Crazy stories that happened to you in the finance industry?

Walked into the floor bathroom to take a dump. Was hearing some weird noises from the guy next to me but didn't think much of it as I thought he was forcing out a giant log and we all make those moans.

Then I started to hear muffled voices and noises, like it was coming out of some cheap Apple headphones. Again, didn't think much of it since I thought he was watching YouTube or something.

Almost 30 seconds go by and now I am hearing moans from the guy himself, his feet are now pointed towards the toilet like he was taking a piss. His heels are now elevated like he's pumping out some calf raises and he's making full out moans.

At this point, I think he believes he is alone in the bathroom and I'm starting to get creeped out, but I can't leave because my ass is in prairie-dog mode. I hear his belt jingling, see he's now on his tip-toes, and can tell toilet paper is rubbing against something else.

This is when I realize what he's doing. He's full blown masterbating in the office bathroom. Watching porn on his phone with some headphones to not give it away, but boy was it obvious looking back on it now. I didn't even finish my dump, had to pinch it and gtfo. I don't even think I washed my hands, just had to leave at that exact moment. I was not about to be in the same bathroom when this freak finished, nor did I want him to even see my shoes to possibly question me later in the day.

Thing is, I saw his shoes and was able to tell who he was later in the day. He was a SVP who brought in a lot of deals and made the firm a lot of money. Been there for 8ish years. Never told the story to anyone except my girlfriend. And from that moment on, I avoided that SVP like the plague, out of fear he saw my shoes that fateful day and out of disgust that he had no shame doing what he did.

This was three years ago at a very large CRE firm and the SVP is still there. And from what I heard, guy takes at minimum 10-12 bathroom breaks a day.

Not directly related to work, but happened at work. From our break room/kitchen we are able to see the top of our parking garage about two blocks away. One night I was standing in looking out the window while one of my coworkers was making coffee behind me.

As I'm absent minded looking around I notice someone on top of the garage struggling to get into their car. Took me a second to realize that they weren't struggling to get into the car but actually trying to break into it. I guess they thought no one would be in the offices around this late at night and there wouldn't be anyone to see them. As a note, the lower, covered floors have more cameras than the top floor, which just has two.

After processing what was going on I called over my coworker to check it out and ask if we should do anything. The guy walks up next to me as the door to the car pops open, takes one look at what's going on, practically drops his coffee, yells "fuck" and books it out of the room.

From my vantage point I can see the guy go through the car in about a minute. As he takes off I can see my coworker full sprinting down the sidewalk towards the building. By the time he got up to his car the thief was long gone. Thankfully all the guy got was a few bucks from the center console and a bracelet my coworker's girlfriend left in a cup holder.

Overall it was some 10/10 entertainment and made what would have been a dull night slightly better.

First week at my job a investment company we were doing business with was trading massive positions t bills and he wasn’t suppose to be . He got caught by someone at our office, the FBI got involved and that firm is now going bankrupt. It was in the news

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Not my story, but was one from fellow associates in my class. He was on a roadshow with our MD, and the MD had the associate update the pitchbook while on the road. MD then threw the old pitchbooks down the hotel garbage chute. As MD+associate were about to head to the airport, MD decides that leaving the old pitchbooks in the hotel garbage was insufficiently secure, so he had the associate get out, and ask the hotel for access to the dumpster room, so that he could get the books and then shred them. Associate had to climb into the smelly, soggy dumpster while still in his suit pants, and fish the books from out of the stinky mess, food waste and all, then shred them and race to airport to catch the flight.

Our trading desk was using some expensive Aeron-like thing, but I could never get them to sit right, and neither could anyone else. Killer on the back. One of my co-workers had a bad back, and we suggested he get one of those big gym balls to sit on to help him build core strength and get better posture, instead of a chair. He brought in a hippity hop. We had a good time taking photos of him riding that inflatable horse at the desk.

I watched someone headbutt a coworker last week over a disagreement. Does that count?

I once worked in an open office, where the desks were tiny and people from different department across the company were cramped together. It was like a grocery store -- everyone was always in someone's way, it was always noisy, and there was usually a mess somewhere.

People would have team meetings in the open, take personal phone calls, talk about their relationships, and no one really batted an eye until one fateful day. I was at my desk when I heard two of my coworkers, a quiet techie and a bossy, prestige-oriented girl going at it over some code the techie wrote.

Bossy Girl was critiquing Techie's code, even though she had zero coding experience. Techie was defending himself and Bossy Girl kept telling him that he "wasn't a team player" and that everyone on the team hates him (she wasn't wrong; he was a really nice kid, but the MD randomly decided to hate his guts and went on to isolate Techie throughout his stay at the company). This got our usually chatty office to quiet down, and from there, Bossy Girl and Techie got louder and louder, and the limits to their insults got broader and broader. NOTHING was off the table; they were screaming at each other about completely unrelated things at this point (I do believe "this is why you're single" and similar phrases were uttered by both parties) and getting rather personal when the MD walked in and promptly yanked them out of there and into a conference room. We're all still silent in the open office.

From there, it became the Salem Witch Trials. Techie and Bossy Girl's coworkers were brought in and out of the room throughout the day as "character witnesses" to rag on Techie; it was absolutely insane. Their entire department shut down for the next few days to resolve the drama.

This (female) MD during my internship doesn’t have a laundry machine at home, thus dry-cleans all of her clothes.

One day she asks me if I can pick up her laundry at the dry-cleaner on the same block at the office. As an intern you can’t really say no to such a request so here I (male) am on my way to pick up her laundry expecting one blazer or something. And oh well you guessed the rest - she also dry-cleans her underwear...

I once created the world's largest privately held financial mass media company, became the mayor of NYC, and then managed to destroy my own reputation in my first Democratic debate. Beat that

I always carry a thong is my small purse( because I often have dates after work and I don’t like wearing them during the day). I never leave my purse on the floor so I’m pretty sure many people noticed it when I mistakenly left it open.

I once ashed my cigarette in a cake in front of the client's being presented the cake.

First, take into account this was still when you could smoke cigarettes inside corporate spaces and most people’s desks had ashtrays.

I sat in the first seat/row of our group’s area as I was the admin, the more senior people sat behind me: associate, analysts, VP and then President. Everyone in my group smoked in the office except for me and one female associate. There was a designated smoking area next to our cafeteria and most staffers out of respect for non-smoking co-workers would go to the smoking area more often than not.

One day the female associate makes a scene about the female analyst smoking. Analyst says “I only smoke at my desk when you’re at lunch.” Associate says “Doesn’t matter, I can still smell it.”

More words go back and forth. I can feel the tension rising but I don’t want to turn around to watch the fireworks. However, after a minute or two of increasingly raised voice, I do hear a loud thunk near me and then out of nowhere my boss gets involved.

He calls out their names and ushers both staffers to a conference room.

The aftermath: the associate gets fired and I find out that the loud thunk was her grabbing and winging the analyst’s ashtray some 10 to 15 feet into our group’s shared trash bin and narrowly missed hitting my head in the process.

First, take into account this was still when you could smoke cigarettes inside corporate spaces and most people’s desks had ashtrays.

I sat in the first seat/row of our group’s area as I was the admin, the more senior people sat behind me: associate, analysts, VP and then President. Everyone in my group smoked in the office except for me and one female associate. There was a designated smoking area next to our cafeteria and most staffers out of respect for non-smoking co-workers would go to the smoking area more often than not.

One day the female associate makes a scene about the female analyst smoking. Analyst says “I only smoke at my desk when you’re at lunch.” Associate says “Doesn’t matter, I can still smell it.”

More words go back and forth. I can feel the tension rising but I don’t want to turn around to watch the fireworks. However, after a minute or two of increasingly raised voice, I do hear a loud thunk near me and then out of nowhere my boss gets involved.

He calls out their names and ushers both staffers to a conference room.

The aftermath: the associate gets fired and I find out that the loud thunk was her grabbing and winging the analyst’s ashtray some 10 to 15 feet into our group’s shared trash bin and narrowly missed hitting my head in the process.

This was back at University. I lived in a dorm where there was a shared fridge. I bought some chicken breasts and then proceeded to cook them in the oven. It was a community fridge and kitchen. I forgot all about them and the entire kitchen filled with smoke. I opened the door and the fire alarms went off. The fire department immediately arrived and after they took care of the overcooked chicken, I proceeded to ask to the firefighters what happened. Also back in college, I had an ounce of weed in my dorm room, college police knock on my door, I shut the door. I had the rest of the weed and open the door with with 2 grams of pot. The cops make me flush it down the toilet. I still had the rest though haha.

When I first started my analyst job we had a fantasy football draft with roughly 10 co-workers. The draft was pretty routine, it was held at our bank location, we ordered in Mexican food, everyone had a few drinks, and it took a couple hours to complete. Our CEO was in our league and during the draft had tasked my supervisor and another fellow analyst with cleaning up/shutting off all of the lights after everyone left. After the draft, one of my co-workers had left to head home, and realized roughly 5 minutes later that he had forgotten his cell phone back at the branch. When he got back into the bank, the draft room had turned into a scene from "Debbie Does Dallas" and caught the two bumping uglies.. the male supervisor was fired and the female analyst got to keep her job...