Craziest Moment in Front of a Client

Analyst 1 in IB - Gen

Sitting on a conference call at the moment and could use a good laugh to get through the next hour. What's the craziest thing you've seen/heard a colleague say/do in front of a client? Intern all the way up to director is fair game.

Comments (105)

Most Helpful
  • Prospect in IB - Ind
Jun 2, 2020

This man has to be WSO's biggest capper - hats off to you.

    • 32
Jun 2, 2020

I'm sorry what is a capper?

Will update my computer soon and leave Incognito so I will disappear forever. How did I achieve Neanderthal by trolling? Some people are after me so need to close account for safety.

    • 2
Jun 2, 2020

Capper means liar

Jun 2, 2020

Thank you for your explanation of a capper. I am not familiar with the term, but I believe in strengthening my professional and intellectual base to accommodate new ideas and thoughts.

Now, could someone please tell me what my MS to SB multiple is? I will be grateful for your response. Again, thank you for your help!

Will update my computer soon and leave Incognito so I will disappear forever. How did I achieve Neanderthal by trolling? Some people are after me so need to close account for safety.

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Funniest
  • Prospect in IB - Ind
Jun 2, 2020

You have a Monkey Shit to Silver Banana multiple of 2x

    • 44
  • Analyst 1 in IB-M&A
Jun 2, 2020

ok we want details. like how did they flirt? why didn't they just email each other after??

Jun 2, 2020

Due to aberrancies in this thread, I am declining to answer this question and will display confusion and ignorance at this invasive and unnecessary question. Thank you for taking the time to write your post in either case. It means a lot that people are engaging in the right content on this platform and having civil discussions.

Will update my computer soon and leave Incognito so I will disappear forever. How did I achieve Neanderthal by trolling? Some people are after me so need to close account for safety.

Controversial
Jun 2, 2020

I got into a fight with a client because he was an Obama lover. He told me Trump should take notes from Obama and I told him to "zip up Obama's pants".

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    • 5
Jun 2, 2020

Based

    • 3
Jun 2, 2020

How low?

Jun 6, 2020

Based? on what?

    • 1
Jun 3, 2020

The cards finessed Hopkins from the Texans eh

Jun 3, 2020

Super bowl next year. Kyler Murray going crazy

    • 1
Jun 3, 2020

I once ashed my smoke in a cake being presented to clients, in front of the clients.

    • 4
Jun 3, 2020

Whoah. Why

Jun 4, 2020

Because fuck'em, that's why. :D

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  • Intern in IB - Gen
Jun 4, 2020

Isn't this from Mad Men?

Jun 4, 2020

No it's from Jim Simons the man himself

    • 4
Jun 3, 2020

.

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  • VP in RE - Comm
Jun 3, 2020

Not exactly what you were looking for, but funny nonetheless. We were at a kickoff meeting for a sell-side with the client CFO and about 4 other people from his team. About 30 minutes into the meeting the CFO is talking and one of his guys rips the loudest fart I've ever heard. Impressively, the CFO didn't miss a beat and kept going, and nobody else in the room flinched. At our next 15 min break our team went outside and had a good laugh about it.

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  • Analyst 1 in IB - Gen
Jun 3, 2020

Unreal hahahah

Jun 3, 2020

Did they all know who did it and stare at him for a little bit?

Will update my computer soon and leave Incognito so I will disappear forever. How did I achieve Neanderthal by trolling? Some people are after me so need to close account for safety.

Jun 3, 2020

That's outstanding leadership from the CFO right there to have his colleague's back

Array

Jun 3, 2020

Dudes that can do business under intense circumstances, but also bro it up. Love to hear it. You close the deal?

Jun 4, 2020

Great way for the client to establish dominance early on in the deal.

Youngbloods in this thread - take note.

Jun 3, 2020

Old school broker/part-owner ("DJ") in the business who still works at the age of 70, but does so half the time from the course. Absolute beauty this guy. Tough loan we're trying to rationalize on a not-great CRE asset to the investor. DJ has been on speeddial with this investor since day 1 ('70s?). Cue sit down meeting with myself (analyst), DJ, principal investor KB, his PM, and one of their analysts.

KB: I don't like this one DJ. There's too much hair on this deal. And we don't know the full story. You get me that and we'll take a better look at it, promise

DJ: Oh come on KB! You know we'll lift her skirt up and give her a feel to see whats loose

I didn't even try to not laugh. Had a massive grin on my face the rest of the meeting. To date, best sales pitch I've heard.. Ended up funding that loan too

    • 8
Jun 3, 2020

Was an Associate and working with a Director that I'd worked with a lot already and become friends with. Each of us was comfortable telling the other when he's being annoying.

So we're on a sellside, I'm in the office at night and he's sending rapidfire emails from home telling me to schedule X call with the company and Y call with the sponsor and Z call with our MD . . all these calls . . and meanwhile I'm trying to concentrate on a draft of the CIM and am irritated by the requests.

So I respond and basically tell him to get off my ass so I can focus on the CIM and that he's being rude to his wife by emailing me during dinner with her, and that we should wait anyways because we're not even sure about the MD's schedule so we'll look stupid if we schedule so fast.

We're cool so that email would be fine, except it went to everyone. Company, sponsor, and rest of the IB deal team. Because I had another window open for some other draft email that I never finished.

And of course I tried the whole "unsend" bullshit that never works and highlights for everyone that you sent something embarrassing.

In the ensuing minutes I get a call from (i) the sponsor VP laughing unconrollably (ii) the Director telling me I'm a dumbass but he won't jam me up anymore (iii) the MD telling me I'd be fired if this happened earlier in my career but I'll survive this once because I've been a good performer for a year.

Moral of the story, always check the To/CC fields last before you hit send.

    • 44
Jun 3, 2020

classic!

Jun 3, 2020

oh man, that's a good one

Jun 3, 2020

Same deal but less embarrassing: a colleague sent a browser screenshot to that client for something, and her screenshot included the tabs showing all the other sites she has open. Thankfully it was some shopping sites and other innocent crap but could've gone bad. That client must've thought we were the biggest jokers around.

    • 2
Jun 12, 2020

the only tab you should have open in a screenshot is a google search for "how to take a screenshot"

    • 4
Jun 3, 2020

That's why I always put like "xxx" in the BCC field so the message can't send until I remove it when drafting emails haha.

    • 20
Jun 3, 2020

This is actually one of the least known best tips for banking / business.....use it all the time!

Will update my computer soon and leave Incognito so I will disappear forever. How did I achieve Neanderthal by trolling? Some people are after me so need to close account for safety.

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Jun 4, 2020

I have something on my outlook that automatically does this - was the best tip from my associate (and probably the only valuable one)

    • 1
Jun 3, 2020

You think the MD would actually have fired you if you were an average or bottom bucket Associate

Will update my computer soon and leave Incognito so I will disappear forever. How did I achieve Neanderthal by trolling? Some people are after me so need to close account for safety.

Jun 3, 2020

On the spot, no. But at year end, probably

    • 1
Jun 4, 2020

absolute classic

Jun 12, 2020

The automatic 2 minute delay on all sent emails is a godsend for avoiding things like this, as is not filling out any of the fields until drafting is finished

  • Associate 1 in PE - LBOs
Jun 3, 2020

One of my fellow analyst described himself as a "deep value, contrarian investor." It's cringe worthy to say that outside of a professional context, let alone introduce yourself like that...

Fourth month on the job, most of the deal team couldn't attend an uneventful "weekly check-in" except for a VP, who was running late, giving this guy ~10 minutes alone with management. No idea if the guy had a rough day, didn't get much sleep or what but within those few minutes, he said a lot of incredibly dumb things, including:

  1. Suggested that management buy into a retail-focused ETF due to the "strong headwinds in the sector"
  2. Implied that the CFO was misguided / short sighted by focusing on EPS, not long term FCF
  3. Mentioned that he may be leaving banking some day and would be interested in working at the company

Afterwards, the VP tried to effectively erase his existence / association with the deal. Removed him from the WGL, CIM, and every deliverable going forward.

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  • Intern in IB-M&A
Jun 3, 2020

Did he remove him from the bank as well?

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  • Associate 1 in PE - LBOs
Jun 3, 2020

There was palpable hatred between the two afterwards. Especially after they had to "debrief" with compliance regarding that call... Needless to say the analyst spent the rest of his two years on pitches, industry conference diligence, buyer profiles, etc.

Jun 3, 2020

Did the MD / rest of the deal team sanction the VP to do this? How can the VP just do something like this? It's just one mistake. Can't be so catastropic...

Will update my computer soon and leave Incognito so I will disappear forever. How did I achieve Neanderthal by trolling? Some people are after me so need to close account for safety.

Jun 3, 2020

We were preparing long-list of buyers for a sell-side. As it was middle-market and the company was owned by its founders, we needed to make the list as long as possible to impress the owners (according to the VP).

We went through the list (intern, Associate and VP), erasing some of the entries, and adding internal comments. As you can expect the comments included, among others: "They are dickhe***, buy stuff only if priced at 3xEBITDA", "No chance they gonna buy this. Keep cause their financials seem adequate", "Very exotic idea, hope they won't ask why we put it here" etc.

Later that night, the poor Associate sent the list to the company...with our comments in one of the hidden columns.

"If it is on WSO, it must be true" ~ old Jewish proverb.

    • 5
Jun 3, 2020

What happened to the Associate? There's a high chance the client didn't even unhide the column...

Will update my computer soon and leave Incognito so I will disappear forever. How did I achieve Neanderthal by trolling? Some people are after me so need to close account for safety.

Jun 3, 2020

I would literally just send a pdf version in the morning with the column hidden and say like sorry, made a few quick updates after sending.

Jun 3, 2020

Yes, need to make it seem like you are sending an updated version, worst client thinks that you made a mistake but who cares when it's hiding the fact that you made a really big one.

Will update my computer soon and leave Incognito so I will disappear forever. How did I achieve Neanderthal by trolling? Some people are after me so need to close account for safety.

    • 1
Jun 3, 2020

Perhaps not craziest but most embarrassing. Ripped my suit pants at an org meeting - snagged the edge of a chair with sharp corners as I sat down. Luckily when I stood up my jacket covered the rip located right above one of my ass cheeks (forget if left or right now).

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  • Analyst 1 in IB - Restr
Jun 3, 2020

One that I was present for and one that happened way before my time and can't actually be verified.

(i) Pitching an uptier exchange of SUNs to an OFS company, the CEO is in our office and has a question on bondholder identification; "Who do you think owns these thing? Would loan to own guys be in a tranche like this?" To which my MD responds, w/out thinking about it, "Well, I don't think anyone would want to own this business right now."

(ii) Had a family friend (friend of grandparents) who owned a fairly large construction business. This friend, who happened to be an Italian immigrant, originally bought the company out of bankruptcy. At a meeting during the sales process, a debtor RX banker made a derogatory remark about Italians, so this guy promptly jumped across the conference room table and started choking the banker.

    • 2
Jun 3, 2020

Not my group, but VP at old bank got a gummer during a client call and forgot to mute. 20+ got to hear him grunt and give encouragement to his (assumedly not wife but) girlfriend.

    • 11
Jun 3, 2020

This is epic lol

Jun 3, 2020

Everyone pretended not to know what was going on and, as far as I know, he's still there and doing quite well. So happy ending(s).

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  • Analyst 2 in IB - DCM
Jun 3, 2020

Was working at a boutique PE shop and got staffed in week 3 on a deal. The Pe shop was known to fire the CEO 3-6 months after buying the company, so the principal had asked me to model in new CEO expenses/ potential earn outs etc right before the diligence call. Anyway, we are on the diligence call with the company, cramped up in the principals office with the associate, analyst and VP. For some reason the principal didn't have himself on mute and I proceeded to ask "is the CEO we are gonna fire?". luckily the dude was rambling and didn't hear me. Anyway, we weren't ready to go above 8x and I heard the deal went for 11x so worked out well. I anyway had an offer from a BB and the PE guys gave me an offer, but it has to be the stupidest moment of my career so far.

    • 5
Jun 4, 2020

ooof. Dodged a bullet there. You're lucky.

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  • Analyst 2 in IB - DCM
Jun 4, 2020

Extremely fucking lucky. Some of the Mds at the firm were very well connected so I really dodged a bullet there. could have had my offer pulled.

Jun 4, 2020

Closed a relatively large physical back to back trade one day when I was younger, was so fired up that I accidentally sent the sales contract to the producer that I had purchased from so he essentially saw the price that I had sold his product at with margin built in and to the exact customer taking it.... this guy completely blew his lid on me and I almost had a massive reneg on my hands but luckily finessed out of it.

    • 2
Jun 4, 2020

Not quite what you're asking for, but a lawyer at Foley & Lardner sent us an email at around 3 AM on a Friday night basically calling us bullshit and telling us to speed up even though we were waiting on the seller for some DD items that she had told us she was late on. He apologized 2 - 3 days later, assuming he was super drunk.

Jun 4, 2020

I am not proud of this one. When I was running cap intro for a BB we put on an investor conference in Singapore. Some of our larger US hedge fund clients joined, and we did the usual full-day of LP-GP meetings. I was so flat out preparing for the event that I didn't even have time the day of the trip to go home and pick up my suitcase/clothes/workout gear prior to dashing off to Singapore, so I literally just went with the suit on my back and my laptop. I barely managed to catch the redeye. Got the conference done successfully though. Knocked it out. I woke up early the day AFTER the conference and thought "No shorts, no shoes, but I can still get a run done barefoot and in my boxers. It's 5.30 am, so who's gonna know. Gotta keep fit right?" I get to the gym level of the hotel and ran into the PM of our largest HF client, who was also getting a crack-of-dawn work out. So there I am in my undershirt and boxers, no shorts, barefoot. And NOW the PM wants to ask me questions (fundraising strategy, who to follow up with) right in the doorway outside the gym. I just wanted to disappear upstairs, get dressed and salvage some dignity. And then later the PM called my boss to let him know about the exchange. Uncomfortable all around to say the least and made me look super unprofessional. I am not proud of this at all, and it cost me a lot of credibility. It's the stuff of jokes right - being grilled by your biggest client while literally standing in your underwear.

    • 14
Jun 4, 2020

I would have viewed that as a positive, that's some serious dedication to the gym.

    • 1
Jun 4, 2020

Honestly no different than the naked locker room conversation at the country club. Boys be boys.

  • Prospect in S&T - Other
Jun 10, 2020

Did you get a chance to explain the situation to him?

  • Intern in IB-M&A
Jun 4, 2020

as an intern got asked to tag along to a pitch to client CFO and corpdev guy, was tired af cuz cranking pitch past few days, sat down in the conference room and was starting to get seriously sleepy. it was noon so the sun was bright, and my sleep addled brain somehow thought that staring out the floor to ceiling glass window at the sun would wake me up
entire vision ended up blacked out when i looked back into the room and couldnt tell if my eyes were opened or closed and ended up nodding off in front of client
then the CFO poured me a coffee

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  • Intern in IB - Ind
Jun 4, 2020

Was an intern at a leading industry boutique - I was asked to attend a client meeting 2mins before it started to take notes. I had not seen anything to do with this deal and so, it was me (intern) 2 associates and MD; along with client CEO, CFO and other partners. Several cock ups happened.

1) I speak a few languages and upon meeting the clients, I immediately greeted this guy. I noted by his pronunciation of words he might know german. I proceeded to speak to him in german - much to the shock of the other associates who I didn't know I spoke languages. This led to me chatting shit with this guy for about 10 mins with the associates having 0 idea about what we were talking about and they were visibly panicking lol Turns out it was the CEO - MD was shitting his pants the entire time. Got a shouting at after the meeting lol

2) Mid way through the meeting, an associate offers water to the clients. He proceeds to knock the jug of water (one of those really edgy, trendy bottles) and so water goes everywhere. Soaked the clients paperwork and laptop. Literally about 5 mins later after cleaning it all up and joking about it, the same associate proceeds to spill the other other jug of water; only this time all over the CEO (He flew in from a Holland specifically for the meeting) and their flight was an hour after the meeting. The CEO was livid but i couldn't help but laugh out loud.

Funniest client meeting I have been too. Don't think the deal closed as a result lol

    • 7
Jun 4, 2020

Hah. What were you talking about with the CEO?

Array

  • Intern in IB - Ind
Jun 5, 2020
MgdG:

Hah. What were you talking about with the CEO?

He complimented my beard and was asking me stuff like what the internship was like, what I was doing at university, what I did outside of studying - turns out we had a similar interest in cars so spoke about 5 cars we would own if money was not an issue. Pretty interesting guy tbf but you could tell he hated being inconvenienced, given his stories.

  • Intern in IB-M&A
Jun 4, 2020

"didnt know i spoke languages" lmfao +1

  • Intern in IB - Ind
Jun 5, 2020
Intern in IB-M&A:

"didnt know i spoke languages" lmfao +1

yh they were pleasantly surprised.

Jun 4, 2020

Not a client but was on a team meeting with my boss and 2 other teammates. Thankfully my boss's boss wasn't on..

So I'm sharing my screen going through something I built and was reviewing with the team. Now, since I'm WFH and have a second monitor, I have the ability to choose my laptop's screen or the second monitor. I choose my second screen to share, since it's large and has a bigger field of view, but I forgot that my chat/email/chrome notifications show up on the bottom right of this screen.

Now, I at this point I had been apply to other firms and had an interview coming up with a fund shortly. I obviously use my personal gmail account to send any networking/prospective job emails, but I also have a chrome plug in called Hubspot that basic sends me notifications when someone opens my email ('m looking at you alum who open and never respond!!). Even when my gmail tab is closed in Chrome, I still get notifications from Hubspot, so as I was sharing my screen with my team, this notification comes in. "Someone opened - XYZ Fund Phone Interview". Great. Nice. Now everyone on my team knows I'm interviewing.

I quickly close the notification and thankfully didn't miss a beat while I was talking. Not sure if anyone picked that up quick enough, but that was a lesson learned. I mentioned it to my boss since she's cool, and I was going to take that day off when I had the interview anyways.. She said she didn't notice it but who knows... Didn't end up advancing in the interview anyways :/

TLDR - make sure your chat/chrome/nonwork notifications are muted during screensharing.

  • Prospect in S&T - Other
Jun 10, 2020

I didn't know it was possible to see someone opened your email. Does this work on Outlook?

Jun 10, 2020

Not 100% sure, although I doubt it. The plugin is for Google Chrome and it works like a charm. A 200 notification limit per month with the free version.

Jun 23, 2020

There are plug-ins for Outlook, but the majority aren't as user friendly as the popular Chrome-based apps. For the Outlook plug-in, installation required IT admin approval as the tracking functionality was being blocked by our security software. Haven't searched for a number of years because I purchased a lifetime license for the software I use (when it was reasonably priced).

Array

Jun 7, 2020

My MD invited the Japanese clients for a massage during a valuation meeting! LMAO

Jun 8, 2020

Can you expense happy endings? Asking for a friend.

Jun 8, 2020

Boutique bro! The MD will probably hand me the condoms himself XD

Jun 12, 2020

Very boozy dinner between a couple of MDs and a few partners from a key PE client. One of the MDs grabbed one of the partners by the throat after he called him a paedo for coaching a children's rugby team.

An Associate attended a summer social / dinner being thrown by another key PE client. He got belligerently drunk and started to impersonate Chinese people by speaking in a bad Chinese accent whilst pulling his eyes to side. Had to be put in a taxi home.

    • 4
Jun 12, 2020

unreal

Jun 12, 2020

I was told by a client that I couldn't even cut in the back office. I later went home that night and cried alone until I fell asleep. only to be told the same thing the next day.

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Jun 12, 2020
Comment
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Jun 12, 2020
Jun 13, 2020
Comment

Will update my computer soon and leave Incognito so I will disappear forever. How did I achieve Neanderthal by trolling? Some people are after me so need to close account for safety.

    • 1
Jun 15, 2020
Jun 15, 2020