Do You Think Getting My Ex-Girlfriend Back Is Possible?

Plicate's picture
Rank: Monkey | banana points 44

Hey Guys.

I'm relatively new. Similarly to some of you, I belong to the finance sector too (working as a forex broker) and I've got to say, I have really enjoyed reading the comments and threads created by this community in the time I've been here. I know it may not be my place to ask, but I've got a request to make if you guys are willing to hear me out.

My girlfriend and I split up around the start of the year because she felt that there wasn't any passion left in the relationship after being together for the last 4 years. She said that she loved me, but wasn't in love with me anymore. We agreed to remain friends, since we both work in the same building and had a bunch of mutual friends. I have to admit, it hasn't been easy to show up to work and pretend that nothing happened, If that wasn't enough, I usually even end up bumping into her several times a day as she smiles at me, and gives me a peck on my cheek casually like the break up didn't happen.

All that I've accomplished in the past month since the break up wasn't to move on, but to become more determined than ever to win her back (she isn't dating anyone at the moment). I know I haven't been the best boyfriend of late because of the hours I spend at work, but that's the choice I made back then, before realizing what I stood to lose.

I want to ask you guys if you think I have a chance at winning her back and what would you do if you were in my shoes? She mentioned that she lost passion for me, because I neglected her and spent too much time on work. If I manage to balance my time out, create new memories and re-ignite our spark, do you think it'll work? Of course, it wouldn't be a half hearted effort just to win her back before ceasing all efforts but something lasting because that's how important she is to me.

Appreciate any tips or advice you guys can provide!

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Comments (44)

Feb 26, 2018

Sour milk does not go fresh. Time to move on.

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Feb 26, 2018

This worries me going into high finance with a girlfriend I love a lot. I want to move up places and I know working long hours will be a big part of it, but I don't want her to be neglected and loss the passion for me. Sorry to highjack OP but is there anyway to balance doing 80 hours a week and keeping the relationship strong?

RIP LEHMAN
RIP MONACOMONKEY
RIP THEACCOUNTING MAJOR

Feb 28, 2018
Wolfofgeorgestreet:

This worries me going into high finance with a girlfriend I love a lot. I want to move up places and I know working long hours will be a big part of it, but I don't want her to be neglected and loss the passion for me. Sorry to highjack OP but is there anyway to balance doing 80 hours a week and keeping the relationship strong?

Kys

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Mar 12, 2018

Yeah, the work takes a toll on the relationship. I think I made a big mistake by not prioritizing my relationship over other things. Putting work above relationship is fine. But I always neglected her and took things for granted. I would rather play video games on the weekend than spend time with her. Didn't take her on a date for almost a month. I messed up. Don't make my mistakes. Spend quality time with her on a regular basis and make her one of your top 3 priorities.

Dec 16, 2018
Wolfofgeorgestreet:

This worries me going into high finance with a girlfriend I love a lot.

To be honest, it worries me too.

I mean 'high finance'? Who says that, lol.

"If you always put limits on everything you do, physical or anything else, it will spread into your work and into your life. There are no limits. There are only plateaus, and you must not stay there, you must go beyond them." - Bruce Lee

    • 3
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Dec 16, 2018

Fuck I was a beta back when I wrote that comment Lol.

True true.

RIP LEHMAN
RIP MONACOMONKEY
RIP THEACCOUNTING MAJOR

    • 3
Dec 17, 2018

Documentaries explaining financial crisis to normal people

Feb 26, 2018

No

Best Response
Feb 26, 2018

No. Stop being friends with her. She feels sorry for you. You cannot "convince" a girl to love you again, trying to do so only will make it worse. Cut off all contact immediately, this post-break-up friend stuff is a waste of time, will be hard at first but you're making things difficult on yourself and prolonging the inevitable. Start living your life and go hang out with your buddies.

If over time she comes around, then fine, great, but you'll probably have moved on then too. The only way this may have a chance of working out is if you guys spend serious time apart, no contact, nothing for a few months at least. But she has to re-initiate. At that point I can almost guarantee that you will have moved on and will see you're better off for all this.

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Mar 1, 2018

x

Mar 12, 2018

Thank you for your reply. You know I came across an article that said basically the same thing sans her initiating. https://getyourexbackpermanently.com/win-your-ex-g...
I am doing this no contact thing right now. It's easy when I am busy working. But when I am alone, damn it hurts. Being lonely is a terrible thing. I saw this movie last weekend called the Red Turtle. It made me realize that you can live on an island without anything if you have companionship. And you would go crazy even if you have everything but you are alone.

Dec 16, 2018
Plicate:

I saw this movie last weekend called the Red Turtle. It made me realize that you can live on an island without anything if you have companionship.

Wilson!!!!!

"If you always put limits on everything you do, physical or anything else, it will spread into your work and into your life. There are no limits. There are only plateaus, and you must not stay there, you must go beyond them." - Bruce Lee

    • 1
Learn More

Side-by-side comparison of top modeling training courses + exclusive discount through WSO here.

Feb 26, 2018

Oh baby yooou. You got what I neeeed. But you say I'm just a friend. But you say I'm just a friend.

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May 7, 2018

This comment made me laugh so hard. The person who threw MS should be ashamed

"We cross our bridges when we come to them and burn them behind us, with nothing to show for our progress except a memory of the smell of smoke, and a presumption that once our eyes watered."

Feb 26, 2018

OP-Spend whatever time you are going to spend chasing your ex on bettering yourself(exercise, reading, new hobbies, etc). You will make yourself more attractive to not only her, but to other women as well. If you chase her, she will just see you as desperate.

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Feb 26, 2018

This site...

Dec 16, 2018

is AWESOME!?

Feb 26, 2018

It seems like she left you over your career, which should not give you any confidence that she will be there for you when the going gets really tough (kids, lost job, family issues or 1,000 other things). She left you once over something that means a lot to you (I assume), what is to stop her from leaving you again? This woman does not control you, she does not define you. I view her kissing you as taking advantage of you being "weak", or her perception of weakness. Lock that shit down. My advice to you is to ask her politely to stop kissing you and that you need time evaluate a friendship. Since you have mutual friends and need to deal with this in the office, it's important to remain cordial in the office, smile but keep your distance. Healing takes time and going back seems like the easiest thing to mend what you're feeling but DON'T DO IT. Stay close with your friends, spend time exploring your hobbies (or develop new ones), kickass at work.

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Funniest
Feb 28, 2018

She's probably getting drilled on the reg by a Post-MBA Associate in a Patagonia vest right now who unironically sends pictures of his Cole Haan loafers in to Litquidity's Instagram DMs.

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Mar 1, 2018

x

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Mar 1, 2018

x

Feb 28, 2018

My girlfriend and I split up around the start of the year because she felt that there wasn't any passion left in the relationship after being together for the last 4 years. She said that she loved me, but wasn't in love with me anymore. We agreed to remain friends, since we both work in the same building and had a bunch of mutual friends. I have to admit, it hasn't been easy to show up to work and pretend that nothing happened, If that wasn't enough, I usually even end up bumping into her several times a day as she smiles at me, and gives me a peck on my cheek casually like the break up didn't happen.

Question: Do you want to be friends with her? The answer is no. You do not. You do not want to be friends with her because you're asking how to get her back. So if you don't want to be friends with her, why are you agreeing to remain friends? You're doing it to hold on to that glimmer of hope and/or to delay the pain you feel. Kill that glimmer of hope, choose to feel the pain right now so you can get past it.

And I'm gonna be real honest with you: letting her hug or kiss you on the cheek is emasculating bullshit. Stop letting her emasculate you. Have some self-respect. If she sees you and tries to embrace you, you tell her no and walk away. No more texting, no more contact, no hanging out with mutual friends. If she wants to know why, you tell her you're not interested in being friends with her. Probably the idea of doing this will trigger your internal resistance, like "Oh no, if I'm MEAN to her and I don't let her EMASCULATE me, I'll have no chance at getting her back!!". But this has nothing to do with winning her back. It's about being a man again. Once you deal with the pain, you won't want her back and you sure as fuck won't want to be her friend.

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Mar 12, 2018

The S is for "Separate entirely"

Dec 17, 2018

D E N N I S. The Dennis System.

RIP theaccountingmajor

Mar 12, 2018

if she comes back its because she couldn't find someone better and is settling for you.

Don't let it happen to you just use it as a lesson for your next girlfriend

May 6, 2018

I would bet my bonus she's getting railed by some dude in her office and doesnt want to create an awkward situation with you and the guy. Cut her off completely.

May 7, 2018

Tough call. If she says the passion is gone then it may not be due to hours. Maybe it's something else? People usually don't give you the real reason for a break up which are innumerable and not worth thinking about.

I would move on and date multiple girls (remind yourself of the abundance of beautiful women out there). You will soon forget about her after being on a date with a hotter girl.

Then in 2-3 weeks, if still interested, reach out and try to reignite the spark with a date. If that doesn't work then nothing you can do.

Be strong, kindness is not rewarded in the dating world - rather aggression and ruthlessness. Trust me. Make it a point to show her you don't care and have better options. She is the one missing out, not you.

    • 1
Dec 15, 2018

Just sent you a PM...

Dec 16, 2018
IBERST:

Just sent you a PM...

Probably should have checked the original post date before commenting.

@Plicate If possible, it would be great for a lot of other guys on here if you posted an update of what you've done in the past year.

Dec 19, 2018

I know, I was hoping for an update as well, but this comment got the thread going again with some really good replies, so it worked out

Dec 15, 2018

Didn't read a word you typed other than the title. The easiest way of "winning" an ex back is by not contacting her, deleting her from social media, and moving on. Usually they come crawling back, but by that time you will have hopefully moved on and she will be irrelevant to you.

Dec 16, 2018

Fall in love with some 65 pound dumbbells and don't look back. You'll thank yourself a few years down the line

Cultivating mass and wealth since '95

Dec 16, 2018

No, don't fall in love with the 65s! Then you'll never move on to heavier weight!

Dec 17, 2018

There's just something bout the 65's though. First time you hit a set for 8 on incline with them you actually feel like you're beginning to move weight. Later on down the progression line and you find it's your warm up set... just brings back memories and gets the blood pumpin'

Cultivating mass and wealth since '95

Dec 16, 2018

Two words: "Sack up"

Shes bored with you and ready for the next toy. Fuck her (not literally since at this point it would be non-consensual).

I worked with a guy that had been married for 25 years and his wife left him for a high school sweetheart. They had three kids together and the guy was almost on suicide watch when it went down. Do you know what happened when he stopped sulking and starting playing the field again? He recovered and life went on.

Dec 16, 2018

Girls move on a lot faster than a guy, if she cut it off, it means she hasn't been feeling it for a while, like possibly 6 months or more. Move on, if she does come back, she'll never be truly yours again, time to cut your losses and find a better girl you are more passionate about.

Also, at 4 years together, she probably wanted to get married, and not popping the questions probably made her think you weren't serious about her.

I would recommend just moving on, you're obviously date-able if a girl stuck with you for 4 years, take some time, focus on yourself, and find a girl you do want to commit to.

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Dec 16, 2018

Others have made great points so I won't reiterate what they already said.

But the more you focus on work and self improvement FOR YOURSELF, the better off you'll be. Don't hit the gym to get jacked and attract her. Don't gun for that promotion to impress her. She won't care (no offense, but it is what it is). Hit the gym to be a better version of yourself. Get that promotion because it's what YOU want. Kaizen bro. You'll be alright.

Dec 17, 2018

If you guys have dated for 4 years and she says that she's lost all the passion either:
a) She's very immature to the fact that people naturally lose passion for someone they've been dating for a while but the companionship aspect of the relationship increases or b) She's just saying that as an excuse to break up with you without doing everyone a favor by saying she doesn't care anymore.

This may be hard for you to do and I've been in your shoes before but you are going to have to move on. This may be harder if you don't have other things in your life to lean on (friends, fulfilling job, consistent hobbies, etc.) but its something that you have to do sooner or later. The few things that I would say that you need to do if you feel down is to stay away from heavy drinking, be more social with your friends, and if you really feel awful, completely change scenery.

Dec 17, 2018

Perhaps I should be more sympathetic as a fellow female, but honestly I find it weak that "not spending enough time together" is the reason why she no longer feels the passion. It should have been expected that your first few years as a young professional in finance will be very demanding. And if she can't support you through that, I don't see how she'll stick with you through other difficulties. Maybe she's not a ride or die type of girl or maybe she just wasn't as invested as you were. Or like sometimes it just didn't work out.

I agree with the others - time to move on. If anything, she needs to be the one to re-initiate for it to work again. Otherwise, you're just chasing after what the relationship once was - it's impossible to go back in time.

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Dec 20, 2018

This is such a good comment, thank you

Jan 7, 2019
Chimp scampi:

Perhaps I should be more sympathetic as a fellow female, but honestly I find it weak that "not spending enough time together" is the reason why she no longer feels the passion. It should have been expected that your first few years as a young professional in finance will be very demanding. And if she can't support you through that, I don't see how she'll stick with you through other difficulties. Maybe she's not a ride or die type of girl or maybe she just wasn't as invested as you were. Or like sometimes it just didn't work out.

I agree with the others - time to move on. If anything, she needs to be the one to re-initiate for it to work again. Otherwise, you're just chasing after what the relationship once was - it's impossible to go back in time.

Listen to the girl OP, real speak

Dec 20, 2018
Dec 20, 2018
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Jan 7, 2019