Banker's Ball on WASPS

Q: First, B.A., where do WASPs celebrate Christmas? Where will they take me????

A: You will most likely be getting on the MetroNorth to New England. New England is the breeding ground for the WASP of the nation, and almost every WASP in the country was either born in this area, or is second generation from this area. Prime real estate areas include: Greenwich, CT Wellesley, MA and Manhasset, NY to name a few. Also, the Main Line areas of Pennsylvania, as well as the Eastern Shore areas of Maryland and DC are WASPalicious too.

Q: What should I wear to a WASP gathering?

A: If the words “Eurotrash” or “hipster” at all describe your style, thereâ€s nothing I can do for you. First, you cannot wear anything remotely “hip” — no Diesel (except for a handful of acceptable jeans), Guess (arf), Ed Hardy apparel (or anything with cheesy graphic art for that matter), or anything from purchased from Lounge or Intermix. WASPs are not concerned with being hip or trendy. Tasteful, conservative, and comfortable is the look they go for — think Ralph Lauren Purple Label (egads no Polo Sport), Burberry, Vineyard Vines, Thomas Pink, J Crew, Nantucket Reds, Pringle, Brooks Brothers, and Barbour. Also I think I covered this already with my Eurotrash comment, but no Lacoste (also: itâ€s so pedestrian).

Q: What should I give a WASP?

A: Gift giving WASP style isnâ€t easy. Most of these people come from old money and have everything they could ever imagine. This calls for creativity, but after all the thought and money you spend, your gift still wonâ€t be good enough. Orvis is a great spot to pick up anything for the yuppie sportsman, be it a fly fishing rod to a bird call set, you canâ€t go wrong here. A Scottish wool cap or fleece dog sweater for the family English Labrador are also good Christmas gifts that also can be purchased at Orvis. This year, Iâ€m buying my father a Scottish engraved pewter flask so he can booze whilst golfing with his buddies. A nice bottle of expensive single-malt scotch and a can of Virginia roasted peanuts will undoubtedly do the trick, and remember most WASPs are either Irish or come from cultures known to drink heavily, so alcohol will never be scoffed at.

Q: What are the Dos and Donâ€ts? Help me out with some WASP etiquette.

A: Depending on who you are staying with, anything can be fair game. Many WASPy households are conservative, so unless you are looking to have your balls served for Christmas Eve dinner, do not talk about how much a failure the war in Iraq is, how Rumsfeld was a moron — you will be eaten alive. In fact keep conversations strictly limited to golf, going to golf tournaments, golf vacations, and country clubs. Even if you donâ€t golf, talk about how you would just loooooove to pick up the game and how you have been looking at clubs, blah blah. Brownie points: tell them your uncle is a member at National and that maybe you can get them on the course to play. They will eat that shit up. They may even hook you up with a job if you go play golf with them, so itâ€s in your best interest to spit some game. And while golfing, try to keep swearing to a minimum (I have a problem with that), but if you see the good old boys running around with their whale ties on their heads, you better join ‘em. Live by the “When in Rome” mentality and donâ€t open your liberal, tree-hugging mouth.

I say,
J Press is undoubtedly the most WASP clothing establishment ever. Also, the Irish reference there is a little off-center. But, WASPyness isn't just for WASPs. Nowadays, a WASP is anybody who plays the part. Scottish, English, Irish, Polish, French...it doesnâ€t matter; you just gotta have the stuff.

 
Best Response
  • believe it or not, country clubs are almost BELOW the real new england old money families - when they think of country clubs they think of fat dumb men spending lots of cash in a pro shop. gentleman's clubs are more like it.

  • why the fuck did the writer mention yuppies? aren't yuppies practically the antithesis of old money?

  • "many WASPy households are conservative"; many are liberal, too, fuckhead. ever heard of the Brahmins?

seriously, i'm sick of all the misconceptions of "the upper class." and it's hardly even worth discussion at this point; the "WASP elite" is 90% extinct. look at the Forbes 400, look at the political heavyweights, etc.

"Most ... have everything they could ever imagine" not anymore, old chap. for example, look up the Nantucket article in the NYTimes where they explain how the cute little old money families were in fact poor compared to the billionaires jet-setting to the island.

by the way: do not think that working on Wall St is a status symbol. holding down a job in investment banking is no indication of good breeding these days. you can make tons of money and connections, though.

 

"...do not think that working on Wall St is a status symbol. holding down a job in investment banking is no indication of good breeding these days..."

can we say narrow minded? this is exactly why so many people love america. i grew up on food stamps but im just as likely to make more money than you as not. you fucking douche

 
titanboxer:
can we say narrow minded? this is exactly why so many people love america. i grew up on food stamps but im just as likely to make more money than you as not. you fucking douche.

what's your problem? i personally don't give a shit about your background. what you've accomplished and who you've become are the important things. i guess you misread my point.

danbush:
WASPyness is a state of mind.

Whatever you say, Dan. So a mexican bricklayer can be waspy?

 

"Whatever you say, Dan. So a mexican bricklayer can be waspy?"

No. What I am saying is that one need not place in all four letters to be WASPy. For instance, I live in Darien, CT, I am of English decent, Protestant, and my parents are both successful. The people in the house next to mine are Polish. I don't know what their income is, but they live just like we do. They drive similar cars, dress in Brooks, and socialize in the same circles my parents socalize in. Yes, they are white, but not anglo protestant, rather polish catholic. To be a WASP is to be in a certain state of mind. Knee comments on this stuff in the Accidental IBanker.

 

dan, nobody with the last name Mouskowitz can be considered a WASP. i think the point you are fishing for is that the upper-middle and upper classes these days are full of Jews and other types. there's no point in calling it WASPy if it's not anymore.

 

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