Dating in NYC as a girl

If a guy doesn't book the next date at the end of the current date I assume that means they aren't sure how they feel yet. I decide that's fair for me to assume and cut things off to not waste my time. What do you guys personally think? I'm not cool being a second choice or choice in case something better doesn't pop up during the week. Even if they've casually thrown in "next time we can..." a few times during the night 🙄 maybe harsh AF but cynicism is sanity in this disgusting nyc dating environment especially with the finance guys who are not as sneaky as they think - at least with anyone also in the industry.

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Comments (74)

Oct 3, 2020 - 10:53pm

If you're not into the person on the first date it should be obvious to both people. Sparks should fly if that person was meant to be. 

"If you always put limits on everything you do, physical or anything else, it will spread into your work and into your life. There are no limits. There are only plateaus, and you must not stay there, you must go beyond them." - Bruce Lee

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  • Intern in IB - Gen
Oct 4, 2020 - 3:15pm

I don't think you've been out with any girls either....

Oct 4, 2020 - 5:32pm

book? do you come with an app?

heister:

Look at all these wannabe richies hating on an expensive salad.

https://arthuxtable.com/
  • 2
  • Analyst 3+ in HF - EquityHedge
Oct 4, 2020 - 6:56pm

Most of the comments on this topic are the epitome of high school... Time to take a break from WSO and get back to math homework

Oct 5, 2020 - 9:37am

i have lots of female friends in their late 20's --> mid 30's....and they all say the same thing...dating in NYC is HARD.  Both guys and girls have so many options...but girls want to snag a good guy and lock him down (marriage and kids)...but the good guys want to snag (shag) a new girl every week....and they are able to....which leads lots of hot girls to disappointment...unless they are willing to be a wing-girl for their guy and go threesome hunting...

Oct 6, 2020 - 3:56pm

I have heard this as well, but fully disagree with your whole good guys just want to shag a new girl every week. I would argue that many girls/women don't really offer enough to these men for them to lock them down.  If you provide someone with above average looks (which may fade),  average conversation, and  average sex. You have brought nothing to their life.  I think there are a lot of average girls out there that think they are above average.  Granted this all goes the other way as well. Generally I think everyone is just to picky nowadays/  they should be able to have a conversation with someone about how they feel.  

  • VP in IB - Ind
Oct 7, 2020 - 11:38am

You would be surprised at how many guys think they've struck treasure by locking down an above average looks/average to below average personality combo and then are shocked by what they have on their hands a few years down the road

Oct 5, 2020 - 2:04pm

It's the truth. Guys forget that girls can easily go off with other guys though. Or maybe that's how they justify being jerks who talk to other girls. That's why I decided to not torlerate the behavior. I've had pleasant first date experiences with pretty successful guys who WILL communicate and be direct about scheduling the next date before calling it a night.

At the end of the day though girls who aren't independent and career driven allow this to happen by tolerating the behavior hoping to stick around long enough to change their minds. These are the ones who make it their goal to lock a jerky finance guy down.

Oct 6, 2020 - 4:01pm

There I times where I will say lets do this again with full intentions of going on a second date, but don't want to promise a time given the variability in finance.  However,  I guess I am on the younger side of ladder and as people get older they may feel it more important to lock in things sooner. 

Also I don't think its wrong for someone to walk away from a date and decide after the fact that they want to continue or not continue at a later date, due to nothing other than their own choice.  

Oct 5, 2020 - 2:18pm

God bless you @OP...NYC is overrun with betas now, must be a tough go for you. Mind providing some color there? When I chat with girls I know it is a common refrain. 

My gf thinks I'm Jack Bauer and I'm just a normal guy, really easy comps in NYC

Oct 5, 2020 - 2:59pm

We don't chase em' we replace em' 

"Full speed ahead, damn the torpedoes." -U.S. Navy General Farragut
  • 3
Oct 5, 2020 - 3:45pm

what a lot of girls don't understand (but obviously, many do) is that men who have a taste for multiple women will get good at making a girl believe whatever is necessary to get the girl into bed..but once the chase is over...on to the next girl conquest.

The only way to win at the game for the girl is to 

1) be really hot

2) be really cool and fun

3) provide wild and crazy sex to every guy she dates until one decides to stop the girl-merry-go-round and marry you

girls will say "i'm not doing that" and just stay single and miserable....however, doing the above will be much more fun and satisfying...and ultimately give you the best result.

Oct 5, 2020 - 11:12pm

Kind of odd how this is the case. you see attractive girls have a tough time dating but will see unattractive guys with hot girls pretty often (as long as they're some combination of funny / confident/ successful)

Oct 6, 2020 - 10:17am

i left something out...men want to be worshipped as "heros"...so a girl who allows a guy to "be her hero" and says things "omg, ur my hero" (in real life....not over text...and when it makes sense to do so) will generate emotional bonding for the men, and is a way to lock a guy in.

men and women are fundamentally different.  men want to spread their seed...women want a protector (doesn't matter if you make $$ millions more..this is evolutionary biology).  all your female logic will go out the window when a male shows the right traits (pre-selection, confidence, authenticity, protector, etc)....this is why male looks don't matter as much as female looks (female looks as far as men are concerned have more to do with ability to deliver and feed babies....so...hip to waist ratio and large full breasts, and high estrogen content which can be seen in the face and personality).

Sure, at first, girls feel like they have all the power, because men appear to always be "thirsty" and there are countless men who want to have sex with you...but what younger women don't understand is...just because a guy wants to have sex with you (and thus, does al the courtship stuff that he has been trained is necessary to convince a girl to have sex)...doesn't mean he really wants to date you...news flash, until you earn emotional bonding with a guy...none of them want to date/marry you...they ALL just want to impregnate you (our logical minds don't...but our genetic material primal drive does) and then off to the next.  This drive to spread out seed never really goes away...even when married with kids, men still want to spread our seed...we just restrain ourselves because of societal pressure (and we don't want to hurt the women we love)...so this conflict will always exist in a society that values mononamy.

And, to your comment, its not that attractive girls have a tough time dating...they can get all the dates and sex they want...but they have a hard time "keeping" a guy after they have sex...because as stated above...in NYC there is an endless supply of hot girls to have sex with, and we men want to have sex with ALL OF THEM.

Oct 5, 2020 - 7:00pm

I think the opposite actually. Booking a date during the first? Seems like rushing things in my opinion 

Money can purchase freedom, if you have the guts to buy it

  • Intern in AM - Equities
Oct 5, 2020 - 10:06pm

hey, listen there's a pandemic currently going on so I gotta shoot my shot. No regrets..

can i get ur snap...i can pm u?

  • Intern in IB - Gen
Oct 6, 2020 - 2:22pm

I feel you. I haven't dated in a while primarily because of how non-transparent men can be. At this age, I really appreciate it when people are straightforward. Like if you don't like me, it's fine. Just don't lead me on. If you like me and want to go out again, then don't play hard to get. Just let me know. We're no longer in high school.

I honestly don't know how to go about dating these days. I don't like using dating apps. Have been stuck at home since 8 months.  The only relationship that I have been in was with a friend of mine (it's been a few years). It didn't work out but it was pretty good at least in the beginning. We're still friends tho lol  

  • Intern in IB - Gen
Oct 6, 2020 - 3:30pm

why...are you going to give me advice. Dude I already told you above that I am pretty sure you've never been out with any girls lol 

  • Intern in IB - Gen
Oct 6, 2020 - 3:37pm

Is there a reason why she doesn't want to sit close to you? I have a feeling it's not because of covid related social distancing

Oct 7, 2020 - 11:14pm

I feel you. I haven't dated in a while primarily because of how non-transparent men can be. At this age, I really appreciate it when people are straightforward.

You have trust issues. 

"If you always put limits on everything you do, physical or anything else, it will spread into your work and into your life. There are no limits. There are only plateaus, and you must not stay there, you must go beyond them." - Bruce Lee

Oct 6, 2020 - 4:09pm

i have never NEVER locked in date #2 while still on date #1.   i will flirt and say something like "we should do this again" or "next time you're gonna need a safe-word" with a seductive tone and a wink....but i have never said "so, next thursday dinner at 8pm at WolfGangs"

Oct 6, 2020 - 7:42pm

that just means you are going on dates with beta cuck simps who feel they can't get other girls to go out with them, they are desparate for any female...because a man who has choice...who knows he can have many women...that man who all women desire....a truly confident man, that man does not do this.

Most Helpful
  • Intern in IB-M&A
Oct 7, 2020 - 2:46am

If you think he's a good guy... you could take the initiative and suggest something too? If he says "next time we can.." and actually mentions realistic things, it could be a pretty obvious sign for a second too. Tf do you want, a calendar invite confirmation to make sure he's not wasting your time?

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