Just looking for some advice and / or scolding from people who've been there and done that, or seen others do it.
TLDR: burnt out to the point I'm declining to interview with PEs, wondering if I should quit my (IB) job to think about it, or just drag along with terrible performance till I finally get fired or find that unicorn job.
- Mid-20s, went to a target uni, got the requisite 1st class in economics, been working for c.4 years
- I'm honestly more of a hippie and free spirit than a hardened corporate / finance warrior, but a poor one, so into finance I went
- I have self esteem issues regarding my capabilities. I've been doing well in every exam in my life with minimal effort, but ended up self sabotaging by not even applying for internships etc during my uni days until final year
- When I burnout, I no longer bother paying attention to detail - so my quality of work as of late has been declining
- Poor social skills. I've gotten away with this most of my life because most people around me have apparently found me attractive - never had to try hard to make friends because most people would initiate and maintain friendships. However, at work this becomes a problem because I cannot navigate politics effectively and protect myself. I don't like playing games and have in the past tried to shield / help people I consider victims as well, to my detriment.
- Took an offer for a role I didn't want in a top BB. Officially it was front office asset management, but their analyst programme was basically a highly glorified admin role, except that I worked from 7:30am to past 12am nearly every day, often to 3, 4 am (even then I was told that I didn't put in enough facetime, this place was absolutely bonkers)
- Paid close to IB pay but was basically admin work (filling tickets, etc), with zero actual investment training or exposure (not that most people who worked there actually knew anything about investing)
- Also suffered through an extremely toxic culture where seniors encouraged the juniors to bully people they perceived as weaker, and worked under bosses who thought (and acted) like they were hot shit but brought in <3m rev a year. Left after 1 crazy year.
2nd "job" - transitioning into IB:
- Took a (long) internship offer from a small firm well known in my city. The director who was the hiring manager perved on me (I'm female) and gave another male intern who couldn't even use excel the sole FT offer. left after c. 1 year
- c. 2 years in a boutique bank that's pretty well known state-side, but not in my city, which is also a finance hub. our team here is also extremely mediocre (to be fair, so am I, after working with them for 2 years). We haven't closed any deals except stuff given to us by virtue of overseas relationships.
- All i've really been doing is countless presentations and desktop research, zero modelling (which I've been teaching myself)
- Culture is mixed, with the top guys being in retirement mode and very tolerant, giving the ones in the middle leeway to be incompetent assholes
- I've been quite burnout since the 2nd job, as I've not had a break between transitioning each of these (at most, 1 to 2 weeks of leave). All I want to do is stop working for 6 months. However, I don't know how badly this will affect my CV.
- in the long run, I could see myself working in certain PE funds, or even a HF, since I have some markets background. At the same time, I am keenly aware that my technical skills are not up to par because of lack of exposure and have been trying to brush them up, but am afraid that it won't be enough for PEs etc. I've been turning down headhunters and friends' referrals to great PE firms because of this
- I can't bring myself to even apply for another finance role. The thought of it makes me ill
- Unsatisfying dating life. I do get asked out and all, but every time I meet a guy with whom there is genuine attraction and compatibility, work comes and blows that it up and I don't have a free weekend till a month later. My last bf was kind and patient (and not in finance), but I realised that I was dating him out of convenience and while I loved him, I wasn't in love with him (he wanted to settle down and get married)