For those whose parents paid for studies etc.

Boreed's picture
Rank: King Kong | 1,088

Do you feel any guilt?

How do you deal with this guilt?

I keep feeling like I'm inconveniencing my parents because they paid for my studies. I feel guilty and like a spoiled brat, as if I don't deserve what I have and that it's unfair that others have to take out loans and/or work to finance their studies.

My parents make more than enough, and don't really spend money on much, but still. Can't help but to feel like a parasite, even though I'm grateful and work as hard as I can to make it worth it.

Mod (Andy) note: see the recent poll results asking monkeys how they paid for tuition, 45% said "parents/family"
http://www.wallstreetoasis.com/polls/for-those-who...

Comments (24)

Apr 23, 2012

Repay them by not sticking them in a nursing home when they're old.

Apr 23, 2012

This just means that you have to try harder and go further. You don't have to worry about your financial situations so take the time to do really well in school and prepare for your career. If it will make you feels better, take a piece of paper and write down exactly how much they pay for your school + living expenses since starting college. Look at that money as a personal loan and pay it back to them with interest when you make big money. I am sure your parents don't want your money. But I think it is about the principles. And it is also telling yourself that you have to pay it back and you didn't waste their hard earn money and definitely didn't take their kindness for granted.

Apr 23, 2012

Its called advance inheritance.

Some parents aspire to have bigger houses, better cars, a condo in florida for when they are old, etc....My father's aspiration in life is for his children to have the best and most confortable life possible.

If I ever have children that would be my aspiration. My parents are sufficiently well off for me to not worry for them...but if they fall into hard times and I'm doing fine, I will make sure they get the best retirement possible.

    • 1
Apr 23, 2012

It's a parents natural desire to provide the best for their children and in eyes of many (trying to aviod state vs. private school debate here) that is private school or paying for uni. Feel no guilt, be thankful and prove that their investment in your education was worth it.

    • 1
Apr 23, 2012

No guilt whatsoever. My parents realize that I am a gift. I could've easily turned out to be like one of those occupier kids calling for a communist revolution: filthy, unemployed, retarded.

The way I see it, they still owe me.

    • 1
Apr 23, 2012
Flake:

No guilt whatsoever. My parents realize that I am a gift. I could've easily turned out to be like one of those occupier kids calling for a communist revolution: filthy, unemployed, retarded.

The way I see it, they still owe me.

Lol.

Competition is a sin.

-John D. Rockefeller

Apr 23, 2012

luckily ur on WSO venting this and not Creative Writing Oasis.. now go be somebody!

Apr 23, 2012
Boreed:

Do you feel any guilt?

How do you deal with this guilt?

I keep feeling like I'm inconveniencing my parents because they paid for my studies. I feel guilty and like a spoiled brat, as if I don't deserve what I have and that it's unfair that others have to take out loans and/or work to finance their studies.

My parents make more than enough, and don't really spend money on much, but still. Can't help but to feel like a parasite, even though I'm grateful and work as hard as I can to make it worth it.

So much whine. Possibly you are a parasite.

    • 3
Apr 23, 2012

Well my parents always tell me that their happy to help pay for my school so i don't have to go through life the hard way like they did. In exchange my dad just wants to live in one of my guest houses and do my lawn maintenance.

Apr 23, 2012

my grandparents paid for mine, in-state public school so wasn't breaking the bank. they were proud to have been at the point where they could pay for all their grandchildrens education. they didn't have a say in what i studied in but they definitely asked a lot of questions. didnt major in philosophy / genstudies so never felt guilty, and feel like i've put the degree to good use and try to thank them every once in a while for what they did

WSO's COO (Chief Operating Orangutan) | My Linkedin

    • 1
Apr 23, 2012

Pay It Forward

Apr 23, 2012

I have a friend like you who refuses to take money from his parents. (His parents are very well off and he'll have 80k in debt when he graduates because he took loans so his parents didn't pay). I like many on here come from well off family and have had my parents support me financially.

There really should be no guilt to feel. You're parents are the ones who brought you into this world, you never had a choice to be born. It is their responsibility to support their kids and make sure they are well off in this world. A parent should support their children until the kid can support themselves. As a parent I would feel guilty if I didn't support my kid financially.

Point being, you don't bring a kid into this world and tell them to find their own way and start life 100k in debt.

Apr 23, 2012
farmerbob:

Point being, you don't bring a kid into this world and tell them to find their own way and start life 100k in debt.

Not every parent has the option of NOT doing that, you know. I'm going to be about 100K in debt by the time I'm done with everything and my parents will not be paying any of it simply because they don't have the money. Doesn't mean that they are bad parents or that they shouldn't of had me.

From my perspective, while I am a little envious of you guys that basically get your loans written off by your rents, I don't blame you nor do I feel that you should harbor any guilt.

"Life all comes down to a few moments. This is one of them." - Bud Fox

    • 1
Apr 23, 2012
noke2012:

Not every parent has the option of NOT doing that, you know.

I was talking in regard to families that can afford it. Don't put unnecessary burden on your kids if you don't have to. Obviously, many kids still have to make their own way.

Apr 23, 2012
noke2012:

From my perspective, while I am a little envious of you guys that basically get your loans written off by your rents, I don't blame you nor do I feel that you should harbor any guilt.

+1 SB for that.

Apr 23, 2012

I do feel guilty cause I know parents are tight on money...well, dad won't give the exact numbers so maybe, he's just saying that so that I don't go shopping haha

But still, I feel guilty. I've told parents I'd pay them back, but dad won't accept it. He considers it as his duty to provide for me till I can support myself. So instead, I help him out with his business & other stuff, but that doesn't really get rid of the guilt much.

Apr 23, 2012

Do I feel guilty? No. However, I know it means that I have standards I need to live up to and perform well in school.

Having a kid isn't a positive NPV transaction unless you end up with a kid like Zuckerberg or something.

Best Response
Apr 24, 2012

My parents are paying for most of mine, I contribute just under 10k a year and should be able to graduate with little or no debt. They have been very generous and put me and my sibling through private schools and colleges and it is a fucking fortune. But like someone else said, their priority is to be able to pay for any college and they genuinely want to the best for us, I am very appreciative they have that attitude.

That being said I still feel guilty sometimes but I know a way to repay it. Money has been tighter because of education expenses so my dad couldn't work on a project that is very important to him (restoring a family heirloom to working condition, it will cost about $40k, it is very special to him). If I land that IB job then I am paying that 40 grand for him within my first two years as an analyst when the dust settles. Honestly it is what I look forward to most, being able to pay that for him and work on the project with him, I can't think of any better way to spend it. When you die, that is the important stuff, not that you had an extra 40 grand when you were 23 to blow on stupid clothes and getting yourself shitfaced. And in the long run in the finance world that isnt much at all.

    • 2
Apr 24, 2012

Good topic.

I want to see them live comfortably. Honestly, they're part of my motivation.

Apr 24, 2012

Don't feel guilty about it. Your'e parents DESERVE the right to be able to provide for you. They have earned it through hard work. Otherwise, they wouldn't of had kids. Just make them proud, but most importantly, make sure you are happy. That's all good parents want if they truly care about their kids.

    • 1
Apr 24, 2012

Agree with most what you're saying except:

UkraineTrain:

Your'e parents DESERVE the right to be able to provide for you. They have earned it through hard work. Otherwise, they wouldn't of had kids.

On the average, poor families are larger than non-poor families by more than one member (5.87 versus 4.34 in 2003). Specifically, 21 out of every 100 poor families had at least 7 members in 2003 compared to only 6 among the nonpoor.

Link to article here

Apr 24, 2012

No guilt, but if I ever end up making some serious duckets, I know somebody who's getting a boat for their birthday.

Apr 24, 2012
Comment
Apr 24, 2012