Buyside dating tactics

After working in PE for a while I am thinking of applying my skills learnt on the buyside and transferring them to the dating scene.

Step 1

Find the good opportunities. Search through Instagram, Facebook and other sites to find targets of interest.

Step 2

After finding an attractive target, leverage your network. You see your sellside buddy from college is a mutual friend with the target on facebook, you make contact with them and seek an introduction.

Step 3

Turns out your buddy from college is close friends with her, for this reason you offer them the sellside mandate for the deal.

Step 4

The newly appointed sellside deal team arranges an introduction at a networking event (party). You make small talk with the target and realize that your interests and ambitions are aligned for the medium term. You get her contact details and agree to continue discussions.

Step 5

The sellside team facilitates a data room (group chat) so they can relay the messages received from the target to the potential acquirer. Throughout the dataroom process, all parties interests remain aligned.

Step 6

Make the investment. After all the hard work you finally seal the deal. Both parties are satisfied with the investment. As payment to the sellside team you provide them with a few boxes of beer.

Step 7

The hold period. You are now part of the business and understand it fully. Despite the investment tracking well over the hold period, you can't help but notice the minor imperfections which weren't picked up in the dataroom process. You begin to disagree on matters around the board table (move to the suburbs and start a family vs. still wants to dedicate Saturdays to the boys) and it is agreed that the acquirer shall exit the investment.

Step 8

The exit process ends up dragging on longer than both parties originally anticipated due to the acquirer still having headroom in the hold period and contemplating staying committed to the deal for a couple more years while trying to overcome any imperfections of the business.

Step 9

The acquirer finds a new target and exits to free up resources.

Step 10

Your investment has been successful and the IRR is through the roof. You celebrate with the deal teams involved (the boys) and revert back to step 1 to deploy some more....capital.

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Comments (55)

Apr 11, 2018
Ryry:

Step 1. Find the good opportunities. Search through Instagram, Facebook and other sites to find targets of interest.

Does anyone meet girls in real life anymore?

"If you always put limits on everything you do, physical or anything else, it will spread into your work and into your life. There are no limits. There are only plateaus, and you must not stay there, you must go beyond them." - Bruce Lee

    • 7
Apr 11, 2018

20 swipes right in 20 seconds is a much more efficient way to do things.

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Apr 13, 2018
Ryry:

20 swipes right in 20 seconds is a much more efficient way to do things.

Not for men, such as me, who are average-to-below average in appearance. Tinder is an incredible way to meet women...for handsome men. Meeting women the way the OP has suggested is a better way for us mere mortals. At the very least a warm introduction vastly increases our odds from 99-1 to maybe 9-1.

Apr 13, 2018

I've met a ton of really slutty, really hot girls on Christian Mingle. Not even joking. And by a ton I mean 2, but that's a lot by my standard. LOL.

Apr 13, 2018

Definitely not the guys taking mirror selfies ;)

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Apr 11, 2018

Holy shit. A little weird out of the gate but you brought it home strong. SAFTB. SB'd

Apr 12, 2018

I shudder to think of a day where someone took dating advice from a finance person seriously.
It's the same as taking finance advice from a pickup artist, you end up broke (or heartbroken) and not getting to where you want to go.

I wouldn't take dating advice from a pickup artist seriously either.

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Apr 13, 2018

Step 1 doesn't always apply.
She/He can be like Allen & Co. -- very private and exclusive.

It ain't what you know, it's who you know

Apr 13, 2018

Nerd

    • 2
Apr 13, 2018

I learned how to date in sales too.

Find the person you want to talk to and then go talk to them (or another form of communication) and ask them to go on a date.

Bam deal closed

    • 1
Apr 13, 2018

So if I'm married...is that like investing out of a family office with an evergreen capital source and flexible time horizons, or am I more like an infrastructure fund with a 50-year investment period?

Apr 11, 2018

sovereign wealth fund equivalent time horizons on that investment

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Best Response
Apr 13, 2018

I told my wife she was the keystone investment in my very own sovereign wealth fund. She told me to shut the fuck up. I love her.

    • 18
Apr 13, 2018

Or simply send a selfie wearing a Baroque bathrobe and some Gucci flip-flops. Cuts down transaction time, eliminates counterparty risk and executes trade with very little slippage.

Absolute truths don't exist... celebrated opinions do.

    • 1
Apr 13, 2018

What if you and another investor want to pursue a JV?

    • 6
Apr 13, 2018

I would say plastic surgeons would add the most value when seeking a JV partnership.

    • 8
Apr 13, 2018

Best comment. +1

Work hard, work clean, & most of all do not give up.

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Apr 13, 2018

best ever

GunningForPortfolioManager

Apr 13, 2018
Ryry:

"As payment to the sellside team you provide them with a few boxes of beer."

"Boxes of beer." Who the fuck are you?

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Apr 13, 2018

I would have accepted "cases" or "packs"

...not boxes

    • 1
Apr 14, 2018

.

Apr 18, 2018

Interesting analogy. Too bad it doesn't make much sense. Pretty disappointed with this post, sorry

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Apr 20, 2018

Ya lost me at Step 5. Really, all you need to know is MGTOW.

Apr 20, 2018

Can't believe there are so many guys who truly think this is great dating advice because this is truly despicable and shallow

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Apr 20, 2018
lola_student:

Can't believe there are so many guys who truly think this is great dating advice because this is truly despicable and shallow

Uh oh. We've got a White Knight snowflake!

Apr 20, 2018

No comments on future spinouts? I am disappointed.

Apr 20, 2018

You got it twisted homie.

Step 1, enter elite club.
Step 2, approach hottest girl in elite club.
Step 3, say to hot girl, "I work on the Buyside."
Step 4, let hot girl do debaucherous things to you.

    • 1
Apr 20, 2018
Shaun-Mullins:

You got it twisted homie.

Step 1, enter elite club.
Step 2, approach hottest girl in elite club.
Step 3, say to hot girl, "I work on the Buyside."
Step 4, let hot girl do debaucherous things to you.

Fail!

Apr 21, 2018
Shaun-Mullins:

You got it twisted homie.

Step 1, enter elite club.
Step 2, approach hottest girl in elite club.
Step 3, say to hot girl, "I work on the Buyside."
Step 4, let hot girl do debaucherous things to you.

I tried that. She thought I work for a Best Buy :P

Apr 23, 2018
Mostly Random Dude:
Shaun-Mullins:

You got it twisted homie.

Step 1, enter elite club.
Step 2, approach hottest girl in elite club.
Step 3, say to hot girl, "I work on the Buyside."
Step 4, let hot girl do debaucherous things to you.

I tried that. She thought I work for a Best Buy :P

You're doing it wrong.

Sep 6, 2018

I'd say this doesn't work and is a college kid's wet dream perception.

You'd have better luck strapping on a guitar and playing "Lullaby," Shawn Mullins

Apr 21, 2018

Yet another thread I though @MonacoMonkey started

RIP LEHMAN
RIP MONACOMONKEY
RIP THEACCOUNTING MAJOR

Apr 23, 2018

Definitely wrote by an associate... who now have something brag about on WSO

Apr 11, 2018

*Analyst. Definitely nothing to brag about, just enjoy shit posting on WSO

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Apr 24, 2018

This is sort of cute as far as analogies go but totally unnecessary.

Just assume the sale. Act like she already likes you.

Worked out great for me.

    • 1
Sep 10, 2018

This is actually what you should do. Works for me too.

Actually, it works for everybody

Sep 6, 2018

I told my FWB she was an industry leader in her product group.

"Work ethic, work ethic" - Vince Vaughn