Hi all, looking for someone to tear my cold email template apart for me. Don't hold back.
"(first name),
Good morning.
My name is (first and last name), and I’m Finance major in my third year (of a 5 year program) at (non-target school) in Boston. I’m currently interning at a Private Equity Search Fund, and will be interning in the Investor Relations department at (major publicly-owned asset manager) in Boston this summer and fall, as well.
I’m very interested in pursuing a career in Investment Banking, and I saw from your LinkedIn profile that you’re an MD at (BB IBD).
I plan on coming down to NYC for a few weekend visits this summer, and I was wondering if it would be possible to take a half-hour of your time to get coffee and have a conversation about the industry, and see if you had any advice for a student like myself looking to get into the field.
I’d really appreciate any insight you could provide!
Anyway, let me know what you think. I look forward to hearing from you, and I’d love to set up a meeting next time I’m in New York!
Thank you very much,
(my first and last name)
P.S.
I’ve attached a copy of my resume to this email for more background about myself."
Roast me.
Thanks, this was a major help! Hopefully my previous emails haven't done too much damage yet...
I would avoid using exclamations in professional emails, unless you're on that level of casual with the person you're emailing. Also, the general rule is that the email needs to be short enough so he/she can read through it on a blackberry without scrolling.
Here's my updated version. Anything else I should change?
"Mr _____,
My name is (first & last name), and I’m a Finance major in my third year (of a 5 year program) at (non-target school). I’m currently interning at a Private Equity Search Fund, and will be interning in the Investor Relations department at (major asset manager) in Boston this summer and fall, as well.
I’m very interested in pursuing a career in Investment Banking, and I saw from your LinkedIn profile that you’re a ____ at ____.
I was wondering if it would be possible to grab a coffee next time I’m in New York and talk about your experiences in the industry. I’d also really appreciate any advice you had for someone like myself hoping to get into the field.
Let me know what you think.
Thank you very much, (first & last name)"
Hello Mr./Mrs. XXX
My name is XXX and I'm third year student at XXXX, studying finance. Currently, I'm working as an intern at a private equity search fund. During this summer up until the fall, I will be interning in the investor relations department at XXX. I'm very interested in the investment banking industry, and I would like to learn more about your experience at XXX. If you have the time, I would like to grab a coffee next time I'm in New York to discuss your experience in the industry.
Regards, Name Phone # Email
Try that.
+1. Also OP, maybe throw in the fact that you would also be okay with a phone call and maybe turn that initial call into a meeting down the line. Some people would rather get on the phone first because it's easier to plan/move around.
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