FML: Breaking Into IBG (A story of International Associate)
Rants of an Ex IBG Associate who is trying to break in to IBG AGAIN:
I am the guy who has already broken in into IBG in an emerging market. Now I m trying to break into Wall Street or IB as a international student. Call me corporate burglar for breaking in. (Self patting on the joke, seems like unemployment is getting to my head)
I have 5 years of IBG experience, 2 as an associate (bulge bracket) and 3 as an investment analyst (boutique). Done away with CFA level 1, prepping for level 2. Enrolled in MS financial mathematics (non-target), AI is the future boys (not being gender specific so girls too). Seems like it’s a re run of my life from 5 years back when I got out of b school as an undergrad.
I know financial modelling, review of legal documents,working with TLC, the whole nine yards and more. But still I feel like shit when I get a reply from IB firms. Got to applaud them for at least acknowledging that I have a strong resume. (Bitches thank hire me)
Current update of my job tracker sheet states
Big 4 Bulge bracket banks
JPM: Quantitative analyst/ associate intern position: under consideration for 6 months (bitch just tell me to eff off already)
UBS: Quant Trader: under consideration for 5 months ( I think UBSs culture would disagree with not sending that “thank you for applying” email)
Morgan Stanley: quant analyst (hoe just update my application)
Wells Fargo (at least you are fair with stating job requirements . Either work authorisation or Chinese you cheap shit)
Supranational-s:
IFC: applied for 3 Investment analyst position: played the brown card for networking: still under consideration for 4 months. MF make up your mind. If that’s how much time you guys take to send a reply, God help the countries you guys are investing in.
World bank: hey I’m just blocks away from you sweetheart. Just give me an internship. I have the experience. Only if I have been an Arab. Gold digger!!!!
IMF: haven’t applied: because at this point can’t tell the difference from any of you hoes.
Big 4 Audit firms: relying on you to be my saviour. At this point in time I gotta congratulate myself for being hopeful resilient and any other positive adjectives that I can think off( won’t put high frequency words if you are looking for them download Magoosh gmat or GRE)
Numerous others IB/PE/consulting firms: only if I have been from target, had work authorisation, Chinese, or I don’t know can’t figure out)
Help me guys. I think I should apply for the railway tracks. Just kidding don’t put me up for suicide help line.
Thank your for reading everyone this is Felix@OIBTIDA.
Would want you guys for suggestions.
Best
Would probably be best to work on your English
Not aiming for an essay evaluation. But constructive feedback is always welcomed.
Do participate in the use of drugs ?
No. Thinking....
World bank: hey I'm just blocks away from you sweetheart. Just give me an internship. I have the experience. Only if I have been an Arab. Gold digger!!!!
You were sober when you wrote this lol?
I was sober. Maybe I have reached a new high from frustration.
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