Feedback for MF Valuation Practice

Looking for feedback on a MF valuation practice I just completed. 

For background, I am currently working in retail asset management and am looking to break into REPE. From the several teams that passed on me, they were kind enough to share their feedback which is lack of relevant valuation/ modeling experience. The teams all end up going with a plug-and-play candidate (understandably). 

That said, I'm hoping to build my own portfolio of valuation (from model to written memo), but haven't seen one from "real world" so hoping someone can take a look at my deliverable and share your thoughts on how I can improve.

Thanks! 

 

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