Cold Emailing for internship help needed

I've been cold emailing and asking for the internship straight up in my emails but I've gotten close to no response on those. I attach an investment writeup(the limited feedback I've gotten indicates that it's very good so I don't think this is the issue), and this is the template I use:

Hi YYY,

My name is XXX and I’m currently a sophomore at TOP PUBLIC studying Business Administration. I am emailing you to inquire about internship opportunities with your firm during the 2018 summer. I know you’re busy, but please let me know if you have time for a quick chat sometime in the near future to discuss your firm and my experience to-date. I have also attached my resume and write-ups on STOCK TICKER . I hope my work samples show that I am hardworking, analytical, and eager to learn. I hope to hear from you soon.

Thank you,
XXX

I've been getting close to no hits. I have a tracker and I sometimes have people open the email like 10 times, but not respond. What am I doing wrong? What can I do to improve? Should I stick to asking for informational interviews first still? And then ask? What do I title the email?

And here's my writeups that I send if anyone has some advice to give me on it. Feedback is greatly appreciated.

https://drive.google.com/open?id=1kjOzJ6NfTFTzZAj…

I am applying for HF internships if it's not obvious.

 

What positions are you hoping to apply for? If IB, as your title suggests, not such how your stock write ups are relevant. Also, WAY too direct. I would never mention internships directly. You are trying to start a relationship with someone who works in your dream field, not receive a handout because you (along with 10000 other kids) happened to send out an email.

Breakdown: First sentence: Good Second: Bad. Adjust to something along the lines of "I am interested in the field of [INSERT FIELD} and would love to learn about your role at XYZ. (P.S. It helps if you have a specific reason for why that firm) Third: Bad. Try, "If your schedule permits, I would appreciate the opportunity to speak with you over the phone or to grab a coffee for 15-30 minutes at some point in time over the next week or so. Fourth - Sixth: remove Fifth: I have attached my resume for your reference.

Sincerely,

Lakebeachadvisors

Some people are not a fan of attaching a resume. I feel as though it gives them some reference of who I am, so they know I'm not gonna ask about investment banking because I just finished watching Wolf of WallStreet

 

The thing is then, I'm not sure how I'm not sure how else I could add value as a college sophomore, if I'm not giving them a pitch. I'm all for taking it off, but I feel like less people would respond. I'm also trying to get them to take me seriously for an internship. Is my thinking wrong? Can other people corroborate that it comes off as pushy? I can see how people would think that.

 
Best Response

(Purely intending to be helpful here)

I skimmed the VRSN write-up briefly and think you might want to revisit it. Sometimes work that raises red flags is less helpful than not sharing work product at all

Some things that caught my eye:

"all they have to do is not screw up" C'mon = )

"as Verisign proves their business model, I believe that the market will transition to a more reasonable valuation of Verisign, and recognize the moat" IIRC VRSN has been public and doing essentially the same thing for more than 15 years, so what's really misunderstood?

I would challenge your comps of MA and V and ask you to justify them better. Anything more than saying they're all toll road businesses would be great. Why not comp this business to an actual road that collects tolls? See what I mean?

Looks like all your comp multiples are trailing but you are applying them to 2021 estimates? Also, why are you valuing the business on 2021?

You make multiple references to the leverage / firepower, but you never really spend any time on why a company would bet at ~3x gross leverage but also have a cash and securities pile roughly equivalent to their debt load, while buying back stock aggressively. Weird, right? = )

"Low street coverage: Analysts are also not that good as estimates are also not the best" I don't know what this means, but I generally wouldn't disparage people that cover the stock

And lastly, yes, I would follow the conventional informational interview route, as opposed to mentioning the prospective internship too

Good luck!

"Do not go gentle into that good night"
 

To add: OP, you are incorrect that VRSN is only covered by two analysts. On their IR page there are three others listed that you missed.

I don't have a problem with people saying SS estimates are incorrect, but to just say "analysts are also not that good as estimates are also not the best" is just disrespectful. There is a legitimate way to communicate what you're trying to say here...

The biggest red flag to me with your work is that it is very unpolished and you come off as extremely arrogant.

This is more than what an average sophomore would put together so thats great, but you have an ego problem.

 

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