Combining Finances with Wife
Has anyone done this? My wife and I just did and I don't necessarily love it, but I understand it has to be done.
Trending Content
| +95 | Are you “less ambitious” for having long term goals outside of NYC | 24 | 7m | |
| +40 | WSO Ranking On Resume??? | 10 | 2d | |
| +36 | Interviews Are So Fake | 24 | 17m | |
| +33 | 2024 UK Election - Tories finished? | 20 | 11h | |
| +29 | Being Christian in investment banking | 14 | 4h | |
| +26 | Is my boss gaslighting me? | 3 | 5d | |
| +22 | What's going on at Columbia? | 17 | 42m | |
| +22 | Ideas for things to do with a free semester before starting ft? | 9 | 1d | |
| +20 | Sabotaging Peers to Get Ahead? | 34 | 3d | |
| +18 | Best NYC neighborhood for single 30M | 12 | 1d |
Career Resources
Why does it have to be done again? I get shared bank accounts for some things but not completely merging. Maybe it’s because I am young.
Hell if you make enough, just pay the bills yourself. then when she wants to leave you just let her and your finances are 100% separate. she has her assets and you have yours.
That’s not how it works chief. In the eyes of the law, everything in the marriage is owned jointly, so when a divorce does happen, all the assets are split evenly, unless agreed upon otherwise.
Talk to a financial advisor. Also, speak to a mentor of yours that has high income, and ask what he did.
Honestly ur kind of a dumb*ss for doing this without seeking guidance prior on a hugely important decision.
My wife and I did it a little before we got married.
The biggest thing is making sure you have the same financial goals. If one of you wants to save for XYZ and the other wants to maintain ABC lifestyle you are going to have issues. Also the more transparent the better.
The way we do it is we have a main checking account where the direct deposits go in. Then we each have our own checking account and we each take out the same amount each month for personal use. All bills are paid on a CC and that is paid for from the joint checking. Then there is a joint savings where the extra amounts go from the joint checking. Outside of that we discuss what do we want to do with the savings, pay off loans, invest in stocks, save for something specific like a house, or give/donate.
Everyone has their own way of doing things and not all partners have similar levels of financial literacy but this way works for us.
^^ The comment above is all true. I honestly don't know why people combine finances; it's a total conflict of interest and 9/10 the other person isn't mature enough to keep their own self-interests out of things.You can honestly see if she starts drifting towards expensive tastes aka living a lavish lifestyle and bragging to her friends and that's when you know to dump her.
Thanks for your valuable insights on the challenges of marriage, Intern
What a snarky comment, coming from an intern >_>
You never know, could be a BYU student.
stfu virgin
I am not married, so take this with a grain of salt.
Had quite a few girlfriends throughout the years and didn't trust even the long-term relationships that much (also the reason why most of them failed). During my career I learned how to hide assets and put them in places or countries where nobody would find them. When I eventually get married I would combine accounts, but only the visible ones. Income streams through digital means, trusts, or companies abroad will not be reported. My family is also involved in this and my name doesn't even show up in those accounts.
I will not shy away from taking responsibility and taking care of my family, shall I ever have one. But I wouldn't give her all of my financial assets just like that. It feels "easier" if she also has a high income or comes from money, but that isn't always the case.
This is terrible legal advice. If a court finds out you did this they may award your partner 100% because you acted in bad faith
Thought everyone on here wanted their wives to be SAHMs - but you’d still rather keep separate accounts? What’s it gonna be?
SAHM?
Stay at home mom
All of the interns and analysts claiming they want sweet supportive SAHMs until they have to tabulate household income and navigate combining finances only to realize they may become broke
They want to have their cake and eat it too. SAHM to rear their kids, listen to their stress and keep the family from imploding, but don't want to support them even financially.
Why dont you love it??
I did this with my fiance and we're due to marry soon. No fancy system, just share finances generally although have separate accounts in the sense that either one of us will pay for things interchangeably. Have found it really simple and easy as we have very similar views on money.
Frankly, whether we combine or not, neither of us comes from money so she'd take half in a divorce anyway, since most of the value is yet to come throughout my career.
Maintaining separate accounts =/= combining finances
Do you have a prenup?
We have an account where we each contribute 50% of our income and then we keep 50%. The shared account is used to pay for shared expenses (vacations, housing, food and nights out) and our personal accounts are for whatever we want. If we want to take an extra special trip we may add more to our joint account. It does help that we have pretty similar incomes.
Call me old fashioned.... but this is the person you’re supposed to want to share your “life” with. If you’re going into it hiding things. It feels like things are doomed to fail. Be up front if you’re that worries and have your partner sign a prenup. If they find out about hidden assets down the road you can guarantee that it will be the end of your marriage.
Times have changed. The laws are just not friendly to high earners. When your partner can decide to leave in a heart beat and take half when they would never have been the close to earning half then it leaves you to question why not try and protect your hard work. Don't get me wrong though I believe you should not be able to walk away from a relationship and leave someone with nothing...no, but If you dated someone with little income potential (AKA most jobs) you could be left with millions in alimony and no kids.
Not to mention the divorce rate is near 50%. Also if your partner cheats on you, lies to you or worse, you get looked at the bad guy for wanting to not pay up for bad behavior.
Curious what you think about this?
50% divorce rate is a bit misleading as it includes people people who get divorced multiple times. If you look at the odds of getting divorced on any category be it race, employment status, or education level, no category actually exceeds ~45%.
Here's a link you can play around with to see the odds based of the different categories. I feel like some of them may compound. https://flowingdata.com/2016/03/30/divorce-rates-for-different-groups/
On a more personal note, I feel like you're being a bit cynical. I'm just a 20 year old, but I feel like if you go into a marriage with those thoughts in mind, its doomed to fail like the other commenter said. My parents are divorced, and I do hope to never be in that situation.
If you don't want to get married, then don't. No one's forcing you to. No need to aggressively preach about not getting married and separating finances to people who, unlike you, don't view a potential partner as some sort of arms length live-in roommate with minimal commitment.
Just don't string people along or otherwise be manipulative just to get someone in a relationship or sex. Of course if you're honest about your intentions, you'll likely limit your options since most people do want to settle down eventually.
Whether you like it or not, you have to pay alimony because it's assumed that the lower income partner has (often rightly) contributed to your life / household in unpaid labour - be it child rearing or household or emotional or even just for putting up with you + opportunity cost of them not being in a relationship with someone else during the same period of time.
Agreed. Called me old-fashioned, but if you're going into a marriage intending to hide assets to protect your self-interests, then you should reconsider entering that marriage in the first place.
I understand the world is changing, but marriage is still a serious commitment, legally, emotionally, and - depending on your personal beliefs - spiritually. It shouldn't be taken lightly, or treated like any other relationship/friendship you have in life.
Pyle --
Spot on.
Wife takes care of all finances (including corporate), except taxes and investments. We work under the 5-90-5 rule in my house. 90% for the family, 5% each for "fun" items, which for me, until the "pandemic", was lunch at work and Copenhagen. Now some of that goes back into the kitty. I completely understand the dynamics have changed over the last 25 years, but at some point is she your spouse or do you need to file a K-1? Are your interests aligned? How about just love?
Wouldn't want to be stuck in this generation having to deal with the bleak nature of marriage.
Agree with this. It’s a bit unsettling how many people are comfortable with the idea of keeping things from their wives. A marriage is a partnership that should be built on trust that is reinforced by aligned values. If you find that, there shouldn’t be a single reason to hide assets. Glad to hear you and your wife are doing well! I don’t have a wife yet, but that’s the plan for how I’d like my marriages finances to work as well.
Copenhagen +1
Been married for over a year and I just Venmo my wife for anything hahaha it’s such a bad setup
Died at this but I think some of these guys might be seriously considering it
I suspect it's more dogma than preference for most people. You say it has to be done so I'd be interested to learn why you think that.
A few questions I thought were important to share:
I asked myself "How much happiness comes from me sharing my accounts/finances with my partner"? The answer was zero.
I asked my partner the same. The answer was zero.
How much stress/fighting in a relationship comes from finances? Non-zero (unless you're exceptionally lucky). Seems like an easy choice with minimum downside, at least for us. I wouldn't be with her if we had a large difference in goals so that makes this approach a world easier.
Notice there isn't any mention of "hiding" assets , or how this might indicate a lack of trust. As if you can't have different risk tolerances or investment preferences without somehow being less of a partnership. Do me a favour. Not intended as a straw man but I depart from that thinking quite heavily. My partner knows exactly how aggressively I invest and vice versa. It doesn't mean she has to adapt to my style nor me to hers. We're our own people, agreeing to go on this journey together. I can't imagine her having to run an investment thesis by me for approval or having to consult me for a big purchase decision. Both are totally fair for a discussion but this isn't a dictatorship. I'm not your banker or bank.
Maybe I'm lucky that our goals are generally aligned? Maybe I'm missing something? Honest questions. My only piece of advice is to have the conversation with your partner without accepting any particular dogma if it doesn't serve you. It'll be a useful exercise. Do what works for you and throw out what doesn't.
Married last year and we have yet to merge accounts. Both of us are frugal and save money to reach goals easily.
We keep kicking the can down the road.. with the idea being, if it’s not broke why fix it. Might start with a joint savings if she really wants to.
wth are all these ib analysts talking about prenup for? Unless you come from a wealthy family, aint no chick tryna take half your "year end bonus" ahahah
You never know in this economy lol.
Being an IB analyst gives you very high chances to be in the top 1% of richest people in the country. In the worst case scenario, richest 5%. A lot of girls are ready to get married just to divorce and take a half of it.
You must've not done IB for very long and are still very junior. I'll put it in simpler terms.
If she's seriously dating you and putting up with your 24/7 power point logo shifting, excel f2, esc'ing at midnight on Fridays, she aint after your money bro lmfao.
You must also not be from NY. They're going after the recently divorced MD's. Let's say you do make it to MD. She gonna conspire for 10 yrs in the making to wait for that slim chance? hahah
Clown
Ya wtf. Some of these guys think gold diggers are even interested in them... they want to be stingy and cheap while finding a girl who'll meet their looks and personality criteria (fwiw, it seems to be trophy wife too lol), and put up with all the late nights, last minute cancellations and grinding as a junior in finance for years.
how do you define gold diggers? somebody who's interested in money? ain't almost all girls interested in money? I would bet at least 80% of girls in the US care about how much money you make and what job you do. do you disagree? so a person in banking (even analyst) can get a girl that he would otherwise not get if he wasn't in banking. it's up to you if you wanna keep feeding this girl to keep her or fuck and dump, but it's important to understand why girls, who were not interested in you, are now interested once you are in banking/consulting.
OP is neck fucking deep surrounded by sharks in an ocean storm looking back to shore like “hey this is fine? Everything is fine right?”
Seems like a red flag if there isn't at least that level of baseline trust in a relationship...
Congratulations, you've fallen to your wife's "what's yours is mine and what's mine is mine"
Actual question as I'm not well-versed in this, but if you combine finances with a SO after signing a prenup, how does the separation of assets work if a divorce proceeding takes place?
The general idea is that identifiable pre-marital assets can be protected, as can post-marital assets acquired as gifts or inheritance as long as these are kept separate. If you combine assets, even with a prenup it can be considered shared marital property. (Not legal advice, varies by state, talk to an attorney, etc)
1st year analyst WIFE
???
yeah, some guys are old-school, marrying their high school sweetheart. I don't understand that either, but good for them if they're happy.
I’m married and we’ve combined finances. No individual accounts except for on the retirement side of our existing employers and a few smaller legacy accounts. Since becoming married we’ve increased our NW from $1mm to $4mm+ and now my wife is “retiring” and becoming stay at home.
all I will say is combining finances is the ultimate show of trust and fully aligns our relationship beyond what others might think. We are a family unit and she has no doubt anything I am doing is for the best for us.
drawback is I can’t YOLO my money as often or easily without really getting into it with my wife but that’s probably ultimately a good thing.
That’s good and I understand your point, but I disagree on ultimate sign of trust (but that is a personal decision).
As I said above we have a joint account and our own accounts (and go 50/50), although we do combine our investments. I think that can be as much about trust, basically we are aligned on our financial goals, but I don’t need to have the money in one place to make sure it is going that way and I trust her and she trusts me to do whatever we please in a responsible way with our individual accounts. We agree on how much we want to save each year and if she wants to do it with her bonus and I do it monthly, great, as long as we are aligned there is no need to combine things. And we are comfortable having discussions about how we should change and evolve that going forward (up the savings, adjust our allocations, etc). it isn’t about “hiding” assets or any control (or fear of divorce), we just have different ways of thinking about money, and I think letting people be comfortable while as a couple being in the same page of what the family needs (so some overlap but not 100%) is also a sign of trust.
EDIT: to simplify, joint account exposes you to your significant other taking all the money and spending it foolishly, but also gives you direct oversight. While split accounts with joint goals doesn’t expose you as much but requires you to trust that they’ll hit the goals you two have together.
Wow $4M is impressive. What do you invest in and how old? If you tell me you’re like 32 and are an IB associate, obviously bs.
I posted this in the other thread. I'm a mid 30s VP (like to stay associate 2 on WSO for anonymity purposes).
$4.4mm
$60k cash
$950k crypto (btc / eth / Ltc / Bitcoin calls)
$2.2mm index funds ($300k long term treasuries, $1.9mm total stock and international market)
$1.75mm real estate across seven single family rentals
-$400k mortgage
-$200k loan from family member
Well played by your wife :) Kudos to her.
The real trick is to learn that dating the hot yoga teacher /dance instructor /insta thot /elementary school teacher /social worker is likely not going to have you on balanced footing with someone who thinks the same way about money that you do if you're pursuing a career in high finance. For some people, that is fine, and they don't necessarily need to have someone who's on the same page as they are about money..... but given the OP's topic, you clearly aren't.
I found out really quickly that I needed to be with someone who understands that the game is to be sold not told, and frankly, it shades which way I date to a major degree. Lots of Biglaw / finance / tech types which makes some of the practical / not sexy part about dating and finding someone to build a life with much easier.
Genuine question - why would you get married if you aren’t willing to combine finances?
I’ve always felt that I could take or leave marriage - definitely not something that I view as a “must-have” in my life - but if I were going to do it it’d be because I wanted to combine our lives, otherwise we might as well keep dating (and if she pushed for marriage but I weren’t ready, I’d rather lose the relationship than get locked into something I wasn’t comfortable with)
I have been married for almost 11 years and with my wife for 17. We haven’t combined finances. My wife is a C level exec at a PE owned large company, and I am a former banker who now runs a later stage startup. We tried to do a shared credit card as a toe in the water, and it was a mess because we both run so many work expenses through personal accounts. It really complicated reimbursement and who owes what/when timelines on staying on top of the account. After that, we said screw it, and we just divided who is responsible for what. I pay for mortgage, utilities and insurance stuff, my car, and she pays for her car and child care, which in our case is not cheap since we both work a lot. It works out just fine. We have a joint account that we can use to transfer money back and forth when needed, but that’s all it’s really used for. I stopped using the joint credit card.
Blanditiis a neque sit ipsam molestias enim. Reprehenderit esse cum praesentium eaque. Soluta doloremque exercitationem maxime ratione consequatur.
Ea qui nihil sunt fuga. Maxime impedit autem occaecati et nisi dolor. Sapiente tempore amet autem in voluptatum eum. Eveniet doloribus alias sapiente autem consequatur.
Optio laborum non eum. Ducimus consequatur animi accusantium eligendi quia dicta. A sit est qui quia harum aperiam. Aut voluptatibus debitis alias voluptatem.
Quia provident molestias et reprehenderit asperiores. Tempore omnis ut sed facere quaerat. Sit tempore accusantium pariatur ut asperiores dolore quod.
See All Comments - 100% Free
WSO depends on everyone being able to pitch in when they know something. Unlock with your email and get bonus: 6 financial modeling lessons free ($199 value)
or Unlock with your social account...
Id at dolorum explicabo aut velit velit eligendi eligendi. Suscipit ratione ut eveniet omnis. Voluptatem non iusto asperiores qui. Et delectus incidunt aut officia.
Et et non nisi itaque voluptatibus. Molestiae dolor iusto molestiae ab molestiae incidunt quae non. Consequatur necessitatibus iure ducimus perspiciatis perferendis voluptates.
Voluptatibus praesentium et ut soluta laboriosam ea cumque. Quis et officia quia suscipit. Sapiente veritatis et et assumenda sit quam.
Rerum in ab quis. Aut omnis iure accusamus ratione sunt nesciunt. Eius hic eum aut velit repellat fugiat quam.
Sint eligendi placeat recusandae. Aut doloremque eum et. Odit dolorem assumenda quam esse optio. Nam quam sit sit officia et atque accusantium ipsum. Ipsam repudiandae iusto id quia officiis cumque autem ad. Maxime et in molestiae.
Reiciendis id velit magni veritatis reprehenderit vel. Omnis et expedita odio voluptate. Quia vitae aut quia sunt inventore non voluptatem.