Just wondering if peope have had similar experience with friends who don't work in finance.
Recently I moved home from a major global city due to Covid. I grew up in a pretty working class area and the friends who I grew up with would mostly not have gone to University or work in Finance/Law/Tech type jobs but they still have good stable jobs with decent incomes.
Moving home I have taken the time to reconnect more with old friends. I'm a humble guy and I always keep things very low key when talking about my job/lifestyle (which is itself not even anything special by Wall Street standards). I intentionally downplay things (in a non-obvious non-douchey way) and I avoid talking about it unless directy asked and in such cases answer the question specifically asked as basically as possible.
I have noticed a bit of attitude from certain individuals though. Nothing specific but sly jabs coming off as jealous and very insecure. I'm quite disapointed in this because we have maintained freindship for a long time and I could not care less how much somebody makes or what they do for a job and I go out of my way not to make anybody feel bad.
Just wondering if anybody else has come across this and how they dealt with it.
I have the same issue and we solve our disagreements with 10 shot basketball. The deal is, you have to take ten shots of liquor and then score 10 shots on the opponent. The games are always legendary. I would recommend it.
Be careful with this... alcohol is a downer, and if someone is feeling genuinely upset, those 10 shots can make that person 10x more angry/violent/etc.
No blood, no foul
absolutely.
I am the jealous and insecure friend
so take 10 shots and lets see who's boss
^see - it works
lol
> I have noticed a bit of attitude from certain individuals though. Nothing specific but sly jabs coming off as jealous and very insecure.
Do you think they're acting out because of you, or if it's other things going on in their lives? Lot's of people are going through hell right now for all sorts of reasons, and that shit is being bottled up inside, people are all on edge right now ready to explode.
If they are your real friends, tell them you do not appreciate the jabs. if they do not stop, do not hang out with them anymore. If not, eat them.
Username checks out
2 cents: It's a natural tendency of us humans being brought up in such a freaking competitive world. Can you feel happy making 200k/yr if all your friends are making 300k/yr? Most of us would not. Cue Tyler Durden here
I myself feel this way ALL THE TIME and it takes practice to cultivate my mind and get me out of this deleterious mindset. I think an honest confrontation would be good: tell them you don't appreciate the jabs. It's a slippery slope so be tactful. If you feel you're reasonable and they don't stop the jabs, get rid of them. No need for toxicity in your life. Good luck
I could easily be happy making $200k a year if my friends were making $300k a year. What in the world brings you happiness? This comparing of salaries is really prevalent on zoomer / millenial social media (WSO, Blind, tech oriented sites) and it's so sad to see. Aren't there other topics to discuss with people?
Get some shared hobbies or interests outside of the workplace.
That's the thing though. I'm sad that I and many others feel this way. I want to change and it takes practice. Just saying it's natural given the society fabric today and it's not easy to unlearn it
Here is my patented cold turkey quit program:
Step 1: Go to your iPhone -> Settings -> Notifications -> turn off all notifications for social media applications (Facebook, Instagram, Twitter, LinkedIn, Reddit, Snapchat). The only thing that should be ringing your phone are text messages, work emails and phone calls.
Step 2: iPhone Settings -> Screen Time -> App Limits, turn on limits on Social networking to 30 min Every Day. Go back and click Downtime and schedule mornings and evenings as downtime
Step 3: Unfollow every person you don't personally know on social media. No influencers, no bodybuilders, no sexy models, and no finance meme accounts.
Step 4: Next, unfollow every person you don't personally like (cut out all of the fluffy connections); how you can tell whether you like them is if you would be happy to see they posted something super positive in their life (married a 10/10, got a perfect job). If this cuts out everybody on your friends list because you're too far gone into a negative spiral, delete the app entirely
Step 5: Take stock of your groups. What are your hobbies, who are your friends, what direction is this going? If your answers are none, a couple people, from work/undergrad..... you may have problems. Find one quality hobby you can get into and reach out. You need to change the "success metric" from money to sharing successes in this hobby. Doesn't matter if it's scuba diving or CS:Go.
Step 6: Work out. No, really. If nothing else, you can be a dude who is in shape, you have all the tools to do that right now even with no equipment. You will feel miles better. Step 6.b. learn to cook and eat properly / healthy.
Once you take care of yourself, then comes the self confidence. Don't even think of a girlfriend before you go through the steps.
Find new friends. I make probably 8-10X what all my friends around me make but that kind of stuff never comes up in conversations ever. Never even crosses our mind and never did mine until I read this thread.
Don't flash your salary in any consipicous way, or at least minimize it. Of my friends I'm in the top quartile in income demographics but likewise I'm early stage in my career so there's no thoughts of getting a Mercedec or Patek just yet. Will probably think about this in my 30s but until then anyway you can definitely keep a lower profile anyway
Crabs in a bucket buddy. Either deal with it or move on and find higher caliber friends (tough to hear, but you cant afford to be pulled back or always on the defensive). It's almost like you have to go out of your way to be discreet.
For example say you wear a t-shirt at a cookout with your alma mater on it. It says Alabama? Eh who gives a shit, roll tide. It says Harvard? Whoa look at this guy everyone! He wants you to know he went to Harvard! Despite it being the same action - and damn right you should be proud if you went to Harvard, or work in IB, or had research published in a journal - whatever it is.
There are definitely ways to talk about this with friends, but just be careful not to stunt on them. Ex: group wants to get dinner, you recommend the most expensive steakhouse in town. But other than that it aint on you to fix
Facts of life, get bloody used to it. Losers, always hate winners. Keep winning.
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