Finding a wife as a banker

Analyst 1 in IB-M&A

Where do most associates/VPs meet their wives. How difficult is it to meet people while working as a banker?

Comments (38)

May 8, 2020

bro just get a mail order bride from Ukraine

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    • 1
May 9, 2020

Hold first rounds via video conference and have minimum cutoffs - remember, you're not looking for reasons to move women to the next round, you're looking for reasons to cull them!

"Markets can stay irrational longer than you can stay solvent."

    • 7
May 9, 2020

if they don't have DDs, their resume goes in the trash
just like how it works at GS ;)

    • 2
May 9, 2020

Ideally, your AI will have already sorted them out via online screener. The next step for this guy is to have his secretary ask for headshots in advance remove any applicants that look good in person but not in person.

"Markets can stay irrational longer than you can stay solvent."

Funniest
May 9, 2020

Not sure about associate/VP level but at the MD level try SE Asia

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  • Intern in IB-M&A
May 9, 2020

Host OCR at Barnard and hope for the best I guess

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  • Prospect in PE - LBOs
May 10, 2020

What about wellesley

  • Intern in IB-M&A
May 10, 2020

Same thing except now you're competing against Harvard and MIT so chances of securing a girl as a non Ivy league student dramatically reduce.

    • 1
May 9, 2020

Be patient, I think for most people they just end up meeting someone

    • 1
May 9, 2020

I've met a lot of people, but rejected pretty much all of them.

"If you always put limits on everything you do, physical or anything else, it will spread into your work and into your life. There are no limits. There are only plateaus, and you must not stay there, you must go beyond them." - Bruce Lee

May 10, 2020

Very cool, more shirtless selfies pls

Array

    • 3
May 9, 2020

Through friends.
I met quite a few girlfriends through my own friends.

Also, attend private events like weddings, baptism, birthday parties - not always clubs, bars and public stuff.

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May 9, 2020

"Baptism"

Oh ok

    • 6
May 9, 2020

"Yo bro - you funeral crashing this weekend?"

"Nah brah, baptismal crashing all weekend - its my jam."

https://media.giphy.com/media/xTiIzuzcdD9vynSqMU/giphy.gif

"If you always put limits on everything you do, physical or anything else, it will spread into your work and into your life. There are no limits. There are only plateaus, and you must not stay there, you must go beyond them." - Bruce Lee

    • 1
  • Prospect in IB-M&A
May 9, 2020

deleted

Most Helpful
  • Associate 3 in IB-M&A
May 9, 2020

I think the key word here is "wife". Now, I may be making assumptions, but I'm guessing your real question is about finding someone who checks all the boxes (and it seems like many users have some anxiety about this)...that is the only way I can wrapped my mind around yet another relationship thread. But I get it, you see all these hotshots in finance who are in longstanding marriages w/ wives who are "the whole package" (well-spoken, nice, quite attractive women who left their equally as impressive careers to raise their children) and it is hard not to get jealous. These women certainly exist, more than you'd think, but for obvious reasons are a little tougher to pin down since they have an abundance of options. If you are a quality guy (e.g. not some almost 40 year old "models and bottles" man baby) you will be okay. Some guys just assume they won't catch/be able to keep one of those girls and don't try, or go FULL simp once they meet one. Both paths bring their chances down to 0. Don't do that.

As I am sure you read on other relationship threads, there is no one-size-fits-all approach. Some people have had success on the apps, others met through friends, maybe accidentally knocked her over on the subway, etc. Do a combination of all of these and you will eventually find what you are looking for...in some ways it really is a numbers game.

That being said, it is hard in cities like NYC where there are soooo many people. Dating can be a huge time and money suck, and you can always convince yourself that someone else is around the corner. Yes and no. Someone is around the corner, but do they have the same sense of humor? Same life goals? Interests? Those seemingly little quirks/facets of her personality can make or break your marriage. I know it takes time to really focus on getting to know one girl but this is your life partner, it is worth the effort. Plus, if she herself is ambitious she won't mind/actually appreciate that you are also operating on limited time.

Also, make your intentions known early on (ask her direct questions like "what are you looking for/where do you see yourself in five years/etc."). You don't want to find out she just wants something casual or wants to move back to Oklahoma six expensive dates later. And, as all the other threads have said: personality > looks, avoid gold-diggers, etc.

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May 9, 2020

Women are terrorists.

Nice post - High quality data points to be added to the female war board that replaced my TV in my living room.

Patience has been a major overlapping point of emphasis on the board. All roads lead back to patience. Holding out for a proper balance of personality, independence ($$), and looks takes time. Unfortunately, time = pain an agony.

NYC also presents the added hurdle of the inevitable fist fight to break em away from their established friend group. Not in a weird stage 5 type of way, but the classic single roommate/mostly single friend group pulling em in the opposite direction. The classic 4-5 date exit is very real and largely caused by this. Keep your head on a swivel and be prepared.

On a more inspiring note, Tom Brady describes it as "Making them leave the first few dates wondering what is wrong with themselves. 'Why doesn't he like me?'" Note to self: Very patient and confident strategy. We all want what we can't have. Apparently, this is how you land a Giselle. Since we are basically walkin' talkin' IB versions of Tom Brady, it seems as though this notion would apply to us...

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  • Intern in IB-M&A
May 9, 2020

So the best way to get a chick is to treat her like shit and ignore her assets in order to exploit her liabilities in the form of psychological manipulation that destroys her self confidence and ego while simultaneously making you a more attractive man through your stoic nature, lack of interest and unique persona that clogs her conscious and subconscious with anxiety and doubt in order for her to associate you with a higher value than other men?

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  • Associate 3 in IB-M&A
May 9, 2020

Good point re: friend group. It honestly makes a HUGE difference who she hangs around. If most of her friends are in relationships/ are generally stable and independent, it is infinitely easier getting her to make time for you and commit. Obviously there are exceptions but something to look out for if she starts canceling dates or asking you to just "meet up with them later".

Embarrassingly enough, I briefly tried that tactic in my early 20s and it was a mess. Like another user mentioned above, attempting to destroy a woman's self-confidence just so she feels worthless enough to date you is, by definition, not a "confident" strategy. In addition to straight up manipulative, Brady's advice does not pan out in the long-term. Maybe if I was uhhh Tom Brady it would, but frankly he could have the worst dating strategy in the world and still get a Giselle bro come on lol.

What I found by trying this is initially it kind of seems like it is working, but then it goes to shit. Instead of her focusing on you as a person, she now is seeking validation. This means she will go on a few dates even if she is not that into you and would have otherwise called things off. This seems like a good thing, until you realize once she receives said validation from you or, more likely, another man...game over. Now you have wasted a ton of time and lost someone you might really like. Even if they do stick around, it ends up being this weird dynamic where you are both playing mind games so it never works out. It also is super stressful and defeats the point of finding a stable life partner. While being straightforward may mean I get fewer second/third dates , I get many more fourth, fifth, sixth+ dates (and higher quality ones at that).

Given your "women are terrorists" statement, it seems like you've had a bad experience. There are a bunch of manipulative women in this world and Im sorry bc ik it sucks ass, but don't let it jade you. Really look for the red flags and prioritize things like kindness and fidelity. Obviously you cant just ask someone if they are nice and loyal and get a credible answer, but there are many other ways to asses that kind of stuff. This is already a long post but can go further into that that if you'd like.

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May 9, 2020

Tinderrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr

May 9, 2020

Just be a human and engage with people

    • 1
May 9, 2020

Where the fuck is this even coming from.... I hope you're joking

Finance Data Science

    • 4
May 9, 2020
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May 10, 2020