First of all, sorry for the negative energy.
I just had 10 first roundin two days. Five on each day. I Bombed all of them. Didn't get any SD out of them. Still have 6 more next Monday. This last 6 is really life or death to me. This is my only chance to get into IB. I am so sad. I hate myself so bad. I'm so depressed.
Before winter break, I planned to study for the technicals over the break. However I was super stressed and depressed I couldn't study. I tried to book a therapist, but the earliest appointment available is in February. So I went to the emergency room trying to talk to somebody, they said they couldn't talk to me, they can only prescribe me SSRI. They told me the SSRI would make me feel worse the first couple weeks and will also make me feel sleepy. So I didn't take the drugs because I needed to prep for interview. I couldn't concentrate at all. I barely read the 400 guide. I want to study but I just can't concentrate. I hate myself so bad. I didn't know how I received all the interviews. Felt like I didn't deserve to be interviewed. I don't know what to do now.