Hey everyone-
I don't really have a mentor in the industry and so you guys are really all I've got to go to for this. I am extremely unhappy with my job.
To give you guys some background, I work for a smaller development shop in a secondary market and handle leasing and development responsibilities. This was my dream job coming out of school and was everything I thought I wanted. I'm working on a very high profile project and theoretically, that should be enough, to be on the ground floor of such a project. However, I'm not getting the mentorship I thought I would, and I'm constantly in the office all alone. I'm a very social person by nature so this is extremely difficult for me and I feel like its killing my productivity and motivation to do anything.
This situation is finding its way into other parts of my life too, my relationship with my family and, now, ex-girlfriend are just overshadowed by this disappointment and dissatisfied position that I am in. I dread going to work in an industry that I once loved every day.
I don't mean to come off as all "woah is me" or super negative. Just really having a tough go at this point. Would love to hear if any of you have been through anything like this and/or any general advice.
Thanks, everyone.
I have a few follow up questions for you:
1) What type of mentorship were you expecting? This may sound dumb but I really like the formula Reality - Expectations = Happiness
If your expectations are way too high, your happiness will be negative. You may be justified but you may also have gone in with high expectations for a job that is straight out of UG.
2) How long have you been at this specific firm? They may not task you with important stuff for the first several months so they can feel you out and not risk you messing things up (nothing to do with you/ your intellect, you may just be very new is all)
3) Sounds like you also recently went through a breakup. This shouldn't be discounted and may actually affect your life in work and motivation (or lack thereof) to perform at a high level.
The term is also "woe is me" for future reference btw.
1) I was expecting things to be a little more hands-on. When going through negotiations or anything I'm being shown 2+2=4, but not being told why. That's really my issue on that is that I know what to do and when to do it, but only from repetition rather than understanding.
2) Coming up on 9 months. I have a fair amount of responsibility but not much leeway to make my own decisions or anything along those lines.
3) Yeah, I feel like I'm almost blending the two together, which subsequently makes it more difficult to address them as separates, work/relationship.
Thanks for the correction.
1 & 2) They probably still see you as very new. 9 months is really not a lot of time. One of my mentors, VP of Development & Acquisitions at a really cool firm, said he started out working in a basement doing bs tasks for the first year out of college. A lot of people (especially those who are older) see the necessity in "paying your dues". Nothing personal, just know their vantage point too. A lot of people have to wait several years to actually make decisions and give their own thumbs up/ down opinion.
3) Life is life. It's normal, don't try to avoid it. It takes time to get over stuff. Just double down on being healthy- seriously working out helps a lot. I swim and box personally. That will also have a positive impact on your work because you'll have more energy.
Are you asking enough questions? If you want to know “why” at a deeper level, you need to ask questions and pry this information out of them. At some point it’s going to be assumed that your knowledge is at a certain level, and if it isn’t then you’re going to embarrass yourself. The principals at your firm may either think you already have an understanding of things at a deep level, or maybe they just have never considered that you may not understand things that seems basic to them. Ask questions, even if you feel like you’re asking too many or they are too simple. If your bosses aren’t willing to answer your questions and teach you so that you can do a better job for them, then it’s likely time to start looking for jobs and move on to a place that will better support your intellectual growth.
Story time - I know a guy that has worked at a megafund in acquisitions for the past three years and didn’t know what a demising wall was for the first two. This guy has probably underwritten several billion of acquisitions, and never asked what the hell a demising wall was. Eventually he slipped up and the way he used “demising wall” in a sentence didn’t make sense given the context. He was embarrassed as fuck when his MD and 3 other associates discovered he didn’t know the difference between a demising wall and the action of demolishing a wall. This all could have been mitigated if he had asked much sooner what was meant by “demising wall”.
This is pretty great advice all around.
I am a 2nd year development analyst, I am not very social at all, I love being by myself with time to think, and I like being in numbers, I like reading and learning. The role fits me well, the only thing I would change is working in a more big picture role as an LP capital allocator vs the GP/Sponsor role I am in now.... but that is getting a little bit nitty gritty/picky on my part. If you like being with people/on a team, I feel like that could be something worth thinking about, my follow up question would be how much internship experience do you have and how closely did your internships represent your current role? What did you like about your internship experience that you do not have now?
Thanks for taking the time to respond. I also enjoy my time to think and being in the numbers and learning, but I almost feel like in having no one really around, I am less inclined to enjoy those things because they are so constant now, rather than a reprieve. That sounds like an interesting role though, what market are you located in? I definitely think that I put too much weight on the glory of a huge project and just thinking I can sweep aside all the negatives and continue to operate at a high level. Played 4 years of a collegiate sport and interned with a national development firm, as well as one of the most active IS brokerage houses in the country. I think what I'm really missing, that you hit on, is the team environment, all my experience is on larger teams at larger firms rather than an extreme boutique developer.
I get what you are saying and I feel that at times. I am the only analyst at our firm. When I look at some REPE funds some of my friends are at, they have a team of analysts for each fund and they have multiple funds, just being among peers and going to lunch and figuring out what they are working on/sharing what we are learning does seem appealing to me. It sounds like you have the experience to know what that is like and you are not necessarily suffering from "grass is greener".
EDIT: The trade off for me personally, I feel me switching to a REPE fund: I will potentially be more pigeon holed, making more power points than I would like or underwriting boring garden style multi-family acquisitions indefinitely, with layers between me and the final decisions so that I cannot understand a key decision from start to finish... In my current role, our projects are very interesting and I am working directly for a partner, I am right outside his office so I hear every conversation he has, I see what is happening, I imagine I would lose that, so there is a little give and take, but you have the experience to think through that.
@SponsorPromote" killed it in his response, but I just wanted to commiserate and say I've been there - not getting the mentorship I wanted, not having the impact I knew I could have, and family life presenting its own problems (in my case, my grandfather dying and my otherwise very successful father going to rehab within a few months of each other).
Part of what you need to do is tough it out and realize that you're still very new at this. The other part is that you need to do things for yourself and feel accomplished. They won't necessarily have anything to do with your situation at work or at home, but if you're an unfulfilled high achiever, often simply achieving things will dramatically improve your life. Commit yourself to working out more, or reading X amount of books, or getting back involved in old hobbies or activities, or learning new ones, and if you think you need to, applying to new jobs.
Thanks for the response. Always see how active you are on the forums and I think its great that you're so willing to lend advice.
I never thought of taking those smaller things on as achievements but in the end its the satisfaction of achieving a goal that so many people seek. I guess that's the whole mantra of embracing the small victories. Thanks for your insight CRE, very much appreciated.
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