Do you actually pay for meals when on a date?

Like I can get behind paying for coffee when we first meet, but do you guys actually pay for the girl's dinner if you are say on the first or second date? Assuming you haven't fucked yet and are not dating a hooker in disguiseย 

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Comments (114)

Jan 8, 2022 - 3:47pm

I usually pay initially, then when we become official I usually split it or get one dinner and she gets the next.

"If you always put limits on everything you do, physical or anything else, it will spread into your work and into your life. There are no limits. There are only plateaus, and you must not stay there, you must go beyond them." - Bruce Lee

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Jan 11, 2022 - 1:36am

don't you feel sometimes that some girls that you meet just come for free food, and they don't put out and disappear when you stop paying for them? I met some of these and didn't even realize until later when I started reading and hearing about this. there is even a huge subreddit Female Dating Strategy which supports this approach of using men. now after learning all this, I'm trying to be more cautious and don't offer dinner dates anymore, cause I don't wanna support these disgusting people.

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Jan 8, 2022 - 4:01pm

I've paid a handful of times but don't anymore. I lowkey would feel resentment when the check would come as one and you could see the girl do literally everything to avoid talking about how we would pay.

A girl saying we'll split it without me saying anything is a huge turn on.

I don't even pay for drinks on dates anymore to start out. Last dozen or so girls I've met up with from dating apps were already going out with a group of their friends for drinks and I'd just tag along and meet them at a bar. They would already have a tab and get me stuff, then I'd return the favor the next bar.

Jan 8, 2022 - 4:23pm

If we're actually dating I'll at least make an offer to pay. If she says she'd rather split, that's great. Or if she says she'd like to pay for this one since I got it alst, also great. I assume I'm paying and plan accordingly (again, only if we're actually dating which means I think she's worth my time and effort in the first place). Like Rice with Chicken, if they make an effort toย notย have anything to do with the bill, that's all I need to see to see it's not going anywhere past then.

Jan 8, 2022 - 5:37pm

I'd always suggest drinks for a first date. If I'm not feeling it, closing out after 1 round won't kill anyone. If the girl pushed for dinner on a first and I wasn't feeling it, I'd ask for two checks.

Array

Jan 10, 2022 - 12:02pm

For me,ย  It really depends on how the conversation has gone up to that point.ย  If we have texted well then, I am usually willing to do an activity.ย  If not then I just do drinks.ย ย 

Funniest
Jan 8, 2022 - 7:17pm

Sure, if you don't wanna get your dick sucked, that's a cool convo to start the night with.

You should pay unless she orders market price. Then, she pays for you both.

heister:

Look at all these wannabe richies hating on an expensive salad.

https://arthuxtable.com/
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Jan 8, 2022 - 7:23pm

For the first date, I've always gone with the person who asks pays, which usually means me. For the second date, preferably she offers to pick it up or split it, but depending on how it's going I might pay anyway (I don't mind paying, but if she expects me to pay there's an issue). Once we're going out regularly always put two cards down

Jan 8, 2022 - 7:29pm

Yeah, you should pay for the first few at least. Seems silly to try and nickel and dime your potential gf when you're making ~$100K base.ย 

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Jan 11, 2022 - 1:50am

does it not seem silly to be used as an ATM by strangers? do you think none of the girls you went on dates with, came just for free food and couldn't care less about you? there is a very significant portion of female dating apps users who treat them as free food apps, and these girls are the most active users on the apps, so I bet every guy who used apps has been on these dates, most of the time not even realizing.

Jan 9, 2022 - 1:47am

I never do food on first dates. If we eat, 99% of the time I split it. I made a big mistake going on a first date at a restaurant when there were signs the girl was just interested in free food, but I went anyway. I could tell the girl was sweating to see if I would propose a split but I didn't. After that, I promise to never ever do a first food date and if I do we're splitting it.ย 

For drinks I also split it if it goes above 30, unless I haven't had a date in a while and I'm having a good time. NYC is really flakey, so you have to watchย  who you're spending money on.

If the date is shitty, I will propose a split no matter what. I had a date who would constantly text her friend because "her friend needs her after going through drama with her boyfriend" She apologized at first but then I can tell she really was unapologetic about it. I remember how shocked she was when I proposed we split the bill. hahaha that's what you get for wasting my time!

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Jan 9, 2022 - 2:52pm

Would hope most respectable women would offer to split. Never take them up on it on first date as someone previously mentioned I'm typically the one who proposes the date.

But what the hell is with you guys being worried nickle and diming over drinks or dinner are you that strapped for cash?

Array
Jan 9, 2022 - 3:54pm

Smoke Frog

Won't pay for the first date and can't figure out why they can't get laid.

Yeah its pretty much the entry price.ย 

"If you always put limits on everything you do, physical or anything else, it will spread into your work and into your life. There are no limits. There are only plateaus, and you must not stay there, you must go beyond them." - Bruce Lee

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Jan 11, 2022 - 8:40am

๐Ÿคฃ๐Ÿคฃ Facts, I love food and drinks. Why not enjoy it with a pretty lady? Some of you must be attracting low quality women to be so jaded.ย 
ย 

Some Paranormal Broketivities going on in here.

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Jan 10, 2022 - 12:05pm

Why would you ever go for a sit down meal on a first date, or even a second date!? Rookie mistake right there. Always go for drinks on a first date, and always pay. If actually dating, then she should pay some of the time.

Most Helpful
Jan 10, 2022 - 1:01pm

You guys are unbelievable. Have no problem dropping a few hundred on a round or two at the club with the boys but can't even muster to pay the same for someone who you want to enter a LT relationship with. If you marry the girl do you guys expect her to raise your kids, be there for emotional support when you deal with long hours and split housing expenses 50/50?

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Jan 10, 2022 - 3:45pm

Sounds like you are having a lot of fun in law school "Legal - N/A".

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Jan 11, 2022 - 2:02am

interesting assumption that everybody who goes on dates is looking for LT relationships with marriage and kids and home-stay mom scenario. I'm not looking for this stuff at all. I just wanna have fun. and I have no issues paying for a dinner or whatever if the girl puts out, but most of the time the girl just expects you to pay for her, and she thinks she doesn't owe you anything. because of that, I only pay for drinks nowadays.

Jan 11, 2022 - 12:20pm

Yeah, if you think dating is expensive, just wait until marriage.

Be excellent to each other, and party on, dudes.
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Jan 10, 2022 - 2:24pm

I know a woman who's like, "oooo, I want to try this new spot out. Let me hit up Match and see if I can get someone to take me."

She's eating free off suckers almost 100% of the time.

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Jan 10, 2022 - 2:50pm

If the first time you see a girl in person is the first date, that is on you.ย 

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Jan 10, 2022 - 3:05pm

My experience is most girls appreciate the gesture and guys should pay for the first couple of dates. It may seem old school, but it also shows you are committed to dating rather than trying to find the cheapest path to get laid. If she hasn't offered to start splitting or picking up a check on date 3 or 4, red flags all over.

If cheaply getting laid is actually what you are after, just tell her to meet up with you and your friends when you go out. The expectation is much more clear, and less pressure to pay for anything.

Jan 10, 2022 - 3:18pm

The guys who've taken me on dates have always paid but that's after we've talked over the phone for weeks and have 'agreed' that we're both looking for something that will lead to marriage and kids. I'd be willing to later on when I trust that the guy is serious with me and we're in a relationshipย 

Jan 11, 2022 - 8:08am

Who tf is discussing these things before the first dateโ€ฆ

Array
Jan 12, 2022 - 12:38am

I do the same. I don't bother dating girls that have any red flags or have deal breakers. Dating always leads to one of two things, marriage or break up, if you're not thinking about that when you're screening potential partners then you're just wasting time. When I was first talking to my current gf I made it clear the things I was looking for around the second week of speaking with her and the things that were important to me. If she wasn't with it, then we're not meant to be and there's nothing worth compromising for.

Jan 10, 2022 - 4:36pm

I dated this one girl when I was 24 and she was 30. She really wanted me to pay for dates in the beginning, but then eventually would split with me.ย 

Then I met with her brother and his wife. His wife had an insane rock on her finger and I complimented it and she said "if I knew how much he was really worth, I would have demanded bigger." I was like whoa wtf? This was at dinner.ย 

Then later I learn her inheritance was for 8 figures and had a lot of questions. Why was I paying for dinners lol? She said she preferred not to 'touch her share of family money' and preferred to 'make her own path.'ย 

But, bro - I was really paying for a lot of dinners haha whyyyyyyy

"If you always put limits on everything you do, physical or anything else, it will spread into your work and into your life. There are no limits. There are only plateaus, and you must not stay there, you must go beyond them." - Bruce Lee

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Jan 10, 2022 - 6:57pm

Lots of interesting takes in this post . . .ย 

I'm an old man compared to most of you, so I'll just chalk it up to generational differences. But women want men who can be providers and men want women that can be nurturing. Period. That's been true since the beginning of time and will be true 100,000 years from now.ย 

If you're just putzing around with dating and just want to get as much pussy as possible, good on you, split as many checks as you want and your date(s) will respond in kind in how they treat you (and the quality of female you will attract). But if you want to find someone for a committed relationship start by showing that you can be a provider and a gentleman. Be a leader, be a man and be someone that women will be attracted to. After that, any discussion about who pays is just plain silly.

Jan 10, 2022 - 7:29pm

I must say, it is very strange considering what is said in other threads. Guys are looking for a committed partner who works in an ancillary/ non-demanding fieldย  (won't out shine them) and who would be willing to take on the domestic manager and supportive spouse role if/when it comes (kids/household), but they won't pay forย aย date? It just doesn't add up....

Jan 10, 2022 - 7:55pm

Was going to comment this same logic. I want to work hard in my career while my SO can pursue more interesting but less demanding jobs and then one day raise our kids. Yeah I'd save money if I made her pay some of the time but it just doesn't seem right.ย 
ย 

I feel like in this thread people are worried about the hoes that use dates for free and nice dinners in NYC so I guess that makes sense. Still a little weird to someone from Texas tho.

Jan 11, 2022 - 2:13am

that's what girls want you to think :)

I am a macho manly provider = girls can use you for free shit and ghost you once you start supplying less free shit.

but you do have a point, if you just want to find one great woman, then yeah you can pay for everybody until you find the one. you will probably be used by a couple dozen of shitty women before that, but it's a reasonable price to pay if you want to find a love of your life for the whole life. but for people who are just casually dating and just wanting to have fun, always paying is a shitty advice, cause you'll just be milked so much.

Jan 11, 2022 - 2:42am

You sound jaded my bro. That type of attitude is actively preventing you from getting laid.

The trick is doing dates for you, rather than for the girl. I'll go to a really nice restaurant and pay for everything. But the restaurant is my choice, so I guarantee I get a meal I love or try a new place that I've been wanting to go to. I set the time as well (she works around my schedule bc I let her know I'm busy). I also spend minimal time texting - we get to know each other in person, not over text (like I told her earlier, I'm a busy guy).

The mindset completely changes from: "I've spent two weeks texting this girl, we're finally going on a date, I need to win this girl over so I can get laid" to: "I've invested minimal time into setting this up, I'm going to my favorite restaurant at a time/location that's convenient for me and I'm just bringing this girl as company. If she's cool I'll take her on a 2nd date somewhere else".

If you're too invested in a date turning into a hook up, girls can tell. A date with a random person should be like the 17th most important thing going on your life, not a priority.

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Jan 11, 2022 - 1:30am

I only offer drinks at a place near me on the first date, and yeah I'll pay for them. If the girl wants to go to a different place or wants to get dinner instead, we're splitting. Then on a second date and forward, we're splitting.ย If I was a millionaire, I would probably feed girls with free meals, even though I know girls nowadays go on dates for free food specifically, but cause I'm still in student debt and renting an apartment, I'm definitely not in position to throw away $100s for no reason.

Jan 11, 2022 - 1:40am

btw, I was recently thinking about the following approach. how about when you're done eating, you can ask the girl if she wants to come over after the dinner. then you ask for a check. and if she said yes, pay the bill. if she said no, split. how do you guys think? you ain't losing anything, cause if she said no, then who cares, might as well save $50 and use it on the next date.

Jan 12, 2022 - 12:58am

I mean if she doesn't wanna fuck, I'll probably never see her again, unless she's super hot, in that case I might pay and wait for the second date, but if she's on my level or below and doesn't wanna fuck on the first date, I'll never see her again and might just save $50 by asking her if she wants to come over before the check comes.

Jan 12, 2022 - 1:48pm

Lol you sound so mad. Could it just be that for some of us an extra $50 at dinner is not a big deal? I have way too much money to be pissy over a dates $30 entree + $20 worth of drinks

Array

Jan 11, 2022 - 10:23am

Always pay, girls hate it when you don't. You should actually feel emasculated by choosing to split it on a first date. What a bigger turn off.

That being said, me and my gf take turns buying dinners now. Not officially, she'll just pick some bills up and so will I.

Jan 11, 2022 - 2:35pm

My gf and I have always kind of traded off (informally) paying for stuff. I probably pay more often but it's relatively even. Now that we live together we split things like groceries rent and utilities 50/50 but dinners, drinks etc one of us pays and we don't formally split.

Controversial
Jan 11, 2022 - 3:35pm

Holy shit I can't believe how many of you guys on this site are cheap and don't know the first rules of dating etiquette. Maybe I'm old school, but the man always pays. I always pay for dates - doesn't matter if it's food, drinks, movie tickets - because I'm the man and that's the proper way of dating. How is it that a bunch of you analysts making 100k base + some bonus are willing to go HAM on a bar tab but as soon as you're taking a girl out and treating her to a nice date, if she doesn't offer to split "she's a freeloader." No wonder some of y'all on this site are virgins. Y'all don't know shit about dating and how to treat a woman. For Christ's sake I'm a broke grad student and I didn't even blink when the check came for a $150 dinner date for my first ever date with my girlfriend.

Jan 12, 2022 - 8:47am

No, you shouldnt buy dinner for someone you arent sleeping with

And no, you shouldnt even be taking girls out for dinner dates early on anyways. If you are taking her out to a restaurant for your first 1-3 dates then congrats you rightfully have identified yourself to her as a basic boring dude whos main appeal is his wallet

Jan 12, 2022 - 7:22pm

Wow bro I had to spend $40 on a date at a really nice cafe for a dinner date with a girl I'm interested in. My god the horror!! She's definitely only interested in me because I paid for a $20 meal she easily could've paid for herself. Definitely because of my wallet and not because of my looks, personality, confidence, passions, interests, and overall vibe right? Dude again stop listening to PUA who's sole intention is to sell you their BS course just so that you won't feel like some virgin loser.ย 

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