural villages, sure, people still get married and meet each other for the first time on their wedding day. It's a practice that's astounding to not only me, but to my grandparents as well who are relatively old-fashioned. The concept is that you are arranged together by your families to meet and see if it's a good fit. One family (and I mean almost the whole family) will visit the house of another whole family. The boy and the girl will go to a separate part of the house and have a conversation or share a meal to see if they have similar priorities in life or if there's some sort of connection between them. On the other hand, the families will interact with each other and see if they fit with each other. If both the parents and the kids agree with it, then the marriage moves forward. If it doesn't then, they move on to the next person. I'm at an age where a bunch of my older cousins are starting to get married and when I was in India over the summer of 2019, I went on some of these trips. It's not uncommon at all for someone to go to 3 or 4 potential spouse's house in a day and end up meeting 100s of people to potentially marry.

We ran the numbers on my cousin and he ended up meeting 246 girls and their families before finally getting the one. He's by no means a catch (receding hairline, shitty job, dad bod coming in, kinda ugly) but he got 246 girls to meet him and seriously consider marrying him. He ended up getting married to someone that he finds attractive and someone that he fits with on an emotional level. Can he get divorced in the future? Sure. But imo, the chances are pretty low because it's just such a good fit.

It's really enticing to me (and other ugly brown guys) cause i can date a maximum of a few girls a year and most of them are not wifey, but this process can do things like take my cousin to the final stage with 100s of girls over a few months and that's why it's such a tantalizing backup plan for me lol.

 

Nearing 40 here. Could you get your parents to find me a wife too (although i'm not Indian). I could pay a finders fee. Maybe a commission if it results in marriage?  Bonus if she has big boobs 

 

Yeah for sure lmao (she'd be Indian tho). You get me an internship in corp strat and I'll get you hitched.

 

It's a great backup, but man that would be a HUGE hit to my ego. Just scared I won't find the right girl either way, so many things that can go wrong.

 

Well, when you find the right girl you'll know regardless of whether it's from a love or arranged marriage. If you found the right girl via an arranged marriage, then it won't really hit the ego (but I see what you mean, it's like you struck out on your own and you needed your parents to get you hitched). If you didn't find the right girl, then don't just marry any girl (unless it's for the papers, in which case I fully approve).

 

Honestly, a lot of people are in "arranged" marriages now. 

When people have arranged marriages, it just the parents looking for qualities in someone else. People do the same on their own; it doesn't specifically have to for money or acclaim. If you were raised on a farm mostly likely you're looking for someone else who was also raised that way; you prob don't want to date an animal rights banker lady/man. 

 
Controversial

Age doesn't matter, especially since men can typically date younger anyway. The most important factor that age plays into is establishment. What I've noticed and experienced is that women will expect you to virtually take care of them and it's like this person becomes an extension of you. If you go out to eat and on average it costs $20 for a quick bite, having a steady partner as a man means it will now cost you $40. If you want to have children, that is a direct extension of you, and so now that's going to be half off for a children's meal, plus two adult meals--so that quick bite is now $50.

Beyond money, you also have to think about the responsibility. When you are hungry, you need to think about how hungry is this woman. You need to be in a place where you can take on that responsibility to make sure that two people get fed or three or more, however it is for you. That is stress, time, and money out of your pocket you could save and use to establish yourself further.

I don't think a general rule should be the younger the better, especially not for men, because of the level of responsibility and the obstacle that comes between you and your goals. It's much easier to reserve your cash, time, and mental bandwidth for accomplishing goals overtime that can lead to success in achieving your potential when you don't have a steady partner in a girlfriend or wife. Overtime, you may be able to start accomplishing some of your goals, but I would say hitting certain milestones are a better gauge for me, than hitting a certain age.

 
Most Helpful

I hate to say it, but there are countless posts of dudes who want 'non-threatening, school teacher' kinda girls so that they will eventually become homemakers.

I CouLd neVeR daTe AnoTher bAnkEr bEcaUse my KidS nEeD a MoThEr 

No shit she's going to depend on you, that's what you wanted in the first place. I don't know what kind of women guys on this forum are interacting with. I agree that there are women who you will have to 'take care of', but successful and accomplished women do exist... 

 

I hate to say it, but there are countless posts of dudes who want 'non-threatening, school teacher' kinda girls so that they will eventually become homemakers.

I CouLd neVeR daTe AnoTher bAnkEr bEcaUse my KidS nEeD a MoThEr 

No shit she's going to depend on you, that's what you wanted in the first place. I don't know what kind of women guys on this forum are interacting with. I agree that there are women who you will have to 'take care of', but successful and accomplished women do exist... 

Nah. I've dated women who essentially make similar money to me. I found that they interpret your commitment by how much you "do" for them, which always takes money.

 

finally something good in here! Thank you for saying that. I truly don't know what kind of women men on this forum interact with. I am a woman and I work crazy hard. So do all my female friends (from college and at my bank). All women I know are financially independent. Literally the only reason why I'd want to be with someone is for companionship/having love in my life lol. You can keep your money thanks very much. 

 

maineiac42

Your expectations are more inline with what you should plan for when adopting a child, not marrying your spouse. Keeping track of their hunger and making sure they get a meal? Give me a fucking break. 

I think you're reading too much into my comment. I'm a single now, so I'm definitely not blinded by "love", but there is a certain rhythm to relationships that is pretty standard.

 

Our MD made a comment about one former VP whose wife was as you described - “simple men like simple women”

take that as you will

 

I think they meant "marry while you're young", not when you're older. When you meet someone in your early 20s, you can live together, grow and mature together, and by going through all this and surviving I think that's a pretty good gauge of how well you can trust someone, and if you want to marry them (this when you get married). You go through a lot of change in your 20s, along with many ups and downs, making through all of that can create a strong bond. This is why most people prefer to get married in their 20s, also if children is something you want, it's better to have them early on as you don't want to still have kinds in the house when you're 60. Marriage is a contentious issue these days, as is having children, but from what I have seen people that push off marriage until later in life seem to regret it most (as in they stay single longer, don't end up marrying, and end up lonely). There's a lot of talk about how men can date younger, and while there is some truth to this, a 40 year old is going to have a hard time relating to a 25 year old, and the odds of having a successful relationship or marriage are quite low. Divorce also has a lot of men on edge these days, and going forward I don't expect to see many men marrying outside their respective "class" as often as they did in the past. Marriage rates have been dropping for decades, and this trend isn't showing any signs of stopping. Marriage may be the new caste system (many speculate that marriage will be reserved for the wealthy in the future). 

 

Honestly, hate to judge, but I think more women have an age in mind for the time they need to be married then men, usually for more biological reasons. 

Getting married young, or married at all, is for it to be successful you need two parts to work 1.) someone you're physically attracted to 2.) someone you're compatible with in a lot of aspects of life (financial, hobbies, interests, thoughts on life, kids). Most people go for one or the other. Though not mutually exclusive, its difficult to find both.

A lot of it comes down to expectations as well. A big problem I think is that some couples don't explain what they want out of their marriage, but then get into problems when the other person doesn't do what they want. 

 

I used to weigh those things highly too, but now the more I look around at successful relationships, it seems like #1 is wanting to be in a relationship and #2 choosing to choose that person every time. The other compatibilities help aid that, but in the end they're on the motivation side, not the discipline side of things.

 

Bizkitgto

I think they meant "marry while you're young", not when you're older. When you meet someone in your early 20s, you can live together, grow and mature together, and by going through all this and surviving I think that's a pretty good gauge of how well you can trust someone, and if you want to marry them (this when you get married). You go through a lot of change in your 20s, along with many ups and downs, making through all of that can create a strong bond. This is why most people prefer to get married in their 20s, also if children is something you want, it's better to have them early on as you don't want to still have kinds in the house when you're 60. Marriage is a contentious issue these days, as is having children, but from what I have seen people that push off marriage until later in life seem to regret it most (as in they stay single longer, don't end up marrying, and end up lonely). There's a lot of talk about how men can date younger, and while there is some truth to this, a 40 year old is going to have a hard time relating to a 25 year old, and the odds of having a successful relationship or marriage are quite low. Divorce also has a lot of men on edge these days, and going forward I don't expect to see many men marrying outside their respective "class" as often as they did in the past. Marriage rates have been dropping for decades, and this trend isn't showing any signs of stopping. Marriage may be the new caste system (many speculate that marriage will be reserved for the wealthy in the future). 

I can see almost no benefits to marriage for a man. The downsides are endless. Now, I'm not advocating for endless promiscuity, but marriage is a really, really bad deal for men in the modern world. I'm not sure what the answer is, but there are endless accounts of men who have bitterly regretted marriage at all, let alone in their youth. 

Array
 

Just marry someone who isn’t a loser. It’s not that difficult.
 

I have a friend in CA who has to pay his ex (who cheated on, and left, him for being too boring) roughly $100k a year for the next 3 years because he makes quintuple what she does because she is a fucking loser who is utterly incapable of living within her means. Another friend just got divorced in NY from his college gf and they split cleanly and quietly because she makes around what he does and was good about her investing while together, and they only broke up because one changed their mind about having kids. 
 

Second friend is doing ok in a bittersweet way. First friend can’t even afford a nice place for himself anymore and has to rebuild all of his retirement accounts because his loser of an ex never saved a cent of her own to begin with

 

Yea, but I feel most of those people who it doesn't work out for tend to be lasse faire about who they marry. Most of these people are just getting married because some one is "there". 

It's kind of like investing; just because you do due diligence doesn't it will work out, and investments can work out with no due diligence. However, if you are going to invest, do you want to do the due diligence or not?

 

I got married at 24, which is a lot younger than I had pictured earlier in life. But it worked out, I got lucky, found an amazing woman who is also incredibly mature and sees a vision for the life we want to create together. We’ve grown together, went through ups and downs, both impacted by COVID and riding on the savings account watching it go down, then making it work and now we’re better off than ever before. Normally people advise not to marry young but I think it has its pros.

“The three most harmful addictions are heroin, carbohydrates, and a monthly salary.” - Nassim Taleb
 

maineiac42

FYI a prenup will not help you stay out form under the debt if it is accumulated during the marriage. 

That isn't entirely true.  There are ways to get around it... but anyone running up such vast debts (I assume we're talking credit cards and not mortgages) that it's a burden for them probably neither needs a  prenup nor should be spending money on a lawyer for one.

Separating out things like student debt is super easy.

 

any of you get married younger than i did at 22? it was so not my goal lol i was having a good time i wish we'd met a couple years later tbh

but also the life you can build when you get married young is really something different imo

heister: Look at all these wannabe richies hating on an expensive salad. https://arthuxtable.com/
 

TheDebtStar

Didn't you just post about your wife in a very negative way? 

https://www.wallstreetoasis.com/forums/have-you-ever-met-a-female-psych…

yeah i never said the shit was roses lol but the life we have built is pretty powerful and not something i had if i spent my 20s dating around

also, about half of my posts on this site were made in blackout drunk mania in the 2-4am time window and i don't remember making a lot of those. so you can't take any of it too seriously

heister: Look at all these wannabe richies hating on an expensive salad. https://arthuxtable.com/
 

Prob will marry some day after 40 dont know when lol. I guess it will depend on my partner. With prenup ofc im not retarded.

 

Strom Thurmond had his youngest son in his 70s.

"If you always put limits on everything you do, physical or anything else, it will spread into your work and into your life. There are no limits. There are only plateaus, and you must not stay there, you must go beyond them." - Bruce Lee
 
BankerForNow

For those who have yet to marry, is their an age in mind that if you don't find your wife to settle down, you will end up staying single?

117

"If you always put limits on everything you do, physical or anything else, it will spread into your work and into your life. There are no limits. There are only plateaus, and you must not stay there, you must go beyond them." - Bruce Lee
 

Aw fish. This year was going to be my year, but I cant talk to girls because I'll catch the Covid :

 

Most people on this forum are young, educated and high earning men. Remember, your value only increases with age and you can still have kids in your 40's, so don't rush. Can't say the same for women. My point is, marriage is great if you find the right person, unfortunately, the dating pool doesn't inspire too much confidence at this stage.

 

tackytech

Other than tax benefits, I don't see any reason to marry someone. Especially not when you work in a industry with more than normal work hours.

So, you view interpersonal relationships through the lens of "how do I maximize my income"?

I wouldn't worry about someone being too interested in marrying you in the first place, bud.

 

No, it just seems like an outdated tradition. I'm not religious either, so no doesn't make sense from that perspective either. 

Then you have the fact that nearly 50% of marriages end up in a divorce, and even worse for the subsequent marriages. 

But by all means, go ahead and get married - I won't stop anyone. 

 

I'm married here so I'll share my insight. I used to be young (although I'm not that old either) like you guys expecting I was invincible. Everyone dreams of the models & bottles lifestyle and making $10 mill a year and pulling up to your NYC penthouse in your Ferrari. Now realistically less than 1% of the people on this forum will achieve this lifestyle. However, lets just say you achieve this lifestyle. Sure you'll have some sort of short-term satisfaction, but you won't have someone to share your life with. Believe me, a simple Friday night binge watching Netflix with your SO is a lot more meaningful than a Friday night in your 30s partying.

Array
 

A lot of garbage advice here, and in general in a lot of places. Marry young, marry when you are settled, marry when you find 'the one' - stop putting all the freaking pressure on it. Let things evolve organically. No one has a 'high-probability of success' framework for relationships. Getting married is not the only objective of life. There are 7-8 billion of us, give or take. The world would be absolutely fine if you and/or I do not pass on our genes. 

Marry when you feel like you want to grow with this person. Good 'love-making' is essential but what will you do after all those hours? Can you be bored and comfortable with this person? Does this person make you feel excited and at peace here and there? That's pretty much all you need from a good partner.

No matter when you marry, there will be speed-breakers. Marry a dude, girl, school teacher, or a blue alien. Who cares what happens inside your house. Your MD and VP have a recency bias. Even the people who get divorced have had some good stories to tell. And the ones who have been living together for decades - oh, they have fought like hell once in a while; and they worked through it. That working through it can happen at any stage in your life, pal.

A couple very close to me got married early in life. And grew co-dependent (that's a term). They have three children, nice kids. But their marriage is not functioning. I am not sure about the insides but something seems off. They are not very social and the wife is often, for the lack of a better term, off. The guy is not that outgoing either. I might be entirely speculating here but that's my take. And then there are folks who were married for a few weeks but boy - they had amazing weeks.

If you are worried about parting with half of your earnings because it did not work, it's less about when you marry and more about who you marry. Focus on that last part pal. And most probably, it won't matter when you marry. Peace. 

Funny advice from a 23-year old.

 

Jesus....some of these replies here are depressing. WSO wants to date the teacher or housewife, but then wonders why they are the ones paying for the $500 dinner date. WSO wants to date solely based on income and submissiveness and then wonders why they are taken to the cleaners in divorce court. If you're paying for most of your dates, you're doing it wrong. If you're constantly thinking about divorce, you're in the wrong relationship. If you think that a prenup will solve a crappy relationship, look into your state's community property laws. Dating isn't hard....but WSO seems to love dating shitheads. You need to get better at weeding out terrible partners.

 

I think this is different for everyone. I think everyone should get some experience under their belt before committing (life experience and dating experience unless you feel something really special with that person and you're dating for a while 1-2 years). That's why I think the golden age is around the late 20's, however, everyone gains this experience at a different pace.

I'm a completely different person from who I was 5 years ago, even 2 years ago, and appreciate I have more time to explore who I am and what I want from my partner. I learned in the past two years that I extremely value communication, and thoughtfulness. When in college, I was just obsessed with finding a woman, and never focused on what I liked but what she liked and catering to her. That has changed thankfully, and sadly there are lots of people who haven't grown past that stage and put their partners on a pedestal. 

 

People get in trouble when they let age, societal/familial pressure, or economic status determine how they select their wife/husband.  If you let external factors determine your spousal choice, you run a high risk of it not working out.  When things get really hard in a relationship, which they inevitably do, you will not have the intrinsic motivation to stick it out and you'll look for an out (or worse off you'll check out).  There is a reason why people call it a "Soul Mate" - not a "Hey this is convenient mate."

Marriage is a serious responsibility, and a major risk - no doubt about it.  

But respect the risk, and find someone worth taking it for. 

If not, don't get married because it's not for you.  You run a good probabilty of it not ending up well.

"A man can convince anyone he's somebody else, but never himself."
 

Could someone genuinely tell me the benefits of marrying as a man in this day and age, other than maybe some tax benefits??

Like I just don't get why you would ever want to get married. It's more responsibility, you're confined to just one girl when humans are naturally polygamous, you pretty much lose half of your net worth if she ends up divorcing you, forget all those "fridays are for the bois", etc.

For a girl, I totally get it. Apart from their natural biological drive to reproduce and have offspring, they (unfortunately) deal with more stigma if they are single past a certain age, and they also get financial security with marriage.

Idk someone enlighten me, cause marriage sounds pretty awful imo. Unless ofc you find "the one" that also makes good money, and you are truly in love. But how often does that actually happen?? 50% of marriages end in divorce for a reason. Not to mention having to (possibly) deal with creepy ass, toxic exes

 

To be fair, the OP above [despite sounding like a douche], has a point. This isn't 1920 anymore. Quite frankly, I'm noticing women not wanting to get married or having kids (at least as early on). They're independent and can sleep around like men (i.e. sex is easily/readily available, and it's not frowned upon as much to be promiscuous).

IMO, marriage = political correctness, but no longer. Think about how much has changed in just the past 10, 20, and especially 30 years. Weed has been legalized for the most part. You can wear jeans to work on most days (even on Wall Street before COVID). WFH is mainstream. Kids don't seem to be the main reason most people get married. What else can you think of?

And being married isn't all rainbows and sunshine. It is possible to get trapped with a negative partner. Divorce rate is a solid 20-30% and trending up, not down. You get attracted to other people, you start wanting different things/goals, you may no longer lust for your original partner. Kids just exponentially complicate matters. 

 

Modi laborum alias vitae voluptas ipsum incidunt non illum. Aspernatur minima ut recusandae porro animi libero. Odio quasi et facere mollitia et totam asperiores. Tempora velit eos inventore nihil modi et officia. Laborum sunt repellendus aut corrupti hic.

Labore reiciendis ut dolor alias aut. Veritatis est molestiae sunt eos magni repellendus et molestiae.

 

Est dolor minima aspernatur rerum occaecati minus. Officiis doloribus et animi velit fuga in temporibus. Amet nihil ipsum aut et qui illum qui. Repellat voluptas voluptatem sit aut qui nihil aut sit.

Est est cum aut qui. Corrupti voluptatum est nam quisquam et ut et. Fuga assumenda atque ut et odio eaque.

Omnis minus enim beatae iusto commodi nesciunt. Modi assumenda blanditiis voluptatem. Voluptatem occaecati sint ut in voluptatem molestiae. Consequuntur dolores voluptatibus omnis enim aliquid culpa facere. Praesentium exercitationem omnis quae saepe rerum tempore quisquam incidunt. At perspiciatis excepturi velit omnis fuga magni blanditiis sit. Dolores est veritatis et.

 

Laborum dignissimos voluptates est modi velit nam aperiam. Maiores officia quidem sit adipisci ipsam eius. Necessitatibus omnis est aliquid non. A libero dolores quibusdam quod atque perferendis. Doloribus ut officia dolorem perferendis officiis excepturi laudantium dolores. Nemo est repellendus est quam fugit voluptatibus delectus enim.

Id ipsa veritatis cum ut dolor maiores porro. Sunt quasi et eaque eveniet. Sint aliquam odit libero molestiae et rerum neque.

Eum tempore facilis similique at. Sequi quia exercitationem rerum provident. Veniam dolores est esse et modi illo. Rerum vel voluptates ut autem aspernatur. Ut pariatur eum aut error est consequatur reprehenderit perferendis. Cumque consequatur architecto et quasi adipisci quis aspernatur est.

 

Reprehenderit ducimus qui voluptatem deserunt dolorem est. Nobis natus nostrum fugit ut. Sed voluptas iste est quibusdam. Odio doloribus dignissimos maxime in reprehenderit minus expedita.

Et exercitationem vel et alias similique voluptas. Sed qui et maxime explicabo quam et ea. Quos ut fugiat qui autem consequatur autem. Amet veniam quia dolor quisquam aperiam.

Tenetur repellendus dicta qui sed vitae. Commodi et eius qui ipsam. Eveniet cum dolor facilis qui nisi qui dolor ab. Enim voluptas consequuntur molestiae rerum nihil.

Qui perspiciatis qui totam maiores. Consequatur voluptas sint sit tempore sapiente aut. Excepturi consequatur non laborum et. Debitis sit eos dicta provident ut incidunt.

Career Advancement Opportunities

March 2024 Investment Banking

  • Jefferies & Company 02 99.4%
  • Goldman Sachs 19 98.8%
  • Harris Williams & Co. (++) 98.3%
  • Lazard Freres 02 97.7%
  • JPMorgan Chase 03 97.1%

Overall Employee Satisfaction

March 2024 Investment Banking

  • Harris Williams & Co. 18 99.4%
  • JPMorgan Chase 10 98.8%
  • Lazard Freres 05 98.3%
  • Morgan Stanley 07 97.7%
  • William Blair 03 97.1%

Professional Growth Opportunities

March 2024 Investment Banking

  • Lazard Freres 01 99.4%
  • Jefferies & Company 02 98.8%
  • Goldman Sachs 17 98.3%
  • Moelis & Company 07 97.7%
  • JPMorgan Chase 05 97.1%

Total Avg Compensation

March 2024 Investment Banking

  • Director/MD (5) $648
  • Vice President (19) $385
  • Associates (86) $261
  • 3rd+ Year Analyst (13) $181
  • Intern/Summer Associate (33) $170
  • 2nd Year Analyst (66) $168
  • 1st Year Analyst (202) $159
  • Intern/Summer Analyst (144) $101
notes
16 IB Interviews Notes

“... there’s no excuse to not take advantage of the resources out there available to you. Best value for your $ are the...”

Leaderboard

1
redever's picture
redever
99.2
2
Secyh62's picture
Secyh62
99.0
3
Betsy Massar's picture
Betsy Massar
99.0
4
BankonBanking's picture
BankonBanking
99.0
5
dosk17's picture
dosk17
98.9
6
DrApeman's picture
DrApeman
98.9
7
kanon's picture
kanon
98.9
8
CompBanker's picture
CompBanker
98.9
9
GameTheory's picture
GameTheory
98.9
10
Jamoldo's picture
Jamoldo
98.8
success
From 10 rejections to 1 dream investment banking internship

“... I believe it was the single biggest reason why I ended up with an offer...”