Do you really have friends, or are they just acquaintances?
Hi chimps, back on this glorious forum again to ask the most compelling questions.
Since the semester has moved online, I've found myself with a lot more time on my hands. I've been hitting the gym, exploring hobbies, and worked on my physical appearance.
Lo and behold, more people say hi to me, smile at me, ask me to hang on the weekends, etc.
Now all this is great and dandy, but the issue is that my longtime friends and I have started to drift apart. I am loving the improvement, while they more or less remain in their habits of getting high, playing video games all day, and making (sometimes really self-depricating) jokes out of everything.
It's funny because I always reach out to them, and not once have they ever reciprocated that gesture, so I don't really have a problem splitting from the group (I don't want to be the average of 5 individuals who don't value me the same way).
The one caveat is that I worry about making new friends. College is so cliquey, and most individuals seem to stick with their respective groups through ups and downs, since it's much harder to make friends at 25 than it is 18 or 19.
This isn't really job related, but I want to hear all your thoughts on "friendships".
Where is the line drawn between true friend, acquaintance, and coworker?
Have you ever moved on from people who just didn't have the same mindset as you? Or have you put up with BS of others for the sake of keeping the peace?
Respectfully- get some friends and stop using WSO as your therapist
you wanna be my friend then
As you get older, you realize that you can have friends for certain things. For example, you might like golf, and have friends you play it with who love playing/talking golf. Might be different than your friend who like politics, or like the gym, or woodworking. It gets hard as you get older to find friends, but don't try to have one friend who you do everything with. That would be nice, but rarely happens.
SB'd as completely agree with this. Maybe in high school you have a best friend/group of friends you go everywhere with and do everything together, but even in college I would have my "classmate friends" and my "swimming society" and "finance society" friends (all in completely separate groups).
This trend only increases as you get older, at least in my experience anyway. Now at 30 I have my core "finance group" i.e. mostly analysts I knew during my IB stint who I got along really well with - we all work at different places now but pre-Covid would meet regularly (at least every 2-3 weeks) for dinner/drinks etc, even as some of the guys have started to get married and start families.
Equally I have a couple of other "groups" - my best friends from college, who work in different fields but no-one is in finance (medicine, law, F500 etc). And finally my classmate (law) friends from college. So on my phone I have 3 separate group chats going on regularly - those groups don't really overlap but they are all my friends. I'm probably closest to my finance buddies just because we meet so often (all living in the same city) and even now we work across IB/PE/HF we still have a lot of "war stories" from work to share and commiserate over.
So yeah OP, as the poster above said very well, it's fine to have different groups of friends for different things (and for you to be closer to some groups than others). Maybe some people do end up with one best friend they do everything with throughout their entire life - but personally I think that's just something you probably see on TV/movies.
It's natural different people have different interests/priorities in life, and maybe you'll become less close to your friends who are getting high all the time (as it sounds like hanging out with them all the time might hold you back in what you want to achieve) - but it's not a black-or-white thing, you don't have to cut them off completely just because you're not as close. Maybe you can hang out with them on times when you're stressed out with school/work and just want to relax and chill for a day. Equally, if you're getting into the gym and new hobbies - seek out new buddies who are into those specific hobbies (and although college can be cliquey it is still a fantastic opportunity for meeting such a wide variety of people). Not to replace your stoner friends, but rather just to expand your friendship circle/universe. Hope that makes some sense.
Have to remember that you change, and your friends also change (or don't change). You might get married and have kids, but have friends who don't have ether, and you're in different stages of life. Conversely, you could also have friends who, once they have kids, you distance from because they raise them in different ways than you.
So-called "acquaintances" have helped me more than most of my friends ever have. Life is funny like that I guess.
It's called evolving. Some of your old friends will stay with you. Some won't. Generally based on common interests. Also, once/if you get married and have kids there will be many other folks introduced to the mix. You'll spend a lot of time with the parents of your young kid" friends. Some will become good friends. You'll have pockets of friends. HS friends. College friends. Work buddies. Spousal buddies, Kid parent buddies. Neighborhood buddies.
Almost 40 yrs later I still do buddy trips with 5 HS friends. It's a blast. And I have a set of golf buddies that have become primary friends (including spouses) which is great. My "best friend" is a guy I met within the past 10 years and I'm 56. He's like an uncle to my kids now.
I think the hard part is actually exiting old relationships that really no longer interest you. You'll evolve and want something different.
Non odio rerum et. Nesciunt sunt labore vel quisquam illo dolore aut. A similique ex consectetur sed esse. Vero sunt iste ipsam rerum. Et est mollitia delectus sapiente.
See All Comments - 100% Free
WSO depends on everyone being able to pitch in when they know something. Unlock with your email and get bonus: 6 financial modeling lessons free ($199 value)
or Unlock with your social account...