Flake and ah are having a baby!

...or at least Whiskey thinks so.

We were bored. Decided to do some casual trolling and kind of over committed. AH has been setting Whiskey up and planting the seed (pun intended) for two days straight, going from suicidal to asking Whiskey if he thought I would marry her.

She told Whiskey I didn't know yet and asked him to speak to me about it. The entire convo is below. It's long but some parts I thought were pretty funny:

me: what
Whiskey: bro
ok
i am being pressured into having this conversation with you. so don't hate the messenger
me: are you dying
Whiskey: how would i be the messenger
damn
me: cause im ok
with that
LOL
Whiskey: ouch
me: sorry go
Whiskey: LOL
fucking troll
ok no seriously
me: idk message from jesus
Whiskey: i found out about you n ah yesterday. and she was freaking about. she said she missed her period
she texted me
and was freaking out n shit
she was like can u please talk to flake
etc etc
and i didn't feel like it was my place to do so, but shes been chatting me up about that shit non-stop
me: what do you mean found out about me and ah?
what did she tell you
like everything lol
Whiskey: oh she just said after we all met up
you went back to her hotel
me: oh wtf
okay
Whiskey: was really vague
me: and she missed her period.
wtf
how long ago was that shit
Whiskey: yeah she took a test and said positive
me: when did she come here
....
are you trolling me lol
Whiskey: no
unless she is trolling me
and i dont think she is
she felt really awkward talking to you about it
which is why she has been avoiding you
me: positive?
...
like
positive for a fucking kid
Whiskey: yeah...
me: fuck man i always pull out and i did it so many fucking times
no way
and i never had this
fucking scare
wtf
so shes what like
4 weeks
5?
Whiskey: well she told me yesterday
so must be around 4
me: cant you abort that shit
up to like 2 months or something
wow
my stomach just sank
Whiskey: yeah dude i dunno what to say. sorry bro
me: if you're fucking with me i will kill you lmao
Whiskey: i'm definitely not
promise
me: ...
how the fuck
what do i do now
i dont want that shit
Whiskey: i don't blame you
me: i meant cant i just walk away, there's no legal recourse on her part right if she keeps it for whatever fucked up reason?
Whiskey: i mean if shit really goes down, you may want to talk to a lawyer about it
i mean when we spoke, i asked if shes keeping it. shes like
"i'm very pro life, blah blah"
me: yah okay, every pro life chick probably says that until shit hits the fan
im afraid to call her i cant even fucking talk right now
besides she probably wont even pick up
Whiskey: i told her to call you many times
and shes just like freaking out n shit
ill see if i can get her to call you?
Sent at 9:29 PM on Tuesday
me: she better fucking do something.
Whiskey: i'll text her hang on
Sent at 9:30 PM on Tuesday
me: this is ridiculous
Whiskey: yeah shes definitely being immature about it
Sent at 9:33 PM on Tuesday
Whiskey: she'll call you in a few
she says
me: okay.
thanks.
Whiskey: sure thing. dont hate the messenger though!
Sent at 9:35 PM on Tuesday
me: okay shes fucking hysterical
im going to fucking drive down there or some shit
she'll do something stupid i know it
she just hung up on me and wont pick up again. i told her not to keep it...wtf am i being unreasonable here
Whiskey: uhh
Sent at 9:40 PM on Tuesday
me: okay im taking tomorrow off fuck it
im going
later
Whiskey: ok man
me: FUCK the initiation
god damn it
Whiskey: take it easy
me: is going to be so fucking pissed for having to work this weekend
wtf do you tell him, "IM HAVING AF UCKING BABY"
god fucking damn it
why didnt u tell me ysterday
Whiskey: dude she didnt want me to say anything
me: i could've planned a day off earlier or some shit or stayed late last nightto go there today
Whiskey: and i told her you needed to know
me: thats something u tell me man wtf
yeah no shit
Whiskey: dude i swear i thought
she was trolling me
given it was april 2nd
thought it was some late april fools hsit
shit*
me: yeah hilarious
alright fuck it. whatever happens at work tomorrow happens. she's unstable
i dont een know if she has roommates and shit
that would take care of her right now
does she? did she tell u she does?
Whiskey: yeah she does have roommates
me: i dont even know if she lives in a single
okay
jesus
Whiskey: dont just drive down there man that wouldn't be so good
me: well wtf would you do
Whiskey: definitely try to talk on the phone first.
me: she wont fucking answer!
Whiskey: so what happened on the phone?
you guys spoke for like a minute and she hung up?
me: i kind of snapped at her. ok my fault but what the fuck? like why wouldn't she come to me first.
then i told her she cant keep it and her time is running out to do it
she broke down and said im a fucking asshole
and hung up on me
Whiskey: ok so i'll get you guys on the phone again
but definitely don't do that
give it a day for it to calm down and i'll try and get her to answer your call
and just talk to her
because its obvious she doesn't want a kid either. it works in your favor
Sent at 9:50 PM on Tuesday
Whiskey: also don't blow off work. that's the last thing you want to put at risk
me: did you talk to her?
shes calling
ok i gtg
ill see if i go or not
later
Whiskey: ok
no i haven't talked to her