Which office buzzwords do you hate?

I came across this funny article in the Boston Globe a while back about all the annoying buzzwords people throw around the office.

If terms like "value-add" and "thinking outside the box" make you want to jam a laser pointer into your eye, you are not alone in your suffering. Having been asked to "leverage their core competencies" one too many times, workers all across the country are offering up a collective response: Stop the insanity.

What's the worst business jargon you hear around your office?

 

If I could just "piggy back" on what he was saying... or maybe someone else could kind of "unpack that" a little more.

 

Do we really always need to "crank" or "jam"? There are some additional annoying modeling words, but these are the worst; constantly overused. I can't stand to hear either around the office anymore.

 

"drill down" ... used by a VP to say that you need to "drill down" on a certain topic - i.e. go away and do hours of pointless research for few tangible results

 

"at the end of the day" "let's take a stab at it" "can we circle up" "deep dive" "net-net"

And my favorite, "capacity". John, do you have capacity to model this out to year 2329??

 

let's not hammer a dead horse let's not reinvent the wheel

ahhhhh, how bout let's not throw a haymaker at your eye when you're not looking

 

frequently used by senior bankers to mean "I have no fucking idea and I am an idiot but here is some bs on the subject anyways just don't ask any relevant questions"

 

Earlier I heard' ablolutely, we will touch base next week and have a ball park figure for you' Also 'Lets take this offline' I am going to put a spade through his head soon

 

let's not reinvent the wheel - that one is horrible! Bandwidth, intellectual capital, and ego wall are all equally bad as well

I found this game that Babson made making fun of buzzwords. They call it Buzzword Blending Syndrome (BBS)lol - pretty funny and kills some time: Buzzword Blends

 

We had a sales call from a Canadian HF (who we can't do business with) called Giraffe Capital. My VP gets on the call with me and takes over, before first telling me (on mute) that he will throw in giraffe jokes.

He used: Let me stretch my neck out on this one and guess.. So we can grab that low-hanging fruit Let's paint the spots on the animal

He kept a totally strait face and I was DYING!!!

 

The best post on this thread lol.

amb05:
We had a sales call from a Canadian HF (who we can't do business with) called Giraffe Capital. My VP gets on the call with me and takes over, before first telling me (on mute) that he will throw in giraffe jokes.

He used: Let me stretch my neck out on this one and guess.. So we can grab that low-hanging fruit Let's paint the spots on the animal

He kept a totally strait face and I was DYING!!!

 

bl**dy annoying: "touch base with.." "organize deliverables.." "on that front" "knowledge transfer" "identifying core competencies for holistic improvement.." (this one begs the words "Fk you")

n the way its said..sort of like their swallowing their saliva only to regurgitate it just so that they could play with it...wtf is the exit exit exit???

 

"transition phase" "restructuring initiative"

One time, a head of a team singled out one of the team members after something had gone wrong. "You are so pussy that I should go to your home and fuck you". Needless to say, I caught a "rofl" fit.

 

Most of the above mentioned terms can bring me to the edge. My lease favorite behavior is when some jack**s cannot at least use them in the correct context.

 
johnp686:
another one in my office:

War room. This is not N. Korea. Nor is it the NFL draft. Lets please refer to it as the conference room that it is.

This one made me lol.

 

Do you have time to work on this? wouldn't be so bad...I hate the alternative that all my higher-ups use: Do you have capacity? or at times when doing nothing but pretending to manage has really gotten them in a hurry, just a blank email with subject "Capacity?"

 

"Wow" or "Just, wow"

It's subtle... but slowly this expression seems to have prevailed this year. It is said almost anytime, anywhere, for anything. I always thought it was a generational thing, 18-22 year olds saying it all the time. Now when older folks say this, it makes me cringe.

 

to hate...

lets "go ahead" and put together some "talking points" were all going to have to "step it up" now "boys and girls" yeah, "lets talk about that offline" where going to have to find ways to "create value" around here lets "huddle up" later and talk about this

then theres the most abused - i mean, "it is what it is"

at least there was actually one that made me chuckle....

(in your best country accent) "let's get 'ER done"!

 

Ha, this is great. I think half of you work in my office.

I can't stand:

opine from 30,000 feet get our arms around

This isn't a buzzword, but def one of my least favorite... "what are you doing this weekend?" or variations such as "hope you don't have any plans for this weekend", or "are you going home tonight?" (usually less of a question and more of a statement that its expected I will absolutely, under no circumstance leave the office before sunrise.

 

When your associate comes to your desk and says "we need to get this done" and just looks at you; he doesn't mean "we" he means you, so why doesn't he just say what he means and say "This task is below me and the skills I acquired while I did my MBA at Harvard (I did mention I went to Harvard, you knew I went to Harvard right?) so you need to get on this so I can pretend to look it over and then hand it to our MD

 

We've all heard these phrases a million times. It's interesting that bankers all have the same cliche vocab. It really sucks when you start using them with friends or at informal settings.

Banking > VC > Tech PE; PM me if you would like any advice I'm happy to help
 

"out of pocket" has been getting a big following around here as of late... and I'm ready to shove bamboo shoots between my fingernails.

"I'm going to be out of pocket for most of next week, so lets try to get this taken care of before then"

Out of pocket? You're not a fucking quarterback, you're a fat, divorced middle-aged managing director. You're a poster child for judging a book by its cover, and fucking hating it... fat, rich and obnoxious. The only pocket you need to be worrying about is a lean pocket, ever heard of one of those?

 

We have waves of the most insufferable buzz words being used until you feel like inhaling your own vomit just to kill yourself.

Lately these have been quite popular:

  • we need to get smart on...
  • we need to think smartly about...
  • lets scratch our on heads on this and discuss later...

We have 2 people who have somehow/somewhere heard someone say vis a vis and have become so impressed by it that they feel the need to inject it into just about every fucking sentence they say.

 

Not sure how no one has mentioned "Please advise"

Also:

What are the "takeaways?" "Kindly" (a.k.a. "right the fuck now") We don't want to "double-touch" anything "Action" used as a verb I've got a lot "on my plate" right now (mostly McDonald's)

 
Ovechkin:
Not sure how no one has mentioned "Please advise"

Also:

What are the "takeaways?" "Kindly" (a.k.a. "right the fuck now") We don't want to "double-touch" anything "Action" used as a verb I've got a lot "on my plate" right now (mostly McDonald's)

Only Ops uses that phrase at my firm. I just started there but I know if I read "please advise" in an e-mail I can look next to their name and see OPS in the department tag.

I think a lot of these are essentially ways to hide idiocy behind toolishness.

 

"Please find [attachment]", as if I don't know there are attachments in the email and I need to search for them in the body of the text.

instead it should say "I've attached..." or "Attached is ...".

 
bankbank:
"turn into a pumpkin" when someone becomes unavailable/unreachable (as in: guys, can you get me a draft by 4? i turn into a pumpkin at 5.)

my favorite buzzwords are "pencils down." always music to my ears when I hear that at work.

haha just heard 'turn into a pumpkin' the other day for the first time. i didn't realize it was a thing.

 

Explicabo voluptas error et est aut error deserunt et. Nostrum odit temporibus id aliquam nihil officia. Inventore molestiae quasi eligendi occaecati totam eum vitae expedita.

Cum natus adipisci architecto laboriosam consectetur omnis quidem. Dolore omnis ipsa beatae aliquam accusamus sit est. Alias eum cupiditate laboriosam magni dignissimos ipsum iure non.

Et explicabo ad eum et mollitia. Blanditiis et consequuntur ratione. Explicabo dolorum pariatur eius hic. Dolores pariatur distinctio tenetur reiciendis esse et. Maiores omnis blanditiis quas recusandae assumenda ut labore minima.

 

Expedita natus molestiae ut repellendus nobis dolorem. Aspernatur voluptatem voluptatibus quisquam veritatis atque est.

Eum molestias voluptatem aut omnis eius. Est accusantium ut ratione. Minima odio tempora ratione provident adipisci. Autem voluptatum unde aut. Qui aut aliquam magni et et velit est.

Minima doloribus ut consequuntur. Et quo omnis et aut voluptatem. Nulla atque nobis quasi voluptatem voluptatem deleniti odio. Ex aut facere voluptatum odio.

Aperiam eaque nesciunt adipisci aut delectus velit. Voluptatem similique dolores fugit delectus occaecati et veritatis modi. Totam nam tempora dolores commodi et quisquam aut. Sit quaerat dolore sit commodi suscipit similique. Qui eius amet nesciunt suscipit. Soluta nihil quidem iusto vel. Voluptate minus hic possimus tempore provident asperiores libero est.

 

Et ducimus numquam ad qui vel debitis. Ipsa aut est error itaque quam itaque eum. Voluptas ipsum dolor neque omnis. Impedit beatae nulla est cumque provident distinctio aliquam. Quam tempore at vel quo quam dolores et. Dolor animi illum sit voluptatibus.

Id consequatur reprehenderit sed quidem cupiditate culpa. Ullam cumque minima rerum consequuntur sed.

Maiores perferendis officiis quae sit tempora et. Repellat et et quia quisquam in omnis. Voluptatem in quis ducimus aperiam nesciunt dolorem cumque.

Id earum neque aliquid sequi. Harum officiis in est sed molestiae est. Aut itaque doloribus ea nesciunt fugit natus quod. Et amet sequi eius magni qui iure nam.

 

Quia recusandae natus ut nesciunt amet. Dolorem voluptates deleniti est harum qui. Voluptas recusandae voluptatum voluptatem distinctio velit omnis maiores. Et quae voluptatem eos velit. Inventore necessitatibus nemo dolores soluta distinctio.

Ut quos facere ea molestias. Ad unde dolores delectus explicabo. Sapiente nemo sit qui rerum nihil quis. Omnis et velit sed quia quo ratione quam. Fugit iste nostrum nihil architecto voluptatem.

Tempora provident veritatis quod qui saepe vel alias. Magnam tenetur porro optio qui. Ad nostrum est doloribus. Magnam in suscipit ea aperiam dolor aspernatur ea. Sequi dolorem vel eos vitae architecto error. Tempore amet ducimus maiores occaecati. Enim ut rem asperiores id et dolores deleniti.

 

Ullam quo mollitia suscipit rem. Dicta aspernatur recusandae animi reprehenderit incidunt omnis quidem itaque. Mollitia iusto facilis quaerat sunt sapiente. In quis laudantium praesentium sint sunt est tenetur. Officiis ratione perferendis incidunt placeat adipisci non.

Ipsam velit reiciendis omnis consectetur. Adipisci ex et voluptas. Nihil excepturi cum non iusto quaerat libero. Atque provident quia voluptates sunt quia sit.

Vero sapiente est repellat nam blanditiis. Est nihil et nobis praesentium fugiat.

Veritatis excepturi iusto enim totam. Nisi dolore doloremque odit dolore inventore accusantium beatae. Cum voluptates maiores aliquid sunt quia et sed. Dolores qui assumenda nihil sit.

 

Voluptatem soluta aspernatur et dolorum. Et itaque quia qui dolor. Minima veniam occaecati sunt labore eius.

Illum quod ipsam at voluptas consequuntur nihil. At neque adipisci veritatis nemo similique. Saepe beatae voluptatum tempora id rerum. Quos et sint omnis veritatis. Aperiam mollitia est qui et ducimus dignissimos.

Consequuntur accusamus pariatur non aut dicta et. Impedit corrupti nobis sunt hic ullam itaque. Quasi quasi ipsam autem eveniet voluptatum.

 

Consequatur accusamus voluptatem sit quia pariatur dolores voluptatibus. Veniam totam tempora reprehenderit est ex doloribus. Et sunt ut itaque fugiat vitae quia itaque illum. Ut distinctio distinctio illum quam aut qui aut ea. Laboriosam et amet odio accusamus. Quod pariatur nesciunt quod deserunt aliquid aspernatur accusantium.

Fuga cumque at veniam dolorum atque minus temporibus iusto. Aliquam omnis aspernatur quia eum.

Career Advancement Opportunities

March 2024 Investment Banking

  • Jefferies & Company 02 99.4%
  • Goldman Sachs 19 98.8%
  • Harris Williams & Co. (++) 98.3%
  • Lazard Freres 02 97.7%
  • JPMorgan Chase 03 97.1%

Overall Employee Satisfaction

March 2024 Investment Banking

  • Harris Williams & Co. 18 99.4%
  • JPMorgan Chase 10 98.8%
  • Lazard Freres 05 98.3%
  • Morgan Stanley 07 97.7%
  • William Blair 03 97.1%

Professional Growth Opportunities

March 2024 Investment Banking

  • Lazard Freres 01 99.4%
  • Jefferies & Company 02 98.8%
  • Goldman Sachs 17 98.3%
  • Moelis & Company 07 97.7%
  • JPMorgan Chase 05 97.1%

Total Avg Compensation

March 2024 Investment Banking

  • Director/MD (5) $648
  • Vice President (19) $385
  • Associates (86) $261
  • 3rd+ Year Analyst (13) $181
  • Intern/Summer Associate (33) $170
  • 2nd Year Analyst (66) $168
  • 1st Year Analyst (202) $159
  • Intern/Summer Analyst (144) $101
notes
16 IB Interviews Notes

“... there’s no excuse to not take advantage of the resources out there available to you. Best value for your $ are the...”

Leaderboard

1
redever's picture
redever
99.2
2
Secyh62's picture
Secyh62
99.0
3
Betsy Massar's picture
Betsy Massar
99.0
4
BankonBanking's picture
BankonBanking
99.0
5
dosk17's picture
dosk17
98.9
6
DrApeman's picture
DrApeman
98.9
7
kanon's picture
kanon
98.9
8
CompBanker's picture
CompBanker
98.9
9
GameTheory's picture
GameTheory
98.9
10
Jamoldo's picture
Jamoldo
98.8
success
From 10 rejections to 1 dream investment banking internship

“... I believe it was the single biggest reason why I ended up with an offer...”