A Good Laugh

Going through old posts and found this from 2008. It didn't seem like it got that much attention when it was first posted so here it is:

WORD PROBLEMS
FOR FUTURE HEDGE-
FUND MANAGERS.

BY BOB WOODIWISS

Elementary
(AGES 5–10)

1. Dick has $1 million. Jane has $1 million. If Dick and Jane both give their $1 million to T. Boone, how many millions will he claim he can turn it into?

2. On his way home from school, Kyle stops to buy a candy bar. It costs 69 cents. How much change should Kyle get back if he pays for the candy with a $1,000,000,000 bill?

3. Among those earning 10-figure incomes, Mr. Soros's total annual compensation is greater than Mr. Falcone's. Mr. Falcone's is greater than Mr. Griffin's. Mr. Griffin's is smaller than Mr. Soros's, and Mr. Paulson's is greater than Mr. Soros's.

In descending order, list the men by the respective hotness of their trophy wives.

4. A hedge-fund manager gets up at 5 a.m. It takes him 12 minutes to shower, 8 minutes to get dressed, and 20 minutes to eat breakfast. How big is his domestic staff?

Intermediate
(AGES 11–15)

1. Your middle-class parents have a combined household income of $115,000. You receive an allowance of $20 per week. If you save all your allowance for two years, how much debt will you have to finance to hostilely take over your family? How will you structure the debt?

2. The number of hours left in the New York Stock Exchange's trading day is one-third of the number of hours already passed. How many hours are there until you can start trading on the Tokyo Stock Exchange?

3. At 10 a.m., a private Gulfstream G650 takes off from New York, headed south to the Caribbean island of St. Bart's, traveling at a speed of Mach .9. At 11 a.m., a private Gulfstream G550 takes off from St. Bart's, headed north to New York, traveling at Mach .885. Both jets fly at 50,000 feet on parallel flight paths. When the aircraft.......

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