Baller Office Space

You started a business and it's successful beyond your wildest dreams. Your budget is unlimited and your job is to create the most baller office space this world has ever seen. What features would you include and where would it be located? Specifically, what kind of unique features would you include?

Some of my ideas:
1) Exotic animals. I was going to say lions, but then I came to the realization that lions take giant, smelly shits and that may frighten clients. A shark tank with all sorts of exotic sharks would be more logical and a cost effective way of eliminating employees who fall below the high watermark.
2) Located on the top floor of one of the most exclusive buildings in NYC.
3) Giant marble statues everywhere of the men I admire most throughout history. Julius Caesar, Peter the Great, Hannibal, etc... I want my employees constantly being inspired by the most powerful men in history.
4) A top secret sex and drug lair, so I can disappear in the middle of the day and remember why I hire other people to do my job for me.

Grandiose and unnecessary ideas come more naturally when I'm under the influence of alcohol. So I will post more at around 3:00AM New York time. Remember, your budget is unlimited, so nothing , no matter how stupid it is, is a waste of money.

Don't be afraid to steer this thread into a more conventional office space discussion. I'm interested in hearing all ideas.

 

Dude the Fanasty Factory is pretty much baller. So I would say the fanasty factory on the entire top 3 floors of a Manhattan skyscraper.

Follow the shit your fellow monkeys say @shitWSOsays Life is hard, it's even harder when you're stupid - John Wayne
 

Am I the only one who is content to actually having his office next door to his apartment. As for baller status, its really a relative thing. Most real ballers do not show off unlike speudo ones. I would hate to rub it on my team if I were baking bank. It the quickest way to lose talent. Just look at SF, most tech houses are laid back, polo shirts, cashmere sweaters and smooth perfect synergy.

 
Best Response

I've always thought about this... I'd have an office literally on the beach in Malibu... the real working space for partners and senior professionals would be on the top floor which has glass walls 360 degrees around. The roof would also be glass and would have the ability to completely retract, making it an open air office. I'd also want the floor to be pretty open in terms of space with some manicured bushes indoors (almost like the lobby of Platinum).

There would essentially only be 4 offices on this floor, one in each corner of the building and the walls would be all glass as well. The offices would have a light switch that changes the clear glass walls to opaque. The hard part would be hiding all the wiring and ventilation systems so they'd have to be routed through the floor... which would also be a thick slab of glass which acted as the top to a giant aquarium which served as the floor.... so maybe wires and ventilation tubes could be routed through holes bored throughout the coral in my aquarium floor.

My office would have a clear glass slab for terrace which can be extended to hang over the beach.

Most days would be spent with the roof retracted getting some fresh Malibu air.

 
Marcus_Halberstram:
I've always thought about this... I'd have an office literally on the beach in Malibu... the real working space for partners and senior professionals would be on the top floor which has glass walls 360 degrees around. The roof would also be glass and would have the ability to completely retract, making it an open air office. I'd also want the floor to be pretty open in terms of space with some manicured bushes indoors (almost like the lobby of Platinum).

There would essentially only be 4 offices on this floor, one in each corner of the building and the walls would be all glass as well. The offices would have a light switch that changes the clear glass walls to opaque. The hard part would be hiding all the wiring and ventilation systems so they'd have to be routed through the floor... which would also be a thick slab of glass which acted as the top to a giant aquarium which served as the floor.... so maybe wires and ventilation tubes could be routed through holes bored throughout the coral in my aquarium floor.

My office would have a clear glass slab for terrace which can be extended to hang over the beach.

Most days would be spent with the roof retracted getting some fresh Malibu air.

Really like the idea and I'm in love with Malibu, although it's a little too far up in the sticks for me.

Men are so simple and so much inclined to obey immediate needs that a deceiver will never lack victims for his deceptions. -Niccolo Machiavelli
 
Marcus_Halberstram:
I've always thought about this... I'd have an office literally on the beach in Malibu... the real working space for partners and senior professionals would be on the top floor which has glass walls 360 degrees around. The roof would also be glass and would have the ability to completely retract, making it an open air office. I'd also want the floor to be pretty open in terms of space with some manicured bushes indoors (almost like the lobby of Platinum).

There would essentially only be 4 offices on this floor, one in each corner of the building and the walls would be all glass as well. The offices would have a light switch that changes the clear glass walls to opaque. The hard part would be hiding all the wiring and ventilation systems so they'd have to be routed through the floor... which would also be a thick slab of glass which acted as the top to a giant aquarium which served as the floor.... so maybe wires and ventilation tubes could be routed through holes bored throughout the coral in my aquarium floor.

My office would have a clear glass slab for terrace which can be extended to hang over the beach.

Most days would be spent with the roof retracted getting some fresh Malibu air.

Or your ventilation system is made of glass...winning

 

The best office is not having one at all...

********************************* “The American father is never seen in London. He passes his life entirely in Wall Street and communicates with his family once a month by means of a telegram in cipher.” - Oscar Wilde
 
prospie:
veritas14:
The best office is not having one at all...

exactly - Larry Wildman lounging on the deck of his yacht putting in orders (on his giant cell phone). That's ideal.

Agree. I cannot think of a better environment to close a deal in.

Having said that, a gun collection displayed in a glass cabinet a la Gordon Gekko's home office, or any assortment of prized menacing looking weaponry for that matter, would count as baller office decor.

 
prospie:
veritas14:
The best office is not having one at all...

exactly - Larry Wildman lounging on the deck of his yacht putting in orders (on his giant cell phone). That's ideal.

damn. beat me to it.

 
prospie:
veritas14:
The best office is not having one at all...

exactly - Larry Wildman lounging on the deck of his yacht putting in orders (on his giant cell phone). That's ideal.

I think the ideal fantasy office is not having one at all in the sense of being retired. A gilded cage is still a cage.

That said I would like a circular 360 degree glass office at the top of a building, with a glass dome ceiling. I would need to get in there so there would be a retractable elevator in the center that pops up when I want to leave and sinks into the floor out of sight when I don't need it. There would be all glass furniture so nothing would obstruct my view of the sky. the the surroundings. I would get the office all to myself. I'm selfish, I know.

 

The goddamn spoon man from the Soundgarden videos. I'm talking 6 grills burnin' at all times, tiki torches, three whole pigs, fucking shitloads of macaroni and cheeses, baked potatoes, collard greens, a horse, fucking Puerto Rican chicks showing their pussies and tits off everywhere.

There have been many great comebacks throughout history. Jesus was dead but then came back as an all-powerful God-Zombie.
 

I would buy an old factory, like a fucking huge one, and have stick ball and shit during the day in lieu of meetings. Your team wins, you get the contract. basketball hoops and kegs in the corners and a big ass desk on the side where my secretary dances until the phone rings.

suck it.

If I had asked people what they wanted, they would have said faster horses - Henry Ford
 
zoov:
A system of tubes all around the office (the ones at banks) in which objects could be shot around or transferred.

Why not have people sized ones too? How awesome would that be? Instead of calling someone for something you could be shot around the office to ask them face to face.

Follow the shit your fellow monkeys say @shitWSOsays Life is hard, it's even harder when you're stupid - John Wayne
 
heister:
zoov:
A system of tubes all around the office (the ones at banks) in which objects could be shot around or transferred.

Why not have people sized ones too? How awesome would that be? Instead of calling someone for something you could be shot around the office to ask them face to face.

I would have them run across the ceiling above the stalls in the women's restroom. (1) Incentive for the senior level folks to hire attractive ladies and (2) it would increase work productivity because there would be less time Facebooking on the can and more time at the desk cranking out some models or slides or whatever.

Regards

"The trouble with our liberal friends is not that they're ignorant, it's just that they know so much that isn't so." - Ronald Reagan
 
mike55555:
You started a business and it's successful beyond your wildest dreams. Your budget is unlimited and your job is to create the most baller office space this world has ever seen. What features would you include and where would it be located? Specifically, what kind of unique features would you include?

Some of my ideas: 1) Exotic animals. I was going to say lions, but then I came to the realization that lions take giant, smelly shits and that may frighten clients. A shark tank with all sorts of exotic sharks would be more logical and a cost effective way of eliminating employees who fall below the high watermark. 2) Located on the top floor of one of the most exclusive buildings in NYC. 3) Giant marble statues everywhere of the men I admire most throughout history. Julius Caesar, Peter the Great, Hannibal, etc... I want my employees constantly being inspired by the most powerful men in history. 4) A top secret sex and drug lair, so I can disappear in the middle of the day and remember why I hire other people to do my job for me.

Grandiose and unnecessary ideas come more naturally when I'm under the influence of alcohol. So I will post more at around 3:00AM New York time. Remember, your budget is unlimited, so nothing , no matter how stupid it is, is a waste of money.

Don't be afraid to steer this thread into a more conventional office space discussion. I'm interested in hearing all ideas.

*cave eat: I am completely intoxicated right now.... well this might be fully relevant to the subject...

May I suggest you check out the "M1NT Club" (mint) in Shanghai. They have a shark tank in the club... and its big. Properly big... Like 15m long. Check out these youtube videos... They have baby sharks swimming in there, its quite loads of fun, but id rather hit on the chicks (asian or foreign) on this club, they are all highly (physically) intellectual.

Load of fun if ur an expat or wana go on a spending spree !

 
16rl:
mike55555:
You started a business and it's successful beyond your wildest dreams. Your budget is unlimited and your job is to create the most baller office space this world has ever seen. What features would you include and where would it be located? Specifically, what kind of unique features would you include?

Some of my ideas: 1) Exotic animals. I was going to say lions, but then I came to the realization that lions take giant, smelly shits and that may frighten clients. A shark tank with all sorts of exotic sharks would be more logical and a cost effective way of eliminating employees who fall below the high watermark. 2) Located on the top floor of one of the most exclusive buildings in NYC. 3) Giant marble statues everywhere of the men I admire most throughout history. Julius Caesar, Peter the Great, Hannibal, etc... I want my employees constantly being inspired by the most powerful men in history. 4) A top secret sex and drug lair, so I can disappear in the middle of the day and remember why I hire other people to do my job for me.

Grandiose and unnecessary ideas come more naturally when I'm under the influence of alcohol. So I will post more at around 3:00AM New York time. Remember, your budget is unlimited, so nothing , no matter how stupid it is, is a waste of money.

Don't be afraid to steer this thread into a more conventional office space discussion. I'm interested in hearing all ideas.

*cave eat: I am completely intoxicated right now.... well this might be fully relevant to the subject...

May I suggest you check out the "M1NT Club" (mint) in Shanghai. They have a shark tank in the club... and its big. Properly big... Like 15m long. Check out these youtube videos... They have baby sharks swimming in there, its quite loads of fun, but id rather hit on the chicks (asian or foreign) on this club, they are all highly (physically) intellectual.

Load of fun if ur an expat or wana go on a spending spree !

You know you want to work on the street when you don't drunk dial you drunk post on WSO

The answer to your question is 1) network 2) get involved 3) beef up your resume 4) repeat -happypantsmcgee WSO is not your personal search function.
 

First of all, it wouldn't be an office, it would be a study.

Wood paneled library, definitely with wood burning fireplace, many books and cool things I've collected over the years, leather club chairs, discreetly located Flat screen to hook up computer or watch TV, small wet bar in the corner, a couple couches, and views out over the ocean or central park, depending upon the season.

Only a laptop allowed, no desktop computers.

Oh, and a tiny giraffe to blow kisses to.

 

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