Boss has the wrong type of wandering eye
This is a behavioral type question about a woman working in finance not specific to ER but would love your takes on this. Essay below:
I noticed late last year that my boss had trouble looking at me when talking to me. He would literally stand in front of me, looking over me to my coworker sitting next to me, while talking to me/me and the other guy. I noticed that right after I'd come back from a 10-day vacation, the way he'd treated me before and after were starkly different. He now often looks at my coworker (who we had hired about six months prior - I had worked with my boss alone for a year before then and he'd had no issues looking at me when talking to me) when supposedly addressing both of us.
Back then, I assumed that after working alone with my coworker for two weeks, he just preferred someone who is more like him and can talk football as much as he does (I'm the only woman in the office and can't get into football no matter how I try). I wouldn't have minded this as much if this coworker did not try to undermine me and my work at every chance he got, plus sitting there with your boss not being able to look at you is awkward as fuck.
I decided to sort of suck it up until last week when I noticed it had gotten worse. For example, he was talking to us ‘both’ about an assignment, of course looking only at the other guy, I asked a question, he looked briefly at me while I ask it, then HE TURNED AWAY (yes it's a very big deal thanks much) from me looking at my coworker while answering my question! I almost wanted to lose my shit and fuck everything up right then. My boss is really emotionally intelligent (he’s most likeable person in the office, people often tell me I’m lucky to have such a nice boss, and I’ve seen him deal with people well before trash talking them later). He must have noticed he’s doing this.
My friends all say I should leave this job, that not one person there, including my boss, respects me. It’s a male dominated industry/workplace and I feel leaving would be too similar to giving up, quitting, and wimping out. How do I earn back my boss’s respect if that’s even possible. It's annoying as fuck too cause I work harder then the other guy, come in early and leave late though boss is hardly in the office so doesn't really matter, when he's in he likes to talk football and not much else. Or do I look for a new gig?
Wow.. talk about non issues
I Hope I Never Work With Somebody Like You.
maybe your boss finds you sexy and doesn't know how to handle that. maybe you should escalate the situation at your next out-of-office event ;)
Maybe they've had a secret love affair and could finally acknowledge it, but you messed up the tension coming back from break.
Maybe I’m just drunk...what is the problem here? I feel like I’m waiting for a punchline. Either I missed the joke or the joke is not funny?....
I had a similar experience, and body language is difficult to quantify. I felt stupid for being bothered by it. In my situation, it was because he didn't believe I was worth his time. Honestly, I don't think there’s anything you can do about it. Just suck it up and look for a lateral or exit.
IB is a different world than mine, my opinions are general.
Unless it escalates, your only option is to completely ignore it and crush your work. Overthinking will do nothing to help. He might not like you. He might find you attractive. It might just be a weird thing you’ll never understand. It could be anything...The answer to all of those is the same: Confidence in yourself and your work. Don’t waiver.
The overall tone and attitude of your post is concerning...The emphasis on how big of a deal it was that your boss deliberately looked away from you (I get it is weird but you are going to deal with worse stuff than that over the course of your career) and the way you complain your coworker can talk football and you can’t. Fuck football. There are infinite ways you can build rapport with people. Focus on your own strengths. Less focus on your colleague and more energy towards being enjoyable to be around might help (not saying you aren’t enjoyable in general but nobody is when they are worrying about being inferior to someone else) Focus on your own strengths...don't worry about other people and dominate your work.
If it doesn’t improve, move on in a manner that helps your career progression and doesn’t hinder it. Your reputation is important.
I (a male) have experienced something similar to this previously, where a party directs their answer to a question I have asked at someone else. The person receiving the answer is typically more senior than me, so I have interpreted such behavior as a lack of respect for my position, either conscious or subconscious.
I have found that asking "Why do you direct your answer towards X when I have asked you a question?" tends to remedy the situation. It's harder to treat someone with disrespect if they call you out on it. Indeed, It's harder not to respect someone who doesn't tolerate disrespect.
"It's a male dominated industry/workplace and I feel leaving would be too similar to giving up, quitting, and wimping out."
Have to point out that this thought process is very toxic and a product of the "girls in STEM" narrative we have today. Not that women can't be in any field they want, I'm referring to the specific narrative in popular culture today. You can't change everyone, you can't force people into liking you. Sometimes, when you meet people you don't get along with you just have to walk away. Finance people can be assholes, if you like the job enough you deal with it. You think we have it any easier with our bosses? Quite the opposite from my observations. It is not Girl vs. the male-dominated industry, it is a much simpler dynamic than that. Decide for yourself if you like the job enough to deal with people, and if not then look for the next thing. It isn't some holy mission to succeed in finance as a woman, simply do whatever amuses you.
At work you're going to meet all types of people, some good, some bad, some smart, some idiots.
Your boss might just be "afraid" of women, some guys are like that. If I were you, I wouldn't try to turn this into a MeToo thing, or a women in finance thing. Just charge it to the game and use it as an experience for the next job or when you become the boss.
I thought this was a troll until of all caps part - that's too inherit chick-ish for the average male wso user to successfully weave into a post.
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