19, good looking, never had gf, still a virgin

I know calling myself good looking is going to come off as extremely narcissistic but I've been told by ppl, friends, friends of friends so I'll just assume I'm a little above average.

I'm 5'11 pretty fit - not massive but go to the gym often. I had lots of things here and there in high school but never wanted to commit to a relationship - just felt like a lot of unnecessary drama and I just didn't feel like girls were an important part of my life. Yes, I found some girls hot and I'd talk to them for like two weeks and then lose interest (had a very bad grass is greener on the other side mentality). I feel like there was also a part of my Asian upbringing - had very cool parents but academic pressure things like that kind of shifted my focus away from relationships. I go to a t10 college now so I don't regret focusing on academics during hs but idk just feels like i missed out on smth.

I'm a sophomore now, and for the first time in my life, I feel like I want to be in a relationship. And not some tinder one-night shit but an actual committed relationship. All my hs friends are halfway across the world and I had my first yr of college online so I suddenly have this emptiness in my life right now. I'm usually very confident but with 0 relationship experience, I'm just not sure how to go forward with my situation. 

Idk just wanted to write my thoughts somewhere. Appreciate any advice/comments

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Comments (82)

Sep 16, 2021 - 8:32pm

Thanks bro 

"If you always put limits on everything you do, physical or anything else, it will spread into your work and into your life. There are no limits. There are only plateaus, and you must not stay there, you must go beyond them." - Bruce Lee

Sep 16, 2021 - 5:42pm

If you want to find a committed relationship at that age you're already doing well because a huge number of guys in that age group are either permavirgins or want to bang anything that walks with little in between.  Girls are more balanced. 

The best option is to really just talk to everyone from people next to you in class, the store, your professors, etc and eventually you'll get better.  Especially if you were born in Asia and looking to start a relationship with someone who doesn't speak your native language.

  • Intern in PE - LBOs
Sep 16, 2021 - 6:52pm

Hey, I'm beginning an MS in Computer Science at Columbia university, with a focus on Artificial Intelligence.  I am going to research learning algorithms, mostly on the mathematical side.  My goal is to become a quant trader, but if that doesn't work out I'll get a developer/engineer role.  I know most of you guys are business school weenies so don't knock me.

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  • Associate 1 in AM - Other
Sep 16, 2021 - 6:10pm

Sorry bro but as an Asian male, you're statistically speaking pretty much near the bottom of the totem pole since white women won't go for you and Asian women who were born there won't go for you neither (they only go after white guys).

My advice would be to target girls who just arrived from the country where your family is originally from. If your parents are Korean, go for first generation Korean girls etc.


  • Associate 1 in AM - Other
Sep 16, 2021 - 6:22pm

Drumpfy, why are you calling people incel when you are fucking engaged to a Russian gold digger?

Sep 16, 2021 - 7:54pm

Why is this getting so much MS? It's been shown that Asian males have the worst luck on dating apps. That isn't to say that OP can't find someone but it's also important to have a realistic framework when approaching the market. 


  • Intern in PE - LBOs
Sep 16, 2021 - 11:17pm

Worst luck doesn't imply that some white and asian women won't go for him, which is what the Associate 1 in AM seems to be saying (even if the probability is lower, it's not even close to 0). 

  • Associate 1 in HF - Event
Sep 16, 2021 - 10:09pm

As an asian who does well with women from diverse backgrounds, I have to agree and disagree.

Agree because yes, it's true that asian men do struggle more than men of other ethnicities when it comes to dating.

Disagree because even with the added on difficulty based on race, the chance you can find someone is not zero, you need to put yourself out there, know how to handle rejections, and continually source better prospects.

I didn't have a gf during my 18 years living in Asia. My first gf was a white one (lasted 1.5 year). Had no game, my looks were okay though. The gf after that one was someone from my hometown (lasted around 1 year). Now I'm in relationship with another white one (this is a serious one, we have been talking about family and kids). 

OP should have just target whoever he wants to. 

  • Intern in PE - LBOs
Sep 16, 2021 - 6:47pm

Girls are extremely cognizant of what school you went to. You mentioned you're a T10 graduate, which is what Brown/Duke/Chicago/Columbia/Penn grads use when they try to brag because they're trying to cope with the fact that they didn't get into a HYPSM T5 school. Girls have strong mating instincts, they tend to look for attractive characteristics like strength, wealth, and intelligence, and they instantly pick up on social clues like this. Source: am a hot girl myself. In terms of the dating scene, since you didn't go to one of the T5 schools, you are basically a non-target or fringe-semi-target at best. Think of yourself as a Kelley kid trying to break into IB. Your state school degree just doesn't appeal to the sophisticated female mating instincts. I would just leave your school off of your dating resume like you would with a low GPA. Don't even bring it up unless you want to be embarrassed because you definitely will be. I would recommend trying to attend a H/S MBA program in order to boost your educational background and prestige. Unfortunately, Wharton MBA doesn't really cut it anymore. 

Wow, didn't think I'd get use out of this write-up again, but it works here too!

Sep 16, 2021 - 7:50pm

Why is this most helpful and not funniest? Pretty sure this is meant to be satire...


  • Intern in IB-M&A
Sep 16, 2021 - 7:54pm

Is this real/really written by a girl?

Such a long piece of text to not be satire

  • Intern in PE - LBOs
Sep 16, 2021 - 8:06pm

I feel like the only people who would believe this are actual virgins and people who have never been in a relationship in their life.

edit: I was right


I'm in your same exact position in terms of age, looks, height, t10 college, and dating inexperience. The only difference is that I don't want a "committed relationship." Fuck that. I'm trying to get as much pussy as humanly possible. Relationship baggage comes later.

Sep 16, 2021 - 9:06pm

HYPS……M? What school is M?

"If you always put limits on everything you do, physical or anything else, it will spread into your work and into your life. There are no limits. There are only plateaus, and you must not stay there, you must go beyond them." - Bruce Lee

Sep 16, 2021 - 8:04pm

I'm in your same exact position in terms of age, looks, height, t10 college, and dating inexperience. The only difference is that I don't want a "committed relationship." Fuck that. I'm trying to get as much pussy as humanly possible. Relationship baggage comes later.

Most Helpful
Sep 16, 2021 - 9:18pm

Hey, don't worry about it too much. For context I am a South Asian male who is in his early 30's right now, and I was in a similar situation to yours more than a decade back when I first started dating or trying to date women. So I completely understand how you are feeling right now. Just don't rush into anything, keep working on yourself mentally, physically and spiritually and try to meet as many women as possible in your free time (whether its in school/ through dating apps or in events/ parties/ through common friends). Your vibe will attract your tribe and you will eventually meet the kind of girl that you would like to date and who is interested in dating you seriously as well.

And for the people posting above me about the role of ethnicities/ school prestige etc.- This is frankly laughable. I would presume that they are just kids. While this might be true for some women who are of a shallow mindset, you dont want to be dating these kind of women anyways. For additional context, I am from a school(which might be the best in my country but no one internationally knows about it), and a South Asian living in a cosmopolitan Asian city, yet I have dated seriously and casually dozens of very attractive, intelligent women from literally every continent there is. I am not denying that being good looking doesn't help, but I would consider myself to be only above average looking. What presumably works for me I guess is that I carry myself with a lot of confidence, I have been told that I am a good conversationalist in person and I am always looking to evolve and become a better version of myself (which perhaps women also find attractive).

  • Intern in PE - LBOs
Sep 16, 2021 - 11:41pm

bheja fried, what school did you go? I feel like you are from India because your username is also a bollywood movie.

  • Analyst 1 in IB - Cov
Sep 17, 2021 - 12:57am

I was in a similar situation. 6 feet, good looking guy, have girls after me although I usually don't like them.

My experience is, whether you have tons of gfs or not depends on if you are socially active and demonstrate a CLEAR interest in engaging in sexual relationships with women. 

Sexual signs are extremely important to women. You need to show that you understand the inuendo or the hints women throw out there and you need to "make the move" at "the right times".

IMO, this is very unfair to us as inexperienced young men. True, there are some geniuses in picking up girls, but most of us need to learn this shit, even if you are tall, fit, and handsome because you simply cannot guarantee that all women who chase you are the ones you like. 

A bit more:

I stopped being a virgin at 18 but the experience was terrible. I did it for the sake of doing it. I knew this girl/classmate who had a huge crush on me since middle school. 

Lesson learned: don't do that. Save your virginity for someone you really like. I mean it. It's not like you want to find a hooker and just bang her. It's not like that. 

21: Another girlfriend, still not a good experience.

22: gf had 0 experience and her blowjob was terrible to the point I didn't want to continue.

Notice that my social skills somehow improved immeasurably and I got some leads here and there. There were 3-4 girls who really liked me and I knew that. I didn't like any.  

24: another girlfriend and everything was good. I did stupid things and it didn't end well.

24-26: been paying for sex and massages. 

Advice: I'm not sure if you should do this. The downside is you lose $ and you now view every single beautiful woman with the thought that she can probably be bought with a $. I know the cliche that everyone has a price, but good women won't trade their own bodies for $. That is a huge difference between someone you want to marry and whores. The upside is you will get pretty good with women, making friends or getting them into relationships --- suppose you make the efforts. If you end up in banking you probably won't have time for this shit. You also end up not knowing how to really be in a long-term relationship with your good bedroom moves. That is not a good sign because it shows you are experienced in bed with women yet you seem to know very little about relationships. Experienced women will suspect something might be off. 

One last thought...as you become a bit older, you will know when women are interested in you, provided that those aren't bitches playing with your emotions --- that is something you need to learn the hard way I guess. Don't go on dates with the mindset of "okay, how can I hold her hands/kiss her/fuck her ?" Have those thoughts in mind but don't rush anything. Assess your date. Think about whether you want to be in a relationship with her. Then you'll know when she wants you to hold hands or kiss her because she will touch your hands or whatever when you are on dates. 

If you just want to hook up and fuck around I don't have any advice, never done that. 

Sep 17, 2021 - 3:37pm

I'm white but I was pretty nerdy in high school and college (think math club, chess club, MTG, etc.) so most of my close friends are Asian.

Based on what I've heard from my Asian friends, Asian men tend to not do very well on online dating / apps (can still have success, but it's an uphill struggle), so your best bet is to avoid online and do stuff in-person. Join clubs/extracurriculars, go to parties, etc.

Some "hacks" that worked for me in college.

1) Joining study groups - I didn't really need the study groups and actually prefer studying on my own, but I joined these purely to meet girls. Be careful about not getting friend zoned. Through study groups, I developed a on-and-off relationship with a girl that lasted just under a year in college

2) Christian student fellowship - Surprisingly good way to meet girls. I'm not religious at all (though I was baptized as an infant), but I ended up getting involved with my college's Christian student fellowship solely in pursuit of a girl. We ended together for 1.5 years but it also ultimately didn't work out. The problem is that a significant amount of these girls are "saving themselves for marriage" (or will at least say they are), so do your due diligence otherwise you might end up with blue balls.

  • Incoming Analyst in IB - Cov
Sep 17, 2021 - 7:16pm

Sounds like these challenges were from remote university or at least it didn't help. You have a great opportunity this year to talk to everyone in your classes. People will be in the 'friend making' mode for at least the first few weeks so take advantage of being able to say hi to people. The sophomores at every school are basically older freshman this year. 

Don't seek out a girlfriend in every girl you meet, but incorporate them into your life. Ask girls in your class to study for the midterm. If there's a soccer game, ask if she's going - maybe you'll see her there. Things like that. If you see a girl occasionally outside of class, after a month or so you should be able to tell if there might be some residual romantic value between you two. It's subtle but you'll know when there is potential.  

Another good thing you can do if you want to avoid short term things is try not to fuck on the first date. By holding off (unless it naturally goes there) it shows you care about her company and want to know her. Sex is obviously vital to relationships, though, so don't wait forever for no reason. Holding off once should do enough to show her you're not just there for the sex. 

  • Associate 2 in IB-M&A
Sep 18, 2021 - 7:08pm

This hierarchy is highly dependent on the girl. Girls like all of the above but you can't generalize that they like it in that order.

Sep 19, 2021 - 4:52am

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Sep 23, 2021 - 12:41am

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