Dating as a female IB analyst

Analyst 1 in IB - Ind

Hey WSO Community - especially the female population! This question has been brought up over and over, but where do you find decent guys to date? I'm decently attractive (used to model), but am having a difficult time finding someone of a similar level ambitions/earnings wise.

I've tried several dating apps (including the notorious League), and was very unimpressed by what those have to offer. Do you try and find time to go to the bars?.. Friend parties? Or just resort to the coworkers?

Comments (63)

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  • Analyst 3+ in CorpFin
Feb 16, 2020

sup bby

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Feb 19, 2020
Prospect in IB-M&A:

i would definitely be open to it since I got out of a relationship and am finally ready to put myself out there. I just don't think i'm good enough for you! you are an analyst (most likely in NYC) probably from a target, while im just an incoming SA from a canadian non-target who will be in nyc this summer.

I really want to date a banker and I love powerful women who are also caring and spontaneous. If you are still unattached and single (i doubt this will happen, because you seem pretty amazing so far haha), we could grab a coffee!

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  • Analyst 3+ in CorpFin
Feb 20, 2020

No wonder I'm single with guys like this out here

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  • Analyst 1 in IB - Ind
Feb 16, 2020

hello dear friend. female here and having the same issue.

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  • Analyst 1 in IB - Ind
Feb 16, 2020

no coworkers though. do NOT do this. as soon as the guys find out, you're gonna be the girl who fucks the guy from x group, even if they don't say it. and if you ever break up, it will make your life a living hell. so unprofessional so big no

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Feb 19, 2020

Can confirm. The kids who got in bed together never got that promotion they wanted. They're essentially blacklisted with rumors spread across the company. I found this one from one of the seniors at the old company I worked for (financial services).

No pain no game.

Feb 16, 2020

First off okay if you want someone to actually date and not just fuck you then don't use a dating app. If you used to model and you are a IB then finding someone of similar attractiveness and earning the same with be near impossible but it can be done. The best way to meet decent guys, would be through friends, church, sports groups. Any social gathering where the main goal of the guys is not trying to fuck a girl for instance like most bars or parties

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Feb 16, 2020

hmu bby

thots and prayers

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Feb 16, 2020

don't leave out the part where you're 150 pounds darling

@Mr Perfect Hairline

What concert costs 45 cents? 50 Cent feat. Nickelback.

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  • Analyst 1 in IB - Gen
Feb 18, 2020

Swing and a miss

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Feb 20, 2020

If you're 5'8", 150 is perfect.

Feb 20, 2020
Shaynepunim:

If you're 5'8", 150 is perfect.

**thicc

Feb 17, 2020

Don't date coworkers.

I'd tell you to ignore it in general and focus on your career and friends for a year or two, because of the time commitment if nothing else, but if you truly want to date you kind of just have to keep at it. Use the apps, get connected via friends, etc.

I will say, as someone in their 30s, that ambition means so much more than earnings when it comes to a potential partner. If you're hyper ambitious, and you want someone else who is equally driven, you'd do well to look outside of their initial paycheck.

Someone can be exceptional at what they do and driven to be the best at it in a wide variety of careers that maybe don't pay the best a year or two out of college. An architect, for instance - long hours, exceptional dedication to their work, strong upside earning potential, but lower entry level pay. Otherwise, you'll only be dating guys in finance or tech.

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Feb 19, 2020
CRE:

Otherwise, you'll only be dating guys in finance or tech.

You sound salty real estate guy.

salt

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Feb 19, 2020

I'm trying to help the girl out. Hard to think of two industries with bigger tools.

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Mar 2, 2020

Don't date coworkers is pretty common knowledge.

However, statistics don't exactly support that, some 30% of couples have met at work...

Thoughts ?

Feb 17, 2020

don't hookup where you vlookup

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Feb 19, 2020

Don't spread your snatch where you index match

    • 3
Feb 20, 2020

Don't cum where you =sum

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Feb 17, 2020

Try hobbyist groups/clubs. What are you into? Rowing? Bonsai? Pot-making? Handcrafted miniature chair making? Whatever your actual, real hobbies are, try joining a group that has that same passion as you do. It could make a great way to connect to a person over mutual interests that you otherwise would have had difficulty finding via parties, etc.

Just my 2 cents

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  • Associate 2 in CorpDev
Feb 18, 2020

Pm me your number OP.
But first, your Instagram handle so I can screen.

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Feb 19, 2020

No coworkers (already stated). I would look beyond salary and earnings and find someone you can be comfortable with (self-sufficient).

I am trying to remember a post @DickFuld posted awhile back, but in regards to partners/relationships and whom you marry - it does matter in this industry. Dating wise - I would focus on your career for now since you are just starting.

Apps are hit or miss. I am not fond of those. I am more of the person who probably will use a joke as an icebreaker to get laughs.

As always - use protection.

No pain no game.

Feb 19, 2020
H13x:

No coworkers (already stated). I would look beyond salary and earnings and find someone you can be comfortable with (self-sufficient).

I am trying to remember a post @DickFuld posted awhile back, but in regards to partners/relationships and whom you marry - it does matter in this industry. Dating wise - I would focus on your career for now since you are just starting.

Apps are hit or miss. I am not fond of those. I am more of the person who probably will use a joke as an icebreaker to get laughs.

As always - use protection.

This one?

https://www.wallstreetoasis.com/forums/want-a-prom...
Not sure it is entirely relevant to the OP.

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Feb 19, 2020

These threads are getting out of hand, there are way too many of them. ou find ppl to date just how everyone else in every profession finds ppl to date:

  • dating apps (hit or miss but what isn't)
  • professional organizations (not immediate co-workers)
  • through friends (through childhood, college, work friends, etc.)
  • through hobbies (e.g., a cooking class)
  • at work: yes, despite the aforementioned warnings, this happens. Per this article: https://www.inc.com/melanie-curtin/ever-had-a-crus... 38 percent of ppl have dated someone at work and 31 percent of those people end up married. Simple math using those numbers says ~12% of married people found their significant other at work. So it's not something you should totally ignore. It happens naturally though so not something you should put effort into either.

Oh, and many models are more interesting/unique looking than attractive. Good luck.

    • 1
Feb 19, 2020

tagging a few females so they can opine
@InfoDominatrix @tropos

go back and re-read your original post. you wonder where to find a decent guy (I'm assuming you also mean not shallow) and yet you talk about how good looking you are and how you want someone with a similar level of ambition and earnings. those are important qualities to be sure, but you can't have shallow desires and then expect to find a deep guy.

speaking about my single friends in finance who have W-2's you'd be interested in, they're not interested in finance girls, they date 22-26 year olds who are a good time. they don't want an intense IB girlfriend, they have to deal with that all day. in other words, they're not buying what you're selling.

that said, a female IB legend bankerella posted a guide to finance guys and she came up with traders being the best bang for the buck. good earnings, get off early, tons of fun.

https://www.wallstreetoasis.com/blog/what-every-ba...

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Feb 19, 2020

This is correct, I had zero desire to date a woman in finance, my GF works 40 hours a week and spends the rest of her time raising my kid. If I'm lucky (read: if I get this paper), she won't be working at all by the time we're ready for #2. I'd hate for her to work my hours, or even more in IB.

Feb 20, 2020

Oh my gosh that was a great throwback post - bless her for the chutzpah and honesty!

Feb 20, 2020

let's be honest, guys have the same hierarchies

sales chicks - no way, always trying to one up you, constantly getting hit on, better for one nighters

teachers - nice girls, can't contribute financially but will be very patient, summer vacations are easy, downside is their ovaries are always burning if they're in elementary school

nurses - will take care of you when you need them to but think their job is the hardest in the world and won't take criticism well, sporadically unavailable because of 3rd shift (if they're new), best upside is their patience and empathy, great wives and mothers

lawyers - don't try arguing, don't cheat, and don't question. similar to IB chicks, but worse

PR/advertising/marketing - gold mine. organized, fun, outgoing, good incomes but work stops at 5pm (ok, 4pm, let's be honest), downside is they spend too much time on social media and are likely brainwashed socialists (I might be too if I was 30 years old making $40k a year)

HR - somewhere in between teachers and lawyers, you don't want to get into an argument with someone who is basically a mediator for adults and whose job is to fire people

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Mar 2, 2020

Yes, dude...but if you're in the loop trading isn't what it used to be...there are fewer and fewer of those.

  • Analyst 1 in IB - Gen
Feb 19, 2020

Glad the only thing I want from women is their time. Seems like it would be too hard to get their money from them.

Feb 19, 2020

@thebrofessor - for the very points you so succinctly made, the almost-immediate mention of appearance along with "earnings/ambition" factor and The League when I first saw this thread, all made me think "troll" and at first I decided not to reply.

OP, definitely avoid dating/hooking up within your company. Of course there are exceptions where this has worked out, but those are the exceptions that tend to prove the rule. Buffers and x degrees of separation are usually good things when things turn to shit.

Sounds like all the good suggestions have been shared. If you don't have a ton of friends that can introduce you to guys and you're not big on dating apps, try one of the more platonic set-ups like MeetUps, where you do a hike, attend a lecture, go running, hit the beach, with a group of people. The pressure is off, it's not a date, you're doing something that you already know you like or are open to attending/doing and if you connect with someone and there's chemistry, then that's icing on the cake.

Don't go by the job/line of work that someone's currently in. I've shared here on other threads that I was a waitress when I started dating my man, who was working 2 jobs, as a supply clerk at an insurance company and bartending. Fast forward a few years, he was working at the NYSE and I was working in research at a Japanese bank. Ambition and goals are much more relevant - paychecks, big and small, come and go while ambition can wear a variety of hats and goals should change as you reach them/accomplish them.

Good luck!

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Feb 20, 2020

I believe that your post applies to both men and women.

No pain no game.

Feb 20, 2020

Love it. Agree

Most Helpful
Feb 20, 2020

Female here, and a few years older than you - don't laugh... but I'd say just smile and be friendly when you're out and about. Seriously, men chat me up all the time, in random places (waiting for the crosstown M42, met the nicest guy). There are lots of nice guys out there, you do have to take a chance and not get as concerned about their goals and income as if you were working on finding an IB role. Yes, friends, parties, bars, Meet Up, sports, gym, any activities mentioned here. The office thing these days is super sketchy - I don't think it's worth the risk, especially of being just plain uncomfortable at work (because it's more likely than not that it won't work out and will get awkward.) But - ask your office pals to invite you along to things, introduce you to their friends.
I'm sure you're beautiful, but if you're in NYC, beauty is like a commodity. There are stunning girls everywhere. I think a relaxed confidence and generally upbeat, friendly personality is the biggest string. If you're very pretty and have this power job, that can be scary (except to narcissists who just want you as a prize - be careful - there are a LOT of guys like that in finance).
I really wouldn't worry about the ambition/earnings just yet - you want a partner - long run, careers can wax, wane and change. I get it, when you're young, prestige is a big deal, but watch people start getting married "big" and then watch the sad, messy divorces and affairs like crazy. All the boxes were "checked," but it didn't do the trick. And if you're just dating and not looking to get married yet, then what someone does/ambition/income shouldn't matter much at all. Not suggesting a bum, but you get what I mean.
Seriously - when you step out to lunch or get coffee, smile and be approachable, once you start getting a response, you'll be like a magnet. Keep us posted.

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Feb 28, 2020

What happened with the nice guy at m42?

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Mar 2, 2020

See someone at the Mad. Ave. stop and asked if he was waiting for M42 because wasn't sure I was in the right place and didn't want to watch the driver pass me (lol welcome to NYC). Chill, polite "is this the M42 stop?" Chats a little, told him had an interview, tells me I look great (thank you, was very polite, not creepy), we get on the bus together, talks to me entire ride, drops in mention of an ex-girlfriend (e.g. "I'm available"). Sweet, attentive. Y'know. Giving me the "I'm interested" smile. I did have to politely tell him I'm taken (sorry!) but I kinda think he would have asked for my digits. This happens a lot.

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Feb 21, 2020

You were a model and you work in IB and you want the same. Why?!
From the other flip side of the coin: I never would touch an IB girl no matter how good looking she is. Too intense and similar to me. You need the Yih to your Yang, or whathever they say in the east. Go for someone who complements you and is not career obsessed like you are (and most people on this forum).

Feb 23, 2020
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