Got a dilemma. My boss is a bit of a hot head. He tends to fly off the handle a little without thinking. He's not very accountable, either. He'll say things without any backup and then escalate issues and then when the fallout comes, he likes to duck under my umbrella. I'm not a pansy. I step up and own my mistakes, I always have. Here's the story:
We have a relationship with another unaffiliated entity. Boss is not fond of their execution on their service and will escalate complaints up the chain of command and its putting strain on the relationship. That's exactly what just happened. He says they (the 3rd party) did something, based on a conversation the 3rd party and I had, and has escalated the issue to senior management. Problem is I don't remember having said conversation which, if I did have, would have been 2 months ago.
3rd Party is also saying they have never been involved in the conversation. Now higher ups from 3rd party are calling me and asking WTH is going on. I'm not gonna lie and throw someone over there under the bus. So I get on the phone with my boss and he's now blaming me, saying that if I didn't speak with someone over there, I should have spoken with someone over there, I need to make notes, and logs, and blah blah blah.
Basically, he's letting the shit roll down hill instead of sacking up and stepping in front of his mistake (Meanwhile he hates emails because "they take too long, just get on the phone and call." So it's not like I haven't tried to document things, not that it matters since he didn't consult me in the 1st place.)
I'm pissed. My options are lie and throw someone over there under the bus , tell my boss to stop being a f-ing moron and maybe speak to me before going to senior management with a non-existent issue, or flat out say to senior management "nah, boss is a hot head. Dude f'd up." When do you stop falling on your sword?
Also, sorry if the above is poorly explained/laid out...kinda scattered right now.
I've had to deal with this a number of times, but the other way around, like our assistant fucks something up and the client is complaining to us, and since we own the relationship, we have to suck it up. my experience has been that most clients don't care what happened, they care about fixing it. without you providing more details, I'd approach like this:
after every step, pause and seek feedback. you could do this in person or via phone. in person is better.
admit there was a communication breakdown "on our side," owns the blame on your firm but without throwing someone under the bus. an even softer way is just saying there was miscommunication.
explain the problem: execution, transaction, whatever. say something like "X didn't happen, we can't change that. I wish it were another way, but it's not. the way I see it, we need to do Y to make it right going forward. what do you think?"
collaborate on the solution, seeking input all along the way. confirm the solution.
after you have agreement, they will be feeling good, and so will you. at this point, I'd ask: what can we do differently to avoid having any mishaps happen in the future? this is important because it doesn't matter what you think, you need to seek input. you likely know what you need to do better, but you want to hear from them, maybe they have a different perspective, or maybe they're totally off base and you need to manage their expectations.
set and clarify expectations, deliver on your promise, and repeat the same thing with your boss.
if you've noticed a common thread, you don't want to impose your will. situations like this are all about damage control and moving forward. as covey says "seek first to understand, then to be understood." and effective negotiation is collaboration, you need to know both sides' interests before you can offer solutions.
hope this helps
I really appreciate you taking the time to draft the above advice. Not enough SBs to throw your way to convey my gratitude. It's definitely good advice and has given me some perspective on how to manage these types of issues going forward.
That being said I'd like enumerate some specific differences and pick your brain a little more. If you don't mind that is. The relationship with the 3rd party should be considered almost as a JV type structure. Both parties profit from the relationship, so I'm not as concerned about them (they honestly probably need our business more than we need theirs). I'm more concerned with managing my reputation internally with my firm. If my boss is going to senior management with issues that have me at the source it, makes me look bad. Instead of him stepping up and saying he misunderstood, he's going to hide behind me. I guess what is most infuriating to me is that instead of him coming to me and saying hey thanks for stepping in front of this one, he tries to jump on my ass and chew me out. I'll take one for the team, but thank me FFS. Should I speak up? I don't want senior people thinking I'm incompetent because of him, but I don't want to piss him off because I'm ultimately his employee. Should I just look for a strategic exit? I feel like its a lose lose tbh.
And thanks again.
Never throw him under the bus. Never complain about him. Never complain to him.
Hard for me to judge the gravity of the fault - as this will highly affect how you should react. If it's a $1mln+ P&L mistake, taking the blame entirely might risk you not getting a bonus or getting let go. So you'd need to treat this with as much care as possible and potentially throwing him under the bus as you will have a full on investigation and you will need to get everything recorded and get the tapes out to see what's up.
If it's a non-monetary mistake I would just say - miscommunication on our part, this is what we are going to be doing going forward to avoid this mistake and this is what we are doing now to remediate the mistake. Taking charge of the mistake as opposed to taking blame for the mistake. No need to finger points, people don't care about who done it as long as it's sorted. End of - basically what brofessor said.
have you tried addressing your issues with your boss directly with your boss? because unless there's nepotism, I have a hard time believing this is the whole story. say something like "I'm getting the sense you don't feel I delivered on XYZ deal, tell me more"
one of three things will happen:
if #1, collaborate with him and see how communication can be improved in the future, because if he's owning his mistakes, he's not against you, maybe he's just chicken shit in this JV thing
if #2, ask for his input on how to fix it and how to make things better going forward
if #3, get clarity from him, confirm that it is a lie and not just a misunderstanding, avoiding getting defensive. say something like: "I did X because I thought the goal was X, where was I off base?" not pleading ignorance, just forcing him to say where you went wrong. if there was a miscommunication, flesh this out, if he's still lying and you tell him you see it differently, well that's a tough one.
in my business, the sales guys have all the power, so we can go over management's head when warranted but every firm is different. I've always been taught to go with the lowest rung on the ladder to get something done, and then go up from there. if this guy is lying and putting your job at risk and you've tried reconciling with him, you'll probably need to go to his boss, but again tread very carefully, and only after trying to reconcile things directly with your boss more than once.
This is damn good advice.
this seems like a really cool firm to work at..by any chance are u guys hiring? could I possibly send u my resume?
Actually, culture isn't bad from a high level. But like a lot of places, it matters whose team you're on.
I have had the worst boss in real estate, seriously there are articles about how bad it is. The best tip I picked up from him, and only, was to record all your phone conversations and label them. That way you can go back to conversation xyz and say that's not what you or I said. Sure it's painstaking but it pays off big time in this event.
Thanks, I'm going to look into setting it up. It'll give me a better alternative than the obscenity laden tirade I wanted to launch into today.
It's awesome, I even have this on my Iphone. Now when I get a call from cable company, person in customer support, etc it is documented. Of course check with your state for legal reasons if you are going to use it for other than personal reference. NY for example is a one party consent state, so if you are on the call then you are the one party that consents, and would therefor not constitute wiretapping.
Sounds like your boss is incompetent and not pulling his weight. I'll buck the trend of the line soldiers here and ask why would you want to work for this individual for another lets say 5 years? He doesn't like email because it leaves a paper trail and would show his incompetence.
I tend to agree about the email thing. Ultimately, he's a bully. And because of it, he's good at his job. The guy delivers and that's why he's made it so far. He produces, I don't. I know where I stand on the totem pole. I'm thinking exiting is best. Not because of this one issue, but because why would it be different in the future?
Completely agree about the email thing. Haven't read the other comments past this point but to add to the great insight from everyone above, the only thing I would say is going forward you can send him an email confirming what you discussed. Like if he told you to handle a problem a certain way, you could say something like "X, per our conversation, I'm following up with Y about Z" or something like that.
It sounds ridiculous, and I know it's a bit asinine in the short term, but it could save your ass down the road if there's a potential mistake that he makes that he will try to blame you for that could result in a firing. I had a former employer who was like this, and because I sent emails like that I was able to save myself. At best, he replies in an annoyed fashion in cryptic/one word emails like 'ya' or 'thx' or 'Ok' and leaves a paper trail. At worst, he tries to say that he never saw or read the emails or that he misread them, which will make him look even more incompetent if he takes that route.
Was there a conversation (that actually occurred) between you and your boss that he has pointed to as the basis for his misconception? If that's the case, I would ask yourself if his behavior/demeanor during and after the convo were consistent with what you would have expected based on what you meant to communicate.
One thing I've learned is that, when speaking to a superior (or a client etc etc), it's really important to pump the brakes on a conversation if their reaction is materially different than what you would have expected (even if the divergence isn't massive). The extra 5-10 minutes spent will either 1) educate you on what you're (or they're) missing or 2) make sure a fire drill isn't created because you were afraid to break the flow of the convo.
Of course, if the guy's just making shit up, that's a whole different thing. My advice is based more on the scenario wherein you deliver what you think to be an innocuous update and you start to see steam coming out of your bosses ears - in that scenario, in my mind, it is absolutely your responsibility as a junior person to say 'hold on, I just want to make sure we're on the same page here. Let me try saying it a different way - etc. etc. '.
Yes. He and I had a discussion wherein we decided internally that the 3rd party wouldn't be able to execute based on a similar situation and we decided to explore other options. Ultimately, a month and a half later, he's forgotten that we decided to never present the opportunity to the 3rd party. And concluded that they weren't involved because they had turned it down. When in fact he and I discussed it and decided never to run it to them.
We look a ridiculous amount of deals. I've probably looked at at some 30 or 40 transactions in some form or another in Q1 alone. It' hard to keep them all straight and there are some I don't get involved in. So I get why he mixed it up. But had he come to me in the first place before escalating the issue, I could have very easily reminded him.
Gotcha, little or nothing you can do on the front end there and Brofessor made all the points I would have regarding damage control. Sorry you're dealing with that shit.
Immediately. I've learned this the hard way in my career...loyalty general goes one way and it's not in your direction. Only be as loyal as your pay grade allows, these managers / md's and bosses ARE NOT YOUR FRIENDS. they will throw you under the bus the second it's necessary. Watch out for yourself first.
I can second what Stringer said on loyalty. I had a boss who wanted to make sure that I was loyal to him and the company (That should be a big red flag for anyone that it's time to leave). I was let go about 2 weeks later because he perceived that I was unloyal despite having a legitimate emergency to deal with the day he fired me. He fought the unemployment tooth and nail - again, something I don't recommend anyone try and go through because it's a serious pain in the ass fighting to get unemployment, but he never showed for the arbitration hearing and I had enough on my side to win regardless of his decision not to show. If the boss expects you to fall on your sword, start looking elsewhere. IT may end up saving you in the long run.
Throw him under the bus in a way that doesn't get you fired. There's so little loyalty in this industry that it isn't worth losing your job over "being loyal" when you've done nothing wrong. Just my $0.02 CAD
this quote tho..
Can't believe no one has thrown this out there yet... Have you considered shitting on his keyboard?
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