Dating in nyc as a 5’8” guy

About to move to nyc. Heard the dating scene in nyc is a complete shitshow. Would i have trouble getting girls who are actually genuine and not materialistic/ superficial?

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Comments (131)

  • Intern in IB - Ind
Sep 28, 2020 - 10:41pm

Yea you gotta grow 4 inches asap. I was your height in middle school. In all seriousness, a girl who determines likability by height isn't someone I'd want to date. It seems to superficial unless she were much taller than you.

  • Associate 1 in RE - Other
Sep 28, 2020 - 10:48pm

Tom Cruise is 5'4 and banged Katie Holmes - always remember, you are not short - she is too tall (always keep their confidence down)

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  • Analyst 2 in IB - Ind
Sep 28, 2020 - 10:55pm

Its just crazy that on most dating apps women in nyc seem to skew tall -> 5'6 + whereas i thought the avg height for women was 5'4 or something? Honestly considering fudging my height to 5'10 or something haha

Sep 29, 2020 - 11:18am

I don't think that is true whatsoever. I think it's more just preference and a roundabout way of trying to get what they want without saying it. There is somewhat of a double standard where women are allowed to prefer men of a certain height, but men are criticized for stating preference for a specific body type. By saying they are taller than what they are, they get the benefit without the risk of backlash. Just what I think though....

I have been out plenty in my City to know that the average height of women is probably in the 5'4 or 5'5 range, not in fact, 5'8 or 5'9.

Sep 29, 2020 - 1:29am

Buy some lotion. In bulk. 

"Full speed ahead, damn the torpedoes." -U.S. Navy General Farragut
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Sep 29, 2020 - 7:52am

I'm also 5-8 and I feel like good style + gym + funny + going after shorter girls should at least mitigate some of the damage. 1 inch lifts wouldn't hurt either, but I've gotten by without them at least to an extent. Of my friends that pull the most, one of them is like 5-6, although he's a great looking guy with a beard (Luxuries that most people including myself don't have lol). My point is that you can probably manage.

  • Intern in IB - Gen
Sep 29, 2020 - 9:54am

I am a girl and no, no one cares. I can't tell you how challenging it is to find a guy who's caring, genuine and smart. If I was to ever find that, nothing else would matter (Especially not stupid things like height, looks) 

  • Analyst 2 in IB - Ind
Sep 29, 2020 - 9:59am

Whats the likelihood of a girl like you being on dating apps lol? Perhaps its time to join a rec league or go to dive bars

  • Intern in IB - Gen
Sep 29, 2020 - 10:13am

I am not sure! Personally, I tried online apps very briefly and realized they weren't my thing but I do have quite a few friends who use them 

  • Intern in IB - Gen
Sep 29, 2020 - 9:13pm

Yea I'll just save you the disappointment,

No, I don't look like Paris Hilton. I don't have a body like her. Actually, I was diagnosed with PCOS a few years ago and had to go through a lot to come down to my healthy weight. Definitely don't have perfect skin like her. Tbh currently battling with acne and dryness. Not a heiress either. I was born and raised in a working class family outside the US, got a scholarship to attend a top liberal arts college here and hustled quite a bit to get into IB. Turned off now? Yea I thought so

Most women don't look like Paris Hilton. Maybe if men like you can get over these superficial and unattainable standards in women and learn to appreciate things that matter, you might actually end up with an amazing woman 

  • Director in PE - Other
Oct 1, 2020 - 1:41pm

Probably because you're not tall yourself (no offense). I dated girls who are 5'8 and height is the top thing on their list. No woman would ever want to feel "large" compared to their partner unless she's a model looking to make some dough...

  • Intern in IB - Gen
Oct 1, 2020 - 2:10pm

Could be. I am 5'5. I am just saying that I don't care about looks if the person has a good personality and we are compatible. I haven't dated a lot but my ex boyfriend/other guys that I have liked in the past weren't really "stereotypically" handsome but I was attracted to them for other reasons that I consider to be more important than looks/height

Sep 30, 2020 - 7:35pm

I guess I'll have to downgrade and undergo size-reducing surgery

made new unrelated account - dont reply or message as i never use it. 

Oct 6, 2020 - 1:54pm

This is me, well im double 6 club - no income to speak of lmao. But if you do meet some girl like that just tell her...

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  • Analyst 1 in IB - Gen
Sep 29, 2020 - 11:06am

The height thing is a myth. I'm a tall and good looking guy, get a decent amount of girls, but people act like girls are going to be throwing themselves at you. Height is overrated and that's coming from a tall guy.

Sep 29, 2020 - 3:24pm

Fellow tall guy here - you're thinking about it the wrong way.  Just because you're tall doesn't mean women will throw themselves at you.  However, it does help a lot - the correct comparison is not you vs. any short guy, it's you vs. you -5".  I guarantee you do better than you -5" would do. 

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Sep 29, 2020 - 4:05pm

its really not about height...its about personality.

when sitting on the couch at home, sure, a girl might say she wants 6' making 500k dark and handsome....but out in the real world, every girl will be attracted to a guy that gives her an emotional roller coaster with a sexual vibe.

think of this conversation with the right "vibe"

M -hello

F - "blah blah"

M -i love you, who are you?

F - "blah blah"

M -no really, who are you?

F - "blah blah"

M -omg, i hate you

F - "blah blah"

M -you're too pretty...ur making me shy

F - "blah blah" [giggle]

M -lets go on an adventure...come with me now

F - "blah blah" [giggle]

M -my name is you understand? say "yes sir"

F - "yes sir" [giggle]

M -good girl

  • Research Analyst in PE - Other
Sep 30, 2020 - 12:30am

In other words....quants?

  • 1
Sep 29, 2020 - 12:03pm

Some of the dating sites used to release their data (OKCupid, Tinder, etc) and it's true the majority of women don't date short guys, but what that means in reality is that women don't date guys shorter than them (yeah sure there are a few exceptions). I don't think this is a surprise or news to anyone. You're dating pool is going to be smaller than someone that's 6 feet tall, so that means you need to raise your game: that means hitting the gym and trying to be a 'better' you. Charisma matters, having a good sense of humor matters, being well read and interesting matters... but you can't fake it. Looking good will get your foot in the door, so get some proper fitting clothes and try to get some sense of 'style'. Look, we're in a strange time with the whole pandemic thing, and I'm guessing nothing will change by the end of the year, which means you now have time to commit to just getting better (don't do it for the girls, do it for you!). If you're not eating healthy, start cooking healthy now. Do you go to the gym? Do you know how to lift weights - if not, start with Starting Strength or 5x5 but move on after a few months (try GreySkull LP). Cut out all the crap killing your mind and body, stop drinking on the weekends (I am not saying don't drink, just don't drink to excess as hangovers kill not only your health but your ambition), also quit smoking weed (this is controversial, but long term effects aren't good). Try to cleanse your mind - kill your social media (if you can't, seriously find a way to reduce your time wasted scrolling), it's too negative and proven to be addictive and bad for your mental well being. Take advantage of this 'pandemic reset'.

From the great Henry Rollins, Iron and the Soul:

> The Iron is the best antidepressant I have ever found. There is no better way to fight weakness than with strength. Once the mind and body have been awakened to their true potential, it's impossible to turn back.

> The Iron never lies to you. You can walk outside and listen to all kinds of talk, get told that you're a god or a total bastard. The Iron will always kick you the real deal. The Iron is the great reference point, the all-knowing perspective giver. Always there like a beacon in the pitch black. I have found the Iron to be my greatest friend. It never freaks out on me, never runs. Friends may come and go. But two hundred pounds is always two hundred pounds.

Sep 29, 2020 - 4:17pm

OP, unless you're a midget no girl is really gonna care how tall/short you are, unless the girl is really tall herself. But how many women in this world is 6"+? Not a lot.

Any reasonable and respectable girl will judge you based on 3 things (in order of importance) - personality, matching interests, and attractiveness. But the attractiveness as in you need to be at least average looking with one or two nice features she can appreciate. Women are all about context, which come from your personality and interests.

Sep 29, 2020 - 8:21pm

Worrying about something you can't control sounds like a surefire way to be unhappy. Also, you're not that short in the sense that you're still taller than most women and that's all that really matters. Work out, be a nice and interesting dude to talk to and you'll have no problems dating anywhere. 

To live is to suffer, to survive is to find some meaning in the suffering.

  • Intern in IB-M&A
Sep 30, 2020 - 4:21am

Speaking as a girl on here, pretty sure the average girl is just looking for someone who she can wear high heels with (6 inches at most) and would still be taller than her. It's not like we're obsessed with people over 6 feet, we just never want to be in a situation where we're going out with our heels on and somehow manage to be taller than you. It's more of a checking the box thing rather than an attraction thing. For example, I'm only 5'1", so anyone over 5'7" I'm fine with. That being said, the only real requirement most girls have is that you're taller than us, which you're already fulfilling at 5'8".

Sep 30, 2020 - 10:22am

pretty sure the average girl is just looking for someone who she can wear high heels with 

Looking out the window in downtown I'm pretty sure the average girl doesn't wear high heels. Unfortunately... 


Sep 30, 2020 - 6:27am

You're 5'8 now. Are you getting any? Why would the ladies - wherever you are - be fine with your height there, yet not in NYC?

In NYC, being very tall (6'3+) does give you extra points. This much is true. 

But if you aren't pulling in NYC at 5'8, you're not pulling anywhere. 

I personally found the city a playground circuit meets German Autobahn, with keys to a sports car and someone else paying for CDW insurance and unlimited gas. 

The truth is you're the weak. And I'm the tyranny of evil men. But I'm tryin', Ringo. I'm tryin' real hard to be the shepherd.
Sep 30, 2020 - 8:34am

rip your sex life, sending thots and prayers

"In order to be a really good investor, you need to be a little bit of a philosopher as well." -Dan Loeb


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  • Analyst 2 in IB - Ind
Sep 30, 2020 - 9:24am

Wow this blew up thanks all. Im not really wanting to date to hookup, more for a long term relationship. Thats why I wanted to hear this forum's thoughts about nyc women in particular.

Sep 30, 2020 - 12:18pm

6'3'' here (or 6'2" barefoot, 6'3" in shoes if you want to do the NBA thing) so I cannot empathize but I will say that within my circle of friends the person who has BY FAR the most game is definitely around your height, probably 5'7" barefoot, and with shoes about 5'8" 

Back when we used to go out (in NYC) he would inexplicably get all the 8's and 9's while I had to settle for the 6's and 7's

I don't know what it was about but he just had a magnetic personality that drew people (of both sexes) to him. Just a really cool guy who is fun to be around and while I would never admit it to his face, I probably had a slight man crush on him... haha

The latter is actually a legit point, since men who are popular/successful with women also tend to be respected and well-liked by their peers / other men.

There are some women who will immediately disqualify men based on height. Forget them. There are plenty of girls who will give you a chance.

Sep 30, 2020 - 7:43pm

Hey dude you should read the "Sometimes I feel like I'm gay but I'm not" thread

made new unrelated account - dont reply or message as i never use it. 

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  • Intern in PropTrad
Sep 30, 2020 - 1:03pm

are u deadass just put on timbs and you can be 6'3 

Sep 30, 2020 - 3:19pm

In NYC, being good looking and tall can only do so much for you.. There are so many tall and attractive males that if that's all you have then you will still have a hard time to get with girls.

A really important factor is having amazing social skills, which means being good at keeping conversations fun, being funny, being well rounded. If all you can talk about is fuhnance or ask some basic questions like how was your weekend, well in NYC that won't work too well. NYC is tough because there is a lot of emphasis on social skills, and even someone that is tall and good looking will need them unless it's 2-3am at a club and everyone is drunk as hell. 

If you're well rounded, can keep a good conversation, the next step is to learn that in NYC males are just a number. A girl is approached 5-10 times a day, if not more, and this gets to some girls' heads, and others are just sick and tired of guys and will be uninterested in talking with you. This is why I recommend you don't become obsessed with getting a positive outcome from chasing women, and that you keep on trying and working on your social skills. If you get your social skills to a certian level and become well-rounded, over time, you will be able to meet women who are interested in you, even if your height and/or looks aren't the best. You would be surprised how many good looking tall guys I know who strike out because they say something like "You look like a Victoria Secrets model to a girl". lmao I've said some cringeworthy stuff too, but that's how you learn if you're self-aware and have fun!

Remember to have fun! 

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  • Intern in IB - Gen
Sep 30, 2020 - 5:38pm

I'm about 5'5 at 21 years old and have a body count of 10 starting from 19. Granted, I would probably only do about 6-8 of these women again, but there are some dimes in there. I find it helps to just be confident and do your best to have fun and not go into every situation trying to get laid. I'm also pretty autistic tho so who knows maybe I'm just getting lucky. I am pretty muscular but my face is also pretty average imo. I'm also south asian and have still pulled this off lol so 5'8 is definitely not an issue.

  • Analyst 1 in RE - Comm
Sep 30, 2020 - 6:42pm

Dude I'm 5'3" and have been dating my 5'3" GF for 3 years in NYC. She dated a 6'4" guy before me. Just be confident and have a good sense of humor. The majority of girls are shorter than you.

  • Associate 1 in PE - LBOs
Sep 30, 2020 - 7:55pm

I'm 5'9 and I would love another inch or two because I prefer to date women between 5'4 - 5'7 and this is a pretty narrow range, but I find that 5'7 in NYC is still at least like 80th percentile for women's height, so of the things in life to be concerned about this is generally not one of then. If you're 5'8 on the other hand, you're fucked. Sorry. 

Sep 30, 2020 - 8:28pm

This ^^^^

Most girls don't care how tall you are. BUT many short guys seem to be incredibly insecure about their height and have a chip on their shoulder about it. This attitude and insecurity is much worse than one's actual height itself.

Any reasonable person understands you don't get to pick your height. And if someone isn't attracted to you for something out of your control, then it's their loss / don't waste your valuable time or energy worrying about it. 

Oct 1, 2020 - 1:27pm

If you can't make it happen in NYC you can't make it happen anywhere. I got laid on average once a month in NYC and I'm 5'8. I've been in SF for a year and have gotten laid twice with much less attractive women. I fucking hate SF 

  • Prospect in ER
Oct 2, 2020 - 7:40am

This thread is full of stupid comments. I'm average height, very good looking face, no social skills and I still get laid often. Girls don't really care about your social skills or personality, I've openly went on dates and talked about how I'm a shy/reserved person and they respond about how cute it is...and we fuck after. It's all about the looks.

Oct 2, 2020 - 10:34am

If you re not at least 6'' in NYC you really need to hustle and be really special...either powerful, rich ,famous or whatever because it doesn't make it. My 6''3 German mate banged half of NYC just being average but tall and proportionate.

Oct 2, 2020 - 10:57am

i'm 5'10, over 40, over-weight, and i seem to be "average height" for men....but slightly taller than 90% of women in NYC (women avg 5'4 --> 5'6).  i've never had a problem dating and having sex with a new girl every week..

I know a bunch of shorter guys....the guys who have a negative personality suffer...they try to over-compensate and its so fucking obvious....the guys who genuinely have a positive outlook on life and are fun to be around have no problem dating hot girls.

Sure, at a glance you won't get girls running over to you to drop to their knees to suck your dick...but once you start talking it doesn't really matter what you look only matters what emotional experience you can give to the girl...and that comes from your personality.  Girls are not really able to translate this into words...they (mostly) are blissfully unaware of how their lizard brain works...doesn't really matter for them.  I've seen plenty of avg height ugly guys date smoking hot girls just because they have a winning personality and are fun to be around, without over-compensating.  So, the moral of the story - don't over-compensate...learn how to just let go of being outcome dependant....have fun wherever you are, whoever you are confident (but not over-confident) in everything you do...and you will attract girls like flies to honey.

Oct 5, 2020 - 12:42am

I'm 6'2", and have been that since I was 13 - just a regular looking guy. 

When I was young (teenager), I was quite shy and timid, despite hovering over 99.99% of the people at my school. I didn't dare to take chances with girls, but somehow my height carried me through the early dating phase of life, and to be completely honest, it made me incredibly lazy. I didn't need to put on any effort when it came to "game", i.e learning how to be a smooth-talker, or figuring out how to game the system - so to speak. 

As I went into my 20's, I did notice that some of of my shorter friends were actually those that got most women - but they really had to work, alright. They couldn't just coast on their height, or any other exceptional superficial features. They became good with women, by simply talking with hundreds, if not thousands of women, and really transforming themselves into these extroverted and outgoing fun guys, always ready with the right things to say. Just gotta git gud, I guess - where there's a will, there's a way. (But unfortunately, a lot of guy walk into the situation with a defeatist attitude)

  • VP in S&T - Other
Oct 6, 2020 - 1:37pm

Be comfortable in your own skin. Nothing gives me cringe more than an insecure short dude that overcompensates. It shows. 

Here's one mental trick to help with your self-esteem:

5'8'' = 68 inches. 

6'3'' = 75 inches.

68/75= 90%. So if a 6'3'' guy scores 10 out of 10 on height, you score 9 out of 10. Not too bad eh?

If you have a decent face. 5'8'' aint too bad to be honest. Keep being confident, have a good posture, stay in shape. And accept the fact there are chicks who will ding you based on your height, people like what they like, that's it. 

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