Being friends with women at work

Do you make friends or become mates with women from work?
You know grab a coffee, lunch or drinks?

There is a women at work who used to be my line manager and I switched teams. We are both similar ages and both have a very similar background.
We get on well.
I always saw her as a mate but the problem is I think she is attracted to me. She has a bf though. She blows very hot and cold with me.

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Comments (12)

Dec 27, 2018

attractive women being nice is always perceived as flirting, so don't assume you're right about that.

I personally don't see a problem with it but with #metoo you need to tread carefully, watch the jokes, any touching/hugging should be initiated by her, and try inviting her to group drinks rather than one on one.

but also, if she's hot and coming onto you and the guy isn't a friend of yours, manifest destiny bro, close the deal

    • 2
Dec 27, 2018

I'm gonna come across as really paranoid, but, if I treat her like a mate or a networing contact and invite her out for coffee or lunch but she says no as she is busy and you try a few more times trying to find a time, if she misreads my signals and thinks that I am coming onto her, she could claim harrasment?

I honestly don't know what it is with this women. I texted her today asking her how Christmas was and how an event she attended last week was, she didn't reply. She blows very hot and cold. I am thinking she just loves the attention. I cut all contact a while ago as she seemed distant and she started to contact me again and was being friendly.
I genuinley just want to be friends. I have made it clear with her I am seeing other girls.

She became very distant when I friendzoned her subtly a while ago.

Solid advice as always so thank :)

Most Helpful
Dec 27, 2018

here's the million dollar question - are you interested in her as more than a friend?

I am NOT a fan of initiating romantic relationships in the office the way you're talking about, way too direct, way too forward. I'm a huge fan of starting with group stuff, group lunches, group happy hours, and then see where it goes. if there's chemistry, you'll know, and then you go from there.

on the surface, it sounds to me like you don't know what you want and she's not trying to let herself get involved or she's just flat out not interested. slow your role, stick to group stuff until you know she's sending signals (not this hot & cold BS). otherwise, let it die, there's plenty of women out there.

    • 2
Dec 27, 2018

Hey, thanks for this advice, I will let it die off.

What if she asks to hang out or do something?
How do I let it die off and keep it friendly?

Dec 27, 2018

If she asks to hang, be a gentleman and give her the D bro.

thots and prayers

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Dec 28, 2018

if she asks to hang out, accept. I'm sure your office does work happy hours every now and again, maybe throw her a message on your corporate IM "hey are you going to drinks after work tonight? I hear they're celebrating the dunder mifflin deal finally closing" it doesn't have to be any more complicated than that. in the hallways and by the coffee/water machine, smile, make casual small talk, that's all most people want from office friendships.

you're overthinking this bro

Dec 30, 2018

Good advice thanks.

Dec 27, 2018
Sergioaguero:

I'm gonna come across as really paranoid, but, if I treat her like a mate or a networing contact and invite her out for coffee or lunch but she says no as she is busy and you try a few more times trying to find a time, if she misreads my signals and thinks that I am coming onto her, she could claim harrasment?

I don't think you have anything to worry about. And by the way, treat her like you'd treat any friend/acquiantance/whatever - if she's not available and not reciprocating your efforts to find time to hang out, then stop trying. If she (or anyone) isn't interested in spending time with you, romantic or platonic, then why try and force the issue?

Dec 27, 2018
thebrofessor:

attractive women being nice is always perceived as flirting, so don't assume you're right about that.

I personally don't have see a problem with it but with #metoo you need to tread carefully, watch the jokes, any touching/hugging should be initiated by her, and try inviting her to group drinks rather than one on one.

but also, if she's hot and coming onto you and the guy isn't a friend of yours, manifest destiny bro, close the deal

Give it to her bro...

d

    • 1
Dec 28, 2018

Lmao

Funniest
Dec 28, 2018

I would start calling her during the middle of the night sobbing and proclaiming how lonely you are. This is a great litmus test of her feelings.

    • 7
Dec 28, 2018

thots and prayers