1. First, format wise, you should have the recruiter's address/contact info prior to the "Dear .."

  2. The generic template is okay but it isn't tailored at a specific firm. For example, you merely highlight your experiences, but a stronger CL would relate those experiences directly to the position you're applying for.

  3. Vary your sentence structure and writing style. You use a lot of sentences that start with "I".

  4. You talk a lot about process -- what you mechanically did. The point of the CL is to get across the overall impact of your work, in other words the accomplishments and significance of what you did.

 

1)What if I don't know the specific person's name? ie: applying on websites 2)I'll tailor to specific firms when I'm applying 3)Any ideas on what to vary it with? 4)So essentially "I did X, which resulted in Y"? I did that for the web development paragraph, I'll think of one for the actuarial paragraph too.

Thanks :)

-- Recent Actuarial Science (good statistical skills) grad looking for entry-level work ANYWHERE. Writing CFA Level 1 in June 2010. Passed 3 actuarial exams.
 
Best Response

Sorry to say this, but this is very poor material. Try to make the letter into a story about yourself. "I was always interested in/had apittude for ... therefore I decided to study ... at ...", "taking my interests further I interned at ... where I devoloped skills ... added/improved significantly ..." etc. "During/thanks to I discovered my interest in finance... decided to do CFA qualifications in order to ... will pursue career in banking and ...."

You want to show that there is a logical succesion in your life choices. Where did you start, where did you end up, how did you get here, and where you want to go next (and why firm XXX fits perfectly into this scheme).

You want to do banking, do you? Because its not obvious from your letter (and it should be!!!).

Correct the "important of automation" to "importance". Don't ram conclusions down your readers throats ("This shows my dedication...") - they are not idiots, they will get it, plus it sounds pretentious. Your letter should describe what you did, how you learned and improved. The recruiter will figure out your personal qualities from such a description. You can't put things like "this at least shows my..." - youre implying that it does not show much, but hey, its better than nothing.

 

Just looked at your sig and noticed the "looking for entry-level work ANYWHERE." part. In that case - you seriously need as many cover letters as many jobs/industries your targeting. And I dont mean just minor adjustments, I mean spinning your story differently/appropriately every time.

 

tandaradei: so far only looking for finance or actuarial positions. and i have 2 cover letters, this one is just the banking one.

thanks for the detailed explanation tho, you've given me a great starting point on how to start writing my cover letter. i appreciate it! :)

EDIT: Updated... I think it looks much better now but could still use improvements :D

-- Recent Actuarial Science (good statistical skills) grad looking for entry-level work ANYWHERE. Writing CFA Level 1 in June 2010. Passed 3 actuarial exams.
 

Its def a step in the right direction.

You repeat "interested" in the first paragraph.

You enrolled "into the CFA programme", not the level 1 exam (and its better to use the roman numeral I instead of 1) or "are currently in the process of obtaining the CFA qualifications".

"thank you for the time to read and consider..."

Why did you want to study actuarial studies? Are you any good at it?

How did you get interested in finance? Being out of options/wanting to make lots of $ is a bad answer.

Expand on the actuarial internship. Try to relate it more to the skill set/qualities that are required in banking

Add more content - extracuricular, travel, interests, self-study maybe. Anything that makes you interesting and shows that you have initiative/drive.

My oh my, am I bored at work today or what...

 

I do salsa dancing, waltz dancing, and martial arts.. but not sure how to put that onto a cover letter other than "my interests are X"

From what I've read, the skill set for banking is: -good at communication -can work long hours with good attention to detail -likable by the interviewer During my actuarial internship I didn't really have any contact with clients. Lead consultants did the talking and then passed on tasks to us analysts. Heck, they would forward me emails from clients and I'd reply to them and they'd forward it to the client :| I'm not sure how to spin I worked long hours. I've worked nights, weekends and 60 hour work weeks there, but I don't think I can just put that, can I?

I took Actuarial Science because I wanted something quantitative and could provide a professional job. I wanted to switch to finance because the actuarial market tanked and I figured if I had to work hard to get a job, I might as well get a job in a field I find exciting (which is finance). I find investment banking exciting because of the client work and dynamic because the sales aspect turns me on.

-- Recent Actuarial Science (good statistical skills) grad looking for entry-level work ANYWHERE. Writing CFA Level 1 in June 2010. Passed 3 actuarial exams.
 

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