Best way to assert yourself as the alpha in your analyst class? Wrong answers only.

Title says it all, let's hear your advice for the incoming analysts/interns.

WSO Elite Modeling Package

  • 6 courses to mastery: Excel, Financial Statement, LBO, M&A, Valuation and DCF
  • Elite instructors from top BB investment banks and private equity megafunds
  • Includes Company DB + Video Library Access (1 year)

Comments (81)

Learn More

300+ video lessons across 6 modeling courses taught by elite practitioners at the top investment banks and private equity funds -- Excel Modeling -- Financial Statement Modeling -- M&A Modeling -- LBO Modeling -- DCF and Valuation Modeling -- ALL INCLUDED + 2 Huge Bonuses.

Learn more
  • COO in Other
Jul 1, 2020 - 4:32pm

this guy at my old firm we called him Jaime Lannister because he was always saying "my father this my father that"

  • 7
Jun 30, 2020 - 7:02pm

quote the Wolf of Wall St. and pretend like it's an unheard of movie that only true film lovers have seen.

ex: "Steeeevvveeee Maaaaadennn. haha get it guys? oh wait you probably haven't see this little film, called ths Wolf of Wall Street. Yeah it's a real tribute to cinema. kinda indie."

  • Prospect in IB - Gen
Jun 30, 2020 - 7:03pm

Fuck the MD's daughter.

Somebody I know actually did that.

Edit: Well since this was upvoted, I guess I have to tell the whole story now. This happened back when my older sibling was in the recruiting process. The guy got the return offer (not sure what he's up to now) and the MD made the C Suite. Not sure about what happened with his daughter, although I think they dated for a while.

Jul 4, 2020 - 12:38am
Prospect in IB - Gen:

Fuck the MD's daughter.

Somebody I know actually did that.

Edit: Well since this was upvoted, I guess I have to tell the whole story now. This happened back when my older sibling was in the recruiting process. The guy got the return offer (not sure what he's up to now) and the MD made the C Suite. Not sure about what happened with his daughter, although I think they dated for a while.


and do it with the zoom camera on
Jun 30, 2020 - 8:56pm

Best way to assert yourself as the alpha in your analyst class? Wrong answers only.

What concert costs 45 cents? 50 Cent feat. Nickelback.

  • 1
Most Helpful
Jul 1, 2020 - 10:29am

every time an analyst tries to out-maneuver you, send them a bunch of shit. literally.

https://poopsenders.com/

next time someone else does something, send them some shit.

eventually, everyone will get so tired of being shit on that they'll keep their mouths shut.

other ideas

  1. do curls on team zoom calls (assuming you have nice arms)
  2. get a hummer while you're on a zoom call (not explicit, just want to see hair and up down movement)
  3. when on a zoom call, have various scantily clad females cleaning behind you, preparing your coffee, bringing you snacks, and feeding you said snacks.
  4. anytime you're thinking, put your hand on your chin and be sure this hand has a nice watch on it. bonus points if it's different every day
  5. "accidentally" stand up during a zoom call and expose your six pack "sorry guys, just had to adjust, been sitting a while. oh, did my abs show? I had no idea they were so perfectly sculpted and hairless, anyway, about that CIM"
  6. tell other analysts to pls fix
  7. conveniently forget the coffee/food order of the one guy trying to one up you. no derek, they didn't have your kombucha ketocino bullshit thing. have black coffee like a man
  • Intern in IB-M&A
Jul 1, 2020 - 10:36am

Take a 1h long shit in the morning. Don't flush, let the aroma brew, and have another analyst flush it down for you

  • Intern in IB - Gen
Jul 1, 2020 - 1:25pm

Be the mf who spends the entire training lectures doing the excel models then flexing on your fellow interns during the allotted time when you're supposed to work together

Jul 1, 2020 - 3:02pm

Keep your sound on in the training zoom calls

To live is to suffer, to survive is to find some meaning in the suffering.

  • Prospect in IB-M&A
Jul 1, 2020 - 4:43pm

Sleep with the MD that is frustrated with her life and now greying

  • Intern in IB - Gen
Jul 1, 2020 - 5:13pm

Brag about how cool your college life is/was. People are keen to know how a late-night call is like when you and your boy Dave decided to cram for Accounting 201 the night before the exam.

  • Prospect in IB-M&A
Jul 1, 2020 - 6:17pm

Refuse to wear pants on Zoom calls.

Conveniently "forget" to turn off your camera

HELLO BUTTCHEEKS when you go grab a kitchen snack as your VP rambles on

Party tiem

Jul 2, 2020 - 12:25am

Damn dude maybe you shoulda tried some

To live is to suffer, to survive is to find some meaning in the suffering.

  • 1
  • 1
Jul 2, 2020 - 1:13pm

I think the best analysts are those who constantly go to managing directors and offer to help as often as possible, thus constantly raising the expectation for the entire analyst class until the "life" part of "work-life balance" is rendered entirely nonexistent.

Dayman?
Jul 2, 2020 - 11:20pm

Won't that show that you are distracted and get your shit done?

Will update my computer soon and leave Incognito so I will disappear forever. How did I achieve Neanderthal by trolling? Some people are after me so need to close account for safety.
  • 1
  • Intern in IB-M&A
Jul 2, 2020 - 11:59pm

Instead of bringing a nice beer to the virtual happy hour, pull out a handle of cheap vodka (+1 if its plastic, +2 if its vitali) and take pulls periodically

Jul 3, 2020 - 10:56pm

Walk up to the desk of a more senior analyst or associate while they're eating and ask them some dumbass question. While they're answering, continuously take bites of their food or sip their drink. If they say "what the fuck", just say you were checking for quality. Repeat everyday for the duration of your internship and you get promoted to VP straight out of undergrad, true story.

Array
  • 1
Jul 6, 2020 - 2:26pm

A) Be one of those jerkoffs that always try to correct someone on the smallest technicalities.

If someones says the sky is blue, attack them with " Actually, the light scatters blablabla"

And be sure to always interrupt someone talking, if you can find something to pick apart.

B) When discussing methodology or ways to do something, always try to bring up what you had in some class at B-school or earlier employer. Even better if it's some top shelf name-dropping. 10/10 if it's some blind appeal to authority BS you pull out of your ass, just to one-up someone.

Jul 9, 2020 - 11:14am
Start Discussion

Total Avg Compensation

July 2021 Investment Banking

  • Director/MD (9) $911
  • Vice President (36) $363
  • Associates (209) $232
  • 2nd Year Analyst (120) $152
  • 3rd+ Year Analyst (28) $146
  • Intern/Summer Associate (101) $144
  • 1st Year Analyst (444) $133
  • Intern/Summer Analyst (357) $82