Comments (127)

Dec 2, 2008

you occasionally take the girl on dates and speak sporadically on the phone but you aren't exclusive. She doesn't ask you who else you're with, same goes for you. It's fun, casual (i.e. no one is trying to get into a relationship), and obviously physical. Personally, the type of girl I would casually date is the one you meet a club. You go out, have fun, enjoy a night cap and don't worry about calling her until next week.

Dec 2, 2008

MDR's definition fits my interpretation of "casually dating" as well.

Dec 2, 2008

you attend dates in a shirt and slacks versus a suit

Dec 2, 2008

By that description, isn't all dating "casual dating" then?

Dec 2, 2008
aadpepsi:

By that description, isn't all dating "casual dating" then?

I would say no. Casual dating is really when there are no intentions to go exclusive or take the dating to another "level". Whereas more traditional dating the man and/or woman usually are trying to figure out is this person my future girlfriend/boyfriend.

Dec 2, 2008

Haven't you dated a girl before making her your girlfriend? Dating can mean that you're starting something up, taking it slow, but aren't necessarily in a relationship yet--I think of it as the "getting to know each other" phase.

Dating can be exclusive, it can involve emotions, and possibly even daily phone calls (which really means you're on a one-way road to a relationship). You date a girl before you start calling her your girlfriend, and you casually date the girl whose last name in your phone is the name of the club you met her at.

Dec 2, 2008
MDR:

You date a girl before you start calling her your girlfriend, and you casually date the girl whose last name in your phone is the name of the club you met her at.

Brava.

We're about to enter a Great Depression.
Don't you want a president who's already dressed for it?

I'm making it up as I go along.

Dec 2, 2008

Ok, then at what point do you guys cross over to "exclusive"? Is there a trigger event?

Dec 2, 2008
aadpepsi:

Ok, then at what point do you guys cross over to "exclusive"? Is there a trigger event?

Depends on the girl I suppose. Generally, I think you can tell which girls you will eventually want to date more seriously and with these, a conversation about exclusivity takes place at some point (pillow talk) or its just understood that you aren't messing around with anyone else because there is a strong mutual attraction.

If you are looking for a specific event, the closest I would say is holding hands when you walk down the street. People who aren't exclusive don't hold hands in public for no reason.

Dec 5, 2008
aadpepsi:

Ok, then at what point do you guys cross over to "exclusive"? Is there a trigger event?

Thats her situation.

Dec 5, 2008
Marcus_Halberstram:
aadpepsi:

Ok, then at what point do you guys cross over to "exclusive"? Is there a trigger event?

Thats her situation.

agreed, keep it casual as long as possible until the girl brings it up then decide whether shes worth it or not

Dec 2, 2008

I think things can change when both people want them to. If you're not sure what the other person has going on in their head, I'd ask and tell them you want to take it to the next level, unless you're alright with keeping it casual for now. Otherwise, talk about it so you can agree to take somewhere else or end it, otherwise you'll be miserable knowing they're out there enjoying other people (as they should) while you're trying to deal with your feelings.

Dec 2, 2008

The trigger event is when the girl basically threatens to stop sleeping with you unless you agree to be exclusive at which time the guy decides if he wants to forego seeing his friends, chasing girls, playing sports, generally being miserable in exchange for the same piece of ass for the foreseeable future.

Just an FYI...you have no chance of being exclusive with me (or most guys for that matter) if you sleep with me the first night

I agree that casual dating is dinner, drinks, etc with no expectations

Dec 2, 2008
junkbondswap:

Just an FYI...you have no chance of being exclusive with me (or most guys for that matter) if you sleep with me the first night

Really? Do you really believe that. Why?

Just for the record, I disagree. For example, two girlfriends who are now married, slept with their guy on the first date.

Dec 2, 2008
aadpepsi:
junkbondswap:

Just an FYI...you have no chance of being exclusive with me (or most guys for that matter) if you sleep with me the first night

Really? Do you really believe that. Why?

Just for the record, I disagree. For example, two girlfriends who are now married, slept with their guy on the first date.

I would never make her my girlfriend if she sleeps with me on the first night. First night lay=future booty call.

I think the saying that you want what you can't have holds especially true in the beginning of any relationship. Why buy the cow when you can get the milk for free? If a girl makes you wait, you respect her more and it keeps you interested. It almost reminds you that there is more to her than what she's like in bed.

Dec 3, 2008
aadpepsi:
junkbondswap:

Just an FYI...you have no chance of being exclusive with me (or most guys for that matter) if you sleep with me the first night

Really? Do you really believe that. Why?

Just for the record, I disagree. For example, two girlfriends who are now married, slept with their guy on the first date.

I second JBS. There may be backlash to this comment, but I think guys like a challenge and will get bored of an easy girl. There is also the perception of the girl being a whore because if she'd sleep with me that easily, I'm sure she's done it with a ton of other guys.

It's just not classy...

Dec 2, 2008

MDR is pretty spot on with this one. I would also say that "casually" dating can occur when a guy (in this case) just doesn't have the time to put a lot of emotion into a relationship, but may consider doing so with said girl in the future if things continue to go well between the two.

Dec 2, 2008

Agreed with MDR.

Or to take it one step further - super casual dating is when you've never even spoken on the phone, everything is by text. You see each other less than once a week, you have no idea what's going on in their lives nor do you really care. Your "dates" may or may not include dinner. Well, maybe that's just my definition.

The big key here is no expectations or indications of exclusivity.

Dec 3, 2008

men enjoy the chase, and I don't think you're going to find any on this site who don't agree with that

and as far as double-standards go, considering that men have to do the chasing, have to subject themselves to the embarresment of rejection, have to pay (yes, even in prolonged relationships, we usually foot most of the checks), and have to generally be the one with the plan, a man should be lauded for bedding many women - it shows he's put in the effort. if a woman wants to get some and she's reasonably attractive, minimal effort is required.

Dec 3, 2008

Kind of have to agree with yesman. I enjoy the chase as much as the next guy. Strangely enough, the most recent example of that was a girl I slept with early on that I actually liked and made me chase her after the fact.

But I also agree with aadpepsi. Past a certain age you start to realize you're both consenting adults and if there's chemistry there, why not sleep together? Holding out is pointless if you both know what you want. Unless it's blatent that the reason she's sleeping with you is more about her fulfilling a need than actually liking you, then I don't see a problem with it. Like I've said before - ahem, third date's not a bad bet...

Dec 3, 2008

I agree. Holding out is pointless if you both know what you want.

There's the case of playing hard to get with a guy I was really attracted to and there came a point (e.g. after third date) that if he didn't make a move I simply thought he just wanted me to be his buddy. Go figure.

I've also worked with a guy that I really liked and we never crossed the line at work. Several months after I left my job we went out for drinks. I think the sexual tension of having been attracted to each other at work for so long and never being able to act on it built up and one thing led to another... on our "first date" we fooled around. It was completely random, unexpected. Nothing ever evolved with this fellow. A bit disappointing actually. I thought he was a good guy.

Now, based on these and other experiences, I'm of the persuasion that if I met someone and the chemistry is right, why not? The bottom line is it's extremely rare to meet someone and a connection is immediate, so if it is and we both consent, who cares!?! If it evolves into something, great. If not, that's fine too.

Anyways, this is what I say. May not be what I DO... :-)

Dec 3, 2008

I think you have a good point here, if the chemistry is right then why not go for it? At the end of the day you have to evaluate each of these circumstances on a case by case basis (obv)--sometimes there is really good physical chemistry and things just click.

As you can see though, if you go home with a guy on the first night, I think the chances that he is going to respect you the way a boyfriend does are going to fall significantly. This whole game is an art though, not a science. With some you're going to have to play "harder" to get than others right? Personally, I enjoy the chase quite thoroughly but like you said GameTheory at one point enough is enough, lets do the damn thing.

Dec 3, 2008

Sex... it's not rocket science, right? A physical connection is as important as an emotional connection. If that connection ain't there, at least I think that's a fair enough reason to walk away.

Dec 3, 2008

Way I see it....

So if a girl finds a guy attractive, the only requisite for her hooking up with him is if he shows any interest? So the only thing between a grl hooking up with any/every guy she finds attractive is his willingness to bang her? That is a whore if I've ever heard of one, I would expect much more from a girl, otherwise they'd be men.

I wouldn't so much call it a double standard... I just expect more from a girl than from a guy, because they are more emotionally intelligent. Case in point, a few days ago I was out in the city and I see this girl dancing with this guy. She's wearing a mini skirt and is doing one of those bent over-palms to the floor, ass out, grinding on his crotch deals. She then proceeds to hike up the back end of her skirt to pull it up her above her ass, now her bare thong ass is openly on display and grinding on this guy.

I doubt any passerby gave the guy a second thought, but I'm sure they pretty much had an opinion formed about this girl the second they saw her. They prob didn't even notice the hand prints he was leaving on her ass every time he slapped it (although I did).

Bottom line... I expect more out of women than I do out of a man. We are stupid primitive creatures that can be manipulated out of anything and everything if there is a vagina involved.

Dec 3, 2008
Marcus_Halberstram:

Bottom line... I expect more out of women than I do out of a man. We are stupid primitive creatures that can be manipulated out of anything and everything if there is a vagina involved.

Pretty much sums it all up right there.

Dec 3, 2008
Marcus_Halberstram:

We are stupid primitive creatures that can be manipulated out of anything and everything if there is a vagina involved.

Funny how we debate over which business school to go to, whether or not we should take the GMAT again, enrolling in the CFA program... but at the end of the day how true this statement is, unless you are talking about my money.

Dec 3, 2008
El_Terrible:

but at the end of the day how true this statement is, unless you are talking about my money.

Guys spend copious amounts of money on (or chasing) girls all the time. Never made a little visit to the ubiquitous Tiffany's or perhaps Cartier to get something nice for the little lady? No chauffeured cars to get her a massage for valentines day? C'mon now what happened to the art of seduction

Dec 3, 2008

Totally agree - the amount of bad decision-making revolving around women that I've done recently is pretty mind-blowing, yet par for the course.

Dec 3, 2008

Marcus... c'mon that girl was clearly a "ho"! The rest of your comments were pretty funny :-)

Dec 3, 2008

That picture of Cleveland reminded me of that episode where he steals Brian's girlfriend.

"Boom goes the dynamite."

Dec 3, 2008

i tend to agree with a bunch of the above poster re a girl sleeping with you on the first date. i generally will DQ a girl if this is the case as I believe it sets the base of the relationship around physical attraction as opposed to a true chemistry or connection. also as someone mentioned, if a girl sleeps with me that easily, it makes me think she has clearly done this many many times before.

marcus is spot on as well, from an evolutionary perspective, men are expected to bang everything that moves while women are looking for a provided. clearly we are in a modern society and this doesnt fully hold true anymore, but i think it is a big reason why it is more accepted for men to bed tons of women.

are there any other women on here who want to chime in.

Dec 5, 2008

All dating is casual dating.

Dec 5, 2008

Is MDR Neil Strauss?

Dec 5, 2008

aadpepsi, skip the hypothets and spill the beans: what's your situation? Just about what you said in your original post? Haha.

Good luck either way.

Dec 5, 2008

Perceptive bunch :-)

Dec 5, 2008

Stop giving away our secrets, guys.

You're only going to make it harder for us to get laid on a 1st date. ;)

Dec 6, 2008

So, I guess in general, sex on the third date is acceptable and a girl can still keep her respect by waiting til then. What is acceptable on a first and second date? Should they not really involve hooking up (i.e. go out and partake in fun activities outside the bedroom)?

Dec 6, 2008

I usually just suggest we meet up at my or her place by the third date. If she balks, then I move on.

Dec 13, 2008

An interesting point to note is that women usually have the same sex drive that men do if not higher in certain cases. So, sometimes it's not easy for us either to guide the relationship.

Also, if someone says that they are in a casual relationship with the person, I just assume that they are fwb.

********"Babies don't cost money, they MAKE money." - Jerri Blank********

********"Babies don't cost money, they MAKE money." - Jerri Blank********

Dec 13, 2008

atrop, what is "fwb"? i must be getting old...I cant keep track of all these abbreviations.

Dec 13, 2008

One of my higher-up's was telling me a story about his friend who uses J-Date like a 1-stop shop. He has a system going where he has about 3-4 dates a week with desperate Jewish girls who are looking to get married quickly, and after wining and dining them, most have been ready to put out on the first date.

Dec 15, 2008
aachimp:

One of my higher-up's was telling me a story about his friend who uses J-Date like a 1-stop shop. He has a system going where he has about 3-4 dates a week with desperate Jewish girls who are looking to get married quickly, and after wining and dining them, most have been ready to put out on the first date.

That is a great idea. I however am not Jewish, so it could turn out to be a quite a challenge(perhaps a fun one) to hide my Judaic ignorance.

Im also uncut, surely that would be a dead giveaway.

Dec 13, 2008

dude, thats a great idea...

Dec 13, 2008

WallStreetOasis.com: friends with benefits, i presume

Dec 13, 2008
MikiLzrd:

WallStreetOasis.com: friends with benefits, i presume

thanks

Dec 15, 2008

Boy, you really are a fuddy-duddy

Dec 13, 2008

I read the funniest story about jdate once (and I've heard about other guys doing the exact same thing btw)

Here is the link : http://www.ubersite.com/m/27916
********"Babies don't cost money, they MAKE money." - Jerri Blank********

********"Babies don't cost money, they MAKE money." - Jerri Blank********

Dec 15, 2008

Haha ya, that might be a dead give away. lol, thatd be a pretty hilarious interaction

Jan 23, 2009

Casual dating means you are going to move with a girl and after your dating you will not have a big impact and it is just like a one day relationship.

sathyan

Online Dating

Jan 23, 2009

Just going out to eat together, friendly chit chat, and occasionally have sex.

All the while, neither of you expect a big long-term relationship or any major commitments.

That's how I see it.

Jan 27, 2009

Truly, I think that the only kind of dating out there is casual dating. Seriously, the universe has shifted. No one does relationships anymore. A "relationship" is the new urban myth!

Jan 27, 2009

That is certainly true in NYC. The only people I know in NYC that are in relationships were in that relationship before moving here.

Jan 27, 2009

I met up with some friends I hadn't seen in quite some time this past weekend. We were really close friends for quite some time, but then we went our separate ways... me off to college and then to wall st... him to hustling and eventually making it internationally rapping. We went to a recording session at a studio which is basically just an excuse to get drunk and smoke a ton of weed while 1 person out of the bunch is actually working. Everyone else is basically partying and hanging out with the swarms of pussy floating around like clouds of locust over a field of crops. After we leave, we're driving in the car and he's on the phone with his baby's momma, I began to think about how different our lives had become, how we had been on the same road and at one point we each made a decision to go a separate route and now we ended up in 2 worlds which are universes apart. When I asked him and his friend what they did last night, they said went out, got a bunch of bitches, brought them back to their place, turned them out, and kicked them out.

Now I'm confronted with another question...

aadpepsi, what were you doing last Friday night? Hanging out with a Thai rapper, perhaps?

Jan 28, 2009

Unnecessary.

Mar 3, 2009

The funniest (or saddest) things are girls who think they are in a serious relationship with a guy who texts them once in a while, usually either to take them to the movies with other friends or, more often, just for a booty call.

Mar 3, 2009
Philosopher:

The funniest (or saddest) things are girls who think they are in a serious relationship with a guy who texts them once in a while, usually either to take them to the movies with other friends or, more often, just for a booty call.

The funniest thing is when a girl like that tells you it's not working, and "breaks up" with you, when you had no idea you were dating in the first place.

Mar 3, 2009
drexelalum11:
Philosopher:

The funniest (or saddest) things are girls who think they are in a serious relationship with a guy who texts them once in a while, usually either to take them to the movies with other friends or, more often, just for a booty call.

The funniest thing is when a girl like that tells you it's not working, and "breaks up" with you, when you had no idea you were dating in the first place.

The funniest thing is when a girl like that tells everyone that you are in relationship, when you had no idea you are in one.

Mar 4, 2009

I think you're confusing "intelligence" with emotional intelligence. Take a look at each of your girlfriends' relationship track record--who has dated more? I would wager that the hairdresser is more experienced i.e. she knows how to play the game.

Every "smart" girl I have ever dated has been relatively naive in terms of the relationship game. The less intelligent (and generally more physically attractive) women I've been with are much sharper in this arena. They know how to play the game and keep you interested. Sure, the deep conversations with these girls are few and far between, but we have more fun and those relationships usually last longer.

I don't necessarily disagree that accomplished men like the nurse/teacher type. But I think it's more a function of the fact that we like nurturers, women who will give you a massage when you come home, making breakfast, waking me up in the morning with a bj--that type of thing. More accomplished women tend to be more proud and thus less likely to fulfill this nurture role. Success has a way of giving you great pleasure in telling other people what to do--if you put two type-A personalities into a relationship the likelihood of clashing grows exponentially.

Mar 4, 2009
MDR:

women who will give you a massage when you come home, making breakfast, waking me up in the morning with a bj--that type of thing

Exactly.

The women who are all career driven are usually empty otherwise. They attribute so much of their self-worth to their career, they feel like that is so significant they don't need to put anything else on the table.

In reality, it doesn't make 2 shits of a difference to me if you're a banker/lawyer or a struggling fashion designer. So long as you contribute to the relationship, I couldn't give less of a fuck how much money you make.

Anyone can be greedy and ambitious. It doesn't do shit for me. If I wanted someone greedy, ambitious, and self-absorbed I'd masterbate while staring into the mirror every day. Emotional intelligence and a willingness to make your sig other happy are a premium... not your fuckin business card.

Its always these girls who underestimate how quickly they can be replaced. Its ironic because they think that by over-acheiving in their career, they set themselves apart. But greed and hard-work are a dime-a-dozen and what MDR described is far more rare.

Mar 4, 2009
Marcus_Halberstram:

If I wanted someone greedy, ambitious, and self-absorbed I'd masterbate while staring into the mirror every day.

Absolutely golden.

Mar 4, 2009
Marcus_Halberstram:

If I wanted someone greedy, ambitious, and self-absorbed I'd masterbate while staring into the mirror every day.

Bloody brilliant.

Mar 16, 2009
MDR:

I think you're confusing "intelligence" with emotional intelligence. Take a look at each of your girlfriends' relationship track record--who has dated more? I would wager that the hairdresser is more experienced i.e. she knows how to play the game.

Every "smart" girl I have ever dated has been relatively naive in terms of the relationship game. The less intelligent (and generally more physically attractive) women I've been with are much sharper in this arena. They know how to play the game and keep you interested. Sure, the deep conversations with these girls are few and far between, but we have more fun and those relationships usually last longer.

I don't necessarily disagree that accomplished men like the nurse/teacher type. But I think it's more a function of the fact that we like nurturers, women who will give you a massage when you come home, making breakfast, waking me up in the morning with a bj--that type of thing. More accomplished women tend to be more proud and thus less likely to fulfill this nurture role. Success has a way of giving you great pleasure in telling other people what to do--if you put two type-A personalities into a relationship the likelihood of clashing grows exponentially.

This pretty much hits the nail on the head. Nicely done...

Mar 4, 2009

Come on, guys... no sex until marriage. And, preferably no kissing until marriage, either.

Wait, was that a myth my mom told me? :/

"Categorical Imperative: If I cannot look at my mother or my wife in the eyes and explain it, I won't do it" - Some British MD.

Mar 16, 2009

I dated this chick in college, who was gorgeous and phi beta kappa (now she is an ad pro in nyc), and because we both knew exactly what we wanted and thought we knew everything we argued and gave each other headaches for 2 years (ironically, was quite the professional at playing men and the relationship game).

after that I opted for a girl who was similarly beautiful but with nowhere close to the level of confidence or intelligence (when we started dating she was a "gallerina", when we broke up she was an underwear model) and we had a great relationship for two years.

I guess this could be an indictment of me, but personally, but I couldn't really give two shits if a girlfriend intellectually challenges me, mainly i want her to look good, be decent at small talk, and generally go along with whatever it is I want to do. That is quite enough.

Mar 18, 2009

aadpepsi, you're still a ditz

Mar 18, 2009

"There's something about this that's been bugging me..."

Sweetie, who the f cares what bugs you?

Post a pic.

"Categorical Imperative: If I cannot look at my mother or my wife in the eyes and explain it, I won't do it" - Some British MD.

Mar 18, 2009

Simply put, men are simple creatures who want an uncomplicated woman. As I'm sure you know, this line of work creates enough stress for two lifetimes--the last thing men want is drama when we get home.

Doesn't mean we need to fulfill the role of provider, but we definitely need to be wearing the pants in the relationship. I think women want to believe they are in control but not actually be in control--that's an ideal relationship dynamic.

Mar 19, 2009

I'm skimming this thread, but it's still funny.

Mar 19, 2009

What's funny? I think this thread is tragic.

All the thread confirms is that men are a contradiction. e.g. the Alpha male at work, yet a total lazy ass with the romance. Men go for the simple hairdreser type chic because it's the cheaper and easier relationship. Sheer laziness.

Mar 19, 2009
aadpepsi:

Men go for the simple hairdreser type chic because it's the cheaper and easier relationship. Sheer laziness.

It's not that we're lazy. As I mentioned earlier, the hairdresser type knows how to play the game better than the average career woman. The simpler women tend to have more game--they play hard to get, they're more flirtatious, they don't want to have intense conversations every night, they'll surprise you one night by dressing up as a catholic school girl etc.

Most career women simply lack the skills to land a career-oriented man. They think dress up is for "sluts" and tend to over-analyze everything ("why were you looking at her ass?"---do you really want to know the answer to that?). Maybe we like having out ego's stroked a bit, we like the idea of a woman who looks up to us. It's the opposite of lazy: at work we strive to be head of the pack, at home we strive to be head of the relationship.

Mar 19, 2009
MDR:

It's the opposite of lazy: at work we strive to be head of the pack, at home we strive to be head of the relationship.

Yeah, right. If it makes life easier to live, go ahead and fool yourself this is actually true :-)

"Let me tell you something, Toula. The man is the head, but the woman is the neck. And she can turn the head any way she wants."

LOL

Mar 19, 2009
MDR:

...they'll surprise you one night by dressing up as a catholic school girl etc.

Why is this HOT? Sounds pretty lame.

If this were reversed and a man "surprised" a woman one night and dressed up as a catholic school boy, it'd completely backfire. We'd be convinced he's gay!

Mar 19, 2009

Nah, I'm not goign to lie. I don't want to talk shop at home so I'd rather not date a banker (although I have "casually dated" a banker girl). I just want a girl that's got a good personality, a little bit of ambition (read: has a steady job and a college degree), and I have good chemistry with. Oh, and really hot.

Mar 19, 2009

Women want the same thing... i.e. a man with a steady job, a college degree, great chemistry and really HOT. So what's the fuss about?

Tip: Smart woman don't want to talk shop at home either!

Mar 19, 2009

Well if I end up average I would want an ambitious steady girl like gametheory's saying.

But if I was a big success I would want a hot stupid bimbo (not too stupid that she embarrasses me but stupid enough for it to be cute)

(OTH Being average and having a hot stupid bimbo- HSB- wouldn't work because a. she would never go for it and b. I would feel unworthy?)

Mar 19, 2009

Hi aadpepsi (-:

Mar 19, 2009
PussInBoots:

Hi aadpepsi (-:

yooohooo pussyinboots...tehe giggles

Mar 19, 2009

i just want a good fuck thats under 150 pounds - female.

i keep my shit realistic.

The world has changed. And we must change with it.

I'm making it up as I go along.

Mar 19, 2009
Cornelius:

i just want a good fuck thats under 150 pounds - female.

i keep my shit realistic.

that's pretty damn heavy, isn't it cornelius? I don't think I know many girls who weigh over 130, and those marginal twenty pounds are not going to go anyplace where they represent added value

Mar 20, 2009

there is a guy in my office who has a checklist for what a woman should have. it includes speaking 2 languages, intelligence, must be successful, he must be punching above weight in terms of looks. needless to say he is still single. i would say he's a very datable guy, but he sounds a bit like you, wanting way too much out of a relationship.

on the other hand, myself, and collegues who often make of him, are all after something much simpler and consequently are not single. i'm quite happy with the school girl outfit and conversation about the latest reality tv show she is watching.

if you're looking for someone who is smart and successful (but not necesarily financially) find an academic, although you may have to give up a bit on looks.

Mar 20, 2009

aadpepsi, if you haven't ever done the catholic school girl (or nurse, teacher, and any role that involved lingerie) you haven't lived yet. I think the woman has even more fun than the man these situations.

Mar 20, 2009

Listen, I love lingerie and I know how to play up the Agent Provocateur role. Pleeeaauuuz.

Men say women are complicated. I think men are complicated. I don't have a checklist either. Although, definitely agree on the more than one language bit. That's definitely a turn on.

Definite turn off? A man who doesn't know how to fix things. I'm amazed at how many alpha males are utterly useless in "life", yet brilliant in business. How does that happen?

Mar 20, 2009

Haha, its probably because men that are brilliant in business can afford to pay someone else to do the manual labor.

Mar 20, 2009

I knew someone would respond "I can afford to pay for it"... that's not the point!

Mar 20, 2009
aadpepsi:

I knew someone would respond "I can afford to pay for it"... that's not the point!

So what you're saying is you want to date a carpenter? No entiendo.

This notion that a man should be doing handy work around the house is as antiquated as the idea that women shouldn't wear watches because there is a clock on the stove. Get over it, this is a new era in which men are allowed to call the doorman to have something in the apartment fixed.

Mar 20, 2009
drexelalum11:
Cornelius:

i just want a good fuck thats under 150 pounds - female.

i keep my shit realistic.

that's pretty damn heavy, isn't it cornelius? I don't think I know many girls who weigh over 130, and those marginal twenty pounds are not going to go anyplace where they represent added value

They try harder and I like them sturdy.

aadpepsi:

Listen, I love lingerie and I know how to play up the Agent Provocateur role. Pleeeaauuuz.

Men say women are complicated. I think men are complicated. I don't have a checklist either. Although, definitely agree on the more than one language bit. That's definitely a turn on.

Definite turn off? A man who doesn't know how to fix things. I'm amazed at how many alpha males are utterly useless in "life", yet brilliant in business. How does that happen?

I am from a less than priveleged background, am quite handy with tools and participate in various construction activities (i.e. habitat for humanity), work as a third year in restructuring, speak 3 languages (2 if you don't count english), value personality over looks (don't laugh), have a fetish for chubby girls (see above) and have received an overall 8.5 on a scale of 10 for looks on adultfriendfinder.

I'd be quite a catch if it wasn't for my nightly bloodlust flowing into my days.

aadpepsi:

I knew someone would respond "I can afford to pay for it"... that's not the point!

I can afford it means different things to different people.

The world has changed. And we must change with it.

I'm making it up as I go along.

Mar 20, 2009

My impression is that the majority of bankers come from more privileged backgrounds. By privileged I don't necessarily mean mansions and servants, but more realistically, upper middle class at minimum. And while some of the fathers in those households may have chosen to do their own repairs, research shows that the wealthier an individual becomes, the more they outsource their labor. Growing up in that kind of environment would minimize current bankers' exposure to that type of work and thus they would never develop the skills necessary to becoming handy-men.

Beyond that, while you like the man who knows his way around the house--the so-called traditional male role--shouldn't you be fulfilling the traditional female role? The American household of the past had the woman cooking, cleaning and overall doing whatever the male wanted. She was subservient. Now that gender roles have shifted, you can't attack men for not meeting past expectations while you refuse to do the same.

aadpepsi:

Why is this HOT? Sounds pretty lame.

If this were reversed and a man "surprised" a woman one night and dressed up as a catholic school boy, it'd completely backfire. We'd be convinced he's gay!

aadpepsi:

Listen, I love lingerie and I know how to play up the Agent Provocateur role. Pleeeaauuuz.

And if a man dressed up in lingerie you wouldn't have the same reaction? In addition to lingerie, I find the catholic school girl and cheerleader outfits hot. You may not, but that's not the issue here. It's what the guy wants. I dated a cheerleader in high school and every once in a while she would come over in her cute little outfit--sans underwear--and we would have some incredible sex. Catholic school girl outfit: same result. Don't bash it until you try it.

I know my way around a house... and a girl. If I had to pick just one of the two to have, it would be the latter. I can always hire Jose to fix my sink, but I wouldn't want my wife going to him for any other services. Same goes for a woman: I'd love it if she could cook and clean, but in the end if I'm (we're) successful enough that work can also be outsourced. I want a woman that's a freak in bed, can carry a conversation, and is hot enough to show off to the world. I highly prefer intelligent, driven women and I understand that many of them lack "home intelligence," but am willing to look past that if they can fulfill other needs.

You're likely not a homemaker. If you want to be competitive, you'll need to be more yielding in other areas.

Mar 20, 2009

C'mon fellas, any woman wants a man with a bit of brawn. Who you kidding?

It's one thing to show bravado and be a superstar at work. It's quite another to show some brawn in daily life. I'm not talking about outsourcing labor. Anyone would agree that it's far better to hire someone to paint or tear out a kitchen.

Example, I own a power drill. If little 'ol me can put up an entire Elfa shelving system in an afternoon, why can't any guy? Some alpha males being utterly useless don't know how to use a basic power drill or don't know when it's necessary to change a drill bit to match the type of wall that's being drilled, e.g. plaster vs. brick etc. Basic common sense every day stuff.

Another example... alpha males who don't know how to change an electrical outlet. What? It's necessary to pay $50 an outlet because the average alpha male doesn't have the skills to do the job in 2 minutes? Stuff like that.

Some utterly useless alpha males. Note, I'm not saying ALL.

Mar 20, 2009

Hi aadpepsi, my name is Puss, what's your name?

Mar 20, 2009

If I come home from work dead tired, I dont want to come home and have an argument once in the couple hours before I go to bed. I want this period of my day to be free from any sort of stress. If I want to do X, the chick needs to at least pretend that's all right. (obviously, the dude needs to meet a middle ground involving plans that have been made ahead of time ect.)

Its been my experience, that when one dates someone with a really strong personality, ambition, intelligence in their professional life.... this inevitably involves more headaches in the relationship. HOWEVER, I know dudes that date those same women and have "great" relationships... I am also of the opinion though that a lot of times those dudes are like the really sweat nice weak guys who essentially go with the flow with anything, whose women boss them around and shit about what to wear and what to buy them, and who to be friends with ect ect ect.

Honestly, that isn't me, and rather gripe with someone constantly, bc the chick views herself as an alpha personality, I opt for the attractive but less intelligent.

I have to say though, just bc a chick has a good job doesn't mean i couldn't date her. Its more a personality thing, I know some banking chicks that are pretty damn chill. ha.

Mar 21, 2009

Well I think we've found out a bit about aadpepsi. She rejects great guys left and right because they aren't perfect enough for her. Then, when she's 40, wrinkly and still single, she'll have a life crisis and jump at the chance to date other desperate losers.

Mar 23, 2009

I recently read an article by a sociologist / anthropologist that specializes in human sexuality and relationship.

He very accurately said that men are seeking only physical attraction in a short-term (ie. one night stand) relationship but when it comes to a long-term relationship men look for the following qualities, in this order:

  1. intelligence
  2. emotional stability
  3. kindness
  4. attractiveness

Now... I VERY MUCH agree with him... although I consider "intelligent" not being a complete fucking ditz. I heard this 20-something year old girl ask her bf what refrigeration is yesterday. That is not uncommon. There girls out there that people would consider "smart" because they did well in school and got good jobs, but they're still dumb as a box of rocks.

Also #1 and #2 are inversely related. The smarter the grl, the more insecure and emotionally unstable. Although she has this faux confidence to her, once you get to know the grl well enough... you know the real deal. Most of them talk a good game, but they're even more insecure and nutty than the average girl.

Therefore, Ill take the girl that is:

  1. intelligent - not a ditz
  2. emotionally stable - once you've been with a girl that lacked this, you know how important it is
  3. kindness - agreed. Wouldn't want to date a grl with a guys personality
  4. attractiveness - obviously

Also... when I was younger I used to date these insanely hot girls that were dumb as fuck. I didn't really give a shit how dumb they were. I didn't realize why anyone really gave a shit how dumb they were when they were so fuckin hot. You soon realize how completely unattractive a girl begins to look when she regularly says shit so stupid you want to bludgeon her skull with a frozen eggplant.

Mar 23, 2009
Marcus_Halberstram:

You soon realize how completely unattractive a girl begins to look when she regularly says shit so stupid you want to bludgeon her skull with a frozen eggplant.

Thank you, Marcus, for that completely hilarious mental image.

Mar 23, 2009
Marcus_Halberstram:

The smarter the grl, the more insecure and emotionally unstable... they're even more insecure and nutty than the average girl.

Nope, not true. Anyways, for argument's sake, that same statement could easily be applied to men. A lot of high IQ men have very low "EQ".

There's a show on Bravo that profiles millionaire men who have to hire a matchmaker because their "EQ" is so low, proves my point!

Mar 23, 2009
aadpepsi:
Marcus_Halberstram:

The smarter the grl, the more insecure and emotionally unstable... they're even more insecure and nutty than the average girl.

Nope, not true. Anyways, for argument's sake, that same statement could easily be applied to men. A lot of high IQ men have very low "EQ".

There's a show on Bravo that profiles millionaire men who have to hire a matchmaker because their "EQ" is so low, proves my point!

I absolutely agree.

Also some food for thought... and I'm not saying this is necessarily true but...

Women have for thousands of years been the ones who are supposed to be all pretty and attractive... be there for me to bang whenever I feel like it, take care of the kids when I knock you up, and make me food when Im hungry etc... JUST NOW in the last 30-40 years are they beginning to assume an independent career oriented identity...

Then you have these guys who have for thousands of years been carrying around a club, grunting, bring home the bacon, and fighting to protect their turf. Now you begin to see completely emasculated men... ie. the uber-pretty-boy.

The role reversal has made some women completely rely on their career to manifest their self worth, while these pretty-boy fags are vying for validation for something other than their tan skin and blue eyes. Now you've got the women obnoxiously yapping about how important they are, and the men whining that there's more to them than just their looks.

I didnt suggest the insecurity/intelligence combo is exclusive to women. But if you look closely, you'll notice very attractive people are often the most uncomfortable with themselves, and I would say very intelligent people are as well.

Mar 23, 2009

aadpepsi I have both high IQ and EQ, please don't ignore me...

Mar 23, 2009

hahhaa i just spat coffee at the frozen eggplant line....high marks halberstram

Mar 24, 2009

It's when you're really close to having made it (in your own eyes) that you're most insecure.

I agree 100% with this.

Mar 25, 2009

When you're really close to having made it, you're most insecure? Why? I don't get the correlation?

Back to casual dating...

Typical situation going on with my girlfriends: They date X guy. Have a nice time. Girl sleeps with X. X is random. Girls start to develop feelings for X. X is not receptive. Girl notices that X's facebook status has changed to "In a Relationship". Girl feels like shit. Girl struggles to understand "Why didn't he say anything?" or Why aren't we in a relationship?" or "Why wasn't it me?" etc.

I have TWO girlfriends goind thru this exact situation RIGHT NOW. I attempt to play the wise sage, "He just wasn't that into you."

C'mon fella's. There comes a time in all casual dating that you need to just be crystal clear!

Communication. So important. Why so difficult?

Mar 25, 2009

Welllll...

if they're using facebook to determine their relationship status, maybe they're better off single.

My take.

aadpepsi:

When you're really close to having made it, you're most insecure? Why? I don't get the correlation?

Back to casual dating...

Typical situation going on with my girlfriends: They date X guy. Have a nice time. Girl sleeps with X. X is random. Girls start to develop feelings for X. X is not receptive. Girl notices that X's facebook status has changed to "In a Relationship". Girl feels like shit. Girl struggles to understand "Why didn't he say anything?" or Why aren't we in a relationship?" or "Why wasn't it me?" etc.

I have TWO girlfriends goind thru this exact situation RIGHT NOW. I attempt to play the wise sage, "He just wasn't that into you."

C'mon fella's. There comes a time in all casual dating that you need to just be crystal clear!

Communication. So important. Why so difficult?

Mar 25, 2009
sofib09:

Welllll...

if they're using facebook to determine their relationship status, maybe they're better off single.

My take.

LOL Yea, I agree. Facebook? Are you serious? The guy seems really immature if he used Facebook as his sole means to communicate to the girl that things were over.

Firstly, I think the guy was at fault because he wasn't honest about how he felt about the girl, thereby neglecting to respect her growing feelings. However, perhaps the girl should also have taken it slower, using better judgment to figure out if the guy was really worth it or not. I take it that after some time, the girl might've been able to see through the bull and discern that this guy wasn't relationship material and definitely not worth her time.

Just my 2c.

But in all seriousness, two people can't really be 'casually dating' if they have different expectations. (if one person is pursuing something more serious and the other person just wants to have fun, etc.) So the question is: How do you figure out what the other person's expectations are without having things blow up in your face?

Mar 26, 2009

Are you kidding me....is this a fu*king joke. Sorry, not gonna lie I enjoy the thread, but you say that you're an intelligent girl yet you wonder why these guys are leaving your friends.

"They date X guy. Have a nice time. Girl sleeps with X. X is random. Girls start to develop feelings for X. X is not receptive."

THEY PUT OUT WITH A RANDOM GUY. Let me explain something that I feel you should know about guys but clearly you don't based on your comments. Guys want ONE thing and ONE thing only. If I take a girl out to dinner/meet her at a club/bar/party, and she puts out on the first night, I immediately think (and any guy who is smart/gets around will think this as well-usually its subconsciously) "Wow how many other guys has she screwed/blown on the first night. How could I ever date a girl with that little self respect? Oh wait, I cant"

Based on your story it seems that these girls go out with a guy once, maybe twice, and than screw. Whenever that happens for me I delete their # immediately after-usually not even staying to cuddle. To be honest, I'll leave at 5am because I don't wanna lay on the side of the bed that she has probably let 10's of guys sleep on. Yes its a double standard if a guy gets around but in all honesty I am a large proponent of it.

Furthermore, yes its a "lose lose"-if a girl puts out shes a tramp, if she doesn't shes a prude." But if the girl had any self respect and self esteem she wouldn't care if some random guy she went to dinner with thought she was a prude because she barely knows him. If he is willing to judge her and ditch her b/c she didn't put out than trust me you weren't gonna find "true love" with him anyway.

The reason casual dating rarely works is because, and this is a psychological fact, is because when a girl gets off she immediately has emotional neurons sent out to her body which lead to attachment/wanting to cuddle etc...Guys, when they get off, have a neurons sent out to be protective. If one of the two parties is good at ignoring those neurons and the other isn't (usually the guy b/c we all just want one thing), than the girl will get attached while the guy doesn't.

The reason guys aren't crystal clear about being "casual" is because most women wont screw the guy if the girl knows he is in fact being casual. And since we all want one thing...

"I have TWO girlfriends going thru this exact situation RIGHT NOW. I attempt to play the wise sage, "He just wasn't that into you."

The problem is he was into them...however many inches deep...and that's all he wanted hence why he ditched them afterward

Mar 25, 2009

aadpepsi, can you please respond to PussInBoots -- the tension is killing me

Mar 25, 2009

Well what guys SHOULD do is not necessarily what they will do. Best thing to do is always assume it's casual unless told otherwise...

Mar 25, 2009

If it's an unspoken agreement... why is it that more often than not, someone doesn't understand it's "casual"?

I do agree however that it's safe to assume things are casual until some triggering event happens... which is why I started this threat to begin with. To understand what that trigger event is :-)

Mar 25, 2009

Good God...whatever happened to just getting laid and having a good time every once in a while?

Wait...maybe THAT'S casually dating.

Whatever...

Mar 25, 2009

I always just pay for it.

No drama.

The world has changed. And we must change with it.

I'm making it up as I go along.

Mar 26, 2009

I doubt this guy actually was in a relationship. He probably had similar encounters with a few grls, as he did with your friend. When its just one grl buzzing around like a gnat, its easy to absolve yourself of her advances (emotional advances, that is) with a quick a deliberate swat. When its quite a few gnats, you're going to look like a crazy person swatting around in the air. In such cases you need a fogger of some sort, like something that is routinely inspected multiple times a day by annoying females who don't understand the concept of "casually dating."

Enter FaceBook relationship status.

Mar 26, 2009

Brought a tear to my eye.

jgl12345usa:

The problem is he was into them...however many inches deep...and that's all he wanted hence why he ditched them afterward

I actually like the girls that put out rather quickly. Ladies, please continue to do so.

The world has changed. And we must change with it.

I'm making it up as I go along.

Mar 31, 2009
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Apr 1, 2009
Apr 1, 2009