F*d up my career badly and depressed - need advice

I know it sucks right now but everything happens for a reason. Keep grinding and turn this into a success story.

Don't want to touch on everything but I think that you'll start feeling better as your ankle improves. This has happened to me in the past. I can handle dealing with career problems and personal problems but combine that with phsycial pain at the same time and you literally feel like you are being attacked on every side by life. As soon as the physical pain went away, I realized that I could tackle the rest. In fact, I hadn't realized how much the pain was the straw that was breaking the camel's back. 

You are in a rut but let me assure you that you haven't f**ked your career or your life up at this early stage.  I was a paycheck away from not having rent money at one point in my late 20s to give you some perspective.  I'm not going to dwell on what I have now but it's a much MUCH different situation.  Scar tissue builds hunger - this too shall pass but the lessons you learn will stay with you forever.

Agree with everything that’s been said. In your current situation tho, use the time you have to do some fun stuff and try to enjoy your life (e.g., hang out with friends and family, play your favourite video game/watch your favourite sports). Maybe even try to learn a new skill like programming or cooking or poker etc. while applying to jobs.

Don’t let the job search be the only thing you do all day. Just find other things to get your self out of bed. As someone who has been depressed before I found that being alone and not doing anything is the worst thing for it.

To keep it short, you haven't f*cked up. 

Don't give up, in 5 years you'll be looking back at how this has made you even better.

You haven't fucked up your career at all. You are still young and down the road you will be looking back at this as a small bump in the road and nothing else. Take the time to figure things out and analyze your situation.

What do you want to do? Do you still want to be in IB or do you want to transition to another field?

It seems you have a pretty strong profile granted you are managing to get quite a lot of interviews even in a market like this. Analyze your interviews. Why do they not end up in an offer?

Do they get scared off because you were fired? In that case you need to work on your story. If you were truly fired due to market conditions and actually performed well, you should still be able to get good references and maybe they can help you rephrase your experience as an internship to make it look better. 

Do you fail on technical / behavioural interview questions? If so, that can pretty easily be fixed as people in IB aren't very creative with their interview questions so you should be able to come up with prepared answers to most possible questions.

Does your current situation shine through in the interviews? I.e. you don't get a very good connection with interviewers because you send out negative energy and do not come across as a nice guy to be around / enthusiastic / positive. 

It really sucks to hear about your situation. Something that I have learned by having my ups and downs through the years is that the less you do, the worse you feel. Make sure that you do stuff (speaking to / meeting friends, be with your family, prep for interviews, read books, listen to podcasts, cook, work on rehab for your foot etc.). Does not really matter what you do, just do not lay around at home watching Netflix and feel sorry for yourself. I promise you, that will get you absolutely nowhere and you will not just wake up one day feeling great again. 

I suffer from a disease and felt extremely down for the first 6 months as I was in a lot of pain and also had quite a few side effects. I felt sorry for myself and just wanted to lay home in bed all day watching series. At one point I just said fuck it, I will push through no matter what. I don't care if I have to go to the bathroom crying in pain, I will be in the office every day and give the appearance that I am doing amazing. No one outside of my family / closest friends will give a fuck about my issues so why bother even telling them.

Also, I think you also need to zoom out and get perspective on things to feel better. You graduated from a target and you have experience in investment banking on your resume. You are in a better position than 95% of the population. 

Good luck!

In this order:

1. Get a job to have money for point 2.

2. Prioritize health and wellness; goal: 100% wellness, where you feel that there's nothing more to add or change from your lifestyle to make you feel better.

Once 2 is accomplished only then focus fully on your career progression.

Generally, I'm not surprised to see that someone is depressed because he wants to put on hold their health issues to focus on their career. I really see no need to complicate things when your current situation is self-imposed.

~

Read Meditations (or any other stoic author), daily cold showers, exercise (weightlifting, cardio), cut processed foods and instead focus on nutritious dense foods (add more garlic, carrots, fruits, fiber, probiotics into your diet), meet more with your friends and do fun shit, build some type of momentum (reading, journaling, etc.), engage in some small projects, cut pxrn, and so on. After 1 month, if you did all of that and you're still depressed, then congratulations, you're officially clinically depressed and you can reach your dream of getting into IB through the diversity pathway (considering that you'll be labeled as disabled). But not so fast, because here are the bad news: In 99% of cases depression disappears if one follows what I've said (no source, I've made that number, shoot me), so you'll avoid the shame of getting in IB through the sorrow card, and instead, you'll get where you want to get by pure effort and merit. But of course, this last scene doesn't happen by itself, it only happens when one takes responsibility to make it happen. So stop lamenting your circumstances and use that as a moment to build your character because everyone can be motivated and ambitious during good times, but not all can do the same during difficult times.

Hey everyone, 

Thanks for all of your replies. Most of you have mentioned that I'm merely in the beginning of my career, and I know that. I'm not young (turning 27 today), and let's face it, this has taken a tremendous toll on my mental health and confidence.

I'm trying to learn things from this entire shitshow, but it isn't easy. I've come to terms with the fact that I don't want to do IB long-term, I'm not a sales guy who can easily form new relationships, which of course I understand is absolutely vital in IB. I'm objective enough to see that I wasn't the best IB analyst they've ever seen, but I'm incredibly hurt by the way they and my colleagues handled things. At least I feel that I can trust a few of my former colleagues to give me a good reference when I need one. Other than that, I'm not sure what to take away. Don't trust anyone? You can get stabbed in the back by the people you trust the most? Always go for the largest paycheck? I don't want to be that cynical, but maybe it's time I should be. 

As for my physical condition at the moment, I'm not currently in pain from the foot injury (but still tremendously from the large number of daggers in my heart). I'm wearing a cast, will soon transition to some kind of boot and I'm trying to get accustomed to life on crutches. I'm fully physically capable of working. 

As for my job search, I don't know how to tell my story. I'm currently going with "They're laying off people", which is technically correct because they laid off another guy as well. But I assume that in two months time they'll have a new Analyst in place and that explanation stops being plausible. I can't really say "I don't know" to the question why I was let go in an interview. 

Hey man, I’m sorry to hear about everything. You’ll be all right. One place where I think I could be helpful is the layoff explanation. I wouldn’t sweat them digging in to see if there are new hires and all that. I’d be as positive as you want to be in your answer, it’s high unlikely they bother looking at the previous firm, talking to anyone there, or doing any diligence whatsoever. Just about checking the box that you weren’t let go for performance reasons or behavioral ones, and also that you weren’t damaged by the experience (which is hard not to be, but can convince them of this.) I would talk about all the things you did well when explaining what happened and mention that someone else the same role as you got let go too. I assume before the interview they know you aren’t working there anymore but still decided to interview you, so the fact that it was a layoff shouldn’t be a dealbreaker at all. 

Regret is a bitch and a half brother. I suspect regret and rumination is partially what is eating you up. The thing is you can regret anything and everything because you never know how a decision will turn out. If you had taken the other job offer, you think all your problems would be solved but - maybe you would’ve had a psychotic boss and a miserable experience. You just have no idea. 

Regret comes because we assume life would be infinitely better and perfect if we had just done the other thing. This applies to women, work, fitness, everything. But you made the best decision you could with the information you had, and that’s all you can ever do - you have very limited control over the outcomes of decisions (because you have very limited control of the world in general).

Lots of great advice on this thread that I won’t reiterate, but work on letting go of your regret. Write a letter handwritten to yourself about why you took this job and write out how it was the best decision you could’ve made with the information at the time. Even with anything else you regret, write it all out with compassion. Then let it go and move forward. Start from a blank slate (where you are now) and plan for the future.

Wow man, thank you for sharing all of that and I'd bet you already feel a little better just having gotten it off your chest.

You're definitely in a rough patch right now, and this market is certainly not sunshine and roses, but take a step back and look at where you are.

• You're a candidate from an elite institution

• You have relevant work experience (Big4 and boutique IB)

You may be up shit's creek, but you are definitely not without a paddle my friend. I would advise you to take a break, maybe just a few days, but decompress and accept your situation. Try to figure out a gameplan for the foreseeable future and understand that it may be some time before you find a spot. Once you feel like you've come back down to earth, hit the ground running with your goal in mind.

keep your head up, remember that careers are 40+ years long

You got plenty of good positive advice here, so let me give some, hopefully good, but perhaps not so positive advice.

The biggest learning outcome here that I think you need to really think about, is that your colleagues at a job are never your friends, no matter how much it may appear to be so. Every W2 employee is incentivized to look out for themselves. Sure, you go to lunch together and it seems like you're complaining about the same VP or process and you both love the NY Giants or finger painting or whatever your thing is, or maybe you both have a dad who is a US Navy officer or 100s of other things that make you think you are friends or even "would trust them with my life" as you so put it.

It may hurt to hear this, but that best buddy at work, will throw you under the bus in a split-second without even giving it much thought, if it meant saving his job or getting a bonus or expanded responsibilities. This will happen 99 out of 100 times, forget about how nice/loving/family everyone says they are, the incentives are what drive things at the end of the day, not emotions.

So, like everyone above says, your career is not over, 27 is not old, everything is fine, this is temporary, you will find your next thing. But whenever you do find your next things, sure be friendly, but remember that you are just a monkey in a jungle.

It's never too late buddy. I know several entrepreneurs in their 60s/70s who just recently became decamillionaires in the last 5-10 years. You'll be fine, life is long. 

Well if you bought an apartment right after college it sounds like you have enough family money that none of this shit even matters anyway

Dude, I fucked up royally early on and turned out ok. Like I failed undergrad accounting the first time around. Even with an extremely non traditional route I’m now a CFO/COO and make a damn good living. And all my messy background taught me a lot that makes me a phenomenal leader.

Happy to chat 1-1 but I hope this is reassuring you’re not that far gone.

Get your mind and body right before trying to take on a career.

That’s rough position to be in bud, but my recommendation (and this is someone who has consistently f***d up his career in some shape or from) is to tough it out. Change your mentality and keep grinding. You got those offers once so there is no reason to believe that you can’t get them again. You’re going through a rough patch right now, but life only gets tougher my friend. Count your blessings and keep plowing through this. Reach out to the other firm, keep networking, apply for similar jobs and I’m sure you’ll look at this experience as a major learning lesson. Chin up king! Happy birthday!

Hey man, thanks for being vulnerable with the pain you’re going through. I can’t imagine what you must feel right now.

I can actually relate to your story in one way, in college I actually broke my ankle in a pretty bad accident as well and required surgery. It’s not an easy recovery but you will get better, I assure you that. As long as the doctor indicates your recovery is going smoothly you will get better. I’m going to be honest, it was a long recovery for me. I broke my tibia which is the main weight bearing bone, it required surgery so now I have 2 permanent surgical screws in my ankle to this day even years later and will have them for the rest of my life. But now my ankle is 100% in great shape, I don’t feel any pain and I run on it 2-3x a week. A couple years back I did a half marathon with a good pace, I’ve also done 50+ mile backpacking trips on it as well. Just be patient with your recovery.
 

All this is to say you will get better, just take it one day at a time. I’m not sure if you’re religious but I found a lot of peace in my faith at the time. The instance served as a good reminder to me that we’re not guaranteed anything and we’re not promised tomorrow. Don’t try to compare yourself to anyone but instead just be content with where you are. Everyone’s on a different path. You will get through this, and come out on the other end stronger than before. Let your experiences humble you that you can empathize with others who go through such hardship.

You are far too young to have fucked up anything too terribly.

You will learn from this and it will help you a great deal as you approach the rest of your career. You are just getting started my friend. 
 

contrary to what you may see on LinkedIn or on this forum, the majority of careers, especially very successful ones, are not a straight line. 
 

You are starting from a very solid base, the odds are in your favor. Overcoming adversity and landing on your feet are essential traits. 
 

1) you are presumably born in America (massive, massive advantage - the greatest advantage in the world )

2) you are college educated at a top institution (assuming you didn’t go to Cornell…massive advantage) 

3) you already have internship and full time job experience in a field you wanted to pursue (massive advantage) 

4) you have a family that one way or another helped you become a productive member of society (massive advantage)

5) even with a broken ankle, you are likely healthier than 99% of the population with access to the best medical care (massive advantage)

6) You are young,very young, and have time on your side. I’m closer to 40, trust me time is on your side 

I could go on and on.

it’s time to go David Goggins and start taking some fucking souls 

good luck 

It just seems that a really bad accident snowballed for you.

You didn’t commit a felony, hurt someone or do something unethical.

Just be honest, you joined a small boutique after a great internship because you thought they really believed in a family atmosphere, but you found out quickly that when you needed help, they were not accommodating and you’ve learned a valuable lesson.

My advice is to never give up on life until you’re at least 30 man. Keep trying.

If life sucks super bad post-30, then you have my permission to reassess if the struggle is worth it. But you’re way too young to give up.

There’s no shame in getting laid off. You may think you totally deserved it and maybe you partially did (ie everyone has troughs / lazy periods, that’s okay), but your six months at the firm don’t define who you are today or who you will become. I’ve had months where I can say I just wasn’t invested in my job for one reason or another and wasn’t producing great work. 90% of people out there have those seasons. Take the job out of the picture though and think about the good things in your life. Your career is one small part of life - friends, family, etc matter much more.

I’d echo what others have said and would say to use the next period of time to focus on health, friends, and thinking about what you want to do next. I was in a similar boat once where I left a banking job I hated and had months off where I was unemployed trying to figure out what to do. I moved into an industry I now love in a corporate role. It took a few months to figure out what my next step was and I also prioritized connecting with friends during those months, but I’m very glad I didn’t rush into anything. You have so much time to figure it out and definitely don’t make comparisons to yourself against your target school friends. It’s a tough demographic to compare yourself to but not representative of normal people, and your target school friends will run into their own career issues eventually - everyone does.

Best of luck

Brother, stay strong. May God guide you to a better career. Everyone, please learn from his mistake- Corporate culture is never friendly. Everyone is there for their own sake, so, focus on where there is more money and better opportunities rather letting your emotions dictate.

Also, brother you should apply to some mnc's

Sorry to hear. PM me - happy to help 

Hey dude hope you’re getting better!

You did not fuck up your career and things will be alright. Your ankle needs time to recover so does your mental health. Give yourself more time. The same as your career. How bad it could be ？All temporary. Things will work out.

You are under 30 still very young think about 10 years later what do you want to do with your life. Do everything you can to make yourself feel better and keep looking for job!

I’m an international student here got MSF degree from a top program in the US. English is not my first language.I had big firms internship experience though not in this country. I’ve got so many rejections not only because of the Visa. I can not stay in this country anymore if I can't get hired and time is limited to me. But I did not give up!

You know what you deserve in the coming future! Don't give up! Life is going to be better!

A lot of great advice has already been added, but just wanted to say that I'm confident that in 5 years you'll look back on this period and be thankful that you pushed through. Things may not work out immediately, but you'll be able to connect the dots when looking back at the path assuming you've been trying to push forward by addressing mental/physical health, personal development, and upskilling related to your career (note that improvement may be incremental and not linear - in 6 months you feel better, at 9 months you feel like you've made no progress, in 1 year you're back to normal, in 2 years you're ahead of baseline, etc).

I was fired about a year ago from a PE position and ended up taking a corporate job to fill the gap, and it feels like I've taken 15 steps back professionally. I've struggled with depression and anxiety for as long as I can remember, and the external stressors recently triggered all of these issues. I haven't fully bounced back yet, but I'm trying to do small things every day that keep me on the right path. That includes high intensity workouts for 30 min a day, playing the piano, learning a language, and brushing up on technical skills to stay sharp for when the market bounces back / when I can get in front of the right investing opportunity. I think structure is huge when you're unemployed and/or struggling with mental health issues, so I'd suggest figuring out a daily routine that balances the right amount of personal development + career development activities.

Relatedly, you might want to check out Sahil Blooms newsletter. He has lots of great nuggets of wisdom that I've found are helpful for putting life and career challenges into perspective.

Good luck man - hope you feel better and find a gig that you like soon.

Any updates on this? I'm in a similar spot myself so I understand the struggle. Hoping that you're already on the upswing or on the path to bouncing back.