Dating: Guys who see themselves "playing the field" after 30? What's your plan?

Postgradwonderer's picture
Rank: King Kong | 1,574

I am undoubtedly going to be in this boat although some posts on this offtopic forum have been depressing to read with the amount of guys, I'd wager 90%, wanting to be settled down by then.

For guys who see themselves avoiding commitment and "playing the field" (or "getting around") after the age of 30, what's your plan to avoid the social pressure that will harp on you to get married?

Comments (150)

Dec 24, 2019

Eh?

Men peak value in the dating market is from age 35 to 45, because that's when you are supposed to be well off, stable and still in a great shape.

You marry before only if you are certain you picked well.

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Dec 25, 2019

this is news to me!

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Dec 25, 2019

Its true. Other men are just afraid they won't do better and go for the first things they see, don't want to take any risk.

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Dec 25, 2019

Its true. Other men are just afraid they won't do better and go for the first things they see, don't want to take any risk.

Dec 25, 2019

You also don't want to have kids at 45.....

Imagine when they are teenagers and you are 60? Image having your first grandkid at 75?

If you don't think family is the most important thing in this world, you are missing the point of this game.

Dec 25, 2019

That's definitely true.

Dec 25, 2019

That's fair but I don't plan on looking old at 50 (certainly not pacing that way, lucky me I guess) and I can't have my wife being some busted 45 yo when I'm still a guy who can land it. So my choices at that point will be to either cheat, or get a divorce. Or avoid that whole ordeal and just not get married til a later age when there's more of a gap in age.

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  • VP in IB - Gen
Dec 25, 2019

Not worried about grand kids since I don't even know if I want kids of my own. Times are different. Say what you will, but women are more immersed in their careers than ever before in history. Do you really want someone else raising your children (e.g. nanny)? I believe studies indicate that childhood is the most important/impressionable time for kids. Don't spend time with them, they'll hate you later. Need the stress of having messed up offspring?

The world is a lot tougher of a place. Random acts of violence are the new norm sadly. Luckily, when I was growing up, it wasn't something my peers or I ever had to worry about.

Most importantly, only have kids if you have the wherewithal. Too many people have kids because they feel expected to. Then they make for shitty parents. Make sure you can provide a decent lifestyle and not struggling to afford basic necessities.

Divorce rate is something like over 50%. Crazy! You and your ex may move on, but not so easy for kids. And that will likely effect future generations. Fortunately, I'm not speaking from experience, but I have seen plenty of examples. Despise your kids because you can't retire? Too bad, should've used a condom or gotten a dog instead.

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Dec 26, 2019

I do not think family is the most important thing in the world, some people have no business being parents and no interest whatsoever. I am tired of this old school coming back telling us all to have families and making it seem like we are missing a point if we do not.

Some of us do not want fucking kids.

Some of us do not want a nagging wife or a wife period.

Some of us rather be alone and only have the occasional company over.

Some of us genuinely do not want families.

Hell, we are making the world a better place I'd argue because the world does not need a rapid population growth. This toxic mindset that everyone needs to be a parent annoys the shit out of me. Let people be and take this mindset to Utah, the south, the third world, or any place that is not a cosmopolitan city. Some of us are fine being lifelong bachelors and do not feel like it is our duty to be parents.

People that still believe everyone is obligated to have a family need to be locked into a mental institution in today's age.

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Dec 27, 2019

I agree on this you prob want to be between 30 and 35 when you start having kids.

But getting married and having them before that is not for me.

Everyone is different but I think a lot of men settle early out of fear as mentioned above.

Dec 30, 2019

Agreed. Also a lot of the good women have already been locked down at that point so you're dealing with a much smaller pool.

Jan 25, 2020

You also likely do not want to have very young kids when you are close to 40 (yes this applies for men). The amount of energy it takes to raise young kids is incredible, more than anything you can ever imagine, even if you have help. Your energy levels begin to drop off hard in your 30s...hard to believe but trust me on this one

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Dec 25, 2019

Plus us men don't have a biological clock ticking.

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Dec 25, 2019

If you live in NY, there's no time pressure. 30 is young. If you meet someone, great, if not, not to who are you answering to? Your family? I can't imagine coworkers pressuring you on settling down (certainly not at 30!). If it's family/old friends/social circle pressure, that's not something we can answer. That's somewhat cultural. Just say you're busy and focused on your career, and haven't met the right person.
One post makes a very valid point, how old do you want to be when you start your family. But again, you're still quite young to be feeling pressured to marry. You have a decade. Not sure all the playing will gain you much, but that is purely personal opinion. It's your call, no one else's.
Most important point I'll make:A committed relationship is as personal and as weighty a decision as it gets - there are breakable hearts involved, and possibly small humans. No one can truly opine but you, and hopefully you'll do so with empathy.
Craft your response to these questions and comments, and practice it, just like IB interviewing.

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  • Analyst 3+ in PE - Other
Dec 25, 2019

Just wanna day I am thoroughly enjoying this threat

Feb 4, 2020
Analyst 3+ in PE - Other:

Just wanna day I am thoroughly enjoying this threat

https://media2.giphy.com/media/KFt2DA9T82paOA1Yci/giphy.gif

"If you always put limits on everything you do, physical or anything else, it will spread into your work and into your life. There are no limits. There are only plateaus, and you must not stay there, you must go beyond them." - Bruce Lee

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Dec 25, 2019

Social pressure to get married? Total opposite. My married friends are mostl jealous of my freedom and every Monday they want to hear about my weekend because all they did was married guy stuff. Of course the single guy life isn't nearly as glamorous as they think, but still the opposite of feeling pressure to get married.

Also anyone who says you need to settle down is just insecure about the fact that they need to settle down because its the only way they'll get laid after 30. It applies to them, not you.

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Dec 25, 2019

As they say, grass is always greener.

Dec 26, 2019

Wait until they pressure and guilt trip you into marriage as you get older, the morally self-righteous are some of the most devious human beings on the planet.

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Dec 26, 2019

All those people do is make me want to get married even less. It's like they're part of some terrible club they can't get out of, so all they can do is recruit others to join. "Come on get married, it's horrible come join us!"

That's not to say I won't get married but it has to be a deal that makes sense for me. Can't be a deal that leaves me pining for my single days like most of the guys I know.

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Jan 22, 2020

It's true - there's a strong selection bias among my married friends. I'm 32 - those who are already married are by and large the ones who never did particularly well as single men. For them, getting married was in some ways a guarantee they'd still get laid as they aged. Those of us who are still single are mostly the ones who did and continue to do well in the dating market.

Dec 25, 2019

marriage is STUPID and DUMB

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Dec 29, 2019

im like 90% sure your a bot

Buying tesla weeklies is literally free money.

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Dec 29, 2019

*you're

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Dec 25, 2019

30 is the new 20.

I'm in my mid-20s and work with people 35+ who are still single. Guys and gals. No one seems to care.

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Dec 27, 2019

Wow it is like you live in a city that is not stuck in the stone ages!

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Dec 25, 2019

30 is the new 20.

I'm in my mid-20s and work with people 35+ who are still single. Guys and gals.No one seems to care.

Oh, and Dennis Quiad (60) is about to marry a 26 year old...

Dec 25, 2019

Would echo a lot of the above. 24 rn and no plans to get married before 30 at the earliest. If you want to get married as a dude, definitely socially acceptable (and will increasingly become more so due to a variety of secular drivers) to get married a bit later on life. Given also that for males they don't hit their peak till 35-40 (can go beyond if you do everything right) given how much longer we retain our looks, hit greater earnings power, and get a sense of maturity/stability that women find attractive. Nothing wrong btw to get married before as long as you are very sure you chose right.

One thing people forgot to mention is longer life expectancies (one of those secular drivers). Sure, you'd want to commit early back in the day when avg life expectancy was 60 years, but now we're pushing on 80 and I don't think 90 will be far outside the norm for young millennials today. Theoretically, if you got married at 37, had kids at 39, you'd be 61 when they graduated college, and perhaps 75 when you had grandchildren, which gives you many years to spend with them. Unless you're shooting for great grandchildren, seems like a pretty good deal to me.

Sure, there'll always be some element of settling with marriage, just don't do it on the wrong things: compatibility, loyalty, etc.

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Most Helpful
Dec 26, 2019

The big thing about the 30s is that it's when life changes. A ton of things fly your way. All at once. Your recovery times from drinking/working out get much longer, family/friends start dying/getting sick, friends get married/settle (social pressure especially when you are the one single guy at dinners/parties etc), friends drop off the face of the Earth since marriage/family takes a lot of time and energy, everyone keeps bugging you (can be mitigated by the big city living and climbing the work ladder thing, but only so much) and life becomes solitary (or much more so) unless one has younger friends or keeps changing active hobbies/groups. Work pressure increases a lot as you become more senior, not just from a performance perspective but the need to play politics (or at least be mindful of them), the challenges of switching (since you are no longer an eager beaver junior and seen as cheap/flexible).

I would love to get married and start a family. Always have. But clearly I have had other priorities in life until recently. Things like working, exploring, learning, traveling etc to really commit to someone or dating very seriously. Marriage is a commitment and it is one of (if not the) biggest trades one will ever make. That shizzle is going to be illiquid, require time, care and maintenance (from both parties). Not something to take lightly, but not something to fear. Nothing truly great in life comes easy.

Plenty of people don't want to get married. Great. Plenty of people say they don't but seem to crave it, or some form of long term relationship based on their behavior. Cool. Others want to get married in time. Others are desperate. Your mileage may vary and everyone will take a different path. Totally cool.

I have zero plans, and any plans I had got smashed by the many curve balls that life throws at you. And that's totally cool. I suspect many people are in the same bucket.

To you younger ones on this board. Getting great grades and a job in banking/pe/hf/whatever, making a few hundred grand (or more if you are lucky) and being from a target school will not magically lead you to finding the one (unless you are lucky). Like all things that takes work, time, effort and dedication. And frankly a lot of dead ends. But that's life.

Good Luck

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Dec 26, 2019

Girls in their 20s make you realize their time is going down and ours is going up. Their whole mantra is fear of something slipping away, and you're the cause because you haven't locked them down and provided that security blanket of full financial and emotional commitment.

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Dec 27, 2019

What about girls in their 30s?

Dec 27, 2019

Early 30's isnt so bad but single girls in their mid 30s tend to be some of the most annoying people you'll find anywhere. First of all I can never just be friends with them (which I often want to do, because a lot of them are funny) because every interaction with a guy their age has to be seen as a potential suitor situation. And second they project their issues by saying guys who date girls 10 years younger than them are "gross" and shit like that. Biatch, don't make your problems my problems.

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Jan 1, 2020

This is actually insightful, not to be condescending.

Dec 27, 2019

So:

  1. Are you actually in your 30s?
  2. Are you actually good looking or successful if yes to number 1?

Because a lot of this comes from loser 20-somethings that know they have not a chance in hell of being Dan Bilzerian or Leo DiCaprio. It comes from the kinds raised in assbackwards homes or washed up 30-somethings that amounted to nothing in life. Just saying.

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Dec 27, 2019

You are supposed to think that you have a chance of becoming Leonardo DiCaprio?

Jan 14, 2020

To each his own, but to me Dan Bilzerian reeks of insecurity. The guy has admitted to using steroids for one. And do you really think the women in his photos are interested in him or offered perks/paid to look like they're interested in him?

I'm a fun guy. Obviously I love the game of basketball. I mean there's more questions you have to ask me in order for me to tell you about myself. I'm not just gonna give you a whole spill... I mean, I don't even know where you're sitting at

Dec 27, 2019

I feel like this question is going to get answered very differently depending on what area of the country you live in. In the northeast, very much expected for you to marry later. In the south, people will raise eye brows if you're approaching 35 and don't at least have a serious girlfriend, because people start to tie themselves down in their mid to late 20s, with more career focused couple tying the knot in their early 30s. Currently 24 years old in a large southern city but I'm not crazy about marrying until I'm exactly where I want in my career and finances. I'm expecting the pressure will start once I hit 30 and my friends start getting married and having kids, at which point I'll try to find more friends, single ones I won't have to talk with about diaper changing and such.

Funniest
Dec 27, 2019

For all intents and purposes, fuck the south, they lost the Civil War and need to get over their failure as a region. Not to mention southern states generally have the highest rates of poverty, obesity, and are responsible for the worst stereotypes people have of Americans.

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Jan 7, 2020

What on earth does the Civil War have to do with this guy feeling social pressure to get married in his late 20s?

"Work ethic, work ethic" - Vince Vaughn
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Dec 28, 2019

From the source linked at the bottom. Disagree all you want, but don't attack the specific source because its a pretty standard theory, I'm sure most of you have heard something like it before:

Blog post:

Alphas don't need to get married and marriage as a constitution is designed to serve Aging women and Beta males.

Yes, you heard it right. If you are an Alpha Male, I don't think getting married can benefit you in any way or form.

The constitution of marriage as it is designed right now, only serves two parties "Aging or undesirable women and Beta males".

First, lets go back in time, "Marriage as a lawful contract was invented to ensure survival of the offsprings born between men and women".

Millions or thousands of years back, Alphas choose to have the pick of their women from the tribe to impregnate and have sexual relationships with (usually the young, beautiful and highly sought after women) while betas were left fighting over the less desirable and aging women.

If as a women you were impregnated by an alpha back then, you had two choices, either raise the child on your own or marry a beta provider to help you raise the child.

Alphas were always involved with multiple women and never had to share their resources with one single women until they decided to do so. While betas were left trying to woo the women Alphas had already spoiled.

Betas by nature have provider genes and hence tend to look for marriage to ensure at least one of their offsprings pass on to the next gene pool. While Alphas enjoy harem of women wanting to fuck them to pass on their superior genes.

It's brutal but it's nature. Nature by default want the superior genes to be passed on and weaker genes to falter.

Women subconsciously are programmed to look for superior genes to birth their offsprings as it ensures longterm survival. Hence women are naturally attracted to Alpha Males during their ovulation period and if nature had its way, beta males will never be able to birth another child.

But society as a whole won't like this kind of natural selection (Since majority of guys are betas) and henceforth marriage was made a legal contract to ensure betas get an equal chance to pass on their genes.

Also, From male perspective, men are genetically programmed to go for the beautiful and young females when they want to spread their genes, as it ensures long term survival for their offsprings. Historically, beautiful women used to enjoy higher status than the average ones in the tribe, thus giving them access to better mates and more resources.

But with the constitution of marriage in place, women, irrespective of their beauty now have been protected by a legal contract to ensure they get to raise their child with a man of their choosing. Also, it's usually the Aging and undesirable women who tend to start looking for marriage as they understand, their days of indiscriminate sex with Alpha males is over and no Alpha male is looking to settle down with them.

Hence marriage as a social construct provides stability to women who are less desirable or becoming less desirable with age. These Women who usually enjoy hypergamy (the act of marrying a person of a superior caste or class) end up choosing a hard working Beta Male provider who believes he is getting the prize.

Now, in all fairness, this is my humble opinion and perspective. I have a tendency to look at the world the way it is rather than painting an unreal pseudo picture that is far removed from the reality.

All said and done, Getting married is a personal decision and you should weigh the pros and cons before you decide if it is for you or not and if you do, don't blame the society or your family if it doesn't work out as you expected, just saying

http://kartikhimself.com/why-alphas-dont-need-to-g...

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Dec 29, 2019

The funny thing is that :
* in the past, the alphas or semi-alphas tended to also be the best providers (In cavemen era, the best provider was also the strongest guy able to accumulate the most ressources).
* Nowadays, a lot of the best providers are actually smart betas in random geeky industries like Tech or finance or science or whatnot.
This is creating a severe cognitive dissonance in women.
Add to that the fact that new age feminism is against "slut shaming" and encourages women to explore their "sexuality" (ie riding all the alphas she can).
Society is not even trying to hide that dynamic anymore. The beta is being told in his face that he has to now pick up the slack and embrace all these poor ladies that will nag him forever for not being at the level of their imaginary lost alpha love, and he will have to settle for subpar sex AND pay for it while she dreams of someone else. At least before everyone was trying to pretend and there was some lipservice done to preserve everyones self esteem.

These new dynamics are so f**ed up and setting up everyone for failure, but definitely very interresting/entertaining to watch
The optimal behaviour from smart provider betas is just to pretend to be the naive provider dude, get laid as much as he can get away with and disappear when she pushes for commitment.

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Dec 29, 2019

gives new meaning to smart beta

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Dec 29, 2019

Fair opinion, but not as bleak as you painted it. Also, I don't think the rise of the "alpha" was apparent during most of our history as hunter gatherers. It wasn't strength but wealth that really created that change. The agricultural revolution is what created this dichotomy, as it lead to the accumulation of wealth. The tribal chiefs and kings could then maintain their harems as they saw fit.

There is this interesting study that showed that when farmers first moved from the mid east to southern europe, and had to coexist with hunter gatherers for about 2000yrs, the patterns of marriage were unequal. Many women from hunter gatherer communities married men in farming communities, but almost no women from farming communities married into a hunter gatherer community. The implications here are obvious...the surplus from agriculture created excess wealth, and class divisions, and everything after that.

Anyways been rambling for too long. It seems human society was relatively egalitarian until the agricultural revolution caused class divisions. My point in saying this is that "alpha" or the idea of it, wasn't neccesarily a genetic thing, as it was a status thing.

Ty

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Dec 30, 2019

I thought marriage was actually a construct put together by kings for the kingdom. If you're a king you wanted to limit the lower class to having one "woman", making more for yourself.

Dec 31, 2019

The reality is too much and the thread is very telling of that. I mean look at dusty old men and loser guys coming on here to push marriage as some moral obligation down everyone's throat. The truth of the matter is, most men cannot handle the harsh reality and the idea of having to compete in it.

Most men want their average girl lined up for them, a guaranteed job, guaranteed income, and everything handed on a silver platter. Most men are lazy and it is human nature to take the path of least resistance.

I mean married by 25 with an average looking wife? Most guys would take that, they are losers, this is why.

I think time and time again, you find that most men in general are beta losers, it isn't an insult it is a reality. Instead of admitting to shortcomings, you have them throwing moral obligations and the maturity card in your face. How else can they rationalize a lack of courage to play the field after a certain age?

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Dec 31, 2019

All things equal, marriage seems like a pretty terrible deal for the guy.

Kinda makes me wonder what alternative deal a woman might be willing to cut in order to marry the guy who otherwise won't settle down with her. NBA fans know of the arrangement where Andrei Kirilenko's wife lets him sleep around subject to certain ground rules (one night stands only, no repeats with the same girl, etc). If it wasn't such a taboo thing to bring up I bet there's some creative arrangements that would get a lot more folks married.

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Controversial
Jan 1, 2020

"Alpha males" and "Beta males" discussion is some of the lamest shit imaginable.

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Jan 1, 2020

Figured it wouldn't go over well with everyon which is why I made my "I'm just the messenger" disclaimer at the beginning. Which is not to say I don't agree with the author's underlying basic view of marriage. I think he's somewhat right and somewhat wrong.

The reason I posted it is because I saw some comments above to the effect of "real men start families" as well as some other comments linking unmarried males to genetic inferiority. So to the extent guys wanted to go there and basically call out the manhood of fellow WSOers, I thought it made sense to share the fact that there are two views on that

Jan 1, 2020
CRE:

"Alpha males" and "Beta males" discussion is some of the lamest shit imaginable.

+100000

That alpha/beta shit sounds like it was written by a virgin

Array

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Jan 4, 2020

No it's not, it's a reality, has been since them.

There are winners and losers.

There are leaders and followers.

Have and have nots.

Jan 21, 2020
CRE:

"Alpha males" and "Beta males" discussion is some of the lamest shit imaginable.

my thoughts exactly

Jan 2, 2020

The entire idea of alpha males is nothing more than a myth,

Jan 2, 2020

I don't think its either fact or fiction. Its a construct people came up with to talk about a situation in approximate terms to save time.

There may not be alpha and beta males, but there are certainly guys who let society pressure them into settling down and guys that don't.

Jan 9, 2020

Based and Redpilled

Array

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Jan 22, 2020

This is a fascinating story with absolutely zero scientific evidence to back it up. I'm sure that soon we will find extensive primary sources from the caveman time that support this thesis. Marriage evolved as a social construct because there is overwhelming evidence that raising children with the resources and time of 2 parents vs 1 produces more successful offspring. Marriage is literally survival of the fittest from a social construct perspective. The societies that have established marriage as the norm absolutely crushed those that did not. Or did I miss the incredibly advanced modern societies where male polygamy and single mother households are the norm? And if you bring up the modern day USA please go do some research on the socio-economic status of said households before you reply.

  • Associate 1 in S&T - FI
Dec 28, 2019

I for sure want to be married and have kids someday but I am going to enjoy the process of getting there and not jump into anything just because society says you are supposed to. I live in a tier I city and recently turned 30. Here are a couple of observations from personal experience and from others who are 30-40 who I know that are not married.

  1. The internet/apps has changed the game for better or for worse and you need to embrace it. You are exposed to a much wider circle of people than you would have been previously. Its not perfect but it allows you to meet people without being out all the time, which is good b/c you can't do what you could do in your 20s. My work responsibilities and travel are way up in the last 3yrs and I don't want to be hungover all the time.
  2. I personally avoid dating women with roommates, which means that I am not dating women under 27. The city I live in is expensive and women tend to be attracted to industries where they don't make enough to live by themselves until 27-30. Also the 23-25yr olds have yet to truly embrace the fitness, eating right and outdoor lifestyle that I enjoy and are still in the "going out" all the time phase as such the older women tend to look a bit better. I often see pictures of girls who I date at 30 in their mid 20s and they look better now.
  3. Since you naturally have less single friends to hang out with all the time you tend to do "girlfriend" stuff with girls before having the "the talk". This seemed crazy to me in my mid 20s but taking a weekend trip with a girl as a way to get to know her is actually kind of fun and even if you end up eating most of the cost its not the end of the world b/c you can afford it. Sometimes you decide you want to date seriously other times you just had a fun weekend in a place that you would not have gone by yourself.
  4. 28-32 is a tough age for women as they are in prime wedding phase and there is a ton of pressure to get married for them. What I have found is that women 33-40 are over it and focused on other stuff and not in a hurry to rush things.
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Dec 29, 2019

Why worry about what society says? If you want to settle down settle down. No one forces you to do one or the other.

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Dec 29, 2019

I'm trying NOT to get married or have kids. Ideally I will have a long term GF, most likley will cohabitate (probably will be married in the state POV) with my partner if I find one. I want to use my time and money to travel and do things with my partner not take care of kids.

My issue is 1) depending on when I find this person will they be too eagar to get married. If I find one in thier 30s im sure they most likley are biting at the bit tight the knot. 2) Is there a sizeable population of women that want to live child-free?

Currently applying to medical school.
7 Acceptance so far

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Dec 30, 2019
genes:

I'm trying NOT to get marrie or have kids. Ideally I will have a long term GF, most likley will cohabitate (probably will be married in the state POV) with my partner if I find one. I want to use my time and money to travel and do things with my partner not take care of kids.

My issue is 1) depending on when I find this person will they be too eagar to get married. If I find one in thier 30s im sure they most likley are biting at the bit tight the knot. 2) Is there a sizeable population of women that want to live child-free?

Can I ask (and I'm judging), why have a long term girlfriend and not get married? Is to strictly to protect assets, or more freedom to exit the relationship?

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Dec 30, 2019

Little of everything you said and a few more reasons.

1) I don't see marriage as a useful tool to engage with anymore especially in today's time. Now that marriages are more egalitarian I don't see the benefits of the practice.

2) no matter how you slice the numbers divorce rates are initiated mainly by women. As a guy that's pretty scary.

3) since I don't want kids marriage is an even less need. There's no need for it outside of personal reasons.

4) Philosophical reasons based on the orgin of marriage. Marriage first and foremost was always and probably should be about business and forging two wealthy and strong clans together. I have zero desire to engage in that. I don't care about passing on any "traditions" or names. I'm just trying to live my life to the fullest with a partner I love. Marriage as far as I know was never met for love in it's purest sense.

5) couples especially married couples tend to close themselves off from the world. I have no desire to do that. I want my partner and I to still have a strong bond but still have our own friends when needed.

Currently applying to medical school.
7 Acceptance so far

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Dec 30, 2019

Theres nothing wrong with being in your 30s and still single. If you actually look at most marriages, they're pretty bad relationships because most people are bad at relationships with one another (friendships and dating).

Additionally, as mostly stated above, people get married for different reasons. Its a generalization, but I think most women get married due to stuff they see in Disney/rom com movies; the fact its been pounded in their head for 25+ years; and mainly because their friends are doing it. I think a lot of guys get married because they don't know what else to do; i.e., they're in their 20s and ever had a gf so they don't know what to do, others are just trying to maintain a wholesome appeal.

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Dec 30, 2019

Men have a much better time in the dating game in their 30's and 40's than women do. It's much more common for older man to date younger woman than vice versa. If you're a guy that's not morbidly obese, has somewhat of a personality, and has money, dating shouldn't be an issue.

I see a lot of guys in their 40's dating girls in their mid-late twenties.

As my friend once told me:
"men are like a fine wine, they get better with age. Women are like a brand new car, they lose half their value once you drive them off the lot"

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Jan 1, 2020

On this 35 to 45 thing, what kind of age gap are we expecting, particularly assuming you want kids?

Jan 2, 2020
GoodBread:

On this 35 to 45 thing, what kind of age gap are we expecting, particularly assuming you want kids?

My rule is max 10 years younger, not more than 1-2 older. And yeah, you don't want to wait too long for kids because otherwise the generational gap combined with technological development becomes too big.

I grew up with MSN Messenger, so things like TikTok aren't really something foreign or unaccessible. That time however comes for everyone.

Jan 2, 2020

Yeah Half+7 is a decent proxy as well I guess. I'm an MSN person but I will admit TikTok and SnapChat leave me cold.

Jan 3, 2020

Really depends on a person's tolerance for immaturity, as well as their own maturity as well.

A lot of the conversation so far has just been about men being capable of dating younger women when they're in their 30s and 40s, but another really important question is would someone actually want to?

I've recently entered my 30s, and have a reasonable amount of self awareness and go to counselling. Currently, my floor for dating is already set at 25, as the likelihood of finding a quality woman (not girl) with her head screwed on straight that knows what she wants is very low if they're under 25. Not saying they don't exist, it's just not an effective dating strategy for when you're strapped for time.

So as I think about the amount of personal growth that I've gone through as I've transitioned out of my 20s, and then extrapolate that trendline into my 40s, the appeal of dating someone in their 20s is only going to decrease for me as I age. Yeah 20-something women are hot, but at a certain point, you realize that there are a lot of intangible qualities required for a successful long-term relationship, and those tend to become more visible in women as they age.

So yes, men in their 40s can date girls/women (there's a difference!) in their 20s, but the type of man that is ok with that likely has stunted maturity and personal development for their age.

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Jan 4, 2020

I see the whole "maturity" card as something bitter people play for others enjoying life. The fact of the matter is that there are tons of older women who drink a lot, party a lot, and have not grown out of that phase. Don't worry about the women in their 20s, reason being, they don't need you. Most of them are so high in demand that they have charismatic, handsome, and wealthy men chasing after them.

As for "maturity", if a guy is paying for his own life and bills and is independent, it is a moot point.

If your standard for maturity is drinking wine as you whine about politics and how the younger generation has crap music, that's not being mature, that is being an out of touch prude who cannot relate to people and becomes a closed off judgmental person due to his deep insecurities.

I have seen older men date younger beautiful women but it is not granted.

Usually these older men are handsome, well off, and very relatable. They are not the bitter washed up angry older guys whose lives along with their hairline has slipped away from them.

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Jan 6, 2020

Marriage Hack:

Just get married, have a ceremony and don't register it with the state. Have the woman legally change her last name to yours.

Sure you won't get the tax breaks(if there are any), and consider it an option payment in case your marriage fails before 10-years(common-law).

Jan 7, 2020

I find the idea of being a single father sort of attractive. I absolutely want to have and raise kids, but marriage scares the shit out of me, After seeing it happen to several male family members growing up, getting fleeced, emotionally humiliated, and psychologically drained in a divorce sounds horrifying.

I just want to have children and legacy, and I'm confident that I'd do a pretty good job raising kids even without having a maternal figure.

"Work ethic, work ethic" - Vince Vaughn
Jan 7, 2020

Mee too. I honesty taught and is thinking of adopting and raising my child alone as a single mom. I was raised by one and marriage seems sketchy for me. I do not see the need. My mother raised me fine also, the idea of a man having a say in how I raise my kid completely put off marriage to me. I grew up sorrounded by women. Mother, grandmother, great grandma , and a lot of aunts. None ever married

Jan 8, 2020

This is how I feel most of the time honestly. Even though I feel like I'd make a good husband and am more confident I'd make a good father I don't think I'll ever have the personality/looks to marry. Seems like a pretty appealing alternative.

Jan 8, 2020

my wife is fun yo. we have a lot of fun. and i have money and time too now. kid on the way to kick it with me all day. im gonna get a fucking german shephrd and just stroll around town shirtless with a baby all day smoking weed and listening to podcasts. yall need funner wives and more disposable income this shit is great if you play your cards right

heister:

Look at all these wannabe richies hating on an expensive salad.

https://arthuxtable.com/

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Jan 8, 2020
GoldenCinderblock:

my wife is fun yo. we have a lot of fun. and i have money and time too now. kid on the way to kick it with me all day.

Agreed and I'm in the same boat . . . pretty pumped for whitecollarandsuspenders jr. in a few months.

Reading the comments by some of the fucking jagaloons in this thread made my head want to explode, so I was pleased to find your sane take near the bottom.

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Jan 9, 2020
whitecollarandsuspenders:
GoldenCinderblock:

my wife is fun yo. we have a lot of fun. and i have money and time too now. kid on the way to kick it with me all day.

Agreed and I'm in the same boat . . . pretty pumped for whitecollarandsuspenders jr. in a few months.

Reading the comments by some of the fucking jagaloons in this thread made my head want to explode, so I was pleased to find your sane take near the bottom.

Hell yeah man. Get some

heister:

Look at all these wannabe richies hating on an expensive salad.

https://arthuxtable.com/

Jan 21, 2020

wait a minute, shirtless all day? don't you live in Chicago?

you Ukrainians are different man

Jan 9, 2020

Societal pressure can fuck right off. As a high value man, you should only get married on your own terms and when it suits you. Unfortunately, in today's society where the majority of girls have lost the ability to pair bond as a result of sleeping with hundreds of guys, where family courts favor women and a divorce can cost you dearly, it makes very little sense to marry.

I would respond by saying some shit like "I haven't found the right one" or "I like keeping it casual" to ward off any silly questions.

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Jan 9, 2020

be worth at least 9 figures and be a billionaire playboy banging the new actress that everyone is talking about

Jan 20, 2020
Comment

What concert costs 45 cents? 50 Cent feat. Nickelback.

Jan 22, 2020
Jan 23, 2020
Feb 4, 2020
Comment

"If you always put limits on everything you do, physical or anything else, it will spread into your work and into your life. There are no limits. There are only plateaus, and you must not stay there, you must go beyond them." - Bruce Lee

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