Boat Cruises - HELP

-You won’t really have a chance to see the country at all. You’ll stop at a port with a bunch of other cruise ships for a few hours, maybe a day, and be met with tons of people trying to sell you excursion packages, shops, etc. Pop by the pharmacy if you hit Mexico for some OTC chill pillz. This isn’t necessarily a bad thing. But backpacking through Europe, this is not. We did a few excursions and had a good time. -You can purchase excursions on the ship or from local vendors upon arrival. It’ll be a lot cheaper at local vendors, but a. you don’t know what you’re getting; b. there’s no guarantee of any sort; c. the ship will not wait for you if you miss port call whereas it will if you book through them. -Cruises are a GREAT value. If you add up dining, lodging, and travel on its own, it’ll come to way more. -Get the cheapest/inner room if money is a concern at all. You’ll just go there to sleep and fuck. Sleep quality in an inner room is better anyway because it’s pitch black, it rocks less, but it rocks just a little and das soothing. #backtodawomb -If you’re gonna drink, get the all-inclusive drink package. There’s usually an alcoholic and a non-alcoholic one. This is where they make their money, really. I think I paid more than the entire cruise for mine. Don’t get too fucked up. A boat is a bad place to be too fucked up. Trust me. Not cause you’ll puke or whatever but because you could be a drunk asshole to someone, they’ll push your ass overboard, and 100% they will get away with it and everyone knows this. Don’t be an asshole. -Speaking of which, be super fucking nice to the staff. First off, they’re mostly from poor countries and send almost all their money back home. But also they will be nice to you right back! I made friends and they’d give me bottles to take back to the room and shit. -Carnival is for drunk college kids and everything there is shit. Celebrity is a great line. Look for lines that cater to older people. They’re a much nicer experience. If a boat is going to Alaska, it is going to be fucking NICE. If it has a water slide, it will not be nice. -Go to the events/shows. They’re fun. Try all the different food. Cruises are cool if you’re looking to just fucking chill for a bit with an illusion of adventure. -If you have the dough (usually like $50/person extra), spring for a specialty restaurant or two that sounds most cool. The BEST MEAL I've ever had was Q'Sine on Celebrity Eclipse. It was lik a 25-course molecular gastronomy menu-ish situation. Best taco I ever had? There. Crusted sushi lollipop? There. Yeah it was dope. We also did the French place but I was high as fuck on oxy and kept falling asleep and got in a scuffle with like 12 gay dudes. -Bitches’ panties get wet for being out at sea with only you and a bunch of strangers. It’s all in the IMPLICATIONS. -it’s THE spot for anal