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Comments (30)

Aug 19, 2021 - 12:05am

Every time I've been in an investment bank's office...they've had strangely dirty/gross bathrooms. I don't know what it is, but 100% worse than some production facilities I've run/toured lol

  • 2
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Aug 19, 2021 - 11:25am

It's because those bathrooms are almost entirely used by a group of dudes in their 20s. Basically the same thing as a bathroom in a fraternity house. So it's going to smell like a homeless guy farted piss regardless.

Hear me now, children, for my occupation is of much import. For 82 years I have been an oil man, a ‘baron’ some have called me. Now what does an oil baron do? The answer - crush your enemies! Grind their bones into dirt! Make them regret that they were ever born! Oil is not for the weak - it is the Earth’s milk, and only the strong may suckle at Mother’s teat!

  • Analyst 1 in IB - CB
Aug 19, 2021 - 12:09am

I was taking a piss and MD walked in and we had small talk for solid 3 min w our fckin dicks in our hands smh

  • Associate 1 in AM - Equities
Aug 19, 2021 - 11:30am

Never leave first. Assert dominance and mark your territory. Bonus points for maintaining eye contact the entire time.

Aug 19, 2021 - 10:58pm

Wrong. The correct way to assert dominance is to walk away but leave your dick hanging out of your pants.

Hear me now, children, for my occupation is of much import. For 82 years I have been an oil man, a ‘baron’ some have called me. Now what does an oil baron do? The answer - crush your enemies! Grind their bones into dirt! Make them regret that they were ever born! Oil is not for the weak - it is the Earth’s milk, and only the strong may suckle at Mother’s teat!

  • 14
Most Helpful
Aug 19, 2021 - 1:09am

Not at an investment bank, but one time I was taking such a long dump that the lights turned off automatically in the bathroom. Before I could finish up and trigger the motion sensor again, someone else walked in and went straight to the corner stall (out of 5). About 15 seconds went by and then he started crying. I could hear sniffling and muttering of frustration. I was about to make some noise just to let him know someone else was in there but he randomly yelled "ASS!" out of frustration in the middle of crying. I was trying to think of who it was but we shared the floor with another firm so it could have been someone I didn't know. He kept saying stuff like he was mad at himself. He didn't actually even go pee or poop because he left the stall and slammed the door on the way to the sink.The weirdest part, while he was at the sink he sounded like he was hyping himself up. "C'mon you can do this!" kind of language. I think he slapped the shit out of his own face but he could have clapped his hands to hype himself up or something similar. Before leaving he muttered "Come on you little bitch! slap" "I'll suck a god damn dick if I have to! slapslap" "A dick? I'll suck a fuckin BBC!"

  • Associate 1 in CorpDev
Aug 19, 2021 - 10:45am

We had a really nice nursing room which contained a sort of bed/area to lay on + an attached bathroom. Anyone could use this room though and a person really ending up abusing it while I was interning. HR had to send an email out to the entire floor warning people not to misuse the area.

Jenna from HR (paraphrased): Please do not shoot loads all over the wall. In fact, do not wank in there at all. If we find you as the semen menace, you will be fired immediately and we will alert the authorities - working with Suzy from legal on this matter.

Aug 19, 2021 - 6:38pm

I interned at an EB. While having drinks one night some associates/VP's were reminiscing about a retired MD. Apparently he used to take client calls/host entire conference calls with deal teams/clients/acquirers/lawyers while taking massive (audible) shits. Apparently no one on the calls would ever question it. Just this one guy pooping while answering questions, negotiating etc

Aug 20, 2021 - 2:56am

Ok I got a couple:

1) Had to use the crapper like never before and sprinted over to one of the restrooms on the floor. All stalls were taken except for the furthest one. I went over to it and kicked the door open. On the toilet was just human excrement everywhere. Yes, not in the toilet but on the toilet. I'll leave this there

2) I was on a client floor after a meeting and had to use the restroom so I used a client bathroom which was a single lockable bathroom and ripped some juul. So I guess I juuled too much because I opened the bathroom door and a conference room next to it filled with clients saw some smoke billow out and looked jaw-dropped. Suffice to say I hightailed it out with my head down and left before anyone could id me lol 

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  • Associate 3 in IB - Gen
Aug 20, 2021 - 2:54pm

Worked on a trading floor at a french bank. The trading floor bathrooms were disgusting. Piss was everywhere on the floor, toilets left unflushed with shit and toilet paper left in them. There used to be a guy whose full-time job was to mop the floor in the bathroom in the morning and at lunch.

Because of how disgusting bathrooms were, I used to go to the bathroom on the executive floor to take a shit (the last stall had its own sink). One day, I did not lock the door tightly and someone walked into my stall and we locked eyes as my face was making the expression you make when pushing poop out of the system. 

Aug 20, 2021 - 6:04pm

I was taking a piss at the urinal and my MD walked in awkwardly and tapped me on the shoulder. I turned around and gave him a face like "WTF" and he seemed angered by that and handed me a stack of CIM comments mid-stream. He then left without say a word. Didn't even use the bathroom and my desk was ten feet away from his office. 

Aug 20, 2021 - 6:08pm

Can't believe I didn't remember this before. 4 years ago I had Taco Bell for lunch and immediately proceeded to the toilet - I was basically giving birth and trapped in there for 30 min. My boss at the time came into the washroom to check on me and put his eye up against the crack between the door frame and said "WE ARE BUSY" and then left. Freaked me out.

  • Director in IB - Cov
Aug 21, 2021 - 3:10pm

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  • Associate 1 in IB-M&A
Aug 21, 2021 - 3:22pm

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