Furious Ape ID'd; NOT Ken Lewis!

Eddie Braverman's picture
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Preliminary reports indicating that BofA CEO Ken Lewis had been observed calmly stockpiling rocks to later unleash a barrage against his tormentors in a fit of rage at a Swedish zoo have largely been discounted. It seems the confusion arose after comments were made by Mathias Osvath, an animal behaviorist, who seemed to be speaking about the embattled CEO with respect to his poorly executed takeover of Merrill Lynch:

"It is normal behavior for alpha males to want to influence their surroundings ... It is extremely frustrating for him that there are people out of his reach who are pointing at him and laughing," Osvath said. "It cannot be good to be so furious all the time."

It later became clear, however, that Osvath could not be speaking about Lewis when he remarked,

"These observations convincingly show that our fellow apes do consider the future in a very complex way. It implies that they have a highly developed consciousness, including lifelike mental simulations of potential events."

Turns out the violent, though largely ineffective, attack was carried out by Santino, a 31-year old chimp, and that Lewis wasn't even in Sweden at the time. Just to be on the safe side, though, zoo officials took a page out of the Treasury's playbook and castrated Santino.

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Mar 10, 2009


Mar 10, 2009